1 year after she cheated, im back to square 1

[fixing]

Hey everyone. Im going through a really dark patch at the moment. I will try to keep this very short and to the point.

 

Back in June/2011 i got friendly with a couple of Czech girls here in England.

I was actually pursuing girl 'A' but her friend (My ex) came onto me strongly. She quickly moved into my house and i thought i was the luckiest guy alive.

 

I was unaware at the time, but my ex was bisexual, and had literally left girl A for me.

So i spent the next 15 months living with my ex, we were perfect etc, i made sure i was the best boyfriend possible.

I would tell her she was beautiful everyday, and always make her laugh, loved and happy.

I trusted her 100% and had no issues of she wanted to stay nights at oldschool czech males houses..

Sept/2012 comes... We shared laptops. As she slept, i opened and found a message from a 'new' male friend. I couldnt help but read through it because it had 'kisses' at the end...

Anyways, i was devastated to find that she had slept with him the week before. She was even saying things like 'its ok, theres no future with my bf etc, it was fun'

Naturally, i was crushed. I immediately kicked her out. She basically left unapologetic.

She moved back to friend 'A' home who is now in another lesbian relationship.

I begin no contact around October 2012.

Im also hurt that neither friend 'A' or her partner message at all about the affair.

So i delete them to.

So, spent christmas alone, really in a bad way.

Friends 'A' and 'B' re add me on facebook, they tell me theyre sick of my ex, they are sorry for my pain and that they are moving out together.

They also tell me, my ex has ran off with her best friends husband.

 

So, me being alone, i welcome this new friendship with these two girls.

Over the next year i get very close with them, and they even take me on holidays to their home town.

Finally, im starting to feel good again and over my ex. I would always tell the girls that i dont want to know or hear about my ex again.

One time a couple of months ago, friend A let it slip that my ex had slept with a guy at theirs whilst we were still together. This guy used to come over for bbq's and smile in my face. The ex used to sleep over his at weekends....

 

Well, last month, i was at their house, i was drunk, and friend A tells me my ex will be here, hide your stuff, and hide in the other room until she leaves...

 

Beind drunk, and quite offended by this i walked in and told her i knew of EVERYTHING NOW. She was cold as ice and didnt even acknowledge me.

I called her a whore, she pushed me, i pushed her back, she left.

 

5 mins later, her man came banging down the door with a baseball bat. With my pride on the line i stepped out and punched him in the face. We had a fight, and he ended up locking himself in his van.

I left.

So, basically my friends have now been silent for a week (3 weeks ago) so i delete them off my facebook because im upset that they havent bothered to even talk to me about it all.

Friend A messages me angrily saying that they were my best friends, it was a stupid confrontation, my fault completely.

I responded back saying, i was deeply sorry for upsetting her, just that im still really cut up about the betrayal and the new revelations of cheating. I also told her i was very dissapointed that she brang the ex there and told me to hide considering she wasnt even supposed to be friends much with the ex.

She kinda says sorry for that, we trade a few heartfelt messages. And that was 20 days ago.

 

So now, tbh, i feel like a complete loser, no self esteem, like im this bad guy because of what happened. Ive never had a fight in front of those two girls, i have been nothing but an amazing friend to them.

Yet here i am now, on my own again feeling so worthless and lonely.

Why is it that my cheating ex is happy and living with that married man all fine and rosey?

My two best friends have stopped talking to me.

Im 27, and i work online at home, and its not so easy to meet new girls either, especially in this small town.

 

Sorry guys, that turned into a much longer vent here

[AnyaNova]

Hey everyone. Im going through a really dark patch at the moment. I will try to keep this very short and to the point.

 

Back in June/2011 i got friendly with a couple of Czech girls here in England.

I was actually pursuing girl 'A' but her friend (My ex) came onto me strongly. She quickly moved into my house and i thought i was the luckiest guy alive.

 

I was unaware at the time, but my ex was bisexual, and had literally left girl A for me.

So i spent the next 15 months living with my ex, we were perfect etc, i made sure i was the best boyfriend possible.

I would tell her she was beautiful everyday, and always make her laugh, loved and happy.

I trusted her 100% and had no issues of she wanted to stay nights at oldschool czech males houses..

