TRL5578 Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 My brother in law is driving me crazy. My husband and I have lived in our house for 5 years and when we first moved in, we gave my brother in law the pass code to open the garage to use for emergencies only. I recently had a baby and my brother in law and his fiancé ask to come visit frequently, which I was fine with. BUT, now it seems like they expect to be fed and taken care of while they are over. They both work close to my home, but live across town, so they frequently drop by unexpected after work. I used to have to cook dinner for all of us, but with a new baby it is getting to be too much. Not to mention the rise in our grocery bills has more than doubled. I told them that money is tight but nothing seems to phase them. Now they don't even offer to help clean before they leave. My brother in law is way too comfortable. He comes over and let's himself in through the garage door, goes straight into our kitchen and goes through our cupboards and helps himsel to our food. Sometimes he puts whatever snacks he can find into his pockets or back pack. When I told him that I felt like he was invading my privacy by doing that, he said that I'd be wasting my time offering him a drink or snack and that he'd be wasting his time waiting. He said that I was just delaying the inevitable and he thinks he's actually doing me a favor!!!! He has now started coming over during the day and wailking straight into our guest room to take naps. My husband has commented a few times on how it is rude and disrespectful, but everything seems to be brushed off. Being straight forward with him didn't work, not having food ready when he and his fiancé come over doesn't work either, because they will just go into the fridge and make something. They are not tight on cash either, they both make way more money than my husband and I do. It's starting to really piss me off!!! Am I over reacting? I hate when people walk around my home and go through my things like they own the place. I want this to stop, but at the same time I don't want to make it so awkward. Link to post Share on other sites
BlametheIrish Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 Change the lock on the garage door. I think he might get the point tgen. If he still comes over for dinner. Tell him at tge door that its,family time that night and he can come by on such and such a date fir a big dinner (if you want). He and his wife are walkibg all iver your husband, tine to put your foot dien hard! Dont feel bad eithet, its nit your fault these people cant understabd boundaries. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TRL5578 Posted December 7, 2013 Author Share Posted December 7, 2013 Thank you! You are so right. I've asked my hubby in the pat to just change the garage password, but he thought it was extreme and rude, but too bad!! I'm so sick of this and obviously being straight forward is not working. I am going to change the code myself. As for inviting them for dinner another time .... I don't think so. That is not going to happen for a long time . I've been feeding them 3-4 times a week for 4 months now. Time to give my wallet a rest! If they say that they want to visit the baby, then I will limit their time. Thank you so much!! I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this is inappropriate Link to post Share on other sites
BlametheIrish Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 E wYour husband should remain firm on this issue too. No telling his bro, "Sorry man my it pisses my wife off when you do that". He needs to back you up on this one, even if it makes him uncomfortable. Remember you are not in the least bit in the wrong and these people seem to have zero boundaries. Set then, stick to them and try your best not to feel guilty about it as most people would not be cool with what your BIL did and woukd not have been nearly as accommodating as you. I dated a guy for 3 years with an ovetbearing mother. One time she came over to the house we both owned and rearranged everything while I was at work. When I got home I was livid but I told her in a very firm.way that if she did that again, she woukd not be allowed in my home again. She didnt talk to me for months until her hubby made the old bag apologize. She acted like she had no.idea why I.was mad (yeah right:). I had to teach her boundaries because she wasnt aware they exist lol. Point being, people only get away with what you'll allow. So when you do put your foot down, do nit allow them to make you feel guilty fir their lack of manners and boundaries. Be strong, youll feel better when they learn respect. Sorry I realize I've gotten a bit repetitive in this Post but my editing tools,are non existant. Good luck OP 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 Yes, OP. Your husband needs to be standing right there with you on this one. Change the code, and next time he drops by without calling, have your husband (not you) tell him that "tonight isn't really good for us." Both of you need to be broken records about this: every time BIL invites himself over without calling first, you say "sorry, now's not good. call us sometime next week." Be consistent. Eventually even he will get the hint. See your BIL when it's good for you both. It's inappropriate that BIL expects you to cook for him with no notice, especially if you have a new baby! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TRL5578 Posted December 9, 2013 Author Share Posted December 9, 2013 hope it works! Link to post Share on other sites
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