How do I get back my manhood after pleading n begging?

[Shefo]

I broke up with my girlfriend 4 months ago. I was the one who ended it. I left her because I just didnt feel like she was the one for me. We were together for about a year. She loved me to death, but I just didnt feel that way.

 

A few days after the break up it hit me.. what have Ive lost. A beautiful, kind girl who gave me everything. I felt lonely even tho I have a lot of friends and If I want to.. a lot of rebound girls. But all my focus was on her. She didnt wanna come back anymore cause she was too bitter and hurt. For me being a bad boyfriend and for me leaving her. So I went on desperation mode. Started texting and calling everyday.. the whole 9 yards. The pleading, the begging.. for 3 months! but she just couldnt forgive and she just wanted to be alone.

 

I went to so down and I really did hit rock bottom. Lost weight, stop working out and so on.. I know shes gone now and will never come back. Even tho I still wish she would. Id do anything.

 

Now here`s my problem. Ive never been like this to any woman. I´ve always been kind of a manly man. A kind of man who women have always look up to. An alfa male. Now I feel like this little bitch. This whiny little girl who`s been begging after a woman. Im kinda lost now. Not does only she think that Im this pathetic loser.. but more worse is that I feel like it too.

 

How have u guys handled this? Could really need some bro advice now!

[Blastbeat]

Bro, heaps of dudes have been there man. It does make you feel like crap after which is why you learn from it and don't behave that way in the future. I did the pleading only after my first relationship.

The way to deal with it is to just leave it at that. Focus on something else and move on. She will forget that and remember the good times, but nothing else you can say will make it better, just try to forget her, your behaviour and move on

 

It's ok, you're not the only one that does that. She just needs space.

[Blastbeat]

Just want to reinforce that last bit. Give her space. You tried. There's nothing more to say

[Shefo]

Yea Ive now realized that I shouldve applied the NC rule a loooong time ago. I just didnt know any better. The feeling of humiliating my self is killing me. Knowing that she probably thinks that Im this weak cry baby.. how could I have ever let my self go so down. This wasnt the man she fell in love with. But then again, I was very cold the whole time we were together. Very cold. So I kinda felt like I really had to show her that I want this is so bad! For her to believe me. But I went too far.. and pushed her too much, so at the end she just thought that Ive lost it and I think Ive scared her away for good.

 

How u guys have rised from this?

[flight E]

Also you may want to dig deep into why you kept begging and pleading for 3months(no offense bro I have also been there)its quite a long time to beg and plead and I believe it has nothing to do with the love you had 4 her but your ego. Finding the cause and dealing with it may set you on the right track. For the girl the only thing you can do is leave her alone with some time, she will start missing even the begging and pleading if only to stroke he ego. Just leave her alone is the best you can do and move on

[Art_Critic]

We have all done it, give yourself a break.. breakups suck and hurt.

 

Time and moving on is what you use to get your man card back.. oh and not contacting her anymore.

 

Chin up...

[elbe]

It's gonna take a long hard road of acting with a little self respect.

[nevergoodenough]

Visit my thread

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/444538-so-broken

 

I asked every question you have at this moment lol

[nevergoodenough]

I just wanted to chime in and say I chase my ex for like 2 weeks, I regret it only because it would have been more effective to just accept it and leave it up to her. With that being said, I don't regret it because I lost my manhood or self respect or whatever. I have enough respect for my self to admit what I want, to go after what I want with everything I have and know I did everything possible to show my love to them. When I'm 70, i'll rest easy knowing that I told someone I loved just how much they meant to me. This girl is always going to have a piece of my heart and I'm glad I put up a fight for her because she was worth it. If I end up alone when I'm 70, at least I know I tried. That burden is a lot easier than knowing I didn't have the heart to stop and go after someone I used to quietly sit next to and thank God that he brought into my life. It's a matter of perspective I suppose.

[Shefo]

Thanks for the feedback. For two months I kept telling her how sorry I was for being a terrible bf, telling her that ive changed and that Ive just found my feelings and that I want her back so bad.. she kept telling me to leave her alone and that she needs some time alone but I just couldn’t. Was too afraid to loose her. It was after she told me that all her feelings had become the opposite and that she thinks ive gone crazy.. was when I realized what the hell have I done. I pushed her far away.

