luke2 Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 When I first started high school I was a popular boy with enough friends to keep me content, however it came a time were I started to get noticed by the most popular group and was bullied from where I came from and verbally abused, u see I want born in the UK but my English was perfect and no one could really tell, but I am dyslectic and having missed out on the first few years of school and having learning difficulties I was in the bottom sets for everything. Like yourself I was a good looking lad, perfect clear skin not even one spot I never appreciated that fact, when the bullying started this was the turning point in my life I backed down and became less social, rather then going out every weekend I’d stay at home on my computer. At the end of high school I found myself to be lacking in confidence with no friends, poor grades and acne I was 16 years old. At the start of college I did a year course to get me into the proper course because of my poor grades, so I was now a year behind my so called friends. As a lot of people in my position do I need attention, affection and to be social but I got none of it because I was now a social outcast with males and girls were no longer interested in me because of this and my acne. When I walked down the street and I’d never go out unless I really hard to I’d walk with my head on the ground looking at no one. I didn’t even go out shopping or anything. Anyway because of this urge of wanted to be part of something I became interested in certain cults like the KKK and the nazi partys, although I have never been an active supporter I do follow and understand their quest. (no one else knows this) I started to hate and that grew, the hate grew to the people at high school and it got to the point where murder did pop in an out of my mind. Jumping to the second year of college I was now in the real group but these people were a joke, social outcast like myself, losers, geeks, ugly gits that would never amount to anything, I was with these people because I had no one else, I’ve always been different with people and have trouble keeping or making friends for some reason I need people so I can be happy but I don’t care for them. I started to focus on my work and got A/B grades. In my last year of college I got a job at a supermarket and this really brought me out of my shell because I met so many nice people, I was only there 4 months this finished college and was offered to train as a manager and study at uni which they would pay for. I had to leave for 3 months to train in a different part of the country I was only 19 and the youngest there so everyone took the piss out of me and as for my so called friends I made when I first started at the supermarket I’ve heard nothing from them… a** holes!! So much for friendship!! I’m now still 19 and a manager controlling a large team of people but at work I’m very different, more out going etc but every day I come back home to nothing, no friends and mostly importantly no girl friend, I’ve been single for almost 4 years and my acne is still present but fading !! in fact I never had a girl sexually and I’m soon to be 20. I’m finding it very hard to learn to accept that I’m different and this is how things are ment to be because I don’t want to be like this, I want to be like everyone else. Deep down I’m a nice guy and care for peope, but I have a dark and sadistic side of me that I find hard to suppress. Why did this have to happen to me!!! I blame the source of my problem to high school and that leads me back to murder a si cant change the past but these people must pay, the only thing right now stopping me is the fact I’ve done better in life, I driver a better car if we worked at the same place they’d work for me so I win that way but life isn’t all fun and games for some people so be careful of who u hurt and just remember we all have feelings, no one deserves to be put down because one day someone like me may snap.
innocntlisy1981 Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 i think you need some help honey!!sum 1 to talk to like a physc it will do u the world og good to get ur problems out and have sum1 help u through!take care
7on Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 woot, dyslexics unite! I've always wanted to know why they made "dyslexic" such a hard word to spell. I keep wanting to type "dyslecic" Anyway, I say see a dermatologist about the acne, because noone likes acne. Not being mean or anything just helping. Ok. It's perfectly fine for you to be 20 and never been sexual with a girl. I'm 2 months from being 20 and never had a first kiss. I made up my mind long ago that if I was meant to be with someone, she'd let me know first. And well, I did meet someone - though she is being cautious. Anyway, back to you. I can't read the last paragraph so I don't know if it's your dyslexia getting entangled in my dyslexia or what. Might want to try typing slower or in a program with spell check. Like I do It's something about snapping as that's the last word. Hmmmm, I used to snap in HS. At people. I could probably take mostly anyone in a fight despite being so weak. I was an on/off masochist in my day. Then I developed poor circulation and I'd be damned - it weakened my sense of touch. So poking, cutting myself didn't do anything for me. Anyway, join local clubs and stuff. When you get to 21 you can visit bars - unless you still live in the UK. I'm not saying drink your problems away, you can usually meet people there. And hey, I'm sure we'd have been friends in HS if we'd gone to the same one. Chin up, never know who you will meet tomorrow.
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