Just been dumped by my very first girlfriend.

[somedude81]

I've never cried so much in my entire life.

 

Yes, I'm 32 and just had my first, GF, we've been together six months.

 

I'm going between feelings of extreme sadness to being numb and that I no longer have a reason to live.

 

Depression has been a constant struggle in my life, but being with her took it all away and I was truly happy. Now I just wish that fate would throw me a bone and fine a way to kill me so I don't have to live in misery.

 

It was so sudden. No problems at all, no fights.

 

I'm not going to do anything myself, but it would be great if I don't wake up tomorrow.

[Cream]

we all been there. i felt like dying myself, it get's much better. take it from someone who hit rock bottom too.

[MrCastle]

Sorry to hear that bro. All of us here were pulling for you. What happened? If it's too personal to get into then don't bother. I would encourage you to remember all the good times you guys had. Nothing can kill memories. All those awesome times you had with her you can still look back on and smile about.

[alonefornow]

For anyone going through a break up, here's a quote from South Park (of all places) that helped me a lot. - Imgur

[somedude81]

Sorry to hear that bro. All of us here were pulling for you. What happened? If it's too personal to get into then don't bother. I would encourage you to remember all the good times you guys had. Nothing can kill memories. All those awesome times you had with her you can still look back on and smile about.

Hey MrCastle. Glad to see you're still around.

 

I'll post more later. Right know I'm completely drained and want to avoid thinking about what happened for now.

 

Thanks for the advice.

[somedude81]

Look, the guy has 12,000 posts. I'm sure he's seen it all here.

 

Pardon me for potentially turning him into a junkie...

Yeah I know that you're just trolling/joking.

 

But even though I have 12,000 posts, I still have depression and just lost my first real relationship.

[Under The Radar]

Sorry man, there's nothing worse than your first breakup .

 

I've experienced the heartache you are suffering from now. Relationships are always a risk and there is no guarantee they will last forever.

 

You have to get to a place eventually where you are happy even without a girlfriend. That way, if a relationship doesn't work out, it will not feel like the end of the world.

 

I understand how hard that concept can be for guys like us, but it's so true and very necessary. Hang in there ...... you'll make it through this.

[keepontruckin]

Yeah I know that you're just trolling/joking.

 

But even though I have 12,000 posts, I still have depression and just lost my first real relationship.

Me too, bud. Five year relationship, one and half years of marriage. We lived good. She split, and had me served with divorce docs...

 

It's the first relationship I've had also. And it may likely be the last.

 

It IS hard. There's no easy advice I can give, other than just stay single. One man wolf pack. Women seem to just use men these days, and when we no longer suit any need for them, we are disposed of.

 

I know it sounds critical, and I'll get flak for it, but it's the truth.

 

The days of Grandma and Grandpa being married for 60 years is done...

[Eternal Sunshine]

Hey MrCastle. Glad to see you're still around.

 

I'll post more later. Right know I'm completely drained and want to avoid thinking about what happened for now.

 

Thanks for the advice.

 

Sorry to hear that somedude. We were all thinking of you.

 

If it makes you feel any better MrCastle is still not able to find a girlfriend

[Phoe]

Hi somedude. So sorry...

 

***hugs***

[Eternal Sunshine]

Somedude, you may feel better to talk it out...

[Mrlonelyone]

I can only say that everyone feels the pain of breaking up in life. It fades with time.

 

There is always someone new. The first relationship never last.

 

Look at it this way... at least you aren't a virgin anymore.

 

Look on the other bright side of this... you're off the hook for Xmas and vday gifts.

[Logan oO]

I've never cried so much in my entire life.

 

Yes, I'm 32 and just had my first, GF, we've been together six months.

 

I'm going between feelings of extreme sadness to being numb and that I no longer have a reason to live.

 

Depression has been a constant struggle in my life, but being with her took it all away and I was truly happy. Now I just wish that fate would throw me a bone and fine a way to kill me so I don't have to live in misery.

 

It was so sudden. No problems at all, no fights.

 

I'm not going to do anything myself, but it would be great if I don't wake up tomorrow.

