Question about a certain Christian's behavior - help plz

[XNemesisX]

Dyer and Moose I would particularly like your opinions and all others are welcome too!

 

My ex goes through what I would call "fanatical" stages where he becomes almost insanely religious. He has told me on numerous occasions through out our relationship that he could never marry me because we would be "unequally yolked" and it is a sin for a Christian to marry a non. He says he stuck it out because of the hope that I would follow Christianity. He has broken up with me now and even though he has lived like the devil and been (extremely promiscuous) - had a threesome with his male cousin, slept with girls he doesn't know their name, etc. he is still firmly set in his belief that he deserves a good, pure, innocent Christian girl. He blames the women for all of his sexual encounters. Even though he has slept with me, he feels he deserves a virgin to marry and uses Christianity to justify this. How is that right when he is not pure himself? How can he judge others for actions he had/does himself? He is extremely judgemental of premarital sex but does not practice what he preaches.

 

He claims to be a Christian yet he cheated on me, lied to me, and has had a major stealing problem. He was abusive.(mentally and physically) He is now treating me like I am some sort of wretched person simply because as of right now I am not religious. I know that I am much more kind than he is. He tells me that he knows I have not changed by my "fruit" (?) Well if I were looking at his fruit I would say it is nothing but rotten tomatoes! I won't even get into the relationship problems since that is for another board.

 

I will say that just the other day I told him I was willing to try to go to church and hear about his beliefs and he told me that I was a lost cause and that he would never want to see me again and that I was going to hell and he was going to heaven, etc etc. Previously I was willing to go to church, I was asking him questions about the bible, and all of that...and he never encouraged me or tried to help me. All he gave me were harsh words and how he will not help me or go to church with me because he, as a Christian, will not associate with nons because they will bring him down and have an evil influence. He says that the bible says to not be around Nons and I think he is taking this too literally. He is showing no mercy at all for my feelings and treating me like a dog. He brings me to tears each time we get into a conversation..

 

I just don't see how I could be an evil influence. What do I do that is evil? I know that I am kind to others and I have always treated him with respect. I would never talk to him or anyone for that matter the way he does me. He is cruel and callous. I am trying to understand his beliefs but he is treating me as though I am already condemned and not even worth talking to. I tell him that Jesus says that Christians should try to witness to others so I don't see how he is being a very good witness by telling me that he will not associate with those who are nons because they will bring him down. Can anyone clarify this for me?

 

I am getting scared by his behavior and even more so (I'm going to be honest here) he has made me grow repulsed by Christians.

 

I was not raised religiously as my parents are not religious. I have kept an open mind and I consider myself agnostic I guess. I am open to all beliefs and am willing to explore. I showed him I had an interest in hearing the message of Christ that he talks about but he refuses to tell me anything because he is more or less trying to make me feel that I am already condemned. That I am bad, that he is good. He is being very arrogant, self-righteous. He is hurting my feelings so deeply because of how he is talking to me. He uses the fact that my parents are not religious against me.

 

I almost feel like even if I were supposed to be a Christian that I never could be because I am not really hearing the message. The only advice he gave me was this : " Go to church by yourself, why do you have to ask me about it?" He doesn't understand that I am not the type to just walk in a church. I know barely anything about the bible and Christianity and know of maybe 1 Christian other than him. He is the only person that I know extremely well who defines himself as one so I am taking him for an example of what Christians are like generally.. Other "Christians" I have met in the past have been the ones to hurt me the worst. So I'm wondering if this is a pattern..

 

I guess I would like some advice from people who know about the bible and what it says about behavior such as his. Last time I talked to him he blasted me with a few scriptures (hatefully) and next time around I want to be prepared with some scriptures of my own.

 

Truthfully, he is turning me farther away from this religion. I will admit that I do feel annoyed when he gets into a religious spell because when he talks about God talking to him, and speaking about "the Lord" it makes me sick because I know what kind of person HE is I guess. I have told him before that I am unsure but that I keep an open mind. I have told him that if there is a Heaven and a God that I don't think that he will send a good person to Hell. I think he is taking my statements I made in the past to his conclusion that I am a lost cause. If I am at fault here for this, please tell me because I do admit that I have told him I am skeptical of it all so could this be why he is unwilling to talk to me about it now?

 

Like I said I know in my heart that I am much more kind and compassionate than he is. Honestly, I think that he is one of the more lowly people that I have come to know. If nons are condemned to Hell and yet people as insensitive and unkind as he is are going to Heaven then I see that as a huge injustice.

 

I think he is a better person when he is NOT going through one of his religious spells than when he is. I just don't get it. He is ADAMENT that he is a Christian. Any insight? Sorry if this thread doesn't make much sense - I am about half asleep.

[moimeme]

Nemesis,

 

Your problem isn't biblical at all. Why on God's green earth would you worry why you are 'worthy' of a liar who is promiscuous, thieving, abusive idiot.

 

As for the religion thing, you can call yourself whatever you wish but that doesn't mean you are it.

 

Google 'cognitive dissonance'. Some people are so badly incongruent with their stated values it's unbelievable. He's no Christian, but he can't accept the truth of who he is, so he projects onto others and tries to delude himself that he's living the way he knows he should.

 

In short, he's seriously messed up. I mean SERIOUSLY. Christians aren't Christian because they say they are. They are Christian if they live by Christ's teaching; tolerance, love, forgiveness, charity, kindness. Forget what people say about themselves and focus on how they act.

 

And if this man ever calls you or wants to see you again, run for the hills. You may wish to see a counsellor to understand why it is that you allowed such a human to spend so much time with you. You never deserved that.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by YX32Nemesis

How is that right when he is not pure himself?

