HeSh_tTheBed Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 Ps--my best friend from college was in your industry and she is a genius. I've met many who are. It takes lots of brains to keep track of all the justifications---but in your heart you know what is good self-care and what isn't. You just have to decide that you don't want to hurt yourself anymore. Easier said than done, I know! Link to post Share on other sites
Author moving2fast Posted December 11, 2013 Author Share Posted December 11, 2013 ThatsJustHowIRoll, I've taken your advice and blocked the number, that was really hard, waited till this morning to do that. Made sure I wasn't home alone so I wouldn't be tempted to return any calls. I know we would have ended up messing around if I did meet up with him, I kind of was worried he left his family/was kicked out and alone. I don't know if that's the case, and probably need to stop worrying and thinking about these people now. Nothing good comes of it and it's really causing me all sorts of grief, and so successful escape from thoughts of them currently. Speakingofwhich, thanks so much. That really touches me. I was told after a terminated pregnancy at the age of 14 that too much damage was done and haven't been able to get pregnant, I dunno if I'll ever have kids. I know I shouldn't put of school though, I tend to talk myself out of a lot of things. HeSh_tTheBed, that experiment really makes me feel bad for being weak. It's probably because I do want someone to care/love me. I don't want to think of myself as trying to keep someone around. I try not to care if people stay or go, I don't get exclusive with one person, I know I'll be left behind if I did. So, even when I'm with someone, I feel so very alone. The pieces I give of myself to others have already been taken so I don't feel bad when I get nothing bad, it's worse when I do get something from another and I know it's not real or is temporary and I can't lay any real claim to it. Yes, I know some very well learned men and women coworkers, but I just feel I'm not on their level for a ton of reasons. You are right, I know what good self care is, I just have to get to a point where I actually believe I'm worth it and then follow through with the steps I need to take. Too difficult in the moment, but I know I need to do something soon, or I'll be back to things I couldn't stand doing and putting up with again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 At the risk of repetition, go to school!:) Don't put it off. Two, three, four years will pass before you know it whether you go to school or not. But, if you go to school, then in two, three or four years you'll find yourself with choices you don't have now! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author moving2fast Posted December 12, 2013 Author Share Posted December 12, 2013 Thank you all again for the advice, feedback, understanding, care, warmth, and honesty. I am grateful and appreciate all the responsees, taking all your words to heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 Thank you all again for the advice, feedback, understanding, care, warmth, and honesty. I am grateful and appreciate all the responsees, taking all your words to heart. Just remember. You need to push yourself to take healthy steps in your life. It is hard. You have been through a hell many of us cannot fathom. But only you can change your life. Taking things to heart is good. Making baby steps (like blocking mm) is better. I urge you to try a few IC out. Just give it a go. I am actually not a pusher of counselling buy when someone is alone in the world I think it is a very good step. By trying a few you may find someone you click with. And if it turns out it isn't for you/not the right time at least you gave it a shot. I wish we had pm access because I'd like us to be able to pm. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moving2fast Posted December 13, 2013 Author Share Posted December 13, 2013 Fluttershy, thank you so much. I have taken the baby step of blocking the number, and also his email(which I kind of wanted to hold on to, because I really do miss the long chains we would have going).I keep trying to think about how this is the best thing to do, and anything opposing this course of action would be selfish. I miss having someone to talk to that knew me so well. I too wish that we could pm, but I probably would be quite annoying when I'm feeling super duper lonely, so you're spared :-). I must seem irritating in my apprehension to start any IC, and I apologize for that. Life was hard, really try not to feel anything over it now, because when I do, it's all wrong. Thanks again everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted December 14, 2013 Share Posted December 14, 2013 Well keep posting and we will both get to PM privilages. I believe it is 1month and 100 posts (read that somewhere). Or you can pay for a subscription. Hang in there and stick to NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moving2fast Posted December 15, 2013 Author Share Posted December 15, 2013 I'll continue to stay present and post. I like this community, it feels safe to share here. Right now, I'm feeling lonely even though I have plans this evening. Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 (((((moving2fast))))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author moving2fast Posted December 15, 2013 Author Share Posted December 15, 2013 Thank you for the hug Speakingofwhich, I sure needed it. Link to post Share on other sites
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