How do I get back my manhood after pleading n begging?

[chris21422]

Man don't worry about it. You already sent it. Just start no contact now and start the healing..

 

We all know how you feel. I know it deeply hurts and it's hard to move on especially when you love the person.

 

But there is nothing we can do now. I've been in your position 2 months ago.

 

I didn't beg though just left the hell out of her alone after break up and did my own thing even though I am hurting everyday I feel better now.

 

It just takes time. It gets better in time. Now she is the one who contacts me and I just ignore them all..

 

I know everyone here says there is no hope now since you begged and plead for 3 months..

 

That's not important at all anymore. It doesn't matter cause in months or years past she will just remember the good things that you did to her..

 

It also doesn't matter what she thinks now. This is all about you now man..

 

You need to be a man and show her you can live without her. Just remember be strong when you start No contact..

[flight E]

Yeah I agree with last poster. Seen people. Beg and grovel and got ex back and even dumped the ex who then begged and grovel but didn't get back. The thing is what's done is done. Now all you need to do is move on. No one has the crystal ball to know what will happen in future but the thing you should realise is that no contact is for you.

 

It's to clear your mind so that you won't be a bundle of emotions. It's to stabilize you and take away the cause of you being so emotive. It's not about her in anyway. When you are very emotional it affects work, life, fun, you temperament and can even get you in serious trouble because you may act irrational in things not even related to you ex. It's a subconscious thing. So If you really love urself, you must force you to go nc. Whether she comes back or not. No one can say. But this is for you and you only

Edited December 13, 2013 by flight E

[Shefo]

Man don't worry about it. You already sent it. Just start no contact now and start the healing..

 

We all know how you feel. I know it deeply hurts and it's hard to move on especially when you love the person.

 

But there is nothing we can do now. I've been in your position 2 months ago.

 

I didn't beg though just left the hell out of her alone after break up and did my own thing even though I am hurting everyday I feel better now.

 

It just takes time. It gets better in time. Now she is the one who contacts me and I just ignore them all..

 

I know everyone here says there is no hope now since you begged and plead for 3 months..

 

That's not important at all anymore. It doesn't matter cause in months or years past she will just remember the good things that you did to her..

 

It also doesn't matter what she thinks now. This is all about you now man..

 

You need to be a man and show her you can live without her. Just remember be strong when you start No contact..

 

Its funny how all my life ive been wondering how men go so crazy over a woman. How men can pretty much f*ck up their life for a moment.. over a woman. But now that Ive got my self into this position.. man.. now I know!

 

I wouldnt call me texting her as begging and pleading. I never asked her to take me back. Never cryed, never asked her more than once or twice to give me a chance to show her that Ive changed and that I really wanna be with her. But I went on auto pilot by constantly telling her how I feel about her and how Ive fallen in love with her and how I now realize what I had.. I also told her all time how sorry I was for being such an a.hole. I guess u can compare that bullsh*it to begging and pleading cause 1,5 months of pressuring her like that made her almost have a nervous breakdown and she totally cut me off. It was then when I realized that I had so low self esteem and I was so insecure that I had to keep reminding her of my feelings, cause I wanted her to forget about how bad of a boyfriend I was and at the same time I was affraid that she`ll get over me and find a new guy.

 

This all shocked me, cause ive never ever been like this to any other girl. Never been dumped.. and ive never gone after a girl who ive dumped before. Ive always been very confident and Ive always been the alfa male when it comes to dating and being in a relationship. So this experience had such an impact cause it took me 32 yrs to realize that Im so weak when it comes to being rejected. Its my own demons that Im actually fighting with now.. cause I know shes gone, but Im still an emotional wreck. The rational man inside me says, move on, shes gone.. but I feel like ME as a person is a little lost now. This once cool and steady man, became this weak wimp over one woman. Who I didnt even love. Over a woman who I wanted to dump for a long time. How is it even possible that I can fall in love after the break up? I cared about her during the relationship, but I never had strong feelings towards her. I always wanted her to end it, cause I didnt wanna hurt her by ending it. I didnt wanna see the tears.

