1 day nc with pregnant ex gf... 😒

[Insanityisdoingsame]

I was with my ex for 2 1/2 years. Going to be honest at the 1 year mark I cheated on her with a coworker. She found out and we stayed together for another year and half. During this time she hooked up with a classmate out of revenge and I have forgiven her for this. She on the other hand brings up what i did every other day for past year and half.

 

We got into a big argument a month ago and she left me a month ago. Thing is I tried to do NC but she still text me. And I love this girl to death I would do anything for her. In last year I did everything i could to atone for what I have done. Taking her to vegas , dinners, concerts , you name it. But I guess it wasn't enough.

 

When she broke up with me she said this was part of her plan for last year and a half to string me along and break my ❤️ Like i did to her. This is not fair though cause she already got her revenge cheating ?.

 

Even though she says these things she would still hit me up and say "i miss u" " i love u" etc. She would let me take her out to dinner, movies etc while we are broken up. But then after we are done chilling, she would start acting real nasty. Say things to me say like "i don't enjoy your company" "i don't love u" .

 

We been having sex for a month post break up. She has not had her period in 2 months. So we got a pregnancy test . She took it and it came out positive. She now wants to have a abortion and I really dont want her to. I still love her and am working hard to better myself. I was unemployed for 3 months , my car broke down and I had to move back home. Now I have been working for 2 months and have over 3,000$ saved about to buy a car and move out again .

I am lost and confused at what I should do it has been 1 day nc. Last night we found out she was pregnant.

 

1 more things a year ago she was pregnant. I should have married her but my family would not support me marrying her. She got a abortion and It was the biggest mistake of my life.

[TylerDurdenn]

Sorry but she sounds absolutely nuts, messing with your head just to get you back then having abortions like it's as easy as blowing your nose.

 

Good luck.

[Meadowgreen]

I was with my ex for 2 1/2 years. Going to be honest at the 1 year mark I cheated on her with a coworker. She found out and we stayed together for another year and half. During this time she hooked up with a classmate out of revenge and I have forgiven her for this. She on the other hand brings up what i did every other day for past year and half.

 

We got into a big argument a month ago and she left me a month ago. Thing is I tried to do NC but she still text me. And I love this girl to death I would do anything for her. In last year I did everything i could to atone for what I have done. Taking her to vegas , dinners, concerts , you name it. But I guess it wasn't enough.

 

When she broke up with me she said this was part of her plan for last year and a half to string me along and break my ❤️ Like i did to her. This is not fair though cause she already got her revenge cheating ?.

 

Even though she says these things she would still hit me up and say "i miss u" " i love u" etc. She would let me take her out to dinner, movies etc while we are broken up. But then after we are done chilling, she would start acting real nasty. Say things to me say like "i don't enjoy your company" "i don't love u" .

 

We been having sex for a month post break up. She has not had her period in 2 months. So we got a pregnancy test . She took it and it came out positive. She now wants to have a abortion and I really dont want her to. I still love her and am working hard to better myself. I was unemployed for 3 months , my car broke down and I had to move back home. Now I have been working for 2 months and have over 3,000$ saved about to buy a car and move out again .

I am lost and confused at what I should do it has been 1 day nc. Last night we found out she was pregnant.

 

1 more things a year ago she was pregnant. I should have married her but my family would not support me marrying her. She got a abortion and It was the biggest mistake of my life.

 

Hi there,

 

This is a terrible situation for a person to be in and I can only say how sorry I am that you're experiencing this. I'm also sorry for the following slice of tough love I'm about to send your way.

 

While I'm frankly ****ed off to hear yet ANOTHER story of irresponsible, damaged people recklessly getting pregnant with zero thought for that baby's welfare, I'm not about to get on my high horse either. What's done is done.

 

That said, you and your ex have been incredibly cruel to one another throughout the relationship - power plays, deceit, manipulation (more so her, from what you've told us). You say you love her, but I struggle to see anything redeeming about this 'relationship' you guys have. I can't blame your family for being resistant to the idea of marrying this girl either. She sounds incredibly messed up and has obviously undergone some emotional trauma in her past to torment you the way she has.

 

I know you'll hate to read this, but she as the mother has the right to decide what to do with her own body. There are positives and negatives to both sides of this argument depending on your own personal stance on abortion, but I will say that if she does have this baby, the pair of you have to grow the **** up and decide what you're doing moving forward. This hate-**** arrangement just isn't going to fly. You either start treating one another with respect and give that child a good example of a healthy relationship, or you SHUT IT DOWN and raise him/her as responsible single parents.