It is not right, regardless of his own purity.

He claims to be a Christian yet he cheated on me, lied to me, and has had a major stealing problem.

I think you're learning the hard way that claiming you're a Christian has little to do with your Christianity.

Previously I was willing to go to church, I was asking him questions about the bible, and all of that...and he never encouraged me or tried to help me. All he gave me were harsh words and how he will not help me or go to church with me because he, as a Christian, will not associate with nons because they will bring him down and have an evil influence.

I'm sorry to hear this--if you ever have any questions about 'all of that', you're welcome to PM me or post here.

He says that the bible says to not be around Nons and I think he is taking this too literally.

There is indeed a problem in the world with people taking the Bible too literally; however, nowhere in the Bible does it say not to associate with nonchristians.

I just don't see how I could be an evil influence. What do I do that is evil?

You're not an evil influence. Often times we feel we need a scapegoat for the evil inside us. Biblical authors <men> chose Satan, and in a social sense, Eve <womankind> as that scapegoat. I'm sorry that this man has chose you as a scapegoat.

 

One of my main objections to the entire doctrine of Satan is the idea that we're not as responsible for our actions as some imaginary force of evil. There is no Satan. As Led Zeppelin, sort of, put it--it's nobody's fault but mine. The fact that this man is mistreating you is not the fault of God, Jesus, Christianity, the Devil, or anyone but himself.

I am getting scared by his behavior and even more so (I'm going to be honest here) he has made me grow repulsed by Christians.

Sadly, this is often the case. The good Christians need better P.R.

He is hurting my feelings so deeply because of how he is talking to me. He uses the fact that my parents are not religious against me.

I don't quite understand why he's hurting your feelings--why do you even talk to him? Why do you let this creep affect your self-worth?

He doesn't understand that I am not the type to just walk in a church.

Nobody is! Church is a congregation of people who are celebrating their faith. If you don't know why you're there, you'll find yourself feeling like an Amish man at a car show.

He is the only person that I know extremely well who defines himself as one so I am taking him for an example of what Christians are like generally..

Bad idea. People who go out of their way to define themselves as Christian, and reduce the definition of Christian to only apply to themselves, are often the people hurting their fellow man most--from personal degradation to waging bloody wars, the idea of using religion to cover up transgressions is not a new one, or, unfortunately, an uncommon one.

I guess I would like some advice from people who know about the bible and what it says about behavior such as his. Last time I talked to him he blasted me with a few scriptures (hatefully) and next time around I want to be prepared with some scriptures of my own.

Don't waste your time.

 

The Bible is not a weapon, and you don't need to stoop to his level by using it as one. Recognize that his views are wrong and extrabiblical, and build a foundation of your views, Christian or otherwise, on a more noble truth.

I have told him that if there is a Heaven and a God that I don't think that he will send a good person to Hell.

There is no Hell. Hell is keeping a relationship with a person like this.

If I am at fault here for this, please tell me because I do admit that I have told him I am skeptical of it all so could this be why he is unwilling to talk to me about it now?

No, he's just a creep.

If nons are condemned to Hell and yet people as insensitive and unkind as he is are going to Heaven then I see that as a huge injustice.

Which is the entire point. If Jerry Falwell and this guy are in heaven, but John Lennon, Voltaire, and you are in Hell, where would you rather be?

I think he is a better person when he is NOT going through one of his religious spells than when he is.

You could be right, I still think it would be best to get far, far, far away from him.

[Zoot]

Why would someone calling themselves a Christian, or anything else, excuse them from bad bahavior? If he isn't making you happy, safe and secure....DUMP HIM! I don't care if he is the Pope....he's messed up.

[dyermaker]

My ex

[Zoot]

If he was just an ex than why would the poster make such a big deal regarding caring about his belief's? If he's an EX - then who cares?

[jellybean]

Originally posted by Zoot

If he was just an ex than why would the poster make such a big deal regarding caring about his belief's? If he's an EX - then who cares?

 

Ah yes, logic...but if only we could make it always rule the heart *sigh*

[BlockHead]

YX32Nemesis

How can he judge others for actions he had/does himself?

He is a hypocrite.

YX32Nemesis

He is cruel and callous.

You said it yourself.

YX32Nemesis

Other "Christians" I have met in the past have been the ones to hurt me the worst. So I'm wondering if this is a pattern..

Is this limited to “Christians” or what you consider boyfriend material?

YX32Nemesis

I guess I would like some advice from people who know about the bible and what it says about behavior such as his. Last time I talked to him he blasted me with a few scriptures (hatefully) and next time around I want to be prepared with some scriptures of my own.

Don’t waste your time. He will either respond to your arguments with nonsense or just make up stuff. He is just using it to manipulate you.

YX32Nemesis

I know barely anything about the bible and Christianity and know of maybe 1 Christian other than him.

 

Truthfully, he is turning me farther away from this religion.

Interesting.

If there are roughly 1 billion Christians in the world, what would the statistical uncertainty be based on a sample size of two Christians?

Are you going to pass judgment on all Christians based on two self-proclaimed Christians.

moimeme

They are Christian if they live by Christ's teaching; tolerance, love, forgiveness, charity, kindness.

Let’s add belief in God.

dyermaker

You're not an evil influence. Often times we feel we need a scapegoat for the evil inside us. Biblical authors <men> chose Satan, and in a social sense, Eve <womankind> as that scapegoat. I'm sorry that this man has chose you as a scapegoat.

YX32Nemesis, Ignore this part because it is completely unrelated to your problem.

