MM and OW....Why OW is always the One....

[nicepuzzle]

My MM chased me for 6 years to sleep with me, played all emotional games to make me emotional and when I finally gave up it was me who was bad. I broke up, move away and did all the right things when A wasnt ending, but when he got caught I am to blame. His family and all are proud of him that even if he is sleeping around, at the least he is not breaking the marriage and he thinks he has values, since he is not breaking the family and ONLY having sex... Great isnt?

[lilmisscantbewrong]

My MM chased me for 6 years to sleep with me, played all emotional games to make me emotional and when I finally gave up it was me who was bad. I broke up, move away and did all the right things when A wasnt ending, but when he got caught I am to blame. His family and all are proud of him that even if he is sleeping around, at the least he is not breaking the marriage and he thinks he has values, since he is not breaking the family and ONLY having sex... Great isnt?

 

There is already a thread similar to this. Yes, unfortunately women typically take the hit. It is in the playbook.

[hurtnomorerika]

I see this all the time on here. The OW made the MM do what he was doing. MM would not have cheated if the OW hadnt provoked him. OW tricked the MM into getting her pregnant. All of it is blah, blah, to me at this point.

 

In the end though, MM will continue to cheat and be dishonest if BS and those around him continue to accept and allow it. It is what it is.

[Owl]

If the affair is over...what does it matter what his family thinks about him, or about you for that matter???

 

There should be zero interaction between you if that's the case.

 

If the affair is not over...why in the hell would you continue on in the affair if he's making it out like you're the cause???

[underwater2010]

OW are not always blamed 100%. Maybe in your case, but most of the time it is 50/50. And only drops to 0% when the OW was not informed or failed to figure out that their "boyfriend" is married. Trust when me when I say majority of MM get hung up by their toes not only by their wife but by extended family too.

[yellowmaverick]

My MM chased me for 6 years to sleep with me, played all emotional games to make me emotional

 

 

No one can MAKE you have an affair or have sex with a MM. Just as you did not "make" him have sex with you, he did not "make" you have sex with him.

 

Take responsibility for your own choices and actions and forget about him. You can't control what others say and do - you have control only over your own actions. Focus on this and you will be a healthier, happier person.

[canuckprincess]

This is a no brainer, the bs blames the ow because if she put the blame where it belongs how the heck can she look at herself in the mirror. To know the man you love lies to you time and time again and yet they stay cause some are far too weak to leave, or at least that's what my mm's wife did. and after a second dday she still believes that he is the victim and now has convinced herself that he can now be faithful. I'm pretty sure she has no idea that I wasn't his only ow. Oh well I just hope she can breathe with her head up the a$$. Stupid people make me lmfao.

[Owl]

This is a no brainer, the bs blames the ow because if she put the blame where it belongs how the heck can she look at herself in the mirror. To know the man you love lies to you time and time again and yet they stay cause some are far too weak to leave, or at least that's what my mm's wife did. and after a second dday she still believes that he is the victim and now has convinced herself that he can now be faithful. I'm pretty sure she has no idea that I wasn't his only ow. Oh well I just hope she can breathe with her head up the a$$. Stupid people make me lmfao.

 

Let me give you a thought.

 

Whether or not his wife chooses to reconcile him is one thing.

 

But if you think choosing to reconcile is weak, or easy, you're way the hell mistaken. If you think reconciling truly means putting your head up your a$$, again, you're massively wrong.

 

Sorry, but as a BS who has recovered his marriage, I really have to point out how far from reality your post may be.

[bentleychic]

It's easier for the family and BS to hate and take their anger out on the OW/OM as a stranger, than it is to believe that someone they love and trust is capable of such complete betrayal.

 

(This only applies to those that react as you described. I know there are families that do not react this way at all.)

[sweet_pea]

This is a no brainer, the bs blames the ow because if she put the blame where it belongs how the heck can she look at herself in the mirror. To know the man you love lies to you time and time again and yet they stay cause some are far too weak to leave, or at least that's what my mm's wife did. and after a second dday she still believes that he is the victim and now has convinced herself that he can now be faithful. I'm pretty sure she has no idea that I wasn't his only ow. Oh well I just hope she can breathe with her head up the a$$. Stupid people make me lmfao.

 

Aren't you still with him after all of those D-Days? So are you weak and stupid as well, or is that only the BS? It's always interesting how some APs refuse to accept responsibility for their actions. Nobody is blaming ONLY you, but yes, you played a part in the affair so you should take responsibility for it.

[HopingAgain]

Another post full of grown, able minded adults refusing to take responbility for how their OWN actions and choices have impacted their lives.If you hadn't made the choice to enter into the arena of having an affair, you wouldn't be here now windering why the MM or BS does anything, would you?

[canuckprincess]

Let me give you a thought.

 

Whether or not his wife chooses to reconcile him is one thing.

 

But if you think choosing to reconcile is weak, or easy, you're way the hell mistaken. If you think reconciling truly means putting your head up your a$$, again, you're massively wrong.

 

Sorry, but as a BS who has recovered his marriage, I really have to point out how far from reality your post may be.

 

The bs in my situation doesn't want the truth, I offered it to her and she won't accept it. Poor thing thinks I was his only ow, there's at least one other and she's married to a serial cheater!

[Cinnimon]

Let them think what they want. You know how it went down, he knows how it went down. He has to live with that just as you do.

[HopingAgain]

Is this how OW whose affairs have ended lick their wounds? By calling the BS desperate, pathethic, deluded, etc? Surely some self examination is needed to ask yourselves why you ever wanted or STILL want the same man that the BS is supposedly any of those names for staying with. Sour grapes are so unnattractive!

