CHEATED ON>>Anger taking its toll.

[deni9]

Hi, I have a question, its been 3 weeks after we got back together and when I told him that I knew he cheated on me. See thing is, I don't believe him. I love him and want him but the anger is too strong, its like it is getting worse.

 

Its the way he cheated on me, he looked for it because he "thought" I was being suspicious and cheating on him too. I asked him, why couldn't you just break up with me then. he said "believe it or not, I loved you too much to leave you" which I think is a lie, if he loved me that much he wouldn't of cheated on me.

 

It pisses me off. He makes me feel unworthy, and I know that is a lie because other guys want me, but I don't want them, I want him. but I don't trust him, I don't believe him, I feel like if I get better he is going to do it again.

 

Do I sound crazy?? should I really just give up? I don't know how to over come this, seeing it as I never had to before.....

[soccerrprp]

deni9,

 

It's a shame you are tolerating this. I mean, he cheated on you and you take him back. His reason for doing so is crazy insecure and vindictive. He doesn't love you. BS.

[Space Ritual]

Hi, I have a question, its been 3 weeks after we got back together and when I told him that I knew he cheated on me. See thing is, I don't believe him. I love him and want him but the anger is too strong, its like it is getting worse.

 

Its the way he cheated on me, he looked for it because he "thought" I was being suspicious and cheating on him too. I asked him, why couldn't you just break up with me then. he said "believe it or not, I loved you too much to leave you" which I think is a lie, if he loved me that much he wouldn't of cheated on me.

 

It pisses me off. He makes me feel unworthy, and I know that is a lie because other guys want me, but I don't want them, I want him. but I don't trust him, I don't believe him, I feel like if I get better he is going to do it again.

 

Do I sound crazy?? should I really just give up? I don't know how to over come this, seeing it as I never had to before.....

 

Quick question...did you have positive proof that he cheated or did you confront him with no concrete evidence?

 

Reason I say this is that many time cheaters will stick to their guns if they have not been presented with proof (hell many times you can show them proof and they will deny it and swear on their grandmother's grave they didn't do it even when faced with proof). I am not discounting you in any way, I am just saying that in confronting him if you had no concrete proof may have made him turn on the anger mode to where he feels if he stamps around and denies denies denies, that you will cave and eventually just give up on finding out. Maybe a case of 'Waiting you out, perhaps?

 

In any case, if I were you I would reconsider staying with him, cheating or not.

[deni9]

Actually he came clean to me and answered all my questions. He tried everything to make me realize that he wont do it again that he was an idiot and that there isn't an excuse why he did it. He said he was just very insecure. Him and I dated for 3 years and hes always the one making mistakes...he even put his hands on me. and when he did, I left him and we somehow got back with eachother 6months later. he says he has changed and it was all because of me ..la la la..I don't believe his bull crap..they are all lies, right? it has to be...his dad was a cheater and left his mom....whatever...im so pissed... its been 3 weeks since we gotten back together, and I cant get over it. it gets worse. ...im starting to resent him so much!!!!

[deni9]

and I do have evidence. his emails. he looked for girls on craiglist...lot of times while we were together..

[tlegend]

and I do have evidence. his emails. he looked for girls on craiglist...lot of times while we were together..

 

So....he's cheated on you, admitted as such, beat you, and has destroyed your self esteem.

 

And you want to be in this relationship?

 

I think you should really think long and hard about your short time on this earth. After that, think about the 7billion+ people on this earth, 99% of them you have yet to meet.

 

Why the #!@! are you still with this guy?

[Spectre]

Not to mention what kind of scum looks for girls on craigslist? That's pretty low, leave the guy, he doesn't love you. If he did he would of talked to you instead of cheating.

 

Also what kind of cheating was this, was it sex or just kissing? How many times did it happen?

[Space Ritual]

Actually he came clean to me and answered all my questions. He tried everything to make me realize that he wont do it again that he was an idiot and that there isn't an excuse why he did it. He said he was just very insecure. Him and I dated for 3 years and hes always the one making mistakes...he even put his hands on me. and when he did, I left him and we somehow got back with eachother 6months later. he says he has changed and it was all because of me ..la la la..I don't believe his bull crap..they are all lies, right? it has to be...his dad was a cheater and left his mom....whatever...im so pissed... its been 3 weeks since we gotten back together, and I cant get over it. it gets worse. ...im starting to resent him so much!!!!

 

Thank you for answering my question.

 

Well obviously he has not shown any actions that would lead you to believe that he is actually sorry...more like he just wants you to get over it.

 

Until it happens again....

And I hate to say it will..but I am going to say that it will.

 

I am going to be blunt here. I don't think you have seen anything that resembles a remorseful boyfriend. In fact he seems more angry that he came clean and that you are questioning him. He wants you to forget about it...and if you don't he is either gonna smack you around, screw around on you or both.