Mr. dyermaker is just proselytizing.

dyermaker

Bad idea. People who go out of their way to define themselves as Christian, and reduce the definition of Christian to only apply to themselves, are often the people hurting their fellow man most--from personal degradation to waging bloody wars, the idea of using religion to cover up transgressions is not a new one, or, unfortunately, an uncommon one.

YX32Nemesis, Take this with a few grains of salt.

Persecution and intolerance can exist between different ethnic groups, genders, age, socioeconomic classes, religions, etc.

Personally, I think far more people died from Communist persecution than any Christian crusade. Don’t tell the socialists.

[quankanne]

Your problem isn't biblical at all. Why on God's green earth would you worry why you are 'worthy' of a liar who is promiscuous, thieving, abusive idiot

 

... not to mention "jackass," moi!

 

Christians aren't Christian because they say they are. They are Christian if they live by Christ's teaching; tolerance, love, forgiveness, charity, kindness. Forget what people say about themselves and focus on how they act.

 

nem, there's a song that many Christian followers sing, with the the line "they will know we are Christian by our love." Not by what we say, but by our actions. It's easy to mouthe our love for God and fellow man, but much, much harder to live our belief. Him telling you that he's "worthy" and you're not is him trying to pull the wool over both y'alls eyes. Because in the end, a believer knows that God is the only one capable of judging mens' hearts ...

 

your ex did a really good job screwing with your mind by telling you all the crap he did. but there is a saving grace, if you will: his word is not the be-all, end-all. I think you innately know and experience God -- even though you were not raised in any particular belief -- because through your actions (being kind and respectful of others), you follow God's call. From some of the things you share about him, it sounds like he doesn't ....

 

people who follow God, regardless of their religious practice or belief, model God's love, period.

 

your ex is a jackass, plain and simple, and anything he tries to tell you about your "sinful, unsalvagable" self needs to go in one ear and out the other because he really is not in any position to promote himself as "saved," in my not so humble opinion.

 

as for church: that's a hard one, trying to join a community where you don't know anyone or what they're about. start slow ... get involved with groups that serve others. By watching them put their love of God by serving others (say like teaching an immigrant English, by working with Habitat for Humanity, even by putting together food packages for the needy in your community), you get a better idea of how God's love works. Eventually, you will meet someone who you find is a role model in their spirituality, and that can lead to find a church where you feel at home.

 

I know the Catholic Church has something called the RCIA program, where people curious about or wanting to become Catholic meet in a classroom environment for about a year to find out about Catholicism. It can be intense because the subject matter is so new, so foreign, but the beauty of it is that there are many others seeking along side you, so you're not alone. I've been an RCIA sponsor from time to time, but mostly I help out by taking pictures each year of everyone coming into the church that later are used to "introduce" those folks to the parish, and so that parishioners (members of the church community) can pray for those inquirers during their journey.

 

not sure if any other churches offer a similarly structured program, but I'm sure they've got some level of formation for inquirers, you need but ask ...

 

I know you're having to sort through a lot, especially as you wade through the garbage your ex has filled your head with, but I think you've innately "got it," from what you've shared.

 

hugs,

quank

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by BlockHead

YX32Nemesis, Ignore this part because it is completely unrelated to your problem.

Mr. dyermaker is just proselytizing.

Whether or not you agree with me is irrelevant, you're not any sort of authority, and if we want to squabble over specifics you can start a different thread--I'll refuse to have a debate in a thread where someone's actually asking for help.

 

That said, it's quite related to the problem, which is the only reason I'm clarifying it. Often times, people seek to manipulate you into thinking you're the reason that they transgress--which is clearly a form of scapegoating, and, unfortunately, this man was successful in manipulating her to think that the reason he's a slimeball is because she doesn't believe.

 

It's not too much different from the zealous efforts of Mr. BlockHead to demonize socialism, somehow thinking that if he shows X number of people died in such and such Communist Revolution--somehow it's okay that people are killed in nonsocialist movements.

[Moose]

Wow, ok, here's my 2 cents:

 

Many of you know this parable, many of you don't.....about the sower of the seed. You'll find it in the New Testament in Mark, Chapter 4 somewhere. Your ex resembles the seed that fell on the rocky ground with very little soil, and sprang up almost immediatly. When the roots couldn't penetrate any more soil, the sun dried it up, and it died.....producing, no fruit.

 

Moi hit on a good point. Your problem isn't biblical at all. This person has something else happening in his life, or mind that is causing him to behave this way. Yes, he's heard the truth, and got excited about it, until the stipulations hit him......and when I heard the truth, ( I'll have to say, for the second, REAL time I paid attention ), I didn't want any part of it. Like Quank said, it's a hard job! You have to walk the walk.....being a Christian isn't an easy job at all. It's demeaning, people make fun of you, you're not part of the cool crowd anymore, you don't go out and party all night, you watch you language, your moves, your actions, even the way you spend your money is under the microscope. Every encounter you have with another soul becomes your responsibility to further the Truth, and not hinder that soul from it.

 

Don't get me wrong. There are many rewards here on Earth for following Christ's teachings. But what your ex, or whoever he is to you, is doing, is not becoming of a Christian.

 

This doesn't meant that I or anyone else should give you any form of fire power to go up against him either. Contrary to what Mr. Dyer said, the Bible is a weapon......the most powerful weapon known to man as a matter of fact. Your ex could very well be on his way to enrichment, and righteousness. It's not for us to decide wich way he's going. Some seeds grow slower than most. I'm a prime example of that growth. I am still far from where I'd like to be Spiritually, and it is ultimatley up to me to grow closer to God. There are some sins in my life that I geniually would like to get rid of eventually, but it's my own pride, and selfishness that's keeping me from going ahead and doing so, noone else is responsible for my shortcomings......just as Mr. Dyer explained with his Led Zep analogy.

