OnlyHonesty Posted December 21, 2013 Share Posted December 21, 2013 Well I reached out to her just to ask whether I should stop waiting and she called me. She told me she misses me and loves me, but kept reminding me that I hurt her. She still took a couple of stabs at my job, but it doesn't matter. She said she has to think about giving it another go... but she couldn't answer last night and that she'll reach out to me when she's in NY. This is one thing I noticed about her, when she feels she's about to loose me for good, that's when she reacts. Never listens or wants to talk when everything is calm and serene. A lot of her old demeanor conjured as well, the reasons I initially went for the breakup. I don't mind though, i know this time is because I screwed up. Like I told her, whatever decision she makes is fine with me. It really is, i learned a lot from this experience, I just want to reach out and see if she's willing to give it another chance before I move on with my life. I seriously need to, lost focus of work before and after the breakup, skillset dwindled... scary stuff. I know there's a 10% chance she'll give it a go, odds are against me, I'm aware. But I had to try. I'll let everyone know the results! Firstly, below is a reminder with some of the key points highlighted. I have seen this pattern before and there is only one possible outcome. She has convinced you that all of it is your fault and you have gone along with this. Your self esteem is what you should be working on and if you do get back together, all of that energy will be expended in the wrong place. What you will likely find if you get back together is the following. At first, it will be fine, calm even, she will perhaps open up a bit and you will feel better. After this, everything is likely to go back to exactly how it was. When you broke up with her, you were listening to your 'gut instincts' and often when you do what is right for your soul and self esteem, it will feel painful and wrong for your body and then eventually the pain passes and you learn to listen to your instincts. You gave in due to the pain, betrayed your 'gut instincts' and will get temporary pain relief whether it be a few days or months. You did not contact her to reach out, you contacted her in the hopes of relief from the pain. Of course, all of this is merely my opinion, but I believe your actions amount to drinking the poison you are used to in the hopes it will give relief from the illness. Good evening, So after about three weeks of eerie behavior(going out for almost 4 months), and visiting her for thanksgiving, I broke up with my girl this Monday. I feel horrible, but I didn't know what else to do. I tried to constantly get her to talk, she doesn't do good with confrontation, so I always tried to ease into the topic, but either got shutdown, avoided, or just didn't want to talk. I went down there for Thanksgiving and I took care of her, cooked while she was at work, cleaned the apartment, out the blue she started getting belligerent regarding cleaning after myself, so when I defended myself (pointing out the clean room), she started name calling, I walked out on her to cool off, came back, and then she was the one that was mad. There were other instances prior to this as well. After we had a talk about that, everything seemed ok, but there was this feeling like she's distant, can't explain it any better. The relationship was great up until the second week of November, then it was a roller coaster of hot and cold moments that I didn't understand. When I broke up with her, she finally revealed that she shutdown this past month and pushed everyone away. She recently moved to Miami from NY and is missing her family, work is stressing her out, and has stress in her apartment. The day I broke up with her, she had a huge blow out with her roommates which basically I made everything worse. I didn't know this happened. I always tried to help her out and be there for her basically that's what I told her. When I told her why I broke up, that I needed her attention because this couldn't go on like this, I need her to compromise, once again she got mad(understandable). No matter how much I tried to get her to understand, she wasn't having it, continued to stab and insult, when I confronted her about why would she let me let her get that close if she was going to shut me out, she hung up the phone on me after asking her to not do it. I wrote a text saying I'm done, but I really felt horrible and then called her after giving it a day. She still doesn't want to compromise and basically at this point I feel I lost her completely. I really don't know what to do at this point. I didn't ask her back, I want to talk and all I want is for her not to shut me out. The sudden change in personality affected me deeply because its the first time I've been in a real relationship and been in love. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted December 22, 2013 Share Posted December 22, 2013 Well I reached out to her just to ask whether I should stop waiting and she called me. She told me she misses me and loves me, but kept reminding me that I hurt her. She still took a couple of stabs at my job, but it doesn't matter. This is a case of one step ahead and five backward................. You made whatever you did in the past days useless and meaningless. You're like a puppy on a leash. Some guys enjoy it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostsoul4286 Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 This is a case of one step ahead and five backward................. You made whatever you did in the past days useless and meaningless. You're like a puppy on a leash. Some guys enjoy it that way. Lol No it wasn't. I needed that. Caught her in a lie and now I'm seriously moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 now I'm seriously moving on. Read what you wrote above whenever you feel like "reaching out to her". Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostsoul4286 Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 Read what you wrote above whenever you feel like "reaching out to her". Yes, I will. Thanks again everyone for chiming in. Sometimes you need to listen to people staring in from the outside. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostsoul4286 Posted December 24, 2013 Author Share Posted December 24, 2013 So she calls and tells me that she has to move on, that I hurt her etc... and then asks me for my input... I simply said if she doesn't want to do it, I can't do anything about it. I did break down a bit and asked to give a second chance, but to no avail. Told me she's still angry about it and that she wants to move on from these feelings. Finally, she asked if we could still be friends. I thought about it long and hard and text her today that I can't be friends with someone who doesn't acknowledge the damage they do through their actions. That I'm done compromising, swallowing my pride, and forgiving her. That I'll cherish all the happy moments and forget that ones that made me break down, confused, and frustrated me. All numbers and info has been deleted. The end fellas! Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 please read that book i suggested. then after you do...please send her a copy. trust me on this. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 please read that book i suggested. then after you do...please send her a copy. trust me on this. He deleted her address and any other information. Therefore, he can't send anything anymore. And that's good, because he won't dwell on this any longer. Her development is only her own business. I hope he has better things to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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