3 weeks no contact

[zpat4etsu]

I've never told anyone my story so here it goes. I haven't told it mostly because I'm ashamed of how I'm feeling and that this NC is so dam hard in this case.

 

In Sept of this year I was introduced to the cousin of a friend. I didn't pay much attention to him when I saw him but he persuded me to no end...calls, text, out to dinner, told family about me, wanted to see me all the time. So of course because I hadn't had this much attention from a man in a long time, I fell head over heels. Now that I think about it he started trying to emotionally distance himself about 1 month later and it got worse. Suddenly the calls and text stopped, it was mostly me persuing him and him being cocky and arrogant.

 

When we first met he showed me a text message he sent to a woman he'd been seeing to say he'd met someone he wanted to be with, he acted like he wanted to be in an exclusive relationships from the begining but as time went own he began to deny that this was his intent.

 

So fast forward to November 7 when I was at his home having the relationship discussion, he began saying he didn't want to committ to anyone and that he never told me he did...really cold to me after sex.........so next morning he tells me that three weeks ago he met someone and had only been talking on the phone but didn't want to play two women. I was furious because he'd just called my cousin telling her how much he liked me...wow. I quested this and he said he did enjoy spending time wth me and that I was a nice lady.....lol

 

so a few more conversations and the last real one he said....it's the distance (we live 1hr a way), it's because he couldn't see me when he wanted, because the relationship was getting too heated, he wanted to be friends, didn't want to play two women, and that he didn't want to hold me back.

 

Well of course my emotions went craxy and I text 50 times saying I didn't care about another woman and I just wanted to be friends and see him to discuss in person. Most text went mostly ignored. So around November 15th I began texting and callling like crazy (from othe numbers he didn't know).

 

We spoke that night and he was drunk as a dog taking his son to a basketball game. I called and called and he spoke to be briefly but wouldn't say if he would see me that night. I had to actually call from numbers he didn't know to get him to answer. He said he'd call back but never did. I was an emotional wreck at this point and was loosing it and I knew it.

 

That Saturday same kinda thing with the calls and text. Spoke with his briefly 3x and he said he'd call me back (never did) during one of the brief calls he said he had plans to go out and couldn't see me ( he laughed and said first come first serve) I ignored and asked him if he was going out with a woman, he said no it was his cousin but that we might get together later. So I told him I was going to be in town. More calls and text unanswered. So eventually someone answered his phone (his 14yr old son) and said he'd gone out but I thought I heard him in the background. Called back a couple of times but got no answer. I was furious thinking he'd put his son on the phone. Well I drove the hour home screaming, crying and feeling humiliated so I started NC without any closure or explanation.

 

 

That was Nov 16, 2013 and I've not called or text since and neither has he. I've really struggled this week and it's been about 20 something days. I want to text and call so back to see how he is, to see if he's thinking of me or if he'll even give me an explanation. I didn't realize I cared so much for him but I'm afraid to call. If he ignores me or is mean I would feel like kicking my own ass. His cousin says I should just send a text saying I'm thinking of him and heh believes I misinterpreted the events of that night.

 

I'm wondering about this no contact thing since there was no official break up..............HELP

 

 

Sorry it's a book but so many details

[Phantomu]

Move on, he is not making the time for you to see him or interact together. He also has stated he was seeing someone else. Forget that guy. You are 3 weeks into no contact and that is more than some people can say that have had actual break ups. Don't let it get you down. Go out and have fun and you will eventually find a guy who values your time.

[Meadowgreen]

during one of the brief calls he said he had plans to go out and couldn't see me ( he laughed and said first come first serve) I ignored and asked him if he was going out with a woman, he said no it was his cousin but that we might get together later. So I told him I was going to be in town. More calls and text unanswered. So eventually someone answered his phone (his 14yr old son) and said he'd gone out but I thought I heard him in the background. Called back a couple of times but got no answer. I was furious thinking he'd put his son on the phone. [/NC]Well I drove the hour home screaming, crying and feeling humiliated so I started NC without any closure or explanation.

 

 

That was Nov 16, 2013 and I've not called or text since and neither has he. I've really struggled this week and it's been about 20 something days. I want to text and call so back to see how he is, to see if he's thinking of me or if he'll even give me an explanation.

 

With all due respect, you are acting like a crazy person, and that is NOT attractive. Yes, it was massively douchey of him to get his 14 year old son to answer the phone and get rid of you, but calling him from different numbers to catch him out? You've got to know that's the calling card of a bunny boiler.

