I just broke up with my girlfriend.

[Axle_Boy]

Hi everybody, I am a 26 year old male who just broke up with my girlfriend two days ago. I am not angry or mad, a little hurt but is the way it goes. Any advice from anyone?

 

Here is the situation.

 

I am 26, she just turned 21 yesterday. We have been together for an incredible (at least I think so) 2 and 1/2 years and we were friends for 2 years before that. Sure there was some ups and downs and some disagreements or fights but that happens all the time.

 

For the last week I have been sensing something is wrong with her. I thought something like this was looming. I told my best friend, my brother, his girlfriend and my mom that something was not right with her and I think there will be a break (wasn't sure about a break up) very soon.

 

Now I am not bragging or getting ahead of myself but I think I am a pretty good guy. What I mean by that is that I just graduated university, going to get a job, don't smoke/drugs drink to much, have good parents etc etc etc. So I know the problems is not drug abuse, parents or abuse.

 

After she said she wants to end it, before I left I asked her why?. I wanted to know for myself. The reason was that she does not feel happy anymore, we had been having arguments over minor stuff. She says that she wants a boyfriend who takes care of her by picking her up from work and driving her to worK (I do take her to work sometimes when I can). I ALWAYS pick her up if she works really late because I don't want her taking the bus late at night. Otherwise I pick her up every now and then. She tells me she wants a boyfriend who wants to travel, she goes on trips with her sister (who is married and has full time job) all the time. I could not go because I did not have the $1200 bucks at the time in March and I also was in the middle of exams. The final thing we talked about was around Christmas day. She wanted me to go to a Christmas morning breakfast and then come over for presents and dinner. I had other things as well to do that day with my family and could not do the breakfast. the presents and dinner were no problem I attended those.

 

Now, in the summer she insisted that we have my parents and her mom meet. I objected at the time because I didn't want to get all that serious. I eventually said fine and the parents met. Everything went ok with no complaints. We also went to Montreal, Ottawa and Quebec City in the summer and had some problems. There problems with getting along more than anything else. We did seperate back then but not for long as she told me that she made a mistake and all that.

The last thing she mentioned was that she wants to see if other guys are like me.

 

Sorry this is so long but I really love her. I have in the past done whatever it takes with me personally to change what I was doing to annoy her to make her happy, however, not without reason. I also really think that we are great together and she is really a special person who I will never ever find again and I really mean that. I know I will meet other women and I have had other girlfriends before but this one was so special. She always says how I should show how much I love her all the time and I tried. I did as many things as I could to show her I love her but I just got the feeling she had un realistic expectations.

 

She also comes from a family who had a difficult father who her mother left 3 years ago and she also has a VERY controlling sister who's husband once left her for 3 months but are back together now.

 

Any opinions would be greatful. Please don't respond with move on or get over it I will. I have before and I will agian.

 

One last thing. She has never had a boyfriend before me and I have had a girlfriend before. For some reason I just really think she needs some time and space (and so do I) to realize what we have together. I really do care about her very much and I really want the best for her if it make her happy that I am not with her.

 

Today is the day after the breakup and I do think of her but I don't feel horrible. I am upset but I know life can or will go on with or without her. I went to the bookstore to read, I had some coffee and I am generally upbeat. I am sad because it happened but I really wish she had some experience with another guy before me so she knows what it was like. I for one was a terrible boyfriend to the girf before her (calling her, obsessing about her, needing her). This girlfriend was not like that. I really felt that she was my companion more than anything else in the world and I just wish for her to be happy.

 

I too was hoping for a little space from her because it just seemed that she wanted me to be someone I am not. Plus, I like my independence even though I am in a relationship as what I mean is that I don't want to go to fast.

 

I am going to have NO CONTACT with her period unless she calls me in a few days. I don't want that to set me back if I have to move on without her. Another thing, this might be the best thing for her as for me I would not feel this way today if it wasn't for getting over my first love.

 

Any opinions would greatly appreciated from a guy who really cares about his ex girlfriend.

 

I have had no contact with her but she called twice after new years passed last night but I did not know until this afternoon when I saw my phone that i left in my car.

 

Any thoughts.

[Sukotto]

The caring will fade once you look back at all the bad things that happened in the relationship, dont delude yourself by only thinking about the good things. This will just make it more painful and put her in a better light than she really was.

 

The first thing I suggest you do is get everything that she ever wrote to you or that reminds you of her and put it in a box and put it in a cupboard. This includes photos, I kept those about for a month after the split and it just made it more painful, I would look at them for hours and just waste time.

 

You have to understand that as she matures that her opinions and personality will change, you may find that you've not been compatible for a while but its taken her this long for her to make up her mind. I personally think she was being a tad unresaonable with her demands, dropping her off at work? Do you have a Taxi sign on your car? I only use to pick up my ex when it was raining heavily and she appreciated it even more.

 

You should definately just avoid contact with her no matter how hard it is, I gave in after a few days and on reflection it was pointless. You do need to avoid making the very common mistakes if you do talk to her. Do not beg for her to come back or attempt to use guilt, the relationship wont last and it puts you in a bad light, I tried the begging and informing her of my undieing love and it got me no where.

[Guest]

it sounds like alot of guys or males always just think of themselves! i may sound jaded or whatever, but the truth is that i am speaking from experience. I can sit here and go through my experiences but there's no point in doing that, so i will just say that i have had similarly bad experiences with a total jerk who was nothing but sexist and just wanted all the attention for himself. The only advice that I can offer to all you males out there, is to listen to your girfriend, be nice and stop treating her like she is one of your mates cos she's not, surely that will clear most or all of your problems.

 

smiley