 

Don't worry about what he is saying, as far as you going to hell......again, I believe Mr. Dyer is wrong. Hell is a very real place, and shouldn't be taken lightly. I know it's hard for a lot of people to understand how God could send people to hell.......but He does. He can't be in the presence of Sin, simple as that. There is only one way to God, and only one way to avoid hell. That's through Christ.

 

There is one smart thing your ex came up with. Go to Church on your own. Salvation is a very personal thing. Discover for yourself what is right for your soul. And do feel free to post here or PM any of us.

 

As far as being with your ex or whomever......it's a no brainer. Hopefully, he'll find out, not in a harsh way, that he's wrong with how he treats you, and he will gain more knowledge.

[XNemesisX]

Wow...first of all I want to say a big thank you to all of you who have taken the time to reply to my post. This has been a HUGE help and very insightful!~

 

Zoot:

 

If he was just an ex than why would the poster make such a big deal regarding caring about his belief's? If he's an EX - then who cares?

 

One of the reasons he has given me for the break up is he believes that we would be "unequally yolked" if we were married. He believes this to be a huge sin for a Christian to marry a non. He has been praying to stop loving me so that he doesn't marry someone who is not Christian. This has had a huge effect on our relationship (to my misfortune).

 

When I tell him I am interested in going to church with him to explore Christianity, he laughs at me. Says I am just saying that to get him back and that he believes I am a lost cause. He tells me to just go by myself. He knows me well enough to know that I am not going to just waltz in a church by myself. Other than him, I have no one else that even wants to go. My own parents won't go. How am I ever supposed to get anywhere when I don't have his support? As Dyer said, it would be like an Amish going to church..I would just feel so awkward. I have only been to church maybe once or twice in my whole life. Once with my grandma when I was in 2nd grade and the second time was with my ex and his family last summer. This is all foreign to me.

 

Moi:

 

It is funny that you mention cognitive dissonance. I do think that this is a great example of that! He is putting off his awful traits on to someone else and going to church and taking on the Christian persona because it is the opposite of what he truly is (in my opinion at this point).

 

I don't know why I have stuck with him even with all of his terrible faults. I guess I fell in love with the great person that he CAN be. If anyone else I have dated had been the way he has, I would have taken off a LONG time ago...but with him it is different. I can't seem to let go. I love him so deeply.

 

Dyer:

 

You have some great insight. I don't know why I even try to keep around this guy, guess love is blind? Ugh. Well, we have been dating for 2 years, so I have a lot invested in this and I do love him a lot. I hate to think that a relationship that could have been worked out is being ended over something like this. He really is making me feel like I am lower than dirt. I don't believe that I am, but it hurts that he thinks that I am. I think he is on his high horse right now with feeling that he is a Christian now, and therefore a higher being than me. I hate feeling like I hope he would get out of this, because I admire people who are able to be religious, and I think it can be a really great thing. At the same time, I feel like it is ruining my life right now. He's making into a bad thing.

 

Blockhead:

 

Is this limited to “Christians” or what you consider boyfriend material?

 

Not just boyfriend material. This is the first time I have had a boyfriend be like this. I guess I just have had the great fortune to meet some truly devious hypocrites. I don't want to generalize. I did talk to my Christian friend the other night (the only other one that I know besides my (now) ex and he even told me that he, as a Christian himself, believes that 19 out of 20 people who claim to be Christians are really not.

 

quankanne:

 

I may try and see if I can't get involved in something where I will learn more. I guess I am just kind of shy and feel foreign to all of this that it would be great to have someone go with me. I have mentioned it to a few of my friends and they just laugh and really have no interest in going to any of those sorts of things with me. I feel kind of backward saying this, but it would just be great to have someone support me with this. Do you think I could try and do some studying on my own? Like get a bible and some sort of study guide?

 

Moose:

 

Every encounter you have with another soul becomes your responsibility to further the Truth, and not hinder that soul from it.

 

This is what I don't understand about this guy. He claims to be such a great Christian and I did think that part of being a Christian was spreading the word. All he seems to want to share with me are insults. He's not trying to help me at all. I guess there is nothing I can do to change that about him.

 

I am hoping that he just hasn't grown spiritually enough yet, and that he might realize that the way he is treating me just isn't right! I know that he was raised very religiously (wasn't even allowed to watch the smurfs because his mom thought they were evil!) so I would think he would be more knowledgeable. He seems to know quite a bit about the bible..but selectively chooses what he wants to follow and bends scriptures I think (but then again I am the farthest thing from a bible expert).

 

I do have a question for those of you who are knowledgeable of the bible. He mentioned this "unequally yolked" thing..is that still relevant? To my understanding, that is from the old testament which we aren't supposed to follow nowadays (?) I did do a bit of research online and I did find another scripture that said "no bastard child will enter the kingdom of heaven." Now, we all know that isn't true. My ex was born illegitimate..surely he does not believe that he is destined for Hell because of this! So how could he also take this unequally yolked thing so seriously- but not that scripture? If I'm not mistaken, both of those come from the old testament. Correct me if I'm wrong.

 

I don't really want to use the bible as a weapon per se. But next time I get into a discussion with him and he starts ranting off scriptures against me I would like to put him in his place. I haven't yet told him about the bastard child scripture but I have thought of doing so next time I talk to him. I just feel like he is using this unequally yolked thing over my head.

 

What do you all think? Should I just walk away from this and give up? Somehow I feel like if I showed him I had become a Christian he would take me back.He doesn't want to help me do it, but if I did it on my own then went to him and told him I had become one I think that he would want to get back together. Then again, I don't want to feel like the only reason I would become Christian would be to get him back, instead of doing it for the truly right reasons. How would I even know the difference?