 

First off, i'd like to say thankyou, even though we've never spoken and /or seen eachothers posts before, and i pale in comparison to you post wise.

My point is this is the end of your first relationship but you've posted 12,000 odd times here. You truly are a kind person if you've even spent a quarter of those posts helping others through the darkness Thankyou.

 

Back to your topic. -

I'm 28, and i've been feeling 'old' and won't meet anyone again but i know that's just crap as i have had plenty of dates in my life, two serious relationships with heartbreak, several one to two months relationships with no emotional fallout, i'll meet someone new

 

As for yourself, dude you are 32, you are still young in the grand scheme of things. Believe me i KNOW it hurts. But someone as giving and dedicated as yourself should have no problem meeting the right girl when the time comes.

Don't punish yourself. Sadly sometimes we have to lose people that mean a lot to us, for us to grow into the person we become with that special someone..

 

That being said, and although i liked a post that someone said about the 'grandma and grandpa being married for 60 years is over' i don't disagree, but i don't fully agree either. I think that is just a small percentage of the world who go that way. I personally would like to meet the right woman and settle down if both her and i were ready mutually.

 

Until then i will enjoy what time i have left on my own, because some of the best times of my life have been when i've been single and just playing the field. I'm not even talking sexually, i'm talking just enjoying meeting new people, expanding my circle of friends. Going new places etc.

 

I had to start slowly, first of all, i could only stomach / be bothered to watch 'how i met your mother' all day every day. Then a few weeks later, i could watch an anime 'Attack on titan' as well. A Week after that i could watch Comedy like 'the two ronnies' on youtube, a week after that i could watch films like 'forgetting sarah marshall' and 'get him to the greek' and 'the inbetweeners movie'

 

It takes time, but you have to allow yourself to climb back up the steps back into your own head again.

[Mrlonelyone]

Sumdude, let me try to give you an action step that will make you feel better right away. Now that you are a man with relationship and presumably, sexual experience take what has happend as an overall positive. Yes, you are attractive enough to have a woman want to be with you. You are an attractive enough human being to have had a girlfriend for six months.

 

 

Now here is what you should do. Go down to the nearest pickup joint and pick up a woman. Just start talking to her. You don't have to have sex with her just talk to her. I can't tell you how much better it makes one feel to know that they are still attractive to other people. It confirms hope. While loosing someone really special is never easy it is part of life. People come and go and only a precious few stay (usually not the ones we feel "in love with".)

[reddragon588]

The first breakup is always the hardest. This may have seemed like a special relationship, but unfortunately, you were just incompatible. It doesn't mean anything negative about you or her, it just didn't work out.

 

The good news is you now have a wealth of knowledge to draw upon for your next relationship! Think back on this relationship and see what you can learn and improve upon. Your next relationship will be better as a result! You're young and there are plenty of women out there for you.

[somedude81]

Basically, I had just come back from visiting my parents for Thanksgiving. I was gone a week.

 

When I come back we made plans for her to come over to my place and stay two nights.

 

She gets here, we kiss and start talking about various things. The whole time I'm touching her like normal. Then I squeeze one of her breasts and then she suddenly says, before we do anything, there is something I have to tell you.

 

Then she starts talking about how she feels that her feelings have plateaued (and started to drop) and that she's not in love with me like she feels like she should be after being together six months. I think she mentioned feeling this way for a bit, and me being gone for the week gave her time to think and talk about me to her friends.

 

I was pretty much in shock because I had no idea that anything was wrong at all. We never had a single fight, had plenty of fun, being together was fun as we had many common interests. Sex was great and happened whenever she was here.

 

On average we saw each other only twice a week. She works retail and lives about 50 min from me depending on traffic. This past month she's been working a lot. It's always bugged me that we saw each other so little.

 

I kind of understand what she means by having her feelings plateau. A common thought of mine was that I love her, when she's with me. (Though I would certainly not break up because of this) She told me that she thinks my feelings for her are much stronger than her feelings for me. She also believes that she may not have been single long enough after breaking up with her ex of 3 years. And that she now wants to stay single for a long time.

 

So here I am expecting to have another great day with her, and I ended up getting hit by a bus.

