Just been dumped by my very first girlfriend.

[somedude81]

Ever since I was 16, the only thing I wanted for Christmas was a girlfriend.

 

Now here I am Christmas day, 32 years old, and the only thing I want is my girlfriend back.

 

It sucks that it feels like things are exactly the same as last year. But it actually hurts a lot more now since there is an actual person I miss instead of just a feeling of lonliness and depression.

 

When am I going to actually be able to experience a happy holidays?

[organizedchaos]

Ever since I was 16, the only thing I wanted for Christmas was a girlfriend.

 

Now here I am Christmas day, 32 years old, and the only thing I want is my girlfriend back.

 

It sucks that it feels like things are exactly the same as last year. But it actually hurts a lot more now since there is an actual person I miss instead of just a feeling of lonliness and depression.

 

When am I going to actually be able to experience a happy holidays?

 

 

 

When you learn not to base your happiness on having a girlfriend. hOlidays are more than that.

[nessaaa]

Honestly you sound like a sucky baby. You have anger issues because your single?

You're struggling in school? LIFE. Others have it worse then you and they deal, they don't whine and complain. Its a break up, you're not starving from hunger. You wanna commit suicide, man up. You spoiled American boys I tell you.

 

Need a rude ****ing awakening.

 

 

 

That is good.

 

 

In my current university, undergrads have the option of talking to a counselor about their problems and perhaps getting a sympathy exemption for academic failure - for instance, if you are grieving or depressed, you could take the rest of the semester off and are allowed to come back next semester to retake the course. That's also part of the function of your university therapist, to help recommend you for the exemption. It would be worth enquiring about.

 

Are you currently on your last class, or is that next semester?

 

 

 

Normal symptoms of a breakup, IMO. It does get easier with time, though, if you hold tight and force yourself to focus on getting better.

[somedude81]

If all you are going to do is insult me, then don't bother posting

[julzfromsa]

What helps man is looking after yourself. FORCE yourself to go to gym or take a run. While you doing it you feel better i promise. I know its hard but we all have to come to peace with the fact that the other has left and is gone. Its difficult but think of your future and how can you improve yourself. If not for yourself than prove it to others and perhaps, even her. I know i will bump into her some day, guaranteed and when that day comes i want to look and feel great.

 

So do some training - it helps allot

Get a hectic hobby

Dont ever say no to friends when the invite you somewhere

 

HANG IN THERE

[billyjotomas]

I've never cried so much in my entire life.

 

Yes, I'm 32 and just had my first, GF, we've been together six months.

 

I'm going between feelings of extreme sadness to being numb and that I no longer have a reason to live.

 

Depression has been a constant struggle in my life, but being with her took it all away and I was truly happy. Now I just wish that fate would throw me a bone and fine a way to kill me so I don't have to live in misery.

 

It was so sudden. No problems at all, no fights.

 

I'm not going to do anything myself, but it would be great if I don't wake up tomorrow.

 

NEVER EVER SAY you have no reason to live, bro if you want keep in contact send me a private msg...your not alone.....some of the posts on here are a marvel and incredibly motivating too.

[billyjotomas]

Me too, bud. Five year relationship, one and half years of marriage. We lived good. She split, and had me served with divorce docs...

 

It's the first relationship I've had also. And it may likely be the last.

 

It IS hard. There's no easy advice I can give, other than just stay single. One man wolf pack. Women seem to just use men these days, and when we no longer suit any need for them, we are disposed of.

 

I know it sounds critical, and I'll get flak for it, but it's the truth.

 

The days of Grandma and Grandpa being married for 60 years is done...

 

 

OI lol dont be so pessimistic lol, look we all have crappy thoughts i think these things but i read yours and other peoples comments and realized we all do it....do you know my biggest worry? never finding someone as good as my ex, she was the kindest and most gentle person ive ever met...im 34 now too so now its like will i ever find someone loyal and kind like that again...but i know there must be people out there.