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by YX32Nemesis

One of the reasons he has given me for the break up is he believes that we would be "unequally yolked" if we were married.

He's right. He's been yolked by prejudice and ignorance, and he's not worth your time.

He has been praying to stop loving me so that he doesn't marry someone who is not Christian. This has had a huge effect on our relationship (to my misfortune).

If you've listened to us, you'd realize that it's to your fortune. This guy sucks, you're better off alone.

As Dyer said, it would be like an Amish going to church..I would just feel so awkward.

I said an Amish going to an Auto Show Anyway, I think he's only going to be an imposition on your spiritual quest.

You have some great insight. I don't know why I even try to keep around this guy, guess love is blind? Ugh. Well, we have been dating for 2 years, so I have a lot invested in this and I do love him a lot.

I hate Dr. Laura, she's an obnoxious bigot, but there is a great point she made in the 10 Stupid things Women do to Mess Up Their Lives. She points out that women will hold on to a relationship simply because they've been in it for a long time, feeling that they can't leave because of that investment.

 

So you've had him for two years. Would you really want it for three? Four? How long before you cut and run? It's time to go, now.

I hate feeling like I hope he would get out of this, because I admire people who are able to be religious, and I think it can be a really great thing. At the same time, I feel like it is ruining my life right now. He's making into a bad thing.

There are great people, and there are people who suck. Religion never changes that. When great people find religion, it's great for them. But when people who suck find religion, they end up the same person who sucks, only with more zeal. If you're a great person, don't let him ruin religion for you.

I feel kind of backward saying this, but it would just be great to have someone support me with this. Do you think I could try and do some studying on my own? Like get a bible and some sort of study guide?

You have us, yeah?

I did think that part of being a Christian was spreading the word.

Nah, people who spread the word are obnoxious. Part of being a Christian is *living* the word. If you go around telling people they'll go to Hell unless they believe in Jesus, you're only going to sway the simple-minded out of fear. If you make yourself an instrument of peace and charity, you're going to get people who want to live like you do out of admiration.

(wasn't even allowed to watch the smurfs because his mom thought they were evil!)

That makes sense though, there's something up with them.

 

But seriously, don't confuse 'religious' with 'insane'.

I do have a question for those of you who are knowledgeable of the bible. He mentioned this "unequally yolked" thing..is that still relevant?

Okay. Let me clear the air on this one. The Bible is not a weapon. You should not use the Bible to hurt other people, which is what this guy is doing to you. If you're using a piece of scripture to injure someone else, you suck. Don't suck. Deciding whether your interpretation of scripture somehow hurts someone else is a good litmus test for whether or not you're sucking.

 

First of all, the Bible is all relevant, there's no portion of it, including the Old Testament, that can be disregarded. However, it all has context. You have to read something with context to understand it, otherwise you could end up believing that you'll get struck down for masturbating, or that evolution is untrue.

 

Now, let's examine the scripture in question. The quote is "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?". It was written by Paul, or, more likely, a follower of Paul, to the people of Corinth, after the death of Jesus.

 

Paul wants this religion that he's trying to spread to be successful, yes? The way you spread religion is by giving it to your kids, because kids are simple and naive and believe everything they're told. You can tell a kid the smurfs are evil, and they'll believe you. The way you ensure parents pass religion onto your kids is by ensuring that both parents are Christians. Thus, Paul encouraged these new Christians to only marry Christians.

 

Paul brings up the point of being unequally yoked. Say you yoked together an Ox and a jackrabbit. This would be an unequal yoke, and it would, if it were possible, choke the rabbit because he couldn't pull the same amount of weight. The idea, in metaphor, is that people who are righteous are going to be pulling more weight.

 

Besides being a jackass who's not worth your time, Your friend here is incorrect. Nowhere does Paul actually condemn marriage between an unbeliever and a beliver.

...If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save [thy] husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save [thy] wife?

First Letter of the Corinthians, Chapter 7, Verses 12-16

 

His self-proclaimed Christianity in no way makes him more 'righteous' than you.

So how could he also take this unequally yolked thing so seriously- but not that scripture? If I'm not mistaken, both of those come from the old testament. Correct me if I'm wrong.

The yoked thing comes from the Epistles of the New Testament, the bastard thing comes from Deuteronomy, the Old Testament.

 

However, this guy isn't taking the scripture seriously, he's taking something unrelated and using it to hurt you.

I don't really want to use the bible as a weapon per se. But next time I get into a discussion with him and he starts ranting off scriptures against me I would like to put him in his place. I haven't yet told him about the bastard child scripture but I have thought of doing so next time I talk to him. I just feel like he is using this unequally yolked thing over my head.

Biblical ignorance is a disease. You must resist the temptation to infect yourself. He's not worthy of your contributions to any religious discussion.

What do you all think? Should I just walk away from this and give up?

Yes! I beg you, go find someone who's not so ignorant. You can be religious without him.

Somehow I feel like if I showed him I had become a Christian he would take me back.

He'd still be an a**h***.

[moimeme]

don't know why I have stuck with him even with all of his terrible faults. I guess I fell in love with the great person that he CAN be.

 

There is no point marrying Dr. Jekyll if he is also Mr. Hyde. Go find yourself a normal man who doesn't have a completely hateful side. Do you realize that your reasoning is what keeps women in abusive relationships? Forget the good that is in him - the bad outweighs it.

 

If anyone else I have dated had been the way he has, I would have taken off a LONG time ago...but with him it is different. I can't seem to let go. I love him so deeply.

 

You're addicted to him. It happens to plenty of good people. However, like all addictions, it is unhealthy.