Sept/2012 comes... We shared laptops. As she slept, i opened and found a message from a 'new' male friend. I couldnt help but read through it because it had 'kisses' at the end...

Anyways, i was devastated to find that she had slept with him the week before. She was even saying things like 'its ok, theres no future with my bf etc, it was fun'

Naturally, i was crushed. I immediately kicked her out. She basically left unapologetic.

She moved back to friend 'A' home who is now in another lesbian relationship.

I begin no contact around October 2012.

Im also hurt that neither friend 'A' or her partner message at all about the affair.

So i delete them to.

So, spent christmas alone, really in a bad way.

Friends 'A' and 'B' re add me on facebook, they tell me theyre sick of my ex, they are sorry for my pain and that they are moving out together.

They also tell me, my ex has ran off with her best friends husband.

 

So, me being alone, i welcome this new friendship with these two girls.

Over the next year i get very close with them, and they even take me on holidays to their home town.

Finally, im starting to feel good again and over my ex. I would always tell the girls that i dont want to know or hear about my ex again.

One time a couple of months ago, friend A let it slip that my ex had slept with a guy at theirs whilst we were still together. This guy used to come over for bbq's and smile in my face. The ex used to sleep over his at weekends....

 

Well, last month, i was at their house, i was drunk, and friend A tells me my ex will be here, hide your stuff, and hide in the other room until she leaves...

 

Beind drunk, and quite offended by this i walked in and told her i knew of EVERYTHING NOW. She was cold as ice and didnt even acknowledge me.

I called her a whore, she pushed me, i pushed her back, she left.

 

5 mins later, her man came banging down the door with a baseball bat. With my pride on the line i stepped out and punched him in the face. We had a fight, and he ended up locking himself in his van.

I left.

So, basically my friends have now been silent for a week (3 weeks ago) so i delete them off my facebook because im upset that they havent bothered to even talk to me about it all.

Friend A messages me angrily saying that they were my best friends, it was a stupid confrontation, my fault completely.

I responded back saying, i was deeply sorry for upsetting her, just that im still really cut up about the betrayal and the new revelations of cheating. I also told her i was very dissapointed that she brang the ex there and told me to hide considering she wasnt even supposed to be friends much with the ex.

She kinda says sorry for that, we trade a few heartfelt messages. And that was 20 days ago.

 

So now, tbh, i feel like a complete loser, no self esteem, like im this bad guy because of what happened. Ive never had a fight in front of those two girls, i have been nothing but an amazing friend to them.

Yet here i am now, on my own again feeling so worthless and lonely.

Why is it that my cheating ex is happy and living with that married man all fine and rosey?

My two best friends have stopped talking to me.

Im 27, and i work online at home, and its not so easy to meet new girls either, especially in this small town.

 

Sorry guys, that turned into a much longer vent here

 

Of course you are hurting. You were back in contact with her.

 

I have to say, now, being drunk I think leaving the situation before he got there would have been the best idea, but being drunk you were not able to make that choice.

 

With that said, I think the friends are absolutely bad for you! If they see it as YOUR FAULT that this guy came over himself with a baseball bat, they are not good friends for you at all.

 

I know it hurts, but I think it is best to find some new friends who actually care about you, and not their own images, or whatever idiocy caused them to try and blame you for the violent actions of another guy.

[fixing]

Thanks very much for your reply. I know, i had planned to never talk or see my ex again. Being drunk, and the sound of her voice so close after a year, plus the fact, i had to relive the whole cheating devastation once more when friend A told me of the other occasions i lost my judgement.

Thanks, your right, this guy is like 38/39 aswell, a married man with 2 daughters, so he was an idiot for coming around with the bat.

Plus my ex would have had to have wound him up pretty bad on the phone deliberately for him to come in such a rage.

And about the two friend, your probably right there too. I had gotten really close with friend A because we have so much in common.

I think maybe, i really liked the attention of two pretty females after the ex cheated and left.

Just feel alone again now.

[fixing]

Oh, i forgot to mention in the OP. I had actually just officially moved in with the two girls in the spare room.

So i kinda felt really insulted, almost violated that she came in and said the ex would be there in 5 minutes and that i need to hide my shoes and be quite. I was under the impression that they both had very little to do with my ex...