[Woggle]

Since you play games if you have GTA V just put it in and go on a rampage. That always relieved my stress.

[Teknoe]

Sorry for the late bump but I just saw this thread. SD, I know how it feels. Ironically, our first girlfriends have a lot in common, eerily.

 

My first (and so far, only) girlfriend was between May 2004-December 2004. We were together 7 months, just 1 month longer than yours.

 

The first 3 months were heavenly... they were after all the honeymoon period.

 

Then our relationship slowly began to crumble. It was never bad, it just wasn't very good. We became super comfortable and stopped giving an effort to understand each other more or grow together. We did our same usual things mindlessly. She'd be on yahoo chat most nights I was over while I'd watch TV or play games.

 

Eventually, she called me over in mid December of 2004 (damn almost a decade ago) to break the news to me that I already knew when she called me and said "Can you come over we have to talk."

 

I got dumped for her ex. Her ex wanted to get back and she always saw him as her first true love.

 

Take it from me, I cried a lot and really beat myself up. I kept wondering for the longest time... maybe all of 2005 really, if her ex never came back would she and I have worked out... like talking marriage and a family? In 2005 I believed yes. We could have worked out.

 

But then I had a revelation. No, we wouldn't have. There's always a good reason when a couple breaks up. One of them, or both, has stopped trying and fallen OUT of love.

 

So my best advice to you is you've had a month now to mourn and probably mope around. I'm not going to give you a firm time table... some people need longer than others... but eventually, you gotta wipe the slate clean and pick yourself back up. Maybe you already have.

 

It gets easier with time, trust me.

 

When she got married in 2010 and I saw it on FB, I smiled and was happy for her, because I had already long made my peace. I was grateful for those 7 months. No regrets. Just lessons learned.

 

May 2014 be good to you, SD. If it isn't, you do what you gotta do to make it good.

[somedude81]

Hey Teknoe, haven't seen you around much.

Sorry for the late bump but I just saw this thread. SD, I know how it feels. Ironically, our first girlfriends have a lot in common, eerily.

I don't mind the bump. There were several things on my mind and it keeps my thoughts in this thread.

 

My first (and so far, only) girlfriend was between May 2004-December 2004. We were together 7 months, just 1 month longer than yours.

 

The first 3 months were heavenly... they were after all the honeymoon period.

 

Then our relationship slowly began to crumble. It was never bad, it just wasn't very good. We became super comfortable and stopped giving an effort to understand each other more or grow together. We did our same usual things mindlessly. She'd be on yahoo chat most nights I was over while I'd watch TV or play games.

Here's difference.

 

My relationship never started to crumble. It was always good, then I come back from a trip and she dumps me.

 

We never had any problems communicating and I was always trying to understand her.

 

What really bugs me is that if I had the chance to go back in time and start over, I don't really know what to do differently.

 

Eventually, she called me over in mid December of 2004 (damn almost a decade ago) to break the news to me that I already knew when she called me and said "Can you come over we have to talk."

How long did you have an idea it was coming?

 

I got dumped for her ex. Her ex wanted to get back and she always saw him as her first true love.

 

Take it from me, I cried a lot and really beat myself up. I kept wondering for the longest time... maybe all of 2005 really, if her ex never came back would she and I have worked out... like talking marriage and a family? In 2005 I believed yes. We could have worked out.

 

But then I had a revelation. No, we wouldn't have.

That sucks that she went back to her ex.

 

But you're right, that things wouldn't have worked out as it looked like it was already falling apart.

 

There's always a good reason when a couple breaks up. One of them, or both, has stopped trying and fallen OUT of love.

Fallen out of love yes, though why it happens I don't know. Though from what I understand, my ex never fell in love with me. I'm still left with a lot of questions why things didn't work out right.

 

So my best advice to you is you've had a month now to mourn and probably mope around. I'm not going to give you a firm time table... some people need longer than others... but eventually, you gotta wipe the slate clean and pick yourself back up. Maybe you already have.