 

I don't know why I even try to keep around this guy, guess love is blind?

 

It's not love. It's destroyed self-esteem.

 

Ugh. Well, we have been dating for 2 years, so I have a lot invested in this and I do love him a lot.

 

And I loved the abusive guy I was with. Sure, he had some great qualities. But the bad ones weren't worth it.

 

I hate to think that a relationship that could have been worked out is being ended over something like this.

 

It can't be worked out because he thinks he is all right and is abusing you verbally and mentally. He's not going to get help and he badly needs it.

 

He really is making me feel like I am lower than dirt.

 

He really is making me feel like I am lower than dirt.

 

He really is making me feel like I am lower than dirt.

 

He really is making me feel like I am lower than dirt.

 

So this is what you think love is supposed to be?

 

It most definitely is NOT how it is supposed to be. Drop this idiot.

[BlockHead]

YX32Nemesis

He believes this to be a huge sin for a Christian to marry a non.

Paul doesn’t have a problem with divorcing a non-Christian, but there are other authors who do. I think the story of Samson and Delilah (Judges 13-16) was a Old-Testament parable suggesting that Jews should not intermarry. This is not a mainstream belief.

YX32Nemesis

I don't want to generalize. I did talk to my Christian friend the other night (the only other one that I know besides my (now) ex and he even told me that he, as a Christian himself, believes that 19 out of 20 people who claim to be Christians are really not.

Some people are Christian by name, but not necessarily in practice.

It is hard to say who is a Christian and who is not. Be careful when judging others because you can’t read minds.

dyermaker

Nah, people who spread the word are obnoxious. Part of being a Christian is *living* the word.

Jesus spread the word. The apostles, both original and later ones, also spread the word.

dyermaker

First of all, the Bible is all relevant, there's no portion of it, including the Old Testament, that can be disregarded.

There are contradictions, and many times, the authors also disagree on some issues like marriage, eating meat, etc.

dyermaker

The way you spread religion is by giving it to your kids, because kids are simple and naive and believe everything they're told.

It works both ways.

 

The kids could also rebel and become religious or antireligious when they grow up.

dyermaker

Thus, Paul encouraged these new Christians to only marry Christians.

1 Cor 7:36-38

36If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin–this man also does the right thing. 38So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better.

I didn’t see Paul attach conditions to marriage.

Paul seems to suggest that being single allows a person to be more devoted to God, but he also argues that there is nothing sinful about marriage.

Paul did attach conditions to divorce.

 

YX32Nemesis

I am curious. What denomination does he belong to? What version of the Bible are you using?

Some of his views seem cultish.

 

If you want a good source, use the website http://bible.gospelcom.net. They provide several bible translations and some commentaries which provide some mainstream interpretations for free. The keyword searches are quick and useful. Believe it or not, I originally obtained the link from moimeme, and have used it since then. This is why I ask for sources.

 

 

 

1 Timothy 4:1-5

1The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. 2Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. 3They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. 4For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, 5because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.

moimeme, I just happened to stumble onto this, and I hope it helps your Leviticus argument.

[SoleMate]

Folks...please...you mean unequally YOKED. Like a YOKE of oxen. A neck harness affair.

 

If you are YOLKED, I guess that means you have been splattered with the yellow part of an egg.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by BlockHead

Jesus spread the word.

Jesus was a rabbi. People came to see him teach, and he shared his teachings with them. He also had the benefit of being beyond reproach.

[XNemesisX]

Thanks you all for your support and feedback.

 

Dyer, sorry about the Amish thing I meant to say an Amish at a car show but I was so tired when I was writing that I'm surprised any of my post made any sense at all!

 

Thanks so much for clearing up some of the scriptures for me. Moi, thanks for the words of encouragement, Blockhead, thanks for the sources I can go to...this means so much that you all are taking the time to respond to my post and giving me such incredible feedback and insight.

 

I do have an update and now you all will really think this is messed up.

 

Last night I made the stupid mistake to go see him. I called him when I got outside his apartment. I know, I know..I shouldn't have done it and I wish I had read everyones replies before I did. I wanted to clear the air and see what was really going on.

 

Well anyway, I called him from outside and he told me he would not let me in his apartment but would be glad to talk to me outside. When he comes outside I ask him again if we can go inside to talk, he insists that we shouldn't. I look at him bewildered and he started to ramble on and ON about his religious walk and how he could not have me in his apartment because I would "tempt" him. I told him over and over that all I wanted to do was talk and I had no intentions of trying to seduce him or anything!

 

He wouldn't believe it. He never would let me in his apartment, even when I needed to use the restroom. He made us stand outside in the misting rain until our backs started to hurt to try and keep from being in "tempting situations."

 

He told me that God told him I was bad, and that my coming up there to see him was God's plan to test the strength of his Christianity. He said that the devil talks through me. I told him, "I am not a serpant trying to get you to eat an apple, I am a real life person who loves you and is here to talk to you about this relationship in a reasonable way. "

 

He still insisted this was just the devil trying to tempt him. I thought it was incredibly bizarre he wouldn't even let me use his restroom because he was scared there would be temptations of "the flesh." My jaw literally dropped at the stupidity of this.

 

Of course, he was acting so bizarre and mentally ill I had a hard time believing he could actually believe all of this. He told me to get in his car and turn the radio on. I did...and the radio turned on to a blaring fire and brimstone preacher screaming at the top of his lungs.

 

There were several moments last night where I thought he wanted to kiss me and we leaned in at one point to kiss and he jumped away (melodramatically) and insisted I was "the devil."

 

Keep in mind, we stood outside talking for about 3 hours. So this is just a summary. I got so emotional because nothing I said made any difference to him. If I laughed at him or told him he needed psychological treatment he said that the bible talks about how people will laugh at believers and think they are silly. I told him that there was a difference between being a Christian and being a lunatic.