 

I really feel that you have some self-esteem issues that need dealing with that you would let a dude humiliate you like this. Rather than worrying about this smug idiot and how he's doing (which is pretty much you trying to clutch onto any excuse to talk to him, I know because I've been there), it would be wise to think about why you would chase after such a self-absorbed, emotionally stunted manchild. Also, next time you feel tempted to barrage him with calls, think about the fact that he's probably laughing it up with his friends that he has a crazy broad (you) chasing after him because that's how hot **** he is.

 

It doesn't matter how into you he USED to be, the fact is he's not into you now. Cut your losses, get some dignity, go NC and move on. You have friends here, and people who can give you support and guidance. Talk to them and make a commitment to yourself that you'll never be made to feel like dirt by some douchebag ever again.

[fixing]

Please do not call him ever again. He is playing you, and more importantly is completely ignoring you now.

You will become a begger if you call again. You dont want that!

Screw him, find another man who actually treats you right.

Tell the cousin he/she's an idiot for even suggesting you try to text him again.

Stay no contact and move on.

[zpat4etsu]

Thanks everyone for the replies. Some of it was hard to hear but I know you're right. I do feel bad for humiliating myself and that's one reason I haven't told anyone this story...not even my family. Im a professional educated female and I don't typically date men like him (drinks alot) but since he was introduced by a friend, I thought it would be ok. I keep going back to the beginning of the relationship when he was so attentive but them I remember that the time didn't last that long. I must admit I'm a bit jealous that some other women is getting the treatment I got.

 

 

:(

[Meadowgreen]

Thanks everyone for the replies. Some of it was hard to hear but I know you're right. I do feel bad for humiliating myself and that's one reason I haven't told anyone this story...not even my family. Im a professional educated female and I don't typically date men like him (drinks alot) but since he was introduced by a friend, I thought it would be ok. I keep going back to the beginning of the relationship when he was so attentive but them I remember that the time didn't last that long. I must admit I'm a bit jealous that some other women is getting the treatment I got.

 

 

:(

 

There's no need to beat yourself up over it, as long as you resolve to stop with the obsessive behavior and put this to bed. Of course it's hard but it's also necessary. He's a toxin that you need to purge from your system.

 

If you've been keeping this to yourself, that's bound to intensify all that turmoil you're carrying around with you. it's also understandable that you would trust your friend's judgment - after all, they're meant to have your best interests at heart, right?

 

Successful, intelligent women like yourself often find themselves completely shattered by men like this. There's a couple of theories as to why it happens, but from what you've said, I'm going to file this man under 'crazymaker'. I found a great article that explains the warning signs and why this dude may have had such a profound effect on you.

 

There's also something else you may not considered - sometimes when someone is a great catch like you, and they date 'below them', they can feel profoundly angry and upset when they're rejected by that person. Natalie Lue over at Baggage Reclaim (love her!) coined it as I Can't Believe They Don't Want Me syndrome. This may apply to you, it may not, but read the article anyway. It could give you some much needed perspective.

 

I still feel however that it's high time you focused on loving and validating yourself. If you can cultivate some healthy self-respect, I PROMISE you'll look back on your infatuation with this guy and cringe with embarrassment. Not only that, but you'll be on the way to meeting someone who will be just as into you as you're into them

[zpat4etsu]

Thank you Meadowgreen............That was a powerful message and alot of the things you said hit home and are things I've heard before. I have often dated beneath me. I said some 10yrs ago I'd never date another man that I suspected has a drug or alcohol problem and for some reason I fell victim once again, even now that I know what he is...it's hard to pull away. I'm going to read the articles you suggested. Just telling someone I believe is giving me strength and giving the situation less power. Thanks again and any other articles would be appreciated.

[CAdude82]

Zpat, many of us have been there. I myself fell in love with somebody this year. I let my emotions get the best of me and started texting the person constantly and turned into somebody I never knew I could be. I became that crazy person who was obsessed with my ex and looking for any excuses to contact him. I couldn't imagine how I looke in his eyes now. I have been NC since the first week of November (minus a Happy Thanksgiving text). I just want to call him and apologize for my behavior and to try to get back on talking terms. I'm afraid of the reply I will get back (if any), so I don't do it. Just stay strong and remain NC. You are better than this guy!

[zpat4etsu]

Well I did it! I broke no contact after 30 days after much pressure from his family members. Well I can't say it went bad. I followed advice I read online about what kind of text to send and it basically was telling him about a story a co worker told me that reminded me of something he'd done and I ended it with "how have you been'. He responded 'Merry Christmas, how are you" and I responded "I'm good". His next response was "call me in an hr". I chose not to call back in an hr because I wondering why he didn't say "I'll call you in an hr' so after thinking long and hard after about 2hrs I called but didn't get an answer so I just left a message saying I had called. I'm not sure how I feel right now. I think I was still too emotional to contact because I've had thoughts of why he hasn't called me back so perhaps I needed 60 or 90 days no contact. I'm probably going to start my next 30 days of NC. That was a trial run but I guess all and all it wasn't too bad. Maybe within the next 30 days I will be over it and wont even recognize that 30 more days have past.