 

This is a tragic situation, whatever way you look at it. She has the baby, guaranteed that poor little soul will not get the love and stability it deserves unless you BOTH make a commitment to change. She has the abortion, that's a heavy heartache you have to live with forever. I really hope you can work this out either way.

[Insanityisdoingsame]

Ya it seams like she is crazy but I dont blame her at all. I was the one who messed everything up a year ago. I have nothing but love for this woman. I blame myself for hurting her and the cause of all of this ?

[Meadowgreen]

Ya it seams like she is crazy but I dont blame her at all. I was the one who messed everything up a year ago. I have nothing but love for this woman. I blame myself for hurting her and the cause of all of this ?

 

If you made the effort to apologise to her and prove you would be true to her from now on, then NO, two wrongs do not make a right and what she did was incredibly cruel and spiteful. It sounds like you've put her on a pedestal, frankly, and she knows it. You can't have an equal relationship on these grounds.

[Insanityisdoingsame]

I am only 24 years old and if this happens it will be the second time the woman I love will have a abortion . I am willing to commit and do whatever it takes. But I cant be the only one who is trying to make it work. Right now she says she will never get back with me, doesn't miss me, and does not love me. She points out my flaws constantly. If this was the case then why text me that she misses me????I am trying so hard though, and its tough. If she gets this abortion again it will absolutely destroy me inside. I am so scared .

[d0nnivain]

You don't get the luxury of NC when there is a child involved. You do get to have additional contact with lawyers.

 

 

First, make sure this baby is yours. Now figure out custody, child support etc. This woman -- the mother of your child -- is going to be in your life forever. You need to start learning how to manage that.

[AnyaNova]

I was with my ex for 2 1/2 years. Going to be honest at the 1 year mark I cheated on her with a coworker. She found out and we stayed together for another year and half. During this time she hooked up with a classmate out of revenge and I have forgiven her for this. She on the other hand brings up what i did every other day for past year and half.

 

We got into a big argument a month ago and she left me a month ago. Thing is I tried to do NC but she still text me. And I love this girl to death I would do anything for her. In last year I did everything i could to atone for what I have done. Taking her to vegas , dinners, concerts , you name it. But I guess it wasn't enough.

 

When she broke up with me she said this was part of her plan for last year and a half to string me along and break my ❤️ Like i did to her. This is not fair though cause she already got her revenge cheating ?.

 

Even though she says these things she would still hit me up and say "i miss u" " i love u" etc. She would let me take her out to dinner, movies etc while we are broken up. But then after we are done chilling, she would start acting real nasty. Say things to me say like "i don't enjoy your company" "i don't love u" .

 

We been having sex for a month post break up. She has not had her period in 2 months. So we got a pregnancy test . She took it and it came out positive. She now wants to have a abortion and I really dont want her to. I still love her and am working hard to better myself. I was unemployed for 3 months , my car broke down and I had to move back home. Now I have been working for 2 months and have over 3,000$ saved about to buy a car and move out again .

I am lost and confused at what I should do it has been 1 day nc. Last night we found out she was pregnant.

 

1 more things a year ago she was pregnant. I should have married her but my family would not support me marrying her. She got a abortion and It was the biggest mistake of my life.

 

It must be so difficult with children involved. Unfortunately, you are powerless in the decision over whether she has an abortion or not. Given her previous actions, it may well be that she chooses to have one because she knows it will hurt you.

 

I am very sorry for that.

 

You lose not just her, but the children you would have had with her as well.

 

I am sorry for your loss, and hope it doesn't become losses!

[seekingpeaceinlove]

You're absolutely correct...It takes two willing partners to make a relationship work. Why would you want to bring a child into an unstable and unhealthy relationship? Why would you want that for your child?

 

Look, this is a stressful and scary situation for both you and your ex but I would be willing to bet that if your ex did go through with the pregnancy you would be looking at at least 18 years of drama hell with your ex. (custody battles, child support issues, ex using kid as pawn, etc.)

 

Take a deep breath. Both you and your ex need to mature before you have a healthy & successful relationship.....so ... a baby?

 

I think you dodged another bullet here.

 

 

I am only 24 years old and if this happens it will be the second time the woman I love will have a abortion . I am willing to commit and do whatever it takes. But I cant be the only one who is trying to make it work. Right now she says she will never get back with me, doesn't miss me, and does not love me. She points out my flaws constantly. If this was the case then why text me that she misses me????I am trying so hard though, and its tough. If she gets this abortion again it will absolutely destroy me inside. I am so scared .

