His evil teenage son and our relationship...

[Dollface5]

I've been with "Carl" for over a year. He's 46 and I'm 42. We both have sons close in age (early teens). We get along good and he's desperate to get married and have us move into his house. Problem is - his son is horrible. He's allowed to get away with everything, has NO manners, is obsessed with fighting and causing problems and I down right cannot stand this kid. He's sneaky and devious and bullies my son. steals from him and always pits other kids against my son.

 

Carl doesn't do squat about it - he never disciplines his son and gives me blank stares when I catch his son stealing from my son or picking fights. My son is NOT like this - he's very mild mannered and well behaved - he doesn't like fighting and is kind to everyone. These boys are like good and evil.

 

Now don't get me wrong - my son isn't perfect but I've raised him to respect others, have good morals and manners and treat people fairly. Carl's son is a bully - won't share, calls my son stupid and idiot and treats him like dirt. He'll do mean things too that upset my son - like he said he'd kill our cats if we moved in to his house.

 

This upsets me and I have talked to Carl but it's futile - he says "My son is tough and doesn't steal". Because Carl thinks I overexaggerate and that my son is too much of a wimp - I have begun to resent and lose all trust in Carl. I don't want to move into his house or get married because of Carl's attitude.

 

And I am coming up with excuses to not see him - I don't want to force my son to have to spend time with his son because they always get into fights and his son acts like such a little hellion.

 

My son has tried everything to get along and it hurts me when his son deliberately harrasses or belittles my son - for no reason other than to start trouble. Carl just sits back and says "boys will be boys".

 

Yet he wants us to blend families and get married? I'm like "No way in hell". My son needs a good role model and I don't want him to constantly be defending himself against the evil stepbrother.

 

Carl keeps pressuring me about getting married but there's absolutely no way I'll tolerate this kids behavior - I want to slap him silly all the time because he's such a little smartass and devious liar and thief.

 

What do you do when you hate your mates child? I'm beginning to hate my mate as well because he won't do anything to discipline this kid. Me and Carl have an ok relationship - I know he really loves me and we are compatible and good friends - but when it comes to our kids - he takes his kids side and I take mine and we get no where.

 

Our kids are so opposite. Mine is just a very mild mannered boy who loves animals, has lots of friends and is well liked - adults love him because he has good manners. His son always wants to abuse or kill animals, fight other kids and the words "please" and "thank you" are not in his language. Yet his dad thinks his son is such a tough little bad ass while my son is a wimp.

 

My son isn't a wimp - he's just easy going and gentle. He'd do anything for anyone and is the first to rescue animals or stick up for the underdog.

 

Is this relationship doomed? When we're together we have fun but his son always starts something and causes problems then blames my son - I get upset and Carl does nothing and always sticks up for his son saying "He didn't do anything".

[moimeme]

Wait until the boys are grown and out of the house. Then if Carl still seems like a good deal, marry him.

[Mr Spock]

I agree. Don't force these people on your son-it's the stuff that scars for life.

 

It seems to me Carl wants you to marry him quck so you can take over disciplining his pain in the ass jerk son-NO WAY, JOSE.

 

 

Wait until the kids are older.

[Dollface5]

I agree and that's what I think too - it's only 5 years until these boys are off to college.

[Karlise13]

YOu could try waiting the five years....but then again, that's no guarantee that this hellspawn will be out of the house.

 

He could move back in at age 20 and stay their for another 5 years. You just never know.

 

The fact that Carl doesn't seem concerned about his son's behavior enough to do anything abut it speaks volumes.

 

 

And do you really want to marry someone who thinks your son is a 'wimp'?

 

Your son seems like a nice kid. If he has to live with Carl his life will probably be hell.

[SoleMate]

I agree with the others, but even more so. The way they choose to rear their child(ren) says a lot about the parents. You obviously care about bringing up your boy to be a decent human being, and by your standards, Carl doesn't. That shows that there is a great gulf between you two. I wouldn't be a bit surprised that if you married when the boys were out of the house, Carl turned out to have other personal flaws that caused other serious problems between you two. And you just might not be seeing them now because the conflict between the boys is so severe, it is overshadowing everything. Carl thinks that politeness and kindness are crimes to be punished with abuse and insults?

 

Carl's pressure to marry and move in would put me off as well. If he really wants you in his family, he could be saying, "What can I do to help you decide to move in ASAP?" Then you'd say, "Start disciplining your son and keep him from stealing from, harassing, belittling, and attacking my son." Then...here's the kicker...he could actually respond to your heartfelt wishes and start learning to be a good parent. But...we both know he won't.

 

I'm sure you love your son, and one of the best ways to show it is to seek out a stepfather who would care about him and treat him with nearly the same love and respect that you do.

 

Is this relationship doomed?

I hope so, for both your sakes.