jforthegirl Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 Well, I asked him when he told me he wanted to leave me if there was anyone else. He was adamant that there was not. I now know he was lying and he had been having online sex for months. I can't decide if this makes it easier or harder to accept. I was feeling pretty good, ready to move on. This is a set back. Link to post Share on other sites
littlejaz Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 My STBXH was doing the same thing. Don't let it get to you. It is just pathetic. He wasn't willing to work on our marriage, other than to blame me for everything. But he can go online for sex with strangers - as I said it is just pathetic. It shows just how little character they truly have. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 Hopefully it opens your eyes to more lying he was probably doing. It's tough and I'm right there with you. As you process this, hopefully it gives you better understanding of why the relationship was falling apart. He was not being honest and spending time getting satisfaction outside of your marriage. Although I'm sure he'll blame you for what he did, the relationship cannot grow and become better if on person puts all their effort into something outside of the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
jimloveslips Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 He was adamant that there was not [anyone else] There wasn't, just his hand... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jforthegirl Posted December 6, 2013 Author Share Posted December 6, 2013 Ugh, I am just so hurt. I was doing so well, focused on moving forward and this has put me back at square 1. And you're all right, he is totally blaming it all on me. I'm so angry and hurt. I just want to lash out and tell everyone that he was cheating. He's painted me as the villain to all of our frirnds snd family and I want them all to know about this. Someone talk me out of it? Link to post Share on other sites
imtooconfused Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 I think it's fair to let others know that he spent all of his free time on-line and never spent time with the family. They will probably draw their own conclusions. How is he making you out to be the villain? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jforthegirl Posted December 6, 2013 Author Share Posted December 6, 2013 Oh, the reason that he is leaving me is because I have been "controlling" and unable to show love for him. We have been together for one 20 years and he stopped loving me over 5 years ago. But, within the last 5 years we have gotten married, bought a host, and had s baby together. He thought that those things would make me happy and in turn, he would be happy. I guess for him, it didn't work. He said he changed his mind. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 It up to you if you "out" him for cheating. I made the decision not to out my STBXW to everyone for cheating because I have a young daughter and decided it wasn't in her best interests at this time. But as for the blaming you, that is very typical. They refuse to look at themselves for their unhappiness and figure it's everyone else's fault. No amount of hard work from you was ever going to change that. And it is a bit counter intuitive. You find out more of the reasons for their unhappiness (cheating, etc) but it doesn't make you feel better (right away). Just give yourself time to process. The hurt is real and will take time to go away. Don't feel bad for thinking you are back at square one. They are the ones who lied to you and put you in this situation. It's OK to need some time to repair the damage they've done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jforthegirl Posted December 6, 2013 Author Share Posted December 6, 2013 Ugh, thanks RightThere. I hope that this pain starts subsiding soon, I'm back to feeling a little paralyzed. The good thing is that he should hopefully be moving out this weekend, finally. I think that getting him out of the house will allow me to move forward. Other than him blaming me, the worst part is that he won't admit that online sex is cheating, he says that is my interpretation if it. Wth? Was there another person involved? Yes. Was I invited to participate? No. Sounds like cheating to me. I just wish he would take accountability for something. Anything. He wants to put it all on me, says I'm dead inside. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 Regardless of where he draws the line between a physical affair and an emotional affair, he was having an affair. He was not committed to the relationship and was seeking his validation elsewhere. Good luck to you. You will go through a roller-coaster of emotions over the next while. Up and down for sure. Just focus on yourself and improving you. Link to post Share on other sites
hayewils Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 There wasn't, just his hand... And an icky sticky keyboard.. Perv!! Link to post Share on other sites
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