 

You know, i kinda feel/felt like 'wow, have i been like a part time friend to these two girls this past year whilst they were with my ex the other days? Like im that loser who is clinging onto my ex's friends'

 

Feeling gutted completely and man i feel worthless

Edited December 6, 2013 by fixing

[fixing]

No idea why i feel so down today about this. Its almost the same feeling like a fresh break up.

I keep checking to see if the two friends, particularly friend A has facebooked me, but of course she hasnt.

Is this a case of low self esteem do you think? Is that why i feel so lonely and rejected?

[cavalier99]

Sorry bro. Never good to stay friends with your EXs friends. Lesson learned. Cav

[fixing]

Sorry bro. Never good to stay friends with your EXs friends. Lesson learned. Cav

 

I always felt that way too before meeting my ex. I even deleted the two girls around the same time as i ended my ex.

I wanted a clean break from it all. But they both re added me and were very nice. I was a little suspicious at first, but turns out they were just being good friends.

Thats the thing, i was staying up at theirs every second week for the last year. Went to Czech, got VERY close with friend 'A'. You know that rare connection you make with only some people?

I told them vehemently on many occasions that i never want to talk about my ex.

They both led me to believe that my ex was a bad person in their eyes, not close with them.

Maybe thats why i feel like its another break up and its really hit me.

 

Feel like i wasted a year getting to know them so well.

[RespectfullyAlone]

fixing, it's been my experience that girls will say whatever they want you to hear. My ex said bad things about the guy she is with now. Saying he was annoying and creepy and so on. I bet she's saying or has said bad things about me to him. See what's going on here? They are like chameleons or duplistic people. They pretend to be your friend, and saying they are not friends with your ex, but it's clear they are still friends with your ex. So they were only telling you what they thought you wanted or needed to hear.

 

A few relationships ago, my fiance did something similar. Inferring her ex was a drug addict, and that he was manipulative, abusive and she was so happy to be with me because I was non of those... she ends our relationship very abruptly one day, runs back to this guy, get's pregnant and married all within a month of leaving me.

 

I've come to the conclusion you can never believe what a girl says to you about her past relationships, how many partners she's had (I've never asked, they have always offered this info), and things about their exes. They say things to make you feel like a man, like you want to protect them, take care of them, provide for them. Make sure their exes don't interfere in their lives.

 

You're 'A' and 'B' friends were playing you, maybe even just using you for rent, or "friendship".

 

Be glad you are not around them anymore. If 'A' & 'B' were truly friends, you'll know soon enough as they will feel very bad for their actions and reach out to you. But don't you dare ever contact any of them again please.

[fixing]

fixing, it's been my experience that girls will say whatever they want you to hear. My ex said bad things about the guy she is with now. Saying he was annoying and creepy and so on. I bet she's saying or has said bad things about me to him. See what's going on here? They are like chameleons or duplistic people. They pretend to be your friend, and saying they are not friends with your ex, but it's clear they are still friends with your ex. So they were only telling you what they thought you wanted or needed to hear.

 

A few relationships ago, my fiance did something similar. Inferring her ex was a drug addict, and that he was manipulative, abusive and she was so happy to be with me because I was non of those... she ends our relationship very abruptly one day, runs back to this guy, get's pregnant and married all within a month of leaving me.

 

I've come to the conclusion you can never believe what a girl says to you about her past relationships, how many partners she's had (I've never asked, they have always offered this info), and things about their exes. They say things to make you feel like a man, like you want to protect them, take care of them, provide for them. Make sure their exes don't interfere in their lives.

 

You're 'A' and 'B' friends were playing you, maybe even just using you for rent, or "friendship".

 

Be glad you are not around them anymore. If 'A' & 'B' were truly friends, you'll know soon enough as they will feel very bad for their actions and reach out to you. But don't you dare ever contact any of them again please.

 

Thank you so much for your insight and helpful post sir. It makes me feel a lot better. I've been left to think that i am the bad guy in all of this. I feel completely betrayed by those two tbh after all this.

Im so happy and grateful that a complete stranger on the internet can see that i am the one who has been wronged here!

But because they stopped talking to me ive been left to think that everything is all my fault.