[strive]

OP, you should stop and walk away. Please. Do not bring a child into this world with that kind of dysfunctional relationship.

 

Our story is quite similar. Let me tell you my story because this could be your future with her:

 

I was in the same boat, I got pregnant by my ex and he wouldn't let me abort. I fought against it, but everyone said not to. We're catholics and it's very frowned upon. He promised he'd do everything to make it up to me "even if I hated him my whole life."

 

When the baby was born, there was of course post partum depression (that I never knew I had at the time), and there were problems with living arrangements, and above all, there was resentment at the very core or our relationship.

 

I resented him. I hated him. Completely and utterly. And yet for the child, I had to BRAINWASH myself to accept that it was my life and I can be miserable until I die or try to find happiness wherever I can.

 

The thing is, although I loved him then, I was nasty to him and never held back whenever I wanted to say something hurtful. I constantly brought up how much I resented him for not giving me my own choice what to do with my body and future. It wore him down eventually.

 

It took 10 years, half of it was with me begging him to let me go and him making promises he'd do everything to make me happy. But eventually enough is enough and he left because he thought the grass could be greener on the other side with another girl.

 

So what I'm trying to say is that:

 

1) No good relationship will come out of one rooted in hurt and resentment. You might stay together like us for 10 years, or longer 20, 30. But it will end eventually, make no mistake about it.

 

2) No matter how much you say that you'll love her and support her, nobody can (and should) take that kind of abuse forever. One day you'll get tired. One day it'll be too much. And you'll have every right to want out.

 

So the question is, do you really want to bring a child into a world where her parents are fighting all the time? Do you want a child who would someday have a broken family? Think of the future because bringing a child in this world is a lifelong commitment. There's no going back.

[Insanityisdoingsame]

Tonight as i was getting iff work she facetime called me. We had a short conversation cause i said my phone was going to die. But she seamed friendly.

 

After the facetime she text me this "No contact is nice. I always get a sick feeling when you text me or I talk to you"

 

I should not have but i replied "U make me sick when u say these things. Thank god for nc i dont have to deal with someone who goes out of their way to say hurtful things. Bye"

 

 

But seriously though. Wtf!?!? I was feeling down today at work. It took all day to start feeling better. Then when Im omw home she was the one who facetimed me. And then she text me that ?. I was hungry Omw home but now I am sick to my stomach and cant even eat ?.

[Insanityisdoingsame]

After texting me that she has been constantly texting me and facetimed me a few times. She said she was not going to apologize because she was just "saying how she feels"

 

Idk, but it seams kinda f"ed up. I constantly ask her to please stop talking to me if she is going to be this way. She continues to act this way. Everytime i tell her how i feel and how i dont like her doing this, or to leave me alone . She says block my number. I know i should but i dont wanna block her. She has my kid right now and It pains me to have to block her.

 

 

Why is she doing this?!?!?

[Insanityisdoingsame]

OP, you should stop and walk away. Please. Do not bring a child into this world with that kind of dysfunctional relationship.

 

Our story is quite similar. Let me tell you my story because this could be your future with her:

 

I was in the same boat, I got pregnant by my ex and he wouldn't let me abort. I fought against it, but everyone said not to. We're catholics and it's very frowned upon. He promised he'd do everything to make it up to me "even if I hated him my whole life."

 

When the baby was born, there was of course post partum depression (that I never knew I had at the time), and there were problems with living arrangements, and above all, there was resentment at the very core or our relationship.

 

I resented him. I hated him. Completely and utterly. And yet for the child, I had to BRAINWASH myself to accept that it was my life and I can be miserable until I die or try to find happiness wherever I can.

 

The thing is, although I loved him then, I was nasty to him and never held back whenever I wanted to say something hurtful. I constantly brought up how much I resented him for not giving me my own choice what to do with my body and future. It wore him down eventually.

 

It took 10 years, half of it was with me begging him to let me go and him making promises he'd do everything to make me happy. But eventually enough is enough and he left because he thought the grass could be greener on the other side with another girl.

 

So what I'm trying to say is that:

 

1) No good relationship will come out of one rooted in hurt and resentment. You might stay together like us for 10 years, or longer 20, 30. But it will end eventually, make no mistake about it.

 

2) No matter how much you say that you'll love her and support her, nobody can (and should) take that kind of abuse forever. One day you'll get tired. One day it'll be too much. And you'll have every right to want out.