 

Then I started apologizing for pressuring her. So at first I was apologizing for being a poor man and then I was saying how sorry I was and how wrong it was to attack her like that with messages and calls. This went on for 3 months. At some point she even said that she didn’t want to end things for good.. that she just needs time to heal the wounds. But me being a rookie when it comes to relationships just didn’t know how to act. She stopped answering my messages a long time ago but I kept going. A Man couldn’t have ****ed things up worse thanI did. I did EVERYTHING wrong. She ones adored me and now Im sure she despises me for being this obsessed maniac that I was. At first I thought this was an ego thing. I mean.. how can a man who wanted to dump a gir lfor months, a man who never told his woman pretty much anything else than “urbeautiful”, can suddenly fall in love with her after she rejects him. Its gotto be an ego thing, BUT.. now I miss her like her. Ive met other girls, even slept with one, but still cant get her off my mind. I think about her all the time.This **** is making me crazy. So it cant be an ego thing anymore.

 

I know that now I just have to leave her be and move on and start to take care of my self.Back to getting my **** together and just to be ME again. But its hard.. hardhard

You could guess from all this that im a 20 year old chump, but Im a grown 32 yr old man. And this was my first serious relationship in almost a decade. Ive been living this bachelor party life for too long. Ive been the one whove always left the girl.. as I did now, but this time I wanted her back cause I realized that I really do need a woman in my life. And she was lovely and kind. Feeling lonely right now.. a big void inside of me. I guess I deserved this. When u give ****u get ****! And that’s what happen this time.

Edited December 5, 2013 by Shefo

[nevergoodenough]

Thanks for the feedback. For two months I kept telling her how sorry I was for being aterrible bf, telling her that ive changed and that Ive just found my feelingsand that I want her back so bad.. she kept telling me to leave her alone andthat she needs some time alone but I just couldn’t. Was too afraid to looseher. It was after she told me that all her feelings had become the opposite andthat she thinks ive gone crazy.. was when I realized what the hell have I done.I pushed her far away. Then I started apologizing for pressuring her. So at first I was apologizing forbeing a poor man and then I was saying how sorry I was and how wrong it was toattack her like that with messages and calls. This went on for 3 months. Atsome point she even said that she didn’t want to end things for good.. that shejust needs time to heal the wounds. But me being a rookie when it comes torelationships just didn’t know how to act. She stopped answering my messages along time ago but I kept going. A Man couldn’t have ****ed things up worse thanI did. I did EVERYTHING wrong. She ones adored me and now Im sure she despisesme for being this obsessed maniac that I wasAt first Ithought this was an ego thing. I mean.. how can a man who wanted to dump a girlfor months, a man who never told his woman pretty much anything else than “urbeautiful”, can suddenly fall in love with her after she rejects him. Its gottobe an ego thing, BUT.. now I miss her like her. Ive met other girls, even sleptwith one, but still cant get her off my mind. I think about her all the time.This **** is making me crazy. So it cant be an ego thing anymore

I know thatnow I just have to leave her be and move on and start to take care of my self.Back to getting my **** together and just to be ME again. But its hard.. hardhard

]You couldguess from all this that im a 20 year old chump, but Im a grown 32 yr old man.And this was my first serious relationship in almost a decade. Ive been livingthis bachelor party life for too long. Ive been the one whove always left thegirl.. as I did now, but this time I wanted her back cause I realized that Ireally do need a woman in my life. And she was lovely and kind. Feeling lonelyright now.. a big void inside of me. I guess I deserved this. When u give ****u get ****! And that’s what happen this time.

 

Saying sorry for two months is like the worse thing you can do. The more that you say sorry, the more meaningless that your words become. Also, you put fuel on the fire that you were a terrible bf and then she runs away and you convince her to stay away from you. If someone tells you i'm sorry I was a terrible friend, you may or may not agree with them. If they tell you the same thing for two months you start to be like yea, maybe you were a terrible friend and I don't want to be associated with you. So instead of helping yourself, you basically make her believe she shouldn't be with you and ensure that she doesn't speak to you again. I did the SAME thing (only for two weeks but I regret it). Next time, it would be a lot easier to just say i'm sorry for any hurt I may have caused you and let them go. If you don't, you make it far less likely they come back in the future.

The only girl I have ever gotten back with in my life was one I just accepted the breakup and left her be. I think you should find comfort in the fact you tried, but you also didn't do yourself any favors by bashing yourself in the process. My attempts at recovery were more about how I felt about her, what I loved about her and how she made me feel, but I said sorry for the things I did. Neither one of these produce results though, I think its best to let that person decide.