[somedude81]

Sorry man, there's nothing worse than your first breakup .

 

I've experienced the heartache you are suffering from now. Relationships are always a risk and there is no guarantee they will last forever.

 

You have to get to a place eventually where you are happy even without a girlfriend. That way, if a relationship doesn't work out, it will not feel like the end of the world.

 

I understand how hard that concept can be for guys like us, but it's so true and very necessary. Hang in there ...... you'll make it through this.

My biggest concern is that it took so long to finally get my first one. It was so nice to finally live without the pain of being single.

 

Things weren't perfect since we saw each other infrequently, but when we were together it was great. There was so much potential of what it could become. It was such a great feeling to have something to look forward to.

 

Now I'm back to being miserable again. At least I can now say I know what happiness feels like.

[reddragon588]

My biggest concern is that it took so long to finally get my first one. It was so nice to finally live without the pain of being single.

 

Things weren't perfect since we saw each other infrequently, but when we were together it was great. There was so much potential of what it could become. It was such a great feeling to have something to look forward to.

 

Now I'm back to being miserable again. At least I can now say I know what happiness feels like.

 

Stop defining your happiness on whether you are with someone else or not! Once you define your happiness on yourself, you will find someone almost immediately, guaranteed! You shouldn't need someone else to make YOU happy. Focus on being in a relationship with yourself for a bit. Figure out what you're good at, and double down on that. Focus on your strengths, build your confidence. Learn what you have to offer to someone. Learn from your relationship, improve yourself and prepare for a better relationship in the future. It doesn't matter "how long" it took you to find a relationship the first time, that's in the past. You've found one already, clearly you're capable of it. I know you're struggling right now, I was there recently too. You're gonna be just fine though, remember that!

[Meadowgreen]

stop defining your happiness on whether you are with someone else or not! Once you define your happiness on yourself, you will find someone almost immediately, guaranteed! You shouldn't need someone else to make you happy. Focus on being in a relationship with yourself for a bit. Figure out what you're good at, and double down on that. Focus on your strengths, build your confidence. Learn what you have to offer to someone. Learn from your relationship, improve yourself and prepare for a better relationship in the future. It doesn't matter "how long" it took you to find a relationship the first time, that's in the past. You've found one already, clearly you're capable of it. I know you're struggling right now, i was there recently too. You're gonna be just fine though, remember that!

 

This.

 

This.

 

All of this.

[somedude81]

Stop defining your happiness on whether you are with someone else or not! Once you define your happiness on yourself, you will find someone almost immediately, guaranteed! You shouldn't need someone else to make YOU happy. Focus on being in a relationship with yourself for a bit. Figure out what you're good at, and double down on that. Focus on your strengths, build your confidence. Learn what you have to offer to someone. Learn from your relationship, improve yourself and prepare for a better relationship in the future. It doesn't matter "how long" it took you to find a relationship the first time, that's in the past. You've found one already, clearly you're capable of it. I know you're struggling right now, I was there recently too. You're gonna be just fine though, remember that!

Thanks, but I've heard the, you have to be happy with yourself line, about a thousand times.

 

Now that I know what it's like to be in a relationship, I know I can't be happy alone. All it did was confirm my beliefs that I've always had. Being with somebody makes me happy.

 

I would really like to learn from my relationship, but at this point I don't know what I did wrong. All she told me was that it was her, not me. But I know that I had a huge impact because she didn't fall in love with me like she should have. I need to improve something, but I don't know what.

[Treasa]

What does "like she should have" mean? You're trying too hard to control things and have an expected outcome, even if it's not one you'd really honestly be happy with in the future.

 

I'm also a big proponent about being able to be happy on your own. You and I have had a lot of fights over this concept. She was a temporary bandage. She held staunch the wound, but the wound is still there, underneath everything.

 

I've been through some very bad breakups. Sometimes the first one is the worst, other times it isn't. My first one wasn't nearly as bad as ones I had later. Probably because I was very confident during the first one.