 

He told me he didn't need me anymore because he is filled "with Christ." When I hugged him, I told him how much I missed him. I asked him if he missed me and he said "no, I have God now..I don't need you or anyone else."

 

My heart has been broken. No matter what I said/did he wouldn't take me seriously. I know that he is still attracted to me because I could tell in his body language and how he looked at me, but everytime we would get close or hug he would start talking about me being the devil again. This went on and on and on, until I finally left.

He seems to be obsessed with the sin of "lust."

 

I broke down in hysterical tears on my way back and I called him(stupidly) and started crying and screaming to him "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO SOMEONE? YOU WERE GOING TO MARRY ME ONLY 2 MONTHS AGO AND NOW YOU ARE TREATING ME LIKE I AM A DOG! HOW CAN YOU SAY I AM THE DEVIL! I AM A PERSON! HOW COULD YOU LOSE YOUR MIND LIKE THIS?" etc etc.

 

Of course, my ranting did no good just like I thought. He just said he was sorry but that someday I will realize that God should come before family, friends, lovers, ANYONE. And he was putting God before me. He said that without me in his life, he will be able to concentrate on his spiritual journey and not have "temptations of lust" around him.

 

The scary thing is, I really do not believe this is just an act. I can tell he really believes what he is saying. I think that my ex is becoming schizophrenic. Especially after reading everyone's feedback I see this even more clearly. I do love him, but there is nothing I can do to get him to think reasonably. There is nothing I can do to make him think I don't have the "devil" talking through me.

 

I will tell you all that this is a very devestating experience. I feel like I have lost my boyfriend to either mental illness or a cult-like mentality. It sucks there is nothing I can do about it. I just have to let go. This is just awful.

 

Blockhead:

I am curious. What denomination does he belong to? What version of the Bible are you using?

Some of his views seem cultish.

 

He is southern baptist and actively involved in the Republican party.

 

I do agree now, that this is not what mainstream Christianity is like nowadays (thank God)...at least for the most part. I'm having a hard time figuring out if he is just seriously mentally ill...or has become like his fanatical mother. Is there even a difference between a mentally ill person and a fanatic? This is just CRAZY.

 

I have not been able to stop crying all day. I will mourn the loss of my (once) normal (but not perfect) boyfriend. This person is a total stranger. Should I try to get him some psychological help? I don't think he would be very appreciative of that idea but I'm starting to believe he has the oncoming signs of a schizophrenic. His grandmother is schizophrenic, so I wonder if it has been passed down to him? He is extremely delusional. If he set out to use his religion as a weapon to hurt me and crush me....his mission is accomplised.

[dyermaker]

I'm sorry I called him an a**h***, it's quite possible that he is severely mentally ill, and the religion thing has nothing to do with anything.

[moimeme]

I have not been able to stop crying all day. I will mourn the loss of my (once) normal (but not perfect) boyfriend. This person is a total stranger. Should I try to get him some psychological help?

 

Call him and suggest it but that's it. Make it the end of your relationship. He is not well He is seriously unwell. And you really do not need this in your life.

 

I don't think he would be very appreciative of that idea but I'm starting to believe he has the oncoming signs of a schizophrenic. His grandmother is schizophrenic, so I wonder if it has been passed down to him? He is extremely delusional.

 

People with family members who have mental illnesses are more likely to have mental illnesses and certainly schizophrenia can run in families. If he's ever used drugs he could be even more susceptible. You're right that he's delusional.

 

He told me that God told him I was bad

 

!!! Now he's got God talking to him personally!!!!

 

If he set out to use his religion as a weapon to hurt me and crush me....his mission is accomplised.

 

Please get yourself some counselling. You cannot let the ravings of someone who's losing his own mind affect you like this. You maybe now see how a Charlie Manson or a David Koresh can persuade people to do their bidding - you are an intelligent human and yet this person who is not thinking or speaking clearly has you persuaded that you're the bad and wrong person. PLEASE GET COUNSELLING!!!!!! And stay away from this guy. The ones that think God is talking to them sometimes get messages from God to go kill people.

 

This is a very serious matter - both that you have allowed his delusions to affect you and that he's delusional. You have to stay away from him because you don't seem to be able to separate your identity from his rantings. You'll be in very serious trouble if you continue to try to stay with him. You need help badly. Get it immediately before he totally sucks you into his insanity.

[Bronzepen]

Nemsis, your ex is VERY mentally ill.

 

He obvioulsy doesn't want to be with you because he has found God in a Jim Jones way.

 

He does need help.

 

I just hope he doesn't escalate to thinking anyone who believes diffrently then him, needs to be "corrected" by use of force.

 

 

Keep your distance.

[LaKeiShA]

Originally posted by YX32Nemesis

Dyer and Moose I would particularly like your opinions and all others are welcome too!

 

My ex goes through what I would call "fanatical" stages where he becomes almost insanely religious. He has told me on numerous occasions through out our relationship that he could never marry me because we would be "unequally yolked" and it is a sin for a Christian to marry a non. He says he stuck it out because of the hope that I would follow Christianity. He has broken up with me now and even though he has lived like the devil and been (extremely promiscuous) - had a threesome with his male cousin, slept with girls he doesn't know their name, etc. he is still firmly set in his belief that he deserves a good, pure, innocent Christian girl. He blames the women for all of his sexual encounters. Even though he has slept with me, he feels he deserves a virgin to marry and uses Christianity to justify this. How is that right when he is not pure himself? How can he judge others for actions he had/does himself? He is extremely judgemental of premarital sex but does not practice what he preaches.