The girl I made the thread about I love very much, I'm going to be crushed if she doesn't come back. I want to contact her and beg her every second of the day. Sometimes I see cars that look like hers outside and I want to crumble, but I have been stopping myself because thats the only hope I have of having her in my life ever. I have chased girls down before and it only results in stonewalling so I'm just going to try my best not to write her despite how badly I want to. In the future, just let it go if you want them to come back. That way, maybe they will re think their position. If you annoy them, that aren't going to come closer to you.

[Shefo]

Visit my thread

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/444538-so-broken

 

I asked every question you have at this moment lol

 

I hear ya.. thanks mate.

[nevergoodenough]

You need some space, same goes to her. She would have probably moved on, but not you (been there too). What I did in the past after regaining my sanity was to focus on my life and goals. Yeah, it seem too general, but it is the best thing I ever did in my life. More opportunities appear, and more excitement occurs. How to be manly again- get on with your life, expose yourself to new activities and people, explore the world, have more self-confidence, work out and feel good. Well, it works for me, I hope it gives you some clues on the directions you could take.

 

I think he is worried about becoming manly to her so he can be with her.

The answer to that is you don't control what people think of you.

You can be the guy who went after what he wanted or the guy that didn't have the heart to try, which do you prefer? It's all in the way you frame things. Either way, I think you should stop chasing her and saying sorry ASAP. Leaving it up to her is really all you can do.

[Shefo]

Saying sorry for two months is like the worse thing you can do. The more that you say sorry, the more meaningless that your words become. Also, you put fuel on the fire that you were a terrible bf and then she runs away and you convince her to stay away from you. If someone tells you i'm sorry I was a terrible friend, you may or may not agree with them. If they tell you the same thing for two months you start to be like yea, maybe you were a terrible friend and I don't want to be associated with you. So instead of helping yourself, you basically make her believe she shouldn't be with you and ensure that she doesn't speak to you again. I did the SAME thing (only for two weeks but I regret it). Next time, it would be a lot easier to just say i'm sorry for any hurt I may have caused you and let them go. If you don't, you make it far less likely they come back in the future.

The only girl I have ever gotten back with in my life was one I just accepted the breakup and left her be. I think you should find comfort in the fact you tried, but you also didn't do yourself any favors by bashing yourself in the process. My attempts at recovery were more about how I felt about her, what I loved about her and how she made me feel, but I said sorry for the things I did. Neither one of these produce results though, I think its best to let that person decide.

The girl I made the thread about I love very much, I'm going to be crushed if she doesn't come back. I want to contact her and beg her every second of the day. Sometimes I see cars that look like hers outside and I want to crumble, but I have been stopping myself because thats the only hope I have of having her in my life ever. I have chased girls down before and it only results in stonewalling so I'm just going to try my best not to write her despite how badly I want to. In the future, just let it go if you want them to come back. That way, maybe they will re think their position. If you annoy them, that aren't going to come closer to you.

 

I know man. Saying sorry for more than once is too much. I did for two months! For **** sake. But now I know. And now I learned. Big time! Thank you for the wise words my friend. U really helped me put things on perspective. So I plead n begged.. so what? Thats just the way I reacted.. that was who I am. I reacted the way I did. Now I can only grow with this experience and learn from this. I know now not to ever make these mistakes again. Okay I lost a good girl.. that was the cost for me to grow up and learn how to break up like an adult. Thank you once again. Ur words really helped me. Time to hit the gym, eat a proper meal (havent had one for weeks) and start enjoying life again.

[nevergoodenough]

I know man. Saying sorry for more than once is too much. I did for two months! For **** sake. But now I know. And now I learned. Big time! Thank you for the wise words my friend. U really helped me put things on perspective. So I plead n begged.. so what? Thats just the way I reacted.. that was who I am. I reacted the way I did. Now I can only grow with this experience and learn from this. I know now not to ever make these mistakes again. Okay I lost a good girl.. that was the cost for me to grow up and learn how to break up like an adult. Thank you once again. Ur words really helped me. Time to hit the gym, eat a proper meal (havent had one for weeks) and start enjoying life again.

 

I say be proud of yourself. When you are 70, you will never have to wonder what if I would have told her how I felt. Instead, you went after what you wanted. You cared about her enough to show her what she meant to you. That is nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe it didn't work, but at least you know you tried.

 

In the future though, let the person go if they want. That seems to be the best chance of having them in your life. The more you beg, the less likely the person ever speaks to you again. Try and adopt this going forward as I will be also.

[Shefo]

I started this much talked about NC a few days ago, after 2 months of apologizing my bad behaviour. For 2 months I pressured her and asked for another chance to show her that Ive changed and that Ive fallen in love with her.

 

However, in my case.. I dont think the NC rule wouldve worked from the beginning since I was the dumper. I was the bad boyfriend. She loved and adored me, but I never gave her anything. Never told her that I missed her, never made her feel loved.. all in all, I was a terrible bf the whole year we were together. To be honest it was bcause I wasnt in love with her.

 

She got so bitter and was so hurt after the break up. She really lost her self esteem and I hate my self for that. It was after the break up when I realized what a great girl she was. So I did everything I could to show her how seriously I wanted her back. But it back fired big time cause I got too emotional and agressive with my texts and calls and I only pushed her away. I couldnt just give her the space she needed and wanted to recover and heal the wounds. She asked me a million times to leave her alone, even tho at times shed say that she still cares about me and miss me.

 

I was selfish by pressuring her like I did. I was affraid that if I wouldve let her be, shed get over me and Id loose her for good. But I realized too late that it was the pressuring it self that pushed her away. Last thing she told me was that she thinks im crazy and that she doesnt want anything to do with me anymore. So I then started to apologize the pressuring it self! For another month. But she never replied again and she totally ignored me for good. I started the NC to heal my self now.

 

But what u think from all this (besides me being an *******)? Do u think she could ever come back if i just stick with the NC? She really did love me even I was so cold towards her. We had kind of a hot relationship. The sex was good and there was a spark.

 

And, what should I have done differently to get her back?

[Shefo]

I know now. I got desperate. I didnt think rationally. I just went for it.. with all I got. I dont even care about the "manhood" thing anymore. I just miss her so much and would do anything to get her back. She probably thinks that Im this narsissistic psycho by now. But all I can do is just let her be for good. I owe her that. Feels like ****..

[nevergoodenough]

I reckon the only thing you can do is leave her alone. You ballsed this up big time - time to just leave her alone now.

 

I agree, all you can do now is leave her alone.

 

What you could have done differently would be not let her go in the first place, or give her space when she needed it. When you don't give the person space, you push them away and they leave. Everything I did with my ex was done out of the fear of losing her. I did those things in hopes of keeping her and that resulted in the loss I was trying to avoid. Except it is now a lot more painful. Just know that you aren't alone. If you keep going after her though, you will only continue along a path you tried before. She thinks you are crazy, it's best to stop here. I'm sure you said everything you thought would work, might as well do something different now.

For the future

[nevergoodenough]

I know now. I got desperate. I didnt think rationally. I just went for it.. with all I got. I dont even care about the "manhood" thing anymore. I just miss her so much and would do anything to get her back. She probably thinks that Im this narsissistic psycho by now. But all I can do is just let her be for good. I owe her that. Feels like ****..

 

I just wanted to say I feel your pain except I was the one dumped and I did everything possible to show this girl that I love her and just want to be with her. After a few weeks, I realized it wasn't working and gave up. I love her more today than yesterday, and I feel like an empty shell just moving through the world. It really sucks but preventing additional damage is all I can do at this point. I still hope she will talk to me in the future, though my heart is shattered. I watch that video before I go to sleep every night

[headinthecloud]

What's done is done. You can't change the past. Try not to dwell on what happened because you had the best intentions at the time. Nothing to be ashamed of, but looking back you probably would have handled it differently knowing what you know now. Hindsight is always 20/20.

 

Learn from the experience. Reality check - you cannot change a fundamental view on life in a matter of weeks. And true love develops over time, when you can trust each other with your heart and vow to never let anyone or anything come between you - protecting each other.

 

You will love again. Be open to it. But let her go. Too much has happened.

[Shefo]

You will love again. Be open to it. But let her go. Too much has happened.

 

Thanks. This was a reality check. Too much indeed has happened. Too much negativity between us. I for sure have let her go for good now and I wont contact her anymore. Promised my self last week and I will stick with it.

 

I dont have my hopes too hi in her ever contacting me anymore, but Im the biggest optimist ull ever meet. After 3 months of harrasing her and now going NC, do u think it can have reverse effect? I mean.. She really did love me and put effort on us. Even after the break up, at times she said she misses me.. thinks about me.. she didnt want me to sleep with other women.. she said she didnt want things to end for good, but that she only needs time and space to recover and heal her wounds. Even after like 1,5 months of constant texting I told her that Ive been waiting for ever, havent moved on, havent slept with anyone and i dont want anyone.. She replied that "Go on.. be with who ever u want. Sleep with who ever u want. Just leave me alone". I asked if she really ment that, and if she wouldve answerd "yes", I mos def wouldve let her be and stop what I was doing. But she answered "I dont want to be in touch everyday.. why cant u understand that??".. After that I still sent her a few messages and that was when she snapped and told me that she doesnt want anything to do with me anymore and that she thinks im crazy.. Thats when I realized what ive done and started apologizing for another 3-4 weeks. I apologized for everything cause I felt so guilty for messing with her head so bad. But now Im over it. I dont know what got into me. I felt like I was freaking possesed or something!