 

It gets easier with time, trust me.

I'm better but I'm still nowhere near OK. Being with her was so amazing, it's a shock to being back to single again. It's especially hard because I've wanted a GF for so long, then I finally got one and life finally had a meaning. Now that I know what it's like to be in a relationship I know that I cannot be happy by myself. Being with a woman is just so fantastic and living without one just feels numb.

When she got married in 2010 and I saw it on FB, I smiled and was happy for her, because I had already long made my peace. I was grateful for those 7 months. No regrets. Just lessons learned.

Yeah, it's always good to learn and it's good that you had made peace.

May 2014 be good to you, SD. If it isn't, you do what you gotta do to make it good.

2013 was the best year of my life, no contest. Though 2014 has the potential to be even better.

 

My goal is to take everything I learned from that relationship and apply those lessons to my future relationships.

 

Right now I'm trying to figure out why she didn't fall in love with me after six months. I recently bought the book, "The 5 Love Languages" and I've already started to figure some things out.

[xxoo]

Fallen out of love yes, though why it happens I don't know. Though from what I understand, my ex never fell in love with me. I'm still left with a lot of questions why things didn't work out right.

 

You were planning to break up with her, anyway. Why would you want her to fall in love with you if you weren't ready to make a commitment to her?

 

The lack of being "all in" and ready to commit could have affected her ability to fall in love. I can't see falling in love with someone who isn't planning a future with me, or making me a huge priority in his life.

 

It just seems like this a fun impermanent relationship for both of you, and she stopped being interested. Most smart women would need more (serious investment) to get attached and fall in love.

[Els]

You were planning to break up with her, anyway. Why would you want her to fall in love with you if you weren't ready to make a commitment to her?

 

I think SD did say that he might have considered staying.

 

That aside, I agree with most of xxoo's post; I think this R was just a 'for fun' college fling, for both of you. If there were no plans or talk of the future then that was probably what it was. And there's nothing wrong with that. Except that it's much easier to detach from that than from a LTR with a future, and that's what she did.

[somedude81]

You were planning to break up with her, anyway. Why would you want her to fall in love with you if you weren't ready to make a commitment to her?

Wow, really?

 

I appreciate people responding to my posts and participating in my threads, but it's very frustrating when people don't actually pay attention to what I write.

 

It's tiring repeating myself over and over again.

The lack of being "all in" and ready to commit could have affected her ability to fall in love. I can't see falling in love with someone who isn't planning a future with me, or making me a huge priority in his life.

I was most definitely all in. She was a huge priority in my life. And as I said many times, she believed that I liked her more than she liked me. From what I understand, she freaked out because she believed that I was more "all in" than she was.

 

Don't forget that she's only 21 and it had only been several months since she got out of a 3 year relationship. I really doubt she was thinking about marriage and kids with me.

 

It just seems like this a fun impermanent relationship for both of you, and she stopped being interested. Most smart women would need more (serious investment) to get attached and fall in love.

I have no idea what this relationship was to her or what she wanted.

 

I was just super happy to finally have a GF. I had no intention of marrying her simply because she was my first GF, but I wanted to be with her for as long as possible. Being with her was great and I really miss having her in my life.

[xxoo]

Did you tell her you loved her?

[somedude81]

I think SD did say that he might have considered staying.

This is the last time I'm going to say this.

 

Right now I don't know where I'm going to be once I graduate college later this year.

 

If I was still with her, odds are that I would stay here, and actually look for a job and apartment in the city where she was going to nursing school.

 

Going back home was nothing more than a possibility.

 

That aside, I agree with most of xxoo's post; I think this R was just a 'for fun' college fling, for both of you. If there were no plans or talk of the future then that was probably what it was. And there's nothing wrong with that. Except that it's much easier to detach from that than from a LTR with a future, and that's what she did.