 

He claims to be a Christian yet he cheated on me, lied to me, and has had a major stealing problem. He was abusive.(mentally and physically) He is now treating me like I am some sort of wretched person simply because as of right now I am not religious. I know that I am much more kind than he is. He tells me that he knows I have not changed by my "fruit" (?) Well if I were looking at his fruit I would say it is nothing but rotten tomatoes! I won't even get into the relationship problems since that is for another board.

 

I will say that just the other day I told him I was willing to try to go to church and hear about his beliefs and he told me that I was a lost cause and that he would never want to see me again and that I was going to hell and he was going to heaven, etc etc. Previously I was willing to go to church, I was asking him questions about the bible, and all of that...and he never encouraged me or tried to help me. All he gave me were harsh words and how he will not help me or go to church with me because he, as a Christian, will not associate with nons because they will bring him down and have an evil influence. He says that the bible says to not be around Nons and I think he is taking this too literally. He is showing no mercy at all for my feelings and treating me like a dog. He brings me to tears each time we get into a conversation..

 

I just don't see how I could be an evil influence. What do I do that is evil? I know that I am kind to others and I have always treated him with respect. I would never talk to him or anyone for that matter the way he does me. He is cruel and callous. I am trying to understand his beliefs but he is treating me as though I am already condemned and not even worth talking to. I tell him that Jesus says that Christians should try to witness to others so I don't see how he is being a very good witness by telling me that he will not associate with those who are nons because they will bring him down. Can anyone clarify this for me?

 

I am getting scared by his behavior and even more so (I'm going to be honest here) he has made me grow repulsed by Christians.

 

I was not raised religiously as my parents are not religious. I have kept an open mind and I consider myself agnostic I guess. I am open to all beliefs and am willing to explore. I showed him I had an interest in hearing the message of Christ that he talks about but he refuses to tell me anything because he is more or less trying to make me feel that I am already condemned. That I am bad, that he is good. He is being very arrogant, self-righteous. He is hurting my feelings so deeply because of how he is talking to me. He uses the fact that my parents are not religious against me.

 

I almost feel like even if I were supposed to be a Christian that I never could be because I am not really hearing the message. The only advice he gave me was this : " Go to church by yourself, why do you have to ask me about it?" He doesn't understand that I am not the type to just walk in a church. I know barely anything about the bible and Christianity and know of maybe 1 Christian other than him. He is the only person that I know extremely well who defines himself as one so I am taking him for an example of what Christians are like generally.. Other "Christians" I have met in the past have been the ones to hurt me the worst. So I'm wondering if this is a pattern..

 

I guess I would like some advice from people who know about the bible and what it says about behavior such as his. Last time I talked to him he blasted me with a few scriptures (hatefully) and next time around I want to be prepared with some scriptures of my own.

 

Truthfully, he is turning me farther away from this religion. I will admit that I do feel annoyed when he gets into a religious spell because when he talks about God talking to him, and speaking about "the Lord" it makes me sick because I know what kind of person HE is I guess. I have told him before that I am unsure but that I keep an open mind. I have told him that if there is a Heaven and a God that I don't think that he will send a good person to Hell. I think he is taking my statements I made in the past to his conclusion that I am a lost cause. If I am at fault here for this, please tell me because I do admit that I have told him I am skeptical of it all so could this be why he is unwilling to talk to me about it now?

 

Like I said I know in my heart that I am much more kind and compassionate than he is. Honestly, I think that he is one of the more lowly people that I have come to know. If nons are condemned to Hell and yet people as insensitive and unkind as he is are going to Heaven then I see that as a huge injustice.

 

I think he is a better person when he is NOT going through one of his religious spells than when he is. I just don't get it. He is ADAMENT that he is a Christian. Any insight? Sorry if this thread doesn't make much sense - I am about half asleep.

 

two words

 

get out!

[dan7038]

I actually went through some of this last night myself. I'm not religious based on being brought up outside the church and I've even researched and read parts of the bible to try and grasp what the deal is. I'm just not drawn to religion or getting the message just like you. I have no emptiness inside me and have a very fullfilling life. Honestly reading the bible and watching televised church sessions on Sunday just make me realize more and more how far I am from being religious.

 

Anyway my g/f ,well ex at this point was raised by a preacher and had a very religious upbringing. We dated for a few months where religion was never really brought up in day to day life. She was a bit upset that she had missed churched because she was used to going twice on sunday ,but sex and cussing and most things were not a problem.

 

The problem came into play when we started talking about marriage and how she could never be with me in that way and she'd start quoting scripture. She always had a coldness about her that blew my mind. I could not understand how someone could be so uncaring about others. She would use religion as an arguement against a point at the strangest times and seemingly out of nowhere. It was no problem with us having sex , but going to see a movie that she felt was against God was a no-no.

 

I can just say the best option you can take here is just to get out of this relationship. When some person have god or faith as a backing for their unstability and belive they are doing what is in the best interest for God it doesn't matter who gets hurt because in their minds they are doing the right thing.

 

This guy sounds like he has some mental issues he needs to deal with. I know its hard to stay away from someone like this, but nothing good is going to come from it except a lot of confusion and emotional hurt.

[seahorse]

I can't see any way to be tactful about this.

 

You say he has spells of this behaviour, and I sincerely hope this is the worst "spell" he has had - because the man is losing his mind. It sounds very much like schizophrenic behaviour to me, and the best thing you can do is recommend him, or his relatives, to get him some help. Over in the UK, he'd probably be "sectioned" and carted off to the nearest hospital for diagnosis!

 

Help him if you want to, but do NOT commit yourself anymore emotionally to this man. He is unstable.