 

Young lady, this is no way to live. I think if you don't get rid of him now, you will regret not doing so sooner rather than later.

[elbe]

Nobody cheats "Because they think their spouse is cheating". It sounds like you two need a permanent break from one another. There are men out there who won't cheat on you - what a disgrace this man is to our gender.

[gabgab]

Girls that take back cheaters need to work on either their self esteem or intelligence.

[deni9]

I believe he had sex with him. the messages seemed he only wanted oral from these whores...

[deni9]

Thank you all for your bluntness, I actually told him to leave me alone. He actually is backing off. so that makes everything easier. I feel such a burden off my shoulders. I am already feeling less stressful. it was good to hear to stay away from him, everyone else told me to stay. that he "really loved" me. but I had a gut feeling and that's why I wrote a post on this. Thanks again.

 

 

He did ruin my self esteem, I will work on myself before getting into another relationship. I know all men aren't like this, but till then, I have to just focus on myself.

[Space Ritual]

Thank you all for your bluntness, I actually told him to leave me alone. He actually is backing off. so that makes everything easier. I feel such a burden off my shoulders. I am already feeling less stressful. it was good to hear to stay away from him, everyone else told me to stay. that he "really loved" me. but I had a gut feeling and that's why I wrote a post on this. Thanks again.

 

 

He did ruin my self esteem, I will work on myself before getting into another relationship. I know all men aren't like this, but till then, I have to just focus on myself.

 

If I were you I would try to go no contact. Easier said than done I know but from what you wrote it may be essential. There are plenty of guys in the world who won't treat you like that. Maybe branching out and meeting some new friends may also help.

 

Good Luck:)

[Delilah1623]

He cheats and blames it on you? Please find an ounce of self respect and walk away from this loser.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Hi, I have a question,

 

 

He makes me feel unworthy, and I know that is a lie because other guys want me, but I don't want them, I want him. but I don't trust him, I don't believe him, I feel like if I get better he is going to do it again.

 

Do I sound crazy?? should I really just give up? I don't know how to over come this, seeing it as I never had to before.....

 

 

 

This is rather concise in the way of an answer, but a key interest is is there repeated cheating in HIS family background???

 

(mainly, his parents?? - but anybody else in the close family?)

 

 

IF cheating is merely part of the woodwork, and if it always has been, then you would probably do well to give up (on him).

[BOREDouttaMymind]

friend, you already answered your own question.

 

it amazes me how many people in Loveshack, already know WHAT to do, they just don't WANT to do it.

 

you said at the end of your post, "should I just give up?"

 

YES! don't you see that, that's your heart screaming at you to leave? that gut feeling you feel everyday, that pain you feel, its real, right? its your heart! its telling you that this guy isn't the right guy for you.

 

and I know it hurts. I know. I know. it happened to me so many times, and we don't want to accept the fact that we got rejected, but it happens, and we need to pick up the pieces and move on, so that when that awesome guy comes in your life someday, who wants to love you, and care for you, and treat your right... youll be ready for him.

 

if you stay with this guy, youre missing out on what was meant for your life! right now theres a caring guy DYING to meet you, DYING to find you to treat you right, and youre wasting your time on this guy.

 

its your life, do what you shall, but just remember this...

 

..we're all destined to build a castle with someone. someone who loves us.

 

Are you going to build a castle with the love of your life, or settle for a mud hut with a person who causes you pain.

 

Your choice.

 

..and.. its time to choose.

[fixing]

Hi there. Sorry to hear about your pain. But, ITS OVER, get rid of him now, you will never be able to forget or forgive.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

[deni9]

Yes his family has a history of cheating, including his dad and his uncles (both on mom and dad side)

actually his mom knows that he cheated on me. He told her, he asked her why did she stayed with his dad even after he repeatedly cheated on her. and she said it was because she was deeply crazy in love with him. she gave him chances...CHANCES!!.

He later told his mom that he cheated on me and that I am having a hard time getting over it. and his mom said that I didn't love him then. IF I loved him, I would give him a chance. I later told them that I did love him, BUT if he loved me he wouldn't of done what he had done. Love don't hurt one another like that. I get so angry at him that I wanted to cheat on him just to hurt him like he did to me but two wrongs definitely don't make one right, and to be honest..i respect him as a person who has feeling. i feel like i shouldn't have to play this game, if i feel to cheat on anyone i should just leave them. that's why I've never cheated on him because i knew from right and wrong. i have integrity and moral. My past gave me such a character that i wont stoop down to anyone.