As this was my first relationship I didn't know how to talk about plans or even really want to.

 

Does it even make sense to talk about marriage with somebody I've only been in a relationship for six months with? Not to mention that she's 21 and is starting nursing school which she'd be going to for the next two years.

 

I know she wants to get married and his kids down the line but that's not till several years down the line for her.

[Els]

This is the last time I'm going to say this.

 

Right now I don't know where I'm going to be once I graduate college later this year.

 

If I was still with her, odds are that I would stay here, and actually look for a job and apartment in the city where she was going to nursing school.

 

Going back home was nothing more than a possibility.

 

 

As this was my first relationship I didn't know how to talk about plans or even really want to.

 

Does it even make sense to talk about marriage with somebody I've only been in a relationship for six months with? Not to mention that she's 21 and is starting nursing school which she'd be going to for the next two years.

 

I know she wants to get married and his kids down the line but that's not till several years down the line for her.

 

For the record, I don't think she did want marriage and kids with you either. All I'm saying is that to her, at that time, it was probably just a college fling; and similarly to you as well, even if you may not realize it.

 

For instance:

 

I had no intention of marrying her simply because she was my first GF, but I wanted to be with her for as long as possible.

 

You aren't saying you have no intention of marrying her 'now' or 'soon'; you're saying you have no intention of marrying her ever, because you wanted to have other gfs in the future. That means that you believe the R inevitably has to end, yes?

 

The fact that she ended it now and not at a time that you would have liked, is simply an unfortunate byproduct of the dynamics of the R. It's a normal and healthy thing to go through in college for many folks, you just have to be able to cope with it like other college people do and move on with life.

[xxoo]

As this was my first relationship I didn't know how to talk about plans or even really want to.

 

Does it even make sense to talk about marriage with somebody I've only been in a relationship for six months with? Not to mention that she's 21 and is starting nursing school which she'd be going to for the next two years.

 

I know she wants to get married and his kids down the line but that's not till several years down the line for her.

 

It makes sense to talk about it if you are in love. I talked about it at 18 years old, even though I wasn't ready to marry, because we were planning our future together with marriage down the road.

[somedude81]

Did you tell her you loved her?

No I didn't.

 

We talked about love a few times. One evening we were watching True Blood and two of the people were saying I love you and stuff like that, and she points out to me that they had been together for a couple of weeks and that it was weird to be in love so fast. We had been together for about four months a this point. Then I asked her how do you know if you're in love. She told me that you should just know it.

 

To this day I don't know if I was in love with her or not. It's possible that I was, but now that things are over, my feelings are warped.

 

Honestly, I was waiting for her to say that she loved me. If she had, I would have said to her.

 

Virtually the whole time we were dating, I was paranoid that she would leave me. I was afraid that if I told her that I'd love her, it would chase her away. And guess what, even if I didn't say I love you, she still left saying that I liked her too much.

 

All of my experiences with girls I have cared about have turned out horribly. Despite that I've opened up myself to her more than any other girl, and this is what happened.

[somedude81]

For the record, I don't think she did want marriage and kids with you either. All I'm saying is that to her, at that time, it was probably just a college fling; and similarly to you as well, even if you may not realize it.

 

I don't really know. She's told me before that she wouldn't get serious with a guy if she didn't think things would be long term. That it wouldn't be worth it.

 

She's definitely not the type to have a fling.

 

I really wish I could talk to her and ask what she wanted this to be.

 

 

You aren't saying you have no intention of marrying her 'now' or 'soon'; you're saying you have no intention of marrying her ever, because you wanted to have other gfs in the future. That means that you believe the R inevitably has to end, yes?

Yes I did expect it to eventually end, somewhere around the two year mark. I had imagined the end being when she is finished with nursing school and moves to the East Coast of the US to work with her aunt or something like that.

 

And yes I do want to have other GF's. She was an amazing girlfriend but there were things that could be improved.