It really hurts to think that i was just used by them, and sadly it looks that way.

I feel so empty, and back to square one. I have them both removed from my facebook, and i also saw a picture of another mutual friend on facebook with my ex's dog. And friends 'A' and 'B' were commenting on the picture.

So clearly they are all 'friends' still.

I cant shake this feeling of being a sad loser because of the fact i was up there at the two girls so often, when in reality like you said 'they showed me what i wanted to hear and see'

 

I will not message them ever again. I deleted that 3rd friend to now. I really wanted friend 'A' to reach out and see how this has hurt me, but, actions speak louder than words....

[fixing]

It would be great to get as many others views/advice and opinions about my situation if possible

Its kinda hard being alone in a foreign country with no one else to talk to. Im still feeling terrible for some reason.

Grrr, wish i could turn back the time!

[LadyM]

It's so sad how people/friends come and go from our lives. We spend time getting close with them, trusting them, only to be tossed aside for various reasons.

 

The memory of this betrayal will fade, but it takes time. The hurt will heal. Let me assure you, you are not a loser and you are not at fault. Also, with a little bit of effort, new and more worthy friends will enter your life. Hang in there! You'll be fine.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

LOL that phaggot busted the door down with a BASEBALL BAT and ended up locking himself in his van, you sir are awesome, I would of got the big baby in a head lock and force fed him bugs.

 

Sorry to hear about your story though, there's far too many bad apples out there. You know what you need to do OP, get out there and meet new women who don't know about your past and aren't connected with anything, a fresh start.

[fixing]

It's so sad how people/friends come and go from our lives. We spend time getting close with them, trusting them, only to be tossed aside for various reasons.

 

The memory of this betrayal will fade, but it takes time. The hurt will heal. Let me assure you, you are not a loser and you are not at fault. Also, with a little bit of effort, new and more worthy friends will enter your life. Hang in there! You'll be fine.

 

Thanks LadyM.

I kinda regret unfriending them on facebook after a week of them being silent to me. Maybe they were offended by that.

Its been 3 weeks now since friend A messaged me on facebook.

 

I really feel like messaging her saying something like:

 

'So clearly you weren't my true friends afterall.... I was clearly just someone to make you laugh and do favours for you when it was convenient whilste all the time you were secretely still close to my ex who completely broke my heart. She's obviously more important to you than i ever was.. Well, i hope you enjoy eachothers company'

[RespectfullyAlone]

Bro DO NOT send that message. Nothing good will come of it. I'm not sure if you mentioned it already, but have you moved out? Or are you still staying with these 2 girls?

 

If you don't want to look back, the unfriend them. If you are walking away, whilst looking over your shoulder to see if anyone is following of looking your way, then I guess keep them as "friends".

 

Sending that message will do you no good at all. It may be true, they may deserve it, but it reeks of desperation and immaturity.

 

Best thing is to move on, and don't look back. If they are true friends they will seek you out at some point.

[fixing]

Bro DO NOT send that message. Nothing good will come of it. I'm not sure if you mentioned it already, but have you moved out? Or are you still staying with these 2 girls?

 

If you don't want to look back, the unfriend them. If you are walking away, whilst looking over your shoulder to see if anyone is following of looking your way, then I guess keep them as "friends".

 

Sending that message will do you no good at all. It may be true, they may deserve it, but it reeks of desperation and immaturity.

 

Best thing is to move on, and don't look back. If they are true friends they will seek you out at some point.

 

Thank you for your advice sir. Tbh, i dont know whats gotten into me. I keep obsessing and obsessing about what happened, my ex the fight etc. Its driving me mad.

 

I moved out the same day after the fight. The landlord had heard about it and told the girls im not welcome to live there, so im actually living in a new place on my own.

 

Like 9 days after that fight, i had heard nothing from them on facebook, and because im so active on there, it really started to annoy me that they were completely silent (Normally friend A would be messaging me every 2nd day) so i deleted them both.

Well instantly friend A messaged me angrily 'Wtf? we your only true friends here? That was your fault, stupid confrontation, well, your choice good luck in life'

 

So i then replied and got it all off my chest that i was firstly, sorry to have made her upset about fighting that guy, i appreciate them both as my friends etc, but i was also very upset/angry that she brang my cheating ex into what was now my new residence and told me to hide...

