jc63 Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 I want to call or at least text her. I've had a month and a week to work on myself and I think that I'm doing okay. However, I'm still dying without her and NC just seems like it's making her more and more distant. She finalized her nursing trip to Florida today and put it on Facebook. It hurts to think that she's excited to spend 3 months so far away, but she does deserve it. Some people on here have told me that this could be a blessing in disguise and possibly the best thing that ever happened to us, but I'm not sure. How long does the "cooling off" period last? By the time she gets back in April, we will have been separated for 6 months. We were supposed to have our first MC session today, but she couldn't come because of a death in the family and she's been with family. I completely understand but she leaves in early Jan. and we're losing time. How do I make her see that I DON'T want our old life back and I don't want things to be back to normal because normal clearly wasn't working? I want her to see that I can give her a new life and marriage!!! Doesn't she want that? Also, I know that if she spent half the time alone that I have over the past month, she'd probably would be trying harder. Her friends are keeping her so busy by going out and partying that she's not having time to think. I also found out that a lot of her family is kind of against her in this situation but I don't know if she's listening to them or cares. I need to contact her to let her know what time our appointment is next week. Should I call?? (I want to) Or should I just text her… It's hard to try the "180s" when you still want to save your marriage. I don't know if NC is making her wonder about me or if she just doesn't give a ****. How can you make someone want you if you look like you have no interest in them? It doesn't seem possible and I want to save my marriage!!! Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 Just simply text her and tell her the appointment time. JC - it's time you make some friends Hun, the 180 isn't about you being alone, it's about you growing as a person. It's not about making someone else jealous or about messing around with the opposite sex, it's about you being okay in the end if things don't work out. (Not that you were doing any of that, but you have to understand that the 180 gets interpreted various ways...some straight from the heart...others...not so much.) Sure she is keeping busy, you should too, she's growing as a person and fulfilling something in her life and you should too. Who were you before you met her, what attracted her to you in the first place? If you want to attract her again, you give her this time to do this nursing trip and work on you....and that's not a sullen man who wants to save his marriage, it's getting back to the man she fell in love with and one who supports her in what she is doing on the nursing thing (which you are...kudos on that one). When we don't encourage our spouses to grow, we lose them...this is why you need to let her go and do this. But also, she has to give you that respect as well..check in every once in a while, but no pressure. The 180 is about growing, NC is about getting over and being done with. The thing is, both are about not begging, both are about getting on with YOUR life, even when you know where your heart is. Both make YOU heal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elbe Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 If you were going to try and reconcile, now would be a decent time to do that. However, if/when it blow up in your face don't blame me. I think couples break up for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jc63 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Share Posted December 6, 2013 Elbe - We're trying to reconcile with MC. I like to think that if she was truly done, she wouldn't want to go…I'm just hoping like hell that's she's not cruel enough to wait a month and then tell me it's over in front of a counselor. Trippi - Thanks so much for the kind words. I'm making new friends and I'm trying to stay busy, and I'm improving myself everyday thanks to weight loss and no smoking. I definitely support her adventure and I know that we both need that time to work on ourselves. I am determined to be the man she fell in love with when she comes back, I just hopes she accepts me. My big worry: We've been together 5 years, known each other for 9 years. Isn't there something about me that she misses? We had our hard times, but most of those years were good and we had a lot of fun together and we were in love. I'm sure she has bad memories but after that much time together, doesn't she miss anything about me? It hurts so bad to think that I've been with a woman for half a decade and didn't make any good impact on her... Link to post Share on other sites
PainforGain Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 Jc. I have been where you are. Actually I am going through it agiain for the second time with the same person. Here is my advice. You have to love and work on yourself. But make sure you do this. When my wife split from me the first time we were only engaged. I was beat up, I used the pain to make me stronger. I got out. I got in shape. I stayed busy. That 8 months later we got back together. Now here is my ****ty story..... We got back together. She proposed to me ( I proposed the first time) we got married bought a new home. Just recently she said she no longer lives me and needs space. I did the mistake of trying to fight for her....I should have just left and given her space....but I thought when ur married u fight......it only made it worse.......so I guess what I am saying is build your personal power. Do what's good for u.....if it's meant to be she will once again gain her attraction.....but make sure about everything Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 Also, I know that if she spent half the time alone that I have over the past month, she'd probably would be trying harder. Her friends are keeping her so busy by going out and partying that she's not having time to think. I also found out that a lot of her family is kind of against her in this situation but I don't know if she's listening to them or cares. This is your answer right there. She's not listening to anyone, so she won't listen to you. Sorry your going through this, but she needs to want to come back to the marriage on her own. But right now she wants to be away from you and single. Continue to focus on yourself, but not because you think it's what she'll want to see. Do it for yourself and making you a strong and independent person. It's hard, I hear you and I've been there. But begging her back won't work. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts