Lost the talent for it?

[SerCay]

Hi LS,

 

So I wrote my last thread about the fact that I isolated myself during my 3 yr on off and rocky rship.

 

I've worked on my issues, regained my self esteem, love myself again and I enjoy things again. Did the whole 9 yards to get myself up and going again.

 

Here's the thing: it's like I forgot how to create and build friendships! A lot of people from my new uni and my new job are connecting with me, and I'm totally going along. Exchanging phone numbers, going for coffee etc etc.

 

And then there's this: (warning: sounds very odd), it's like Ive become like a tiny bit autistic...(with all respect to autistic people), for example, someone asks for my phone number, starts a convo with me via IM (lets say a colleague), then we speak for a bit and the convo dies. Then I know its my turn to start ''nurturing'' the ''bond'', but then I get anxious!

 

I continuously have the feeling that Im not fun enough :S or that I'm not interesting enough, or that my stories are boring, and most of the time, I actually have nothing to say, because Im not much into empty chatter!!

 

Although this is completely one sided (people always connect with me, Im very social), I started lacking in the ''building'' department because of this (new) trait It's such a weird feeling!!

 

It feels like I'm ashamed of my ''lost years'' and the fact that I haven't done much outside in this time. Everyone has so many experiences, while I love to be inside. I just need to learn to be proud of this, and be able to talk about the things that I love to do in an interesting way. I never speak about it because I dont find it necessary for people to know how I spend my days. Always been like that.

 

I want to break this, I want to be my old self, I was always initiating and never found myself to be dull or boring or anything! Now it feels as if I have not much in common with nobody..

 

This has developed in the 3 yrs that I isolated myself from even meeting new people and making friends with them, I had a big wall preventing people from befriending me. Of course this happened unconsciously.

 

Anybody familiar with this weird phenomenon?

Edited December 4, 2013 by SerCay