His mom knows how much he loves me and she thinks its somewhat unfair that i cant get over it... so basically, im the bad guy. my best friend who know everything about our relationship also told me if i loved him i will move pass this and make this relationship stronger. but for some reason i feel love isn't a good enough reason. i wonder if i do get "over it" hes gonna do it again. and it will too late to do anything. we were suppose to get married in court on Tuesday. i told him that i wanted to marry a man who i fully trust and fully happy. i cant be a 100% happy with him and i don't think i can. that's what i told him. and that made him cry. he has been begging me everyday. telling me to give him a chance. but i don't feel sorry for him anymore, i feel angry and i want to beat the crap out of him. but of course i cant. i just want my space...and i have it now. i feel a tad better. if anyone can give me advice, please do. im all alone on this. and yes, sometimes i want to force myself to make this work but then i think about it long and clear and i start being angry because what he have done. this is what he wanted when he cheated on me so many times. he never loved me. he said those 6months we were separated in the summer made him realize so much. but i feel a guy like him with a horrible background and daddy issues need more than 6 monthes, i think he just doesn't want me to be with anyone else.

Thank you all for you input. i really needed this. Bless you all

[deni9]

friend, you already answered your own question.

 

it amazes me how many people in Loveshack, already know WHAT to do, they just don't WANT to do it.

 

you said at the end of your post, "should I just give up?"

 

YES! don't you see that, that's your heart screaming at you to leave? that gut feeling you feel everyday, that pain you feel, its real, right? its your heart! its telling you that this guy isn't the right guy for you.

 

and I know it hurts. I know. I know. it happened to me so many times, and we don't want to accept the fact that we got rejected, but it happens, and we need to pick up the pieces and move on, so that when that awesome guy comes in your life someday, who wants to love you, and care for you, and treat your right... youll be ready for him.

 

if you stay with this guy, youre missing out on what was meant for your life! right now theres a caring guy DYING to meet you, DYING to find you to treat you right, and youre wasting your time on this guy.

 

its your life, do what you shall, but just remember this...

 

..we're all destined to build a castle with someone. someone who loves us.

 

Are you going to build a castle with the love of your life, or settle for a mud hut with a person who causes you pain.

 

Your choice.

 

..and.. its time to choose.

 

Thank you so much!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Yes his family has a history of cheating, including his dad and his uncles (both on mom and dad side)

 

 

One line is all I read - get out A.S.A.P.!!!

 

 

(for the sake of your future after you recover from him...)

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I am the child of a serial cheater. I thought it was “normal” to have a girlfriend and a wife.

 

 

 

Just found this on another thread.

[deni9]

Just found this on another thread.

 

 

Thank you for sharing this thread with me.

 

 

He tried looking for me again, he said he loved me and would do anything to prove me wrong. I don't believe him...even if he was being sincere..too much has happen, and I know to much of his sick ways.

 

 

I cant heal him or what his father did.

 

 

its hard right now, but I know this will pass. Thank you.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Lol, and of course....marriage is on the table, typical.

 

He could basically even be trying to sabotage the relationship in some way, but also it seems clear he has deeper issues.

 

As someone who has cheated himself you'd be a fool to trust this guy at this point, a plain fool. This guy is in that immediate rescue phase where he's going to do and say anything to keep you in this relationship because as much as he may have hurt you by cheating he'd likely never tolerate it on him...I doubt he'd give you a second chance if the tables were turned.

 

You need to stop trying to forgive and accept what he has done and stand your ground on your own values, otherwise if you believe the BS from this guy you're just going to be hurt again, I can say that with about absolute certainty...as much as one can say.

 

Don't even know why you'd even listen to the mom even for a second...IT'S HIS MOM! obviously he's going to be the victim or she will never see him as the guy he truly is, plus she probably tolerated the behavior herself.

 

So here's the thing, just move on...yes yes, bleeding hearts and all of that it's very difficult, but he's not going to let you go, you running away is part of the challenge, it's part of the control he's trying to impose and validate on you...once you stay then that's a green light to continue his behavior...once the dust settles and he's not worried about you leaving again he'll hit you again with it, he'll start looking around and doing this or that and then he'll use the same excuse later on as to why he's still doing it.

 

Leave knowing you're doing the best thing for yourself, otherwise if you stay that's just showing you've got your own issues and he's got the power in the relationship...I honestly think if this guy tries hard enough you'll crumble and fall back in line, and that's the way many cheaters survive...they know in the end you can't leave once they have you locked in.

 

So you've got to decide if you're going to be one of those women that just simply roll over and take the responsibility and try to forgive him for "love"...otherwise it's like taking off a sticky band-aid, may feel impossible at times but eventually it'll get better..it's really just a matter of how strong and resilient you are enough to make it through that phase, if you're not...well you're just like most women who can't simply leave, you don't have the power over yourself...the man in a way controls you, and you're never going to feel safe like that.