Just been dumped by my very first girlfriend.

[Simon Phoenix]

I have no hope of us getting back together, and I thought it was obvious from the content of my post that she was very important to me.

 

She also knows that she was my first girlfriend, and that I've been at this school a long time.

 

Frankly, I have nothing left to lose.

 

Yeah, that's not a good reason to send that. You'd be better off fading out gracefully. Nothing you can do about it now, but you have to stop with stuff like that.

[somedude81]

I just now realized that her not being in love after six months reason was bullsh*t.

 

Our first date was on May 25th. And of course I wrote a thread about it

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/396478-recently-had-fun-first-date-she-s-newly-single

 

The first night she stayed over was June 7th. At that point we were dating but not BF/GF. I got her top off and no further. Soon after that she's gone for two week vising family on the East Coast. We Skype and text, she claimed that this was a cooling off period for her, to figure out what she wants to do.

 

We didn't have sex till July 4th and that is when we officially became BF / GF.

 

So we were a real couple for July, August, September, October, November. Which is only five months. I don't think we should count June when we were just feeling each other out and she was gone for two weeks.

 

That means she was telling me, that she thinks she should have been in love with me after five months of dating, which in my mind, is just stupid. Also, the last time she was five months into a relationship was three years ago, when she was 18. I really hope that her views on love had matured since then, but I guess not.

 

Basically I think it boils down to her just feeding me a line. She should have just told me, "Sorry, I'm not attracted to you anymore. I don't know why, I'm just weird like that."

[Under The Radar]

You are rationalizing like most of us do when a relationship ends; it's normal.

 

However, if she really wasn't attracted to you anymore there is no way she'd tell you that, and if she did ...... it certainly wouldn't make you feel any better for having gotten the truth.

 

You'll never get the real reason because it probably doesn't make sense to her. Emotions are funny like that and she is young. People at that age rarely stay together and their feelings can change from day to day.

 

If you REALLY needed to send the text I understand, but DON'T send anything else. At this point it would be counterproductive and serve to create more pain.

[Simon Phoenix]

I just now realized that her not being in love after six months reason was bullsh*t.

 

Our first date was on May 25th. And of course I wrote a thread about it

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/396478-recently-had-fun-first-date-she-s-newly-single

 

The first night she stayed over was June 7th. At that point we were dating but not BF/GF. I got her top off and no further. Soon after that she's gone for two week vising family on the East Coast. We Skype and text, she claimed that this was a cooling off period for her, to figure out what she wants to do.

 

We didn't have sex till July 4th and that is when we officially became BF / GF.

 

So we were a real couple for July, August, September, October, November. Which is only five months. I don't think we should count June when we were just feeling each other out and she was gone for two weeks.

 

That means she was telling me, that she thinks she should have been in love with me after five months of dating, which in my mind, is just stupid. Also, the last time she was five months into a relationship was three years ago, when she was 18. I really hope that her views on love had matured since then, but I guess not.

 

Basically I think it boils down to her just feeding me a line. She should have just told me, "Sorry, I'm not attracted to you anymore. I don't know why, I'm just weird like that."

 

There is nothing good for you in this rabbit hole.

[somedude81]

You are rationalizing like most of us do when a relationship ends; it's normal.

 

However, if she really wasn't attracted to you anymore there is no way she'd tell you that, and if she did ...... it certainly wouldn't make you feel any better for having gotten the truth.

 

You'll never get the real reason because it probably doesn't make sense to her. Emotions are funny like that and she is young. People at that age rarely stay together and their feelings can change from day to day.

 

If you REALLY needed to send the text I understand, but DON'T send anything else. At this point it would be counterproductive and serve to create more pain.

I've already sent a couple of more texts and I'm most likely in the process of burning all bridges.

 

She's turned into a real bit*h all of a sudden and I have half of a mind to text her that, or to post it on her Facebook.

 

If it wasn't obvious, I'm pissed at what she did and is currently doing to me.

[Under The Radar]

I understand you are pissed, but you are not thinking clearly right now.

 

There is NO bridge left to burn; the relationship is over, SD!

 

Continuing to reach out will only make her resent you and cause a loss of your dignity.

 

Take it from those who have been there that NC is the way to go.

 

Whatever you have to say to her can be posted here or in the coping section.

[Simon Phoenix]

I've already sent a couple of more texts and I'm most likely in the process of burning all bridges.

 

She's turned into a real bit*h all of a sudden and I have half of a mind to text her that, or to post it on her Facebook.

 

If it wasn't obvious, I'm pissed at what she did and is currently doing to me.

 

Please dude, please leave this alone. She's being a b*tch because your contact is painting her into a corner. Please don't be that guy that keeps pestering. No one likes that guy. Plus it does you absolutely no good. You might get a temporary high out of it, but you'll feel bad, even embarrassed, about your behavior and want to apologize, which will put this cycle in play again.

 

STOP CONTACTING HER! Please listen to the collective wisdom of this board. You are going down a road to nowhere.

[somedude81]

So she responded to a text, I sent her and told me that she was feeling unsure about the relationship for a couple of weeks before I left but she didn't want to make any hasty decisions.

[somedude81]

So she didn't tell me that something was wrong because she was afraid that I would have probably temporarily suppressed the feeligns of change by reassuring her.

[Simon Phoenix]

So she responded to a text, I sent her and told me that she was feeling unsure about the relationship for a couple of weeks before I left but she didn't want to make any hasty decisions.

 

Somebody needs to tackle you because you are being really dumb right now. Please stop.

[somedude81]

I don't care, because she's finally answering my questions.

 

For one, a major issues seems to be a conversation we had a few months ago about me considering the possibility of cheating in school. That reaaaaaally bothered her. And it gave her the impression that I could cheat on her.

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't care, because she's finally answering my questions.

 

For one, a major issues seems to be a conversation we had a few months ago about me considering the possibility of cheating in school. That reaaaaaally bothered her. And it gave her the impression that I could cheat on her.

 

Jesus christ, stop.

[Ruby Slippers]

I can promise you, no reason will make you feel better. You think it will, but it doesn't.

Very true. I've had a number of relationships, and breakups still suck almost as much as they did when I was 15, 25, whenever. As much sense as you try to make of it, it never really makes sense.

 

She is trying to do the right thing. She ended it, and she has gone underground. Like it or not, this is the best way for a person to act when they've dumped you. Any prolonging by meeting with you, and giving you a chance to plead her case is more painful.

Also true. Continuing to engage with a dying relationship is like picking the scab off a nasty wound again, and again, and again. Best is to endure the injury, then retreat and let it heal.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Try to go NC. Your last message made you sound like a doormat. You certainly don't want her to pity you.

[Under The Radar]

Yep, the most valuable lessons I've ever learned in life were usually learned the hard way.

 

They say a smart man learns from his own mistakes and a wise man learns from the mistakes of others.

 

SD has not achieved that level of wisdom and experience yet.

 

I do, indeed, understand, as I have failed to embrace other people's wisdom in the past ...... even when it was offered on a silver platter for the taking.

 

It will take some time for SD's head to catch up with his heart.

[organizedchaos]

This is going to be fun. I need some popcorn.

[somedude81]

And now it's done. She answered all my questions.

 

Then we said our last goodbyes.

 

It hurts, but I can move on now.

[Under The Radar]

And now it's done. She answered all my questions.

 

Then we said our last goodbyes.

 

It hurts, but I can move on now.

 

 

I hope so.

 

However, if you dwell on all of her "answers" (which is likely) then I suspect you'll develop more questions to ask; the pattern will viciously repeat itself.

 

I implore you not to go down that road ...... it only leads to misery.

 

No more contact.

[somedude81]

I hope so.

 

However, if you dwell on all of her "answers" (which is likely) then I suspect you'll develop more questions to ask; the pattern will viciously repeat itself.

 

I implore you not to go down that road ...... it only leads to misery.

 

No more contact.

Nope. I learned a couple of things that I did wrong and I will be absolutely certain not to make the same mistakes with the next girl I date. This was very good for me and something I wanted since the first day she ended it.

 

I have no more questions.

 

And of course I will not contact her again. That was actually part of our deal, I'll leave her alone if she answered what I wanted to know.

 

It's officially over and done. I tried to leave the door open if she ever changes her mind, but I really doubt it will ever happen. It's officially the end.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Nope. I learned a couple of things that I did wrong and I will be absolutely certain not to make the same mistakes with the next girl I date. This was very good for me and something I wanted since the first day she ended it.

 

I have no more questions.

 

And of course I will not contact her again. That was actually part of our deal, I'll leave her alone if she answered what I wanted to know.

 

It's officially over and done. I tried to leave the door open if she ever changes her mind, but I really doubt it will ever happen. It's officially the end.

 

What did you do wrong if you don't mind sharing?

[somedude81]

What did you do wrong if you don't mind sharing?

Apparently the biggest issue was the thought that I could lower my morals enough to cheat in school and that I could cheat on her. That wound was festering in her for a long time.

 

I don't know if other women are as paranoid about cheating as she is, but it's something I know how to talk about now.

 

She also briefly mentioned that me putting on weight wasn't helping things, but my looks weren't really what attracted me to her in the first place. She also didn't appreciate me asking for oral when I knew she doesn't like doing it. She felt I was pressuring her.

 

I also learned that some women can completely keep their feelings to themselves and just not tell you when something is wrong. I'm sad that she kept things to her self for two weeks before I even left on my trip. I wish we had been able to talk about it.

[Simon Phoenix]

Which makes me wonder if she was just picking things she didn't like and formulating them into break-up reasons, when really, she just wanted out.

 

I'd be willing to bet that she knew that this was your first relationship and you were more invested than she was. And because of that, she realised the futility of expecting herself to become as invested as you, and so decided to end it was the better option.

 

The person that loves the least, holds the power.

 

Yeah, I think there were probably some deeper issues, or just a deeper feeling on her part that had little or nothing to do with him, at play. I just hope he sticks to his word and stops pursuing this.

[somedude81]

Ugh, now I'm starting to feel sick.

 

The fact that it's over really hit me hard.

Which makes me wonder if she was just picking things she didn't like and formulating them into break-up reasons, when really, she just wanted out.

 

I'd be willing to bet that she knew that this was your first relationship and you were more invested than she was. And because of that, she realised the futility of expecting herself to become as invested as you, and so decided to end it was the better option.

 

The person that loves the least, holds the power.

Maybe. I don't know. I can't think of any reasons why she would want an out.

 

Yes she knew this was my first relationship, though I don't understand why it would matter if I liked her more than she liked me. This isn't a competition.

 

Yup, I've always agreed with your last sentence. And I've always hold the least amount of power in all my dealings with women.

[somedude81]

There doesn't need to be a areason, that's what we're trying to tell you. The reason is, they want out. That's it.

I don't understand, but I guess that's the point. It's not supposed to be understandable.

It's an incredible amount of pressure to be with someone who loves you more than you love them. You are constantly trying to be enough for them, because their intense love makes you feel like a failure, that you can't return it. Does that make sense?

No, it doesn't.

 

How could one feel like a failure because somebody loves you a lot, even if you don't love them as much. You're making it sound like there is something to be won or lost.

[organizedchaos]

SD, you really can't think of any reasons she wanted out? She mentioned: cheating, the weight, the oral, and you were way more invested in this short term relationship than her. Add it all up and you're really that clueless?