We messaged a good few long messages of understanding. That was it, she said, 'ok well have a nice evening talk soon, that was 3 weeks this sunday'

 

I know im probably sounding really weak here, i just feel so awful, and all these unwanted feelings about my ex,. the betrayal, the fight, and i it feels like they have turned their back on me over this...

 

Im just trying to work and keep busy. Truth is, friend A and B, but particularly friend A were very caring and nice to me so it hurts every day that goes by and i dont hear from her/them.

 

They have always told my this whole year that i was the only true person they could ever count on over here. And by them taking me to their country to the family home i really felt for the first time in years since i left Ireland i had made true friends.

 

You are right though m8, that kinda message would sound pathetic if i sent it. I will keep NC i guess? And try not to think about them.

 

Thanks for taking the time to respond here guys, it really helps alot.

Edited December 8, 2013 by fixing

[cavalier99]

Dude this is for the best. I know its painful but keeeping in touch with them probably kept you from moving on 100 percent from your ex (actsually im sure).

 

Go NC with them until your in a better spot. You need to get some distance and perspective on all this. Is it painful?? Sure. But youll come out the other side of this much stronger. PS you have really helped a lot of people her and i rslly like your posts. Stay strong bro! No More talking with them and losing your seflt esteem and respect. ok?Cav

[RespectfullyAlone]

It makes no sense that "friends" A or B got angry with you for de-friending them. I suppose you could delayed that part of put it off for a bit, but it's done now.

 

Them claiming they were your only true friends, but you finding out they had been friends with your Ex this whole time they were telling you they were not, them inviting your Ex over to their house... those are not actions of TRUE friends.

 

They are users. You're convenient for many reasons, but not the ones you want. You mentioned you got really close of those of these friends, so I suspect if given the chance you would have liked a relationship yes?

 

They are using you, manipulating you, even potentially leading you on with maybe just a hint things could get a little more serious.

 

Don't look at their words, look at their actions. They didn't contact you for 9 days after this incident right? Not even a, how are you? Hope you're ok, OMG that fight was pretty awesome/tragic/funny/over the top etc. Nothing right?

 

There's your answer right there. They weren't good friends at all man, and even if you wanted, it doesn't like you had a chance with anything more serious with either of them.

 

So in the long run you are better off. That doesn't mean you won't be lonely, sad, angry or confused, but in the long run you will see they were not friends at all.

[fixing]

Thank you very much respectfully alone. That post has hit the nail on the head. Actions certainly do speak louder then their words! That is exactly what i felt but with no one else to talk to i was in denial/making excuses for them/blaming myself.

You are also correct, friend A, i had redeveloped feelings for when we were on holidays. (Ironically, it was her i wanted to date when her girlfriend/my ex came onto me in 2011)

Although friend A and B are in a relationship together friend A was always staring at me when i wasnt aware, flirting around with me (She is Bisexual) and would probe me about my dates and whether i had sex with any of them. I could tell she would get jealous alot about my interactions with other girls but because she was in a relationship i just enjoyed the attention off them both.

 

I guess now i have to rebuild my self esteem and completely move on. It will be hard, and a part of me is always hoping friend A messages me but i need to keep rereading your message and realise that they were just using me and were not true friends!

[fixing]

Hmmm.... So, i just got added by Friend A just now. She is the bisexual partner of friend B whom i actually developed feelings for. But, because she was committed i was fine just being friends...

 

Anyways, its been like 7 weeks since i unfriended her and friend B and i havent heard a thing since.

 

I feel quite nervous now, all this time i wanted her to reach out to me and talk about all that happened but she never did.

 

Anyways, i just dont know now what i should do? Because, if i accept, and it turns out she just wants some favour like dog sitting or something again, i will be very angry and probably tell them both to literally **** offff!!

[LadyM]

Of course you should accept her as a FB friend. If you don't, you will never know how the story would have ended. Try to be positive. Maybe she simply wants your friendship again, and how lovely that would be for the New Year.

 

You will be curious forever if you don't find out what is on her mind. Good luck!!

[fixing]

Thanks LadyM. I accepted the friend request. Im just gonna wait and see if she says anything