confused

[Renee]

I have been dating a guy for 6 months. The relationship has been great. We speak daily on the phone about everything under the sun. The problem is that this guy has a lot of baggage and guilt over past failed relationships.

 

He admits that he feels much more than friendship for me but is just too afraid of the possibility of severing the great friendship we have by staying in the relationship. He's even stated that he can't see being without me 10 years down the road. That he cares more for me than any woman he's ever cared about - has more respect and admiration for me, etc.

 

I obviously care about him much more than just friends and when we are together it is apparent that he feels the same way. He constantly does things to touch my hands, brush past me, etc. I've tried to explain to him that we can't go back to being just friends - there is way too much attraction between us and it would mean not seeing each other. It's a ridiculous thought.

 

I finally sat down and wrote him a letter stating exactly how I felt about him - that I was falling in love with him, I felt like we had something very special. I also told him that he's lying to himself and me if he says he feels any differently. His reply, 2 days later, was that he needed time to sort through his emotions. He felt a lot of pressure in a lot of areas in his life and just needed time to make sure of how he felt. I told him that I respected him for that - taking time to make sure one way or the other - I just had to do what was best for me and I had to get off the emotional roller coaster of one minute he can't stand to be without me and the next he was crawling into a box and shutting me out.

 

I feel like I made the right decision for myself but now I'm feeling empty and alone - he was like a best friend and now it's not there. Do you think there's hope for this relationship or whether he just will run from it by being afraid to progress to the next level?

 

Thanks guys!

[Tony T]

A good part of love is timing. I think people do not do anything in a sincere way unless they are absolutely ready.

 

I'm sure that he loves you and thinks the world of you. But, as a guy, I can tell you we have to be comfortable with so many things aside from the lady before we make a major committment to her.

 

Many men consider this step to be a precursor to marriage...or as serious as marriage itself. If they don't feel like they've done everything they want to do, if they don't feel like they've dated everyone they've wanted to date, if they don't feel comfortable about where they are financially, in their career, schooling, etc., then they just aren't going to make a move.

 

Yes, there's a lot of hope for this. But things aren't going to happen by you pressing. It has to happen in his own good time. The timing wasn't right at this point. Leave him alone and go on with your life. Sure it's lonely and empty...been there many times myself. But it does get better and life goes on.

 

Somehow, I've got to believe this all eventually works out in the wash, as painful as the detergent and bleach can be.