IWillSaveYou Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 Last night was the worst. I had taken Viagra and everything before coming home from work. So when I get home, the kids weren't back from the movies and so my wife wanted to hop in bed right then. She wanted it NOW!! Which is unusual because she rarely wants sex, but when she does it's within a very narrow window of opportunity, like this one. So I went and tried and I started off getting hard but I lost it .. and she go very angry and then treated me like crap for the rest of the evening. If I happen to be in the mood as well, it all usually goes well. Sometimes even without the pill - especially when we're on vacation. I don't think I can go on with this, and I can't talk about it with her. She shut off and waves me off when I try to bring up the subject. At the same time, the prospect of having sex with her is stressful, because if I go soft or don't get hard fast enough, she gets bent out of shape. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 Sounds to me like her demanding and abusive attitude regarding your issue is what's making it worse. It happens to all guys at some point. Why does she feel like it's okay to treat you poorly because of it? That's not what a loving wife should do. Tell her you need to talk and don't let her dismiss you again! 9 Link to post Share on other sites
John-Dough Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 Like you don't feel bad enough. WOW. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 With the exception of one night fumbling around on the bench seat of my dad's Chevy pickup with my very first girlfriend in 1981 at the age of 17, my batting average has been 1000 but I would limp out too if someone was treating me like that. You and your wife have both bought in to the misconception that a man should be able to get it up and keep it up anywhere, anytime and under any circumstances. That is a myth and it is one that has a very detrimental affect on the psyches of both men and women. The reality is men have the same need for comfort and security that women do. Men have the same need for seduction that women do. Men have the same need for touch, making out, foreplay and arousal that women do. Men need the same content and same phases and stages of arousal that women do. The difference in girls and boys is not the content or the stages of seduction/arousal but of the time period. Men can often just go through those stages quicker, but that doesn't mean that they can omit or skip over them. The reason you are able to perform when you are in the mood and you are initiating is because in those cases you are directing the play through your stages of arousal and that works for you. I have had a lot of wild and kinky experiences over the years but if I came home after a typical day at work and my wife demanded I drop my drawers on the spot and stick it in her, I would be dealing with a noodle too. My d!ck just doesn't work that way and I doubt if your's does either. Unfortunately a lot of movies and romance novels etc does portray that and that often is a male fantasy to have a woman just suddenly demand it from you without warning. But often times things are fantasies simply because things don't work that way in the real world. Your issue here is not with your d!ck. If you are having morning wood first thing in the morning and are having satisfactory erections and performance when the stars are lining up right for you, then you do not have ED. The issue here is not with your penis and how it functions. The issue is with the comfort, seduction, stimulation and arousal phases of the sexual dynamics with your wife. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 Completely unacceptable for her to treat you like that. You're not a light switch that she can just flick on or off. How would she feel if you acted that way toward her if she couldn't get her hole wet? I've never had that issue, but I have turned sex down before and all hell broke loose. Yet, she'd reject me fairly regularly and I was the jerk for even having the gall to try. Double standards, gotta love em. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Elliotte Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 This sounds like it is becoming a horrible cycle. You need to make it clear to her that shaming you about it is harmful and only makes the situation worse. Try to get her to open up about why she acts that way. A lot of women take it very personally when a guy can't perform because they have the preconception that a man's penis is like a light switch, and if it doesn't turn on, it's their fault. At least, I would hope she's reacting that way because she is in pain and not truly being malicious on purpose. In my experience a quality woman are fine with a little work to get it up rather than take it for granted. Is she stimulating you at all, or is she just expecting it to be up and ready for penetration? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author IWillSaveYou Posted December 9, 2013 Author Share Posted December 9, 2013 With the exception of one night fumbling around on the bench seat of my dad's Chevy pickup with my very first girlfriend in 1981 at the age of 17, my batting average has been 1000 but I would limp out too if someone was treating me like that. You and your wife have both bought in to the misconception that a man should be able to get it up and keep it up anywhere, anytime and under any circumstances. That is a myth and it is one that has a very detrimental affect on the psyches of both men and women. The reality is men have the same need for comfort and security that women do. Men have the same need for seduction that women do. Men have the same need for touch, making out, foreplay and arousal that women do. Men need the same content and same phases and stages of arousal that women do. The difference in girls and boys is not the content or the stages of seduction/arousal but of the time period. Men can often just go through those stages quicker, but that doesn't mean that they can omit or skip over them. The reason you are able to perform when you are in the mood and you are initiating is because in those cases you are directing the play through your stages of arousal and that works for you. I have had a lot of wild and kinky experiences over the years but if I came home after a typical day at work and my wife demanded I drop my drawers on the spot and stick it in her, I would be dealing with a noodle too. My d!ck just doesn't work that way and I doubt if your's does either. Unfortunately a lot of movies and romance novels etc does portray that and that often is a male fantasy to have a woman just suddenly demand it from you without warning. But often times things are fantasies simply because things don't work that way in the real world. Your issue here is not with your d!ck. If you are having morning wood first thing in the morning and are having satisfactory erections and performance when the stars are lining up right for you, then you do not have ED. The issue here is not with your penis and how it functions. The issue is with the comfort, seduction, stimulation and arousal phases of the sexual dynamics with your wife. Thank you for this, my friend. Thank you very much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 She wanted it NOW!! Which is unusual because she rarely wants sex, but when she does it's within a very narrow window of opportunity, like this one. So I went and tried and I started off getting hard but I lost it .. and she go very angry and then treated me like crap for the rest of the evening. If I happen to be in the mood as well, it all usually goes well. Sometimes or don't get hard fast enough, she gets bent out of shape. I sounds like she is not nurturing your sex life, leaving you mostly to wither, and then only when she wants it - you have to perform ..... or she gets angry. How controling and wonderful for her. Sex only when she wants it - which is rare, and you better deliver - I understand this kind of thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChooseTruth Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 Just had a thought, any guys out there get pissy if their wife can't get wet? I think most guys would be embarrassed rather than angry. We take responsibility either way I guess. IF your wife can't get wet, just yell at her. I bet it helps. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 What is she doing to HELP you get up and hard? Anything? Foreplay isn't just for the woman. Damn, she needs to get down on her knees and make love to your cock. THAT should do the trick. And if it doesn't, there's nothing saying you can't get HER off even if you cannot perform. However, given her attitude, I cannot imagine you'd be in a very giving and loving mood to do that at that point. Sorry to hear she's like that. I'm sure that's a big part of why things are going the way they are in that area of your marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spiroman Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 That's messed up for sure. But you might just want to get your testosterone levels checked and all that. How old are you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts