Does my potential soul mate even like me?

[blueberrymuffin]

So, I hope you can help.

 

A bit of a long story, I'm not particularly experienced in picking up signals from guys, I NEVER know when they like me. I'm also wondering if I give off sufficient signals as guys never, ever ask me out. I'm not a touch, flirty person so...

 

I met this guy through work about 6 months ago, although he has now moved on. While we were working together it was pretty intense as it was four weeks of working together (with a larger team) every day. I was managing the project. We would all often go out after work, and would have lunch together every day. During these times we would frequently find ourselves somehow sitting together having deep conversations and it honestly felt that there was nobody else in the room! In group discussions he always looked straight at me and talked as if only to me. There were other little instances where he went out of his way to spend time with me, like walking into town with me one day to keep me company while I ran an errand. He's told me so much about his life, his background, his difficult relationship with his family, his dreams etc. The sort of things you would tell someone who you are definitely more than just casual friends with.

 

I just feel it runs so much deeper- that there is a genuine deep connection that I almost can't put into words. It's like we just 'get' each other.

 

When he left I texted him and invited him to meet up with some colleagues (very good friends of mine). He was quick to say yes. I know it was to meet me because while he likes these other girls he never really went out of his way to talk to them. We spent the last part of the evening alone and talked until we were kicked out of the bar (in fact I was getting ready to leave earlier and he prolonged it by jumping up to get more drinks). When we were walking back to the station for the only time that night he was so preoccupied and when it came to parting he waved! I leant in and gave him a quick hug because it looked so awkward otherwise.

 

The next day I texted him to tell him how I'd injured myself on the way home and he replied but not inviting any response from me, so I left it at that. He then texted me two weeks later, saying how he was going out of town and let's meet when he got back (but he didn't suggest it again). Since then we texted a bit, mainly initiated by me asking him stuff like how was his trip.

 

Although since that time every time we have met has been mainly initiated by him. Like once, I got one of our old colleagues to invite him to her birthday (he doesn't know that) and he asked me if I was going and then texted me to say he would come as it would be good to see me again.

 

He has said things like 'you and me are just on the same wavelength' (but with more feeling then that) and other little compliments like 'you're great at what you do' but nothing obviously flirty like 'you're pretty'. Lately though his texts are peppered with smiley faces and winks (only the occasional smiley face before) and even a kiss recently. I have tried not texting him, and I do eventually get something, although once it was 2 weeks.

 

So, I'm travelling to his home country (completely unrelated and organised before we met) He went through enormous effort to cook a dinner for me to give me a taste of what to expect but then invited 6 other people! I can't help but think if someone is inviting someone they like over for dinner they might want to take the opportunity to see them alone? But then would you spend the whole day cooking and tidying to arrange a dinner party for someone you didn't like? I just don't know. I guess he could just like hosting dinner parties.

 

A couple of weeks ago he invited me to an event he was taking part in. He emailed me and when I texted to say yes the following day he replied enthusiastically within a couple of minutes saying it would be great to see me with smileys all over the place. But when I got there he had invited another female friend! He spent half the evening with me, slightly distracted and chatting to other people, then went to say hello to her (she had a friend with her). Some people sat down next to me where he had been sitting so he couldn't have come back but he ignored me for the rest of the evening! Even turning his back to talk to those two when the event was over. I then went over to say I was leaving as I had work the next day and he tried to engage me in conversation while I was standing putting my coat on, asking something else every time I edged away. Because I was annoyed at the way he ignored me I didn't text him, but a few days later I got a text about something I'd told him about and he'd seen a poster for. I'm confused, on the one hand he seems to go through a lot of effort for me, but then when he has the opportunity to do something he doesn't.

 

He also seems to have an interest in things I mention, amongst other little things, like I mentioned I like comedy and then a couple of weeks later he said how he loved comedy. (Although then when I invited him to come along to a specific comedy night he said he didn't have the money)

 

I should say he is a decent guy and definitely not a player, he practically ran from another colleague of ours who threw herself at him. He is an over thinker and I can see he's the type of person who is scared of upsetting the apple cart. The thing is we get on so well, this could be an amazing relationship but I just don't know if he really, really likes me as a friend and is trying to give me the message that he loves spending time with me platonically. Or does he like me and is not sure I feel the same way (which because I can be quite removed and casual is a possibility) and doesn't know how to make a move? Looking back at the messages I have sent him, although they're not flirty they are very friendly. Surely you have to be really stupid not to realise that if a girl texts you then she likes you? Also he is in his 30s and I know he has had girlfriends but he's not Don Juan either. Either way in your 30s surely if you liked someone you would have the guts to do something? Even if you weren't 100% sure?

 

The final thing I was wondering about, because I'm going away travelling does he maybe think there's no point until I come back?

[John316C]

as a dating coach once said "I found my soul-mate 7 times!..."

[spiderowl]

First instinct tells me either he sees you as a friend only or he's gay. He's not making opportunities for you two to be alone together so he's not trying to date you. I think it would be a mistake to get too hung up on this guy because he's likely to disappoint you.