 

But she really didnt wanna loose me. She just needed time and space that I didnt give her. But now I have.. for good. Reading all this, do u guys feel that there could be even the slightest possibility for her to start missing me? Even the selfish prick ive been?

 

Cause here is the problem. She knows that Ive had many women in my life. Even when we were together, I never cheated on her, never messed around with other women, but she knows there was some women trying to get to me and flirting with me n stuff. (Sorry for sounding arrogant). Even know she knows, that I have no problems in getting a new girlfriend. So she doesnt trust me. Thats why Ive been pressuring her so much. Trying to assure her, that shes the only one I want! I know she thinks, that I didnt really fall in love with her after the break up. She thinks that Ive just lost it. Like an ego thing.. couldnt handle being rejected. But thats not the case. I really do love her. And I dont know how to convince her. Ill stick with NC for sure but maybe send her a merry xmas wish. Nothing more than that. Just to show her that she is in my thoughts and that I didnt just flip out cause she rejected me when I asked her to come back. What do u think?

[skydiveaddict]

And, what should I have done differently to get her back?

 

Nothing.

She is long gone.

Edited December 9, 2013 by skydiveaddict

[Chi townD]

Yea Ive now realized that I shouldve applied the NC rule a loooong time ago. I just didnt know any better. The feeling of humiliating my self is killing me. Knowing that she probably thinks that Im this weak cry baby.. how could I have ever let my self go so down. This wasnt the man she fell in love with. But then again, I was very cold the whole time we were together. Very cold. So I kinda felt like I really had to show her that I want this is so bad! For her to believe me. But I went too far.. and pushed her too much, so at the end she just thought that Ive lost it and I think Ive scared her away for good.

 

How u guys have rised from this?

 

 

First, you need to lose the "bad boy" persona. Girls might think it's cute at first, but then it gets old and they leave. You can still be and "alpha" male and be a nice guy. One of my friends that happens to be a girl once told me that, "You date the bad boys but you marry the good guys." So, lose the bad boy image and just be yourself.

 

IS that advice going to help you with your current situation? Nope! Sorry dude, 3 months of begging and pleading and she hasn't budged....sorry dude, she's gone.

 

Time to walk away with your head held high. You made a mistake, but that's a mistake you'll have to live with. Leave her alone. Time to move on and remember how a girl needs to be treated. My father once told me that if you treat a girl with kindness, love and respect; then, you're going to get that back from her and a LOT more on top of that. You treat her the way a girl NEEDS to be treated, then she's not going anywhere.

 

Chalk this up as a learning experience.

[radiodarcy]

To be sure, it's no small task to come back from groveling after someone; only to be stonewalled time and time again. Especially as it was your decision to cut her lose to begin with.

 

Essentially, in continuing to contact her, you gave her all the power. So there was really no incentive for her to come running back into your arms. She might now that you've gone NC.

 

But I'm curious: if she did, would you be inclined to take her back and live happily ever after? Or - - and I know it may be difficult to foresee this now - - would you happily take her back, only to find yourself overcome by the same feelings of doubt that led you to dump her in the first place?

 

If it were to be the latter, then it may not be a question of you wanting her back so much as being with her gave you a semblance of the relationship you would ultimately like to have - - even if it's not with her - - if that makes sense....

 

In any case, it sounds like you're on the right track: picking up with your gym routine, going NC, getting your feelings out here on LS, etc. So if and when she does come back, you may be in a better position to decide what you want to do.

[Kizmet Fisher]

Your thread title makes it sound like after begging didn't work, you offered up your penis as penance.

 

Seriously though, I think your problem isn't just that you came crying back after you dumped her for not being the one, but also the way you were in the relationship. You admit to being cold, and although you seem to think that was the guy she fell in love with, no girl really wants a cold guy for the long haul.

 

So for future relationships, no being a cold bad boy archetype and no being a crying girl either. Aim for being a strong yet emotionally present man, that is what women want.