Am I Beyond Hope - Is It Over for Me?

[jaguar]

I had a good childhood, so let's get that out of the way.

 

I grew up in a conservative place, I didn't date, I didn't have sex.

 

But of course I had access to the internet. And porn.

 

I had manboobs. Well they are smaller now since I lost weight and I am now officially slightly underweight.

 

Because of my manboobs, I used to fantasise about being a woman.

 

A few years ago, I had an encounter with a man. Didn't particularly enjoy it After that, I have done some internet chatting with guys but nothing more. Sometimes reality is not as good as fantasy. I am not particularly physically attracted to men, that's my problem.

 

I also slept with prostitutes on a trip to a foreign country.

 

So now I am in a foreign country where I have opportunities to date, I want to now date women which I wasn't able to do in my town.

 

So is this beyond hope? If I am totally honest with any woman, I guess it would be a huge problem for me.

 

I don't know why I did those things, I was so desperate and confused about what I wanted. I think I am a nice guy but I am socially awkward and in my hometown, there was no way to be open with women. In some ways, my hometown destroyed my life. I am now close to 30 and I still don't have a girlfriend.

[jaguar]

Ok so I guess nobody has an answer?

[Grumpybutfun]

jaguar:

You seem very conflicted about who you are. I would suggest you get into therapy and try to work out your identity and self-esteem issues before trying to date. You need to understand yourself and what you want in life before you can have a meaningful relationships with someone else. No one can give you an answer to what you are asking because you are confused about what you are asking.

Best,

Grumps

[jaguar]

No, I am clear about what I want now. I just needed a change of place.

 

But I just want to know if any woman would be open minded enough to accept all this in the past.

[winny]

Would you accept such things in a woman?

If yes, then some girl will do too

Good luck!

[FitChick]

I wouldn't volunteer that information to someone you are casually dating. When you have a real girlfriend and she asks, then you could say you were "bi-curious" and experimented like many of your friends did when they were young.

[Grumpybutfun]

 

I don't know why I did those things, I was so desperate and confused about what I wanted.

 

Until you figure out the whys, you do not know yourself. Until you come to terms with the whys, you do not have your own identity. Get a therapist and work on figuring out why and then get guidance In figuring out who you are. It sounds as though you can't accept what you did, and if you have no confidence or answers to why you did certain things, how can you expect a woman to accept it and understand it? I still stand by my initial thought...you need to figure out who you are and what you believe in before you try to seek out a girlfriend. You also need to gain self-esteem and confidence in who you are as a person. Right now, if you pursue a girl she will not be getting a whole person because you have some things to work on to be healthy and happy with yourself. The place won't matter if you are the same person who has doubts about yourself.

 

G

[crederer]

The fact you had man boobs at some point in your life has no bearing on your sexuality. I feel you're using that as an evasive move.

 

It's ok to be confused. Plenty of people feel the same.

[jaguar]

I wouldn't volunteer that information to someone you are casually dating. When you have a real girlfriend and she asks, then you could say you were "bi-curious" and experimented like many of your friends did when they were young.

 

That is true, I am not going to voluteer the information. But in the heat of the moment, if it slips with a girl I love, I am just worried.

[Delilah1623]

Wherever you go, there you are.

[jordan2377]

I had a good childhood, so let's get that out of the way.

 

I grew up in a conservative place, I didn't date, I didn't have sex.

 

But of course I had access to the internet. And porn.

 

I had manboobs. Well they are smaller now since I lost weight and I am now officially slightly underweight.

 

Because of my manboobs, I used to fantasise about being a woman.

 

A few years ago, I had an encounter with a man. Didn't particularly enjoy it After that, I have done some internet chatting with guys but nothing more. Sometimes reality is not as good as fantasy. I am not particularly physically attracted to men, that's my problem.

 

I also slept with prostitutes on a trip to a foreign country.

 

So now I am in a foreign country where I have opportunities to date, I want to now date women which I wasn't able to do in my town.

 

So is this beyond hope? If I am totally honest with any woman, I guess it would be a huge problem for me.

 

I don't know why I did those things, I was so desperate and confused about what I wanted. I think I am a nice guy but I am socially awkward and in my hometown, there was no way to be open with women. In some ways, my hometown destroyed my life. I am now close to 30 and I still don't have a girlfriend.

 

I came across an article in some random 'real life stories' magazine last year where a guy who was 35 years old got a random add by a young, pretty girl who was around 21 years of age on Facebook. He didn't even have his profile picture up, it was one of Homer Simpson.

 

She started sending him messages and he had never had a girlfriend and never even kissed a woman in his life. They became friends and eventually became a couple. I wish I had saved that article and showed it online because it truly was pretty amazing.

 

The guy was certified bad looking, fat, cross eyed and had a below average paying job. With stories like this I don't think it is wise to ever truly give up hope. Luck may strike one day, before you even know it.