The fact that she ended it now and not at a time that you would have liked, is simply an unfortunate byproduct of the dynamics of the R. It's a normal and healthy thing to go through in college for many folks, you just have to be able to cope with it like other college people do and move on with life.

I understand that.

 

The reason that I'm taking this so hard, is that I've waited a very long time for this to happen in my life, and it was suddenly taken from me.

 

I seriously doubt I'd have the as much trouble coping in my next relationship, unless that one lasts a really long time.

[somedude81]

It makes sense to talk about it if you are in love. I talked about it at 18 years old, even though I wasn't ready to marry, because we were planning our future together with marriage down the road.

It didn't make sense for us to talk about it.

 

Despite her being 11 years younger than me, our parents are the same age. Meaning, they waited a long time to get married and have kids and they are still together.

 

Plus she knows that my parents got married and had kids very young and they are divorced.

 

Which means both of us were not going to talk about marriage and kids this early in a relationship.

[xxoo]

No I didn't.

 

We talked about love a few times. One evening we were watching True Blood and two of the people were saying I love you and stuff like that, and she points out to me that they had been together for a couple of weeks and that it was weird to be in love so fast. We had been together for about four months a this point. Then I asked her how do you know if you're in love. She told me that you should just know it.

 

To this day I don't know if I was in love with her or not. It's possible that I was, but now that things are over, my feelings are warped.

 

Honestly, I was waiting for her to say that she loved me. If she had, I would have said to her.

 

Virtually the whole time we were dating, I was paranoid that she would leave me. I was afraid that if I told her that I'd love her, it would chase her away. And guess what, even if I didn't say I love you, she still left saying that I liked her too much.

 

All of my experiences with girls I have cared about have turned out horribly. Despite that I've opened up myself to her more than any other girl, and this is what happened.

 

It sounds like you needed her more than you loved her. Your fear kept you from doing the things that might have drawn you closer, and led to love between you. Essentially, your fear kept you from getting the closeness that you want.

[somedude81]

It sounds like you needed her more than you loved her. Your fear kept you from doing the things that might have drawn you closer, and led to love between you. Essentially, your fear kept you from getting the closeness that you want.

What things might had drawn us closer?

 

We spent as much time together we could and I was always very affectionate. I loved cuddling with her and always held her hand when we were out.

 

Needed her? Yeah I guess I can say that.

 

BTW, this might sound really weird, but I actually felt like telling her that I loved her on a few occasions when we were being intimate.

[pickflicker]

What things might had drawn us closer?

 

We spent as much time together we could and I was always very affectionate. I loved cuddling with her and always held her hand when we were out.

 

Needed her? Yeah I guess I can say that.

 

BTW, this might sound really weird, but I actually felt like telling her that I loved her on a few occasions when we were being intimate.

 

You want to need someone after 20 years. Not after 6 months. That's a death knell.

 

Love them - sure! No problems. But not 'need'.

[somedude81]

You want to need someone after 20 years. Not after 6 months. That's a death knell.

 

Love them - sure! No problems. But not 'need'.

Well, not exactly needed her, but needed a GF.

 

She was an excellent fit to a missing piece of my life.

[xxoo]

What things might had drawn us closer?

 

We spent as much time together we could and I was always very affectionate. I loved cuddling with her and always held her hand when we were out.

 

Needed her? Yeah I guess I can say that.

 

BTW, this might sound really weird, but I actually felt like telling her that I loved her on a few occasions when we were being intimate.

 

Communication.

 

Talking and dreaming about a future together. Not marriage! Just plans for next summer, plans for after graduation, etc. Concrete things to show you are considering each other in your plans, because you are serious about the relationship.

 

Also that fun pillow talk where you fantasize about your lives together: what house you'll buy, where you'll live, where you'll travel, etc. It's just for fun, but it's bonding and shows that you hope for a future together.

 

Saying "I love you", for sure!