 

So after I finally broke up with her.. I felt relieved. I said to my self "finally its over". Months of difficulties are behind and finally its over. But what made me call her after 4 days and want her back? And why did I flip out when she said she`s not ready to take me back just like that.. in a blink. Why couldnt I hold my self.. and wait for her to be ready to start a relationship with me again? Why couldnt I just let her be and give her the space and the time she needed and asked for? She`d even tell me that she misses me and she eventually probably wants to get back with me! But I still kept harrasing her and pressuring her. Thats not normal!

 

And after she told me to BACK OFF and that all her feelings are dead (after 1,5 months of texting and calling her) I started to apologize for my actions, for another 1,5 months. It was those latter 1,5 months when I got depressed, lost my appetite, stopped working out, started numbing my self with drungs and alcohol and started loosing it. I was in terrible condition until I started the NC 9 days ago.

 

I keep reminding my self many times a day and everyday, that I was the one who was unhappy with her, I was the one who ended it and I was the one who decided a long time ago that this girl isnt gonna be my wife in future. But cause Ive gone into this obsession of getting her back, Ive put her on the pedestal.. and I only remember how good she looks, how good she felt and how kind she was. I miss her very much, but at the same time I know that if she suddenly calls me now.. and Id go see her.. and after having sex and getting all comfortable again.. probably these now strong feelings of love would fade away. I know that, but Im still constantly thinking about her.. all the time. People keep telling me that cause ive been "a player" all my life and now that Ive finally let someone in my life and come close to me, I got used to being in a relationship.. and now that it ended.. I feel empty and there is a huge void in my heart. I have a lot of friends, been seeing other girls in the past few weeks and ive slept with a couple but I still keep thinking of her all the time.

 

Yesterday when I broke the NC, it felt good all day. But today I regret it. Simon was absolutely right. She doesnt give sh*t about right now and she really doesnt give a sh*t what I have to say or what I think. Im just making a fool out of my self and today Ive lost appetite again. NC really is for me like u guys say.. not for her. Im done with this so called "player" life that Ive been living all my freaking life. I need a woman in my life. Some to come home to. Maybe she wasnt the one, but being with her made me see, that being with someone is exactly what I want from life now. I guess I just have to believe that there is still someone for me.

 

But before that, I have to get a hold of my self and rebuild my self. So I can be a good man to the next one. Definitely NC with this one from now on and till forever! No merry xmas wishes, no happy new year wishes! Nothing.

 

Damn.. u guys probably think that im one f*cking lunatic who needs to seek professional help But its cool. Im doing okay inspite of all these up and down feelings. Writing here really does help! Thank u Loveshack.

[Simon Phoenix]

I appericiate the feedback. Did u read my last post? Cause I think that sometimes sh*it just need to be said.. to get them out of ur chest. This is not a game of who has the power anymore between me n her. She already far from my reach. The cat and mouse games are over. So before starting the silence forever, one must let it all out in order to start the healing process knowing that everything is now said and done. 9 days ago when I started the nc, I left things (in my head) in a miserable place. So I had to tell her yesterday what I did, for me.. not for her. I needed to get the closure. Cause I was still living in hope. Now Im not anymore. Its a wrap.

 

Yes I did. And it doesn't change anything that I wrote. You should have wrote it for yourself and kept it to yourself. The impact it has on her would be exactly the same as it was when you sent it. She doesn't care one iota about what you wrote and probably didn't read it. She saw it as another instance of you being a spineless wuss. Writing things and getting them on paper/on a computer screen can be good, but don't share that sh*t. She hasn't earned the right to know what you are thinking. Your thoughts should have value -- you shouldn't be randomly emoting like a teenage girl.

 

And I hope you are done. But usually people in your position find that "one more thing" they have to say and continue the cycle.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah I agree with last poster. Seen people. Beg and grovel and got ex back and even dumped the ex who then begged and grovel but didn't get back. The thing is what's done is done. Now all you need to do is move on. No one has the crystal ball to know what will happen in future but the thing you should realise is that no contact is for you.

 

It's to clear your mind so that you won't be a bundle of emotions. It's to stabilize you and take away the cause of you being so emotive. It's not about her in anyway. When you are very emotional it affects work, life, fun, you temperament and can even get you in serious trouble because you may act irrational in things not even related to you ex. It's a subconscious thing. So If you really love urself, you must force you to go nc. Whether she comes back or not. No one can say. But this is for you and you only

 

Sure, he should write it for him. But don't send that sh*t! People need to earn the right to know your thoughts.

