jforthegirl Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 My husband of 20+ years dumped me about 3 weeks ago, we have a young daughter. Due to his financial situation, he has not been able to move out of the house, he sleeps in another room. He watches or baby girl while I am at work. For some background, he is leaving me because my controlling behavior has ruined his life and left him with nothing to show. He also said that he has not loved me for more than 5 years and he thought that buying a house and having our daughter might make things better. For him, it did not. Anyway, this has been immensely painful, but I now accept his decision and would like to move forward with my life with my daughter. So here is my dilemma, I would like him to leave the house. I don't think it is fair for him to say he's leaving me, that it is all my fault, that it can never be fixed, and then expect to stay here in the house. He could go stay with his brother, but his pride won't let him. He is talking about going to stay at a hotel for a while. Until he can figure out a more permanent place to live. And although I really want him out, I feel like I am throwing him out on the street and I feel guilty.What would you do? Let him stay or make him leave and figure it out on his own? Link to post Share on other sites
alonefornow Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 My husband of 20+ years dumped me about 3 weeks ago, we have a young daughter. Due to his financial situation, he has not been able to move out of the house, he sleeps in another room. He watches or baby girl while I am at work. For some background, he is leaving me because my controlling behavior has ruined his life and left him with nothing to show. He also said that he has not loved me for more than 5 years and he thought that buying a house and having our daughter might make things better. For him, it did not. Anyway, this has been immensely painful, but I now accept his decision and would like to move forward with my life with my daughter. So here is my dilemma, I would like him to leave the house. I don't think it is fair for him to say he's leaving me, that it is all my fault, that it can never be fixed, and then expect to stay here in the house. He could go stay with his brother, but his pride won't let him. He is talking about going to stay at a hotel for a while. Until he can figure out a more permanent place to live. And although I really want him out, I feel like I am throwing him out on the street and I feel guilty.What would you do? Let him stay or make him leave and figure it out on his own? Before you do anything talk to a lawyer. Seriously. If he's decided to leave, chances are that he has talked to a lawyer. We can't tell you whether it's fair that he stays in the house or not. So talk to a lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
keepontruckin Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 You can't make him leave... Link to post Share on other sites
firststeps Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 sounds like there is more going on here. Why are you both not willing to go to marriage counseling. have both tried to work on the issues with marriage. Is there another woman, seems strange that after 20 years, he wants to throw in the towel and there is no saving this. Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 My honest response- every individual is responsible for their own success or failure, don't take that personally. Controlling or not, his life right now comes down to his choices. I would get a lawyer and ask their advice on how to proceed. If you don't feel comfortable kicking him out then don't- morally only you know what is the right or wrong thing to do about that. If you think it isn't fair to do so, then fine, but make sure you are both actively working on a solution to the current situation. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted December 5, 2013 Share Posted December 5, 2013 (edited) Put "Hair Removal Cream" in his shampoo, was that my outside voice? Blame it on the stress of infidelity. Edited December 5, 2013 by aliveagain 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jforthegirl Posted December 5, 2013 Author Share Posted December 5, 2013 I begged him to go to MC, but he refused, saying this could not be fixed. He says there is no OW, but I suspect at least an EA. In the months leading up to this, he was online every night for HOURS. And he still is. At this point I don't think it makes a difference, he's done with this marriage. He is definitely going to leave the house at some point, he is sure of that. He just wants to stay here while he figures out his next steps (getting a new job, getting his car fixed, etc). Sometimes I feel like he probably should have figured this out before he decided to turn my life upside down. I feel like it's unfair to expect me to just keep going in this living situation like everything is ok. Link to post Share on other sites
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