[wanting more]

My MM chased me for 6 years to sleep with me, played all emotional games to make me emotional and when I finally gave up it was me who was bad. I broke up, move away and did all the right things when A wasnt ending, but when he got caught I am to blame. His family and all are proud of him that even if he is sleeping around, at the least he is not breaking the marriage and he thinks he has values, since he is not breaking the family and ONLY having sex... Great isnt?

 

how do you know that's what his BW and family think?

and why does it matter what they think?

i was thrown under the bus by xMM and i know his BW believed all the lies, even after i sent her concrete proof of the length of the A, places we'd been together and his ILYs. In the beginning i couldn't understand why she didn't see him for the liar he was, at this point, it doesnt matter. i gave her proof, what she wants to believe about me is up to her.

[Owl]

The bs in my situation doesn't want the truth, I offered it to her and she won't accept it. Poor thing thinks I was his only ow, there's at least one other and she's married to a serial cheater!

 

So she is. You were suckered in by him as well.

 

I guess I just don't get your anger at her...why you have to call her names like "poor thing", "weak", "stupid".

 

She stays for whatever reason she chooses to stay. You opted to cheat with him for whatever reasons motivated you.

 

What makes her choices worse than yours?

[Cinnimon]

So much pain, hurt and anger on both sides with one common denominator.

[krazikat]

The bs in my situation doesn't want the truth, I offered it to her and she won't accept it. Poor thing thinks I was his only ow, there's at least one other and she's married to a serial cheater!

 

Not trying to be argumentative but canuck YOU are also in a relationship with that same serial cheater?!?!?! can't you see the irony in your comments about this?

[experiencethedevine]

This is a no brainer, the bs blames the ow because if she put the blame where it belongs how the heck can she look at herself in the mirror. To know the man you love lies to you time and time again and yet they stay cause some are far too weak to leave, or at least that's what my mm's wife did. and after a second dday she still believes that he is the victim and now has convinced herself that he can now be faithful. I'm pretty sure she has no idea that I wasn't his only ow. Oh well I just hope she can breathe with her head up the a$$. Stupid people make me lmfao.

 

Not that old chestnut...........................AGAIN

[experiencethedevine]

It's easier for the family and BS to hate and take their anger out on the OW/OM as a stranger, than it is to believe that someone they love and trust is capable of such complete betrayal.

 

(This only applies to those that react as you described. I know there are families that do not react this way at all.)

 

Of course it is. Nobody wants to believe that the husband/son/father is capable of such debauchery and disgraceful behaviour. Shock of discovery alone indicates to the brain that deflection is needed temporarily in order to maintain sanity.

[experiencethedevine]

The bs in my situation doesn't want the truth, I offered it to her and she won't accept it. Poor thing thinks I was his only ow, there's at least one other and she's married to a serial cheater!

 

 

Does this mean that you share being a 'poor thing' alongside his wife as you share the married man also with others AS WELL as his wife?

 

You offered her the truth in the vague hope that he would leave his wife for you in reality, and as she refuses to acknowledge her husband's dalliances that leaves you, ...............where?

[AlwaysGrowing]

I don't get what is so hard to understand why a BS or their family members would hold the view of the OW/OM that is negative. In most cases, all that those people know of the OW/OM is that they have no issue having sex with a married person. That is ALL they know about the OW/OM

 

That is the first impression that the OW/OM decided to give those folks.

 

If a person I did not know, tried to snatch the roof over my kids heads, your fn right I wouldn't think too kindly of them. Nor, would I want to get to know them beyond that. I would already know, all that I need to know.

 

We all get to decide, how we enter other peoples lives. We either, enter as a positive force, or a destructive one. The choice is ours.

[SoleMate]

[Why is the OW always to blame?]

 

1. She's not....although I agree much of the blame that should go towards MM is placed on OW in many cases
   
2. Of the 2 people with the most pain from a typical OW/MM A...by that I refer to the BW and OW...the OW is the one who had the last clear chance to avoid or end an A. By traffic laws, regardless of all the manuevers that led to the crash, whoever had the last clear chance to avoid it and did not take it is at fault
   
3. It's a man's world
   

 

OWs do suffer a lot from As....that's why I spend time on LS telling them not to go there and if they do anyway, to cut them short to limit the harm.

[Cinnimon]

Does it really matter what others think of you in the long run? People tend to judge others based on what they would think or feel in a given situation.

Examples, I'm sure that there are many who have said "if he/she ever cheated on me it's over, I'd be done. Then when they are actually faced with it, that's not the route they choose. But at the time it sounded good.

People say I wouldn't touch a MM with a 10 foot pole, then they are faced with a MM in their face proclaiming love and ever after,you take the bait, thus you are now a OW/OM. When the OW/OM has to give reason as to how this happened that 10 foot poll thing went right out the window.

 

I've read on here where BS have become involved in A. I have read on here where AP has become BS.

 

In the end I think it only matters what you think of yourself and not what others choose to believe and think about you. You know right from wrong, good from bad. You know your story and wether it's true or not. Don't worry about other people. Worry about yourself. If I had worried about myself from day 1, I wouldn't have got involved in an affair in the first place.

[WrinkledForehead]

Is this how OW whose affairs have ended lick their wounds? By calling the BS desperate, pathethic, deluded, etc? Surely some self examination is needed to ask yourselves why you ever wanted or STILL want the same man that the BS is supposedly any of those names for staying with. Sour grapes are so unnattractive!

 

Bitterness can become a coping mechanism to ward off feelings of self decimation. It is unhealthy but it is something so many people on these boards are still working through. Sometimes this can take years. It's often part of the healing process.