[Shefo]

She hasn't earned the right to know what you are thinking. Your thoughts should have value -- you shouldn't be randomly emoting like a teenage girl.

 

And I hope you are done. But usually people in your position find that "one more thing" they have to say and continue the cycle.

 

What if I think that she had the right to know what im thinking? What if I feel so guilty of all the sh*it ive put her thru, to a point where I think she doesnt have to earn anything? She doesnt owe me anything. I owe her for making her miserable. She actually hasnt done anything wrong, to make her need to earn the right to know what Im thinking. Thats the way ive put it in my head.

 

But ur anyway right. I didnt accomplish anything by sending her a message. Other than probably make her remember that Im still hooked. Which is the reason why I regret breaking the nc.

 

BUT, again I learnt a valuable lesson. I know now how breaking the nc makes me feel. It felt useless. And for that reason I wont continue the cycle.

[Simon Phoenix]

What if I think that she had the right to know what im thinking? What if I feel so guilty of all the sh*it ive put her thru, to a point where I think she doesnt have to earn anything? She doesnt owe me anything. I owe her for making her miserable. She actually hasnt done anything wrong, to make her need to earn the right to know what Im thinking. Thats the way ive put it in my head.

 

But ur anyway right. I didnt accomplish anything by sending her a message. Other than probably make her remember that Im still hooked. Which is the reason why I regret breaking the nc.

 

BUT, again I learnt a valuable lesson. I know now how breaking the nc makes me feel. It felt useless. And for that reason I wont continue the cycle.

 

Because she has told or indicated many times that she doesn't care. So if she doesn't care, don't share. I hope you are indeed done.

[Shefo]

Because she has told or indicated many times that she doesn't care. So if she doesn't care, don't share. I hope you are indeed done.

 

Yea, I am.

 

Its only cause I never gave her anything when were together, not even one "i miss you".. so now that I went nc for a "longer" while and then broke it.. now for sure she knows that my feelings towards her are true. I didnt just flip out for 3 months trying to get her back and then all of sudden budge when I saw that she aint coming back. Now she knows that Im serious. It doesnt help me now. But sometime in the future, months from now.. she will remember that this guy really did fall in love with me. He wasnt a heartless mofo who just selfishly trying to get me back as an ego thing.

 

But yea, Im indeed done. U know I work as a sales coach. For years now. I teach sales reps how to close deals and how to make a lot of sales.. only by talking. And Ive always talked my way out of anything. And Ive always got what I want by talking. So its an act of nature. I thought I could talk my way back into her life, but that back fired. U cant fight the power of emotions. No words can fight them.

 

U are very straight with ur words and advice, and I like that. Ur not sugar coating anything and thats good man. But Im sure uve done ur share of begging and pleading at least once in ur life This was my first and for sure my last!

[Simon Phoenix]

Yea, I am.

 

Its only cause I never gave her anything when were together, not even one "i miss you".. so now that I went nc for a "longer" while and then broke it.. now for sure she knows that my feelings towards her are true. I didnt just flip out for 3 months trying to get her back and then all of sudden budge when I saw that she aint coming back. Now she knows that Im serious. It doesnt help me now. But sometime in the future, months from now.. she will remember that this guy really did fall in love with me. He wasnt a heartless mofo who just selfishly trying to get me back as an ego thing.

 

But yea, Im indeed done. U know I work as a sales coach. For years now. I teach sales reps how to close deals and how to make a lot of sales.. only by talking. And Ive always talked my way out of anything. And Ive always got what I want by talking. So its an act of nature. I thought I could talk my way back into her life, but that back fired. U cant fight the power of emotions. No words can fight them.

 

U are very straight with ur words and advice, and I like that. Ur not sugar coating anything and thats good man. But Im sure uve done ur share of begging and pleading at least once in ur life This was my first and for sure my last!

 

I did when I was 18 and made a complete ass out of myself. I vowed to never do it again and I haven't. But just because I was young and stupid doesn't mean that I want others to follow in those shoes.

 

But yeah, love is not a sales call. It's feelings, and feelings aren't logical. You can't manipulate someone into feeling something for you, and even if you could, would you really want to? Honestly, the more you try to "sell" and use logic, the more scrambled your brain becomes. Because feelings don't work that way. You've been trying to divide by zero for four months now and you are finally realizing how hopeless an enterprise that is.