 

So the question is, do you really want to bring a child into a world where her parents are fighting all the time? Do you want a child who would someday have a broken family? Think of the future because bringing a child in this world is a lifelong commitment. There's no going back.

 

Scroll down and read what happened after i got off work please miss. Did you do this to the father of your child also?

 

And if so why!?

 

Also u said 5/10 years was u being rude/mean/abusive to him while he was working hard to make you guys a good happy family. The other 5 years u guys where ok ? But he got sick of how you treated him for first 5 years so he left?

 

Also do you miss him now, is that why your on Loveshack . And do you have any remorse for how you treated him?

 

Sorry for asking these questions if they are too personal for you. I just really want to know . Thank you

Edited December 6, 2013 by Insanityisdoingsame
More stuff to say

[strive]

Hi OP, it's ok to ask. I'll answer the best I can. The thing here is me and your ex may have similar sources of anger (specifically resentment) which is why we act the way we act, but you and my ex are different people. My reactions to your questions may not reflect your ex's because of the difference in circumstances (you just starting to think of building a family, me having lived 10 years of it). But if you're curious, here are my answers:

 

1) No I didn't do what your ex did. Once we called it quits, it was complete NC for me. Well, technically LC because we talk about our child, but neither he nor I ever bring up the time we were together. My messages are always straight to the point and businesslike.

 

2) It was not the first 5 years vs the last 5 years. More like half the time we were happy and half the time it was bad. When we were happy we were truly happy, but when it got bad it was really bad. All this during the course of 10 years like a roller coaster. There was true love there, but remember it was all rooted in resentment so it's like poison that was slowly killing the relationship.

 

Yes he worked hard for us, but technically our basic necessities (food/shelter) were provided by his family. In other words, he worked hard to buy us superficial things. He worked hard to buy our (superficial) happiness, which, at the end of the relationship he admitted to resenting that he kept buying us things while he never got anything for himself. How was I to know he was keeping count when all along I thought those gifts came straight from the heart? So it was really doomed anyway.

 

I don't actually know the exact reason why he left. All he said was "he needed to find himself" (which I think is a complete bull for someone his age). But from what I pieced together it was a combination of GIGS, an OW, never being able to make the transition from bachelorhood to family man, and "getting tired of trying to make it work." If you're curious, yes I did try to make it work too. But he was doing it his way, and I was doing it my way. Both our "ways" were obviously wrong since we're broken up now.

 

3) No I don't miss him. In fact, I say good riddance. If he's still the same person he was when he left then I can say I'm going to be happy if I never see him again. I came to LS because I needed to learn NC. I first heard of it from this website Breakup Recovery Guide and it led me here.

 

I learned a lot from LS, one of the most important is how I treated my ex badly. Yes, I feel remorse from it, but more than that I learned something about myself. I learned that I don't know how to forgive, which is why I treated him badly. This forgiveness thing is what I'm trying to learn now.

 

Remember, he isn't without faults just as you are. You made bad decisions like cheating on your ex, and he never gave me the freedom I had been begging for years. To be honest, your ex says worse things than what I used to say. She says 'you make me sick' my lines were more like 'why are you doing this to me?' But the effect is the same, it's still verbal abuse. Which is why whenever I see posters here on LS taking verbal abuse, I'm always one of those who say "nobody should endure something like that."

 

I really have no concrete advice on what you should do next. I'm just here to share my story to tell you that there is proof that any RS built on resentment will never last. No matter how true your intentions are today, it won't matter if your ex can't ever forgive you. And that whatever you say/feel today, whatever promises you make to her, you will definitely change someday.

 

So please, step back and clear your head because you are very confused right now. Don't make final decisions especially when your emotions are on a roller coaster.

[strive]

Also, I think the crucial difference is that we're both dumpees. Your ex is riding a dumper's high of being able to control and manipulate your emotions. Which is why all her messages affect you possibly twice as much.

 

Remember: complete NC. You aren't doing it! NC is for YOU. But since there is a child on the line, you'd have to go LC. In LC, the only topic should be the welfare of the child.

[conf]

To be honest, your ex says worse things than what I used to say. She says 'you make me sick' my lines were more like 'why are you doing this to me?' But the effect is the same, it's still verbal abuse.

 

OMFG!!! Is it verbal abuse to say 'why are you doing this to me?' to someone who forces you to keep a baby and doesnt respect your decisions?!?!?!