 

Generally speaking, the happier you are with yourself and your life, the less a breakup is going to hurt. You won't feel like you're a failure, you won't feel like you have to improve anything, and you'll still have an entire life to focus on. You don't have those things, so all you feel now is emptiness. She filled up that emptiness, but no one person can or should be that everything, hon.

 

I knew this would happen if you two ever broke up, and I knew you'd be devastated. Trust me, this pain will go away if you honestly take steps toward making it so. But you HAVE to find things in your own life that are totally focused on YOU that make you happy in order to find that peace.

 

What is going on with school? A job? Where you live? What are your hobbies?

 

This girl was just a girl. No matter how special she may have been to you, she's honestly no different than the other 3.5 billion of us. You WILL be ok, but only if you choose to be happy. I know you're a smart guy, and can do it.

[clia]

It may not be anything you did. It may just be that you weren't the right person for her. Most people date a lot of people before they find the right person, she's pretty young, and has spent a lot time in relationships. It's not too surprising that she would want some time alone. I wouldn't advise dwelling too much on what you might've done differently or wrong. There is likely nothing you could have done to change this outcome.

 

I mean, realistically did you expect that you would be with her forever?

 

I am sorry to hear about this, though.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Thanks, but I've heard the, you have to be happy with yourself line, about a thousand times.

 

Now that I know what it's like to be in a relationship, I know I can't be happy alone. All it did was confirm my beliefs that I've always had. Being with somebody makes me happy.

I would really like to learn from my relationship, but at this point I don't know what I did wrong. All she told me was that it was her, not me. But I know that I had a huge impact because she didn't fall in love with me like she should have. I need to improve something, but I don't know what.

 

This is true..All the BS lines about being happy by yourself are BS. I am sick of being single.

 

As for there not being signs - there ARE always signs. I could see any of my break ups coming miles off. There are subtle shifts in body language, affection, frequency of seeing each other, emotional distance etc etc You just need to learn to read women better.

 

No arguments is not necessarily a good thing. Just means that you are not close enough/don't care enough to argue. And seeing each other twice a week should have built up to more after 6 months.

 

Still, you have learned something I am sure, you got some sexual confidence. You will do better next time.

[Treasa]

This is true..All the BS lines about being happy by yourself are BS. I am sick of being single.

 

 

ES, it may be true for you so far, but that doesn't make it fact. I've been where you are, and I've been on the other side. You know I love you dearly, but I have to disagree with you on this one.

[reddragon588]

Thanks, but I've heard the, you have to be happy with yourself line, about a thousand times.

 

Now that I know what it's like to be in a relationship, I know I can't be happy alone. All it did was confirm my beliefs that I've always had. Being with somebody makes me happy.

 

I would really like to learn from my relationship, but at this point I don't know what I did wrong. All she told me was that it was her, not me. But I know that I had a huge impact because she didn't fall in love with me like she should have. I need to improve something, but I don't know what.

 

You define what makes you happy. You've clearly defined being in a relationship as what makes you happy. I've done this a lot too. I very much prefer being in a stable relationship to being single. No doubt. But I don't NEED to be in a relationship to be happy. I can still be happy by myself. This is a new development for me, something I've only learned in my most recent breakup.

 

My whole life, I've defined my happiness on my relationship status (or lack thereof). The thing is, even when you're in a relationship, you need to draw your happiness from yourself, not from the fact you're in a relationship. If you define yourself on the relationship, rather than yourself, you will become overly co-dependent. You will become boring to your partner and the relationship will become stale. It's cliche as hell, but it's true- you can't love someone else until you love yourself.

 

You really do need to work on loving yourself and being happy with yourself and what you already have. You can't be happy if you're focusing more on what you don't have than what you do. You can't control when you meet a romantic partner. You can control what you do now to make yourself happy.

 

Go out, meet new friends, pick up a new hobby, travel, read books, work out. Have fun. Become happy on your own.

 

Women can tell if you're confident. If you define your happiness and confidence on whether or not you're in a relationship, women will pick up on your unhappiness and be drawn away from you.

 

Please don't take this the wrong way as me saying you're unhappy or lacking confidence or whatever. I just get that sense from these posts. These are the same things I have done and still continue to do (although I'm working on it!) and so sharing some thoughts on it.