 

But any time you wonder why your "well thought-out" arguments aren't working, consider how you are when someone tries to go overboard in convincing you of something. If you are like most people, the more someone tries to convince you that they are right and you are wrong, the more you dig in your heels and stick with your original viewpoint. But if they said "hey, I really think Die Hard is better than Die Hard 2" and left it at that, you'd be more willing to watch Die Hard with an open mind.

 

People are more likely to stick to their guns when confronted and more likely to consider other options when their minds are allowed to explore. You tried to force your sales pitch on to her and it backfired tremendously. Next time (unfortunately there probably will be one) you'll use what you learned here and it will be better. Best of luck.

[Shefo]

Sorry for upping an old topic. Found this online from another site and this really helped me realize things and move on:

 

"

A common reason that young men find it hard to get over women is because they mistake love and attachment. Attachment is created by the highs and lows of drama and fighting. It is characterized by insecurity, immaturity and jealousy but also high levels of passion. A kind of bi-polar relationship.

These attachment relationships do not demonstrate the characteristics of genuine love such as generosity, selflessness and gratitude.

It's so easy to get sucked in by these relationships and harder to get over them. The high levels of passion and drama make the relationship seem so important. But this is importance that revolves around negative emotions. I've made this mistake before.

You need to identify the fact that you have an emotional subconscious attachment. High drama is exciting and addictive. It makes you feel like you are living in a soap opera. But it's not the basis for a healthy relationship. Once you identify this and you can use your rational and logic to see that this attachment is a bad idea you can move forward and you can get over your ex."

 

This was an important thing for me to understand, cause Ive been stuggling with insomnia and thats something new to me. The days before I broke nc, I was already sleeping better but immediately after breaking it, I got back to having insomnia.

[WhoreyBull]

First of all, sorry.

Second, stop trying to fit into some macho mould. It is pretty insulting to hear someone say they feel like a "little girl" for wanting something good they let go back. You are not less of a man, you are just a human. You made a snap decision and are hurt by what you did. And it is probably all the more devistating that you are the one that did this.

Feel the pain, grow from it. It hurts now, but it will get better.

You never did this sort of thing for any other girl, now you know you have a capacity for caring you didn't know before. She may be lost to you but somewhere out there is another girl you will want to call everyday just to hear her voice.

It hurts, but it gets better.

But please watch your language, from the original post it feels like you are lording yourself over women. Which may, it itself, be a coping mechanism.

[Shefo]

First of all, sorry.

Second, stop trying to fit into some macho mould. It is pretty insulting to hear someone say they feel like a "little girl" for wanting something good they let go back. You are not less of a man, you are just a human. You made a snap decision and are hurt by what you did. And it is probably all the more devistating that you are the one that did this.

Feel the pain, grow from it. It hurts now, but it will get better.

You never did this sort of thing for any other girl, now you know you have a capacity for caring you didn't know before. She may be lost to you but somewhere out there is another girl you will want to call everyday just to hear her voice.

It hurts, but it gets better.

But please watch your language, from the original post it feels like you are lording yourself over women. Which may, it itself, be a coping mechanism.

 

I hear ya. Actually I said I feel like a little girl for the way I reacted not for regreting and wanting her back. Im ashamed and embarrassed for behaving the way I did post break up, but Im definitely not ashamed and embarrassed for fighting to get her back. Just the way of doing it..

 

I guess all guys have at least once (or more) did the begging and pleading and not knowing how to let go.. I did now, just at the age of 32, not at 16 like normal people.

 

Im definitely feeling the pain and Ive grown in the past 3 months more than I have in the past 3 years. This was an eye opening experience.

 

I dont think im lording my self over anyone. I dont wanna play the victim game here, but my first real relationship was 10 years ago and it ended in a very ugly way. I end up hurting my self big time and I got literally dumped the **** out of me. So after that Ive been having a hard time letting anyone come close to me. Maybe thats why Ive been hopping from girl to girl.. and never settle down. And now that I did let someone come in my life and then let them go.. I realized that being with someone is way better than having meaningless one timers with different women. I wish this one would see that, but its too late. Although I see now, that this probably was all just me being attached to her, not being in love with her. So she maybe did a favour both to her and to me by not taking me back.

 

But damn do I feel now like having a girlfriend! I would treat her like a woman needs to be treated. Im all ready to be a Man now. Finally.