peruano99 Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 It appears a part of them still love their partner, but another part of me thinks if they loved their partner, they shouldn't have cheated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thedafox Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 I had an emotional affair when I was with my ex, I did still love her but she was always distant when I tried to bring things up with her and I messed up when I found someone who would talk to me about it. It's not an excuse and it never will be one. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 Let's make this simple. Yes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 I have always loved my husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 I would never question anyone and say "you didn't love your spouse while cheating." But I would say it matters little once the betrayed spouse finds out. What is important is the betrayed spouse doesn't feel loved once the betrayal is known (and sometimes during). So the only value in the wayward spouse knowing they love their spouse is that they will do everything under the sun to win their spouse back. They will be trily remorseful and willing to dig as deep as possible to make themselves a better person. So, simply put, yes, some waywards do still love their spouse. But how many betrayed spouse's would say they felt loved. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 Not while they are cheating. You don't betray people you love like that. They can regain that love if they truly change their ways. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted December 7, 2013 Share Posted December 7, 2013 They can love them but they don't respect them. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peruano99 Posted December 8, 2013 Author Share Posted December 8, 2013 They can love them but they don't respect them. I agree with this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peruano99 Posted December 8, 2013 Author Share Posted December 8, 2013 I have always loved my husband. Your affair happened close to 10 years ago...aware me on what happened? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 Your affair happened close to 10 years ago...aware me on what happened? 5 years ago actually and it is all here on LS from dday. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 Yes, you can...you don't cheat just because of a lack of love or even respect but of other issues that are personal....as in all things. I think that reasoning of not loving someone enough being the only or main reason you cheat on that person is nonsensical...it's like saying if you loved your partner you wouldn't be fat and unhealthy or stop drinking if you're an alcoholic because a person you love enough should be enough for you to stop...in short, it doesn't have to have anything at all to do with your partner but also just a way of filling other needs. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 You can love someone yes, but you can't actually respect or be IN love with someone and cheat on them. Sorry, that is one thing that won't ever change. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
OhGeesh Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 It appears a part of them still love their partner, but another part of me thinks if they loved their partner, they shouldn't have cheated. Of course you can still love them. Peoople hurt the ones they love all the time in tons of ways not just cheating. People also love many things all at the same time love is not a singular emotion. Poor decision, lack of moral fiber, rationalizing for immediate gain all YES, but that doesn't mean they don't love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FrankieFrank Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 If you can love a person and still cheat on them, then love itself has very little value it seems. It's been blown out of proportion by media as in "love conquers all", yet in real life on its own it amounts to jack diddly squat. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 No... And if they do, it's egoistical "love". "Love" of low value. And I don't want to be "loved" that way. When you are in a monogamous relationship, you are making a deal with the other person. Cheating is betrayal. We all have our issues, I know that I do. But cheating is a conscious choice of an adult; and simply not acceptable. I'm very strict in my view about this matter. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peruano99 Posted December 8, 2013 Author Share Posted December 8, 2013 I have always loved my husband. You had a 3 year affair with another man...did you love your husband while you had the affair and why did you do it? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 You had a 3 year affair with another man...did you love your husband while you had the affair and why did you do it? I have already said in this thread that I have always loved my husband. The reasons why I had an affair are not the topic of this thread. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FrankieFrank Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 You had a 3 year affair with another man...did you love your husband while you had the affair and why did you do it? Of course she could love her husband all the time... Love is a meaningless and/or poorly defined concept that can be twisted into whatever is most convenient to explain at any moment. Everyone who cheated, abused, was violent to etc. could say they "loved" their partners "in their own way". How much does it matter is a different story. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 Of course she could love her husband all the time... Love is a meaningless and/or poorly defined concept that can be twisted into whatever is most convenient to explain at any moment. Everyone who cheated, abused, was violent to etc. could say they "loved" their partners "in their own way". How much does it matter is a different story. Being indifferent on how much your spouse will be hurt... Is the exact oppossite of love. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 True love? For the most part, I believe not. Some posters would like to think so, and perhaps this helps to assuage their guilt, and some BS's would like to believe this, but for the main, no. I will qualify that by saying that it is possible, only that it isn't true in MOST cases. Many posters confuse comfort and security and affection , for love, but as we all know, there is a HUGE difference between loving and being in Love. Loving, possibly, being in love with the BS during the affair? Bullsh*t. I think that even Anne would agree that she was NOT in love with her spouse during her affair. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 (edited) Being in love with someone, means that they are the most important person in the world to you, and that the two of you are simpatico. You would literally do anything to keep from harming the other person. As the great American Writer Walt Kelly said, "a two handed game of solitaire". By harming or damaging the relationship, you would also be harming and damaging yourself. How many think that this sounds like a cheater's mentality? I'm quite sure that posters will come and continue to say that they were still in love with their SO's but if you dig deep enough, you will find that this simply is not true. Self interest argues against it. Edited December 8, 2013 by JustJoe 4 Link to post Share on other sites
gabgab Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 Each year I spend on earth observing cheaters, the more convinced I become that cheaters simply have character flaws and that in most cases, it is not something their partner is lacking. BTW, there are studies that show over 60% of married men having affairs get frequent sex from their wife (2 times a week at least) and their wife is emotionally attentive towards him. I think the majority of men that cheat have egos and poor self control. They cannot say no to their dick getting wet with fresh vag. I would say cheating men want the best of both worlds. Statistically speaking, cheating women are far more likely to leave their partner for the other person than cheating men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 (edited) True love? For the most part, I believe not. Some posters would like to think so, and perhaps this helps to assuage their guilt, and some BS's would like to believe this, but for the main, no. I will qualify that by saying that it is possible, only that it isn't true in MOST cases. Many posters confuse comfort and security and affection , for love, but as we all know, there is a HUGE difference between loving and being in Love. Loving, possibly, being in love with the BS during the affair? Bullsh*t. I think that even Anne would agree that she was NOT in love with her spouse during her affair. She says she was which is kind of unbelievable to me. Anne I'm not trying to attack you at all. I just think that you should've ended it before starting something like that. To carry on with the affair is disrespectful and dangerous. You never know what a person will do after that kind of heartache. I've read other posts say they were in a horrid relationship and don't feel bad. Who is making them stay in that horrid R? Is it just for revenge? I'll never understand. I don't want to ever feel like my woman isn't being true to me and has deep feelings for another man. I mean I know that attraction to different ppl is normal but that line doesn't even have to be crossed. IMO Edited December 8, 2013 by Keke1 Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 People will try to show different, but it seems to be all about graduations of affection. From like, to being in love, is a big leap, so that would explain why some WS's believe that they still loved their SO during the affair, when clearly they did not. People who are in love don't cheat. People who like or have affection for ......possibly. The good news is that it is possible to REGAIN that high level of love, with work and renewed trust, but it isn't easy , by any means, and I applaud those who have been able to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 (edited) Like I've said before, at the end of the day..true love? The epic kind of love? You know..soul mates? The type of love we should all more or less be striving for one day? Yeah, these types of people just plain do not have sex with other people, period. No it doesn't matter if they are drunk, no it doesn't matter if they got in a fight with their partner, no it doesn't matter HOW they are feeling at the time, it just plain won't ever happen. In fact, even the thought of cheating on your partner should make you feel sick, if it doesn't? Big big problem. I know we live in a world were everything is definitely not just black and white, but some things kinda are, and in this case there are just some lines a person won't cross if they are truly in love. Doesn't mean you won't ever hurt someone you are in love with, it just means that the way you hurt them won't ever involve you boning another person. Anyone who disagree's should really be staying the hell away from serious relationships. Edited December 10, 2013 by Spectre 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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