[Used mistress]

I hope you have read the two articles MEADOWGREEN has suggested. I read them and I am going to read them a couple times more. They hit home for me. Thank you MEADOWGREEN.

 

I hope you stay NC from this dude. He is playing you and definately not worth your time or attention.

[zpat4etsu]

I did read those articles and I probably need to read them again....yeap I believe he's playing me in my head...now if I could get my heart to agree...thanks

[AnyaNova]

I've never told anyone my story so here it goes. I haven't told it mostly because I'm ashamed of how I'm feeling and that this NC is so dam hard in this case.

 

In Sept of this year I was introduced to the cousin of a friend. I didn't pay much attention to him when I saw him but he persuded me to no end...calls, text, out to dinner, told family about me, wanted to see me all the time. So of course because I hadn't had this much attention from a man in a long time, I fell head over heels. Now that I think about it he started trying to emotionally distance himself about 1 month later and it got worse. Suddenly the calls and text stopped, it was mostly me persuing him and him being cocky and arrogant.

 

When we first met he showed me a text message he sent to a woman he'd been seeing to say he'd met someone he wanted to be with, he acted like he wanted to be in an exclusive relationships from the begining but as time went own he began to deny that this was his intent.

 

So fast forward to November 7 when I was at his home having the relationship discussion, he began saying he didn't want to committ to anyone and that he never told me he did...really cold to me after sex.........so next morning he tells me that three weeks ago he met someone and had only been talking on the phone but didn't want to play two women. I was furious because he'd just called my cousin telling her how much he liked me...wow. I quested this and he said he did enjoy spending time wth me and that I was a nice lady.....lol

 

so a few more conversations and the last real one he said....it's the distance (we live 1hr a way), it's because he couldn't see me when he wanted, because the relationship was getting too heated, he wanted to be friends, didn't want to play two women, and that he didn't want to hold me back.

 

Well of course my emotions went craxy and I text 50 times saying I didn't care about another woman and I just wanted to be friends and see him to discuss in person. Most text went mostly ignored. So around November 15th I began texting and callling like crazy (from othe numbers he didn't know).

 

We spoke that night and he was drunk as a dog taking his son to a basketball game. I called and called and he spoke to be briefly but wouldn't say if he would see me that night. I had to actually call from numbers he didn't know to get him to answer. He said he'd call back but never did. I was an emotional wreck at this point and was loosing it and I knew it.

 

That Saturday same kinda thing with the calls and text. Spoke with his briefly 3x and he said he'd call me back (never did) during one of the brief calls he said he had plans to go out and couldn't see me ( he laughed and said first come first serve) I ignored and asked him if he was going out with a woman, he said no it was his cousin but that we might get together later. So I told him I was going to be in town. More calls and text unanswered. So eventually someone answered his phone (his 14yr old son) and said he'd gone out but I thought I heard him in the background. Called back a couple of times but got no answer. I was furious thinking he'd put his son on the phone. Well I drove the hour home screaming, crying and feeling humiliated so I started NC without any closure or explanation.

 

 

That was Nov 16, 2013 and I've not called or text since and neither has he. I've really struggled this week and it's been about 20 something days. I want to text and call so back to see how he is, to see if he's thinking of me or if he'll even give me an explanation. I didn't realize I cared so much for him but I'm afraid to call. If he ignores me or is mean I would feel like kicking my own ass. His cousin says I should just send a text saying I'm thinking of him and heh believes I misinterpreted the events of that night.

 

I'm wondering about this no contact thing since there was no official break up..............HELP

 

 

Sorry it's a book but so many details

 

Never fear, we all write novels when we come here first. :-p Or many of us, anyway.

 

Okay. I really advise NC to get yourself far enough over this prick that you can see that you don't want to be with someone who would ever, under any circumstances, be drunk around their children, or take their children anywhere (especially in a vehicle!) while intoxicated.

 

I think it is good riddance to bad rubbish and time to move on!

[zpat4etsu]

Thanks Anyanova......You're so very right. After a few days of textin with him. I realize how much breaking NC was a BIG mistake. He's still the same ol arrogant SOB he was before. I guess 30day changed nothing. So after several "meaningless" text and broken promises to call back; I begin NC again. This time I feel really stupid for ever breaking contact....listening to his family...ugh!!!