confused528 Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 my husband and I separated in July..I asked him to leave because he kept telling me that he didn't want this marriage anymore. He was coming and going as he pleased and pretty much did what he wanted to do. He created a new FB page that he blocked me from to keep him out of his new life..he kept telling me that it was over and that I needed to just accept it. To make a long story short he has a girlfriend..he flaunts her he talks about her and all that other stuff men do..he told me that he always wanted us to stay friends because he valued our friendship. He calls me when they are fussing, he calls me when he is sick, he asks my kids about my life he texts me every morning on his way to work, we were intimate for like the first couple of months until I cut it off..I don't exactly know how to take him now because I still love him, and he "tells" me that he loves me, but he also says he is happy where he is at. Ive never cheated, ive always tried to be there for him as a wife should..but should I still be there for him now? And if not how do I stop it... thanks Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 Welcome to LS. IMO, I'd cut contact unless relevant to shared children and file for divorce. He's got friends and family and a girlfriend to 'fuss' with. In such situations, people use other people because they can. Once perceived as usury, terminate the unhealthy dynamic, just as you did with sexual relations. The marriage is over; life goes on. My sympathies. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 No, he is not your responsibility anymore. He uses you when he wants you but doesn't want all of you. Right now he is attempting to use both yourself and his new woman. If they are not his kids (you did not specify) you would be best to proceed with the divorce as he's just dragging you along so he can have his cake and eat it too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 I had an ex do that once: six months after we broke up he was calling me, looking for advice with his current GF. He can only respect a boundary if you draw it. Hard. In this case, there doesn't sound like there is any good reason for you to stay in contact with him (no kids?) Go no contact, delete him from your life, and get on the path to moving on. He shouldn't be free to dial you up every time he needs a fix from his old life. It's not fair to you. He's a jerk for trying it... but in the end, you have to be the one to assert your boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 The OP mentioned 'my kids', in that H was contacting them, so it's possible they have shared children. "he asks my kids about my life" If shared children are involved, more complex boundaries of interacting generally need to be erected. Without children, pretty easy. My exW and I, being in the latter category, had no problems with NC. It was easy. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 4, 2013 Share Posted December 4, 2013 [quote=confused528;5382774 ive always tried to be there for him as a wife should..but should I still be there for him now? And if not how do I stop it... thanks He has openly and candidly terminated his role as a husband to you and is no longer there for you as a husband. In short he has purposefully and intentionally and with forethought tore up his husband card by expressly telling you he wanted a new life without you in it and then taking up with a new woman. This releases you from any and all obligations you have to "be there" for him as a wife. If you share minor children with him, you are obligated to work out childcare arrangements with him untill they are of legal age and the court will assist in that. If you do not share children with him or if they are no longer minors then you simply have no obligations to him at all. Divorce him and move on with your life. How do you stop doing this????? You simply stop doing it. Don't answer phone. Don't return texts. Don't answer door. Don't answer anyone's questions that he has asked about etc etc. Just simply don't do anything with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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