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Does a person who cheat loves her/his partner?

peruano99

By peruano99,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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ThatMan

ThatMan

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We all have our issues, I know that I do. But cheating is a conscious choice of an adult; and simply not acceptable. I'm very strict in my view about this matter.

Everyone who cheated, abused, was violent to etc. could say they "loved" their partners "in their own way". How much does it matter is a different story.

I want everyone to read this very carefully.

 

Anyone who has ever been cheated, abused, or brutalized by a loved one has probably been told by their abuser that they love them. But this isn't a loving act. There are behaviors that are unacceptable and whether or not a person expresses their love, we all owe it to ourselves to stand up and say, "I deserve better."

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liloldlady

liloldlady

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They can regain that love if they truly change their ways.

 

...soon as tigers change their stripes. I know someone who doesn't want to get married until he's 70. Will he still be able to get it up? :laugh:

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taylei

taylei

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I 100% believe you can still love your partner and respect them (to an extent). I currently am in a situation where I was caught cheating, which happened earlier this year for a few months then my ex and I broke up for other reasons that I was unhappy for... And we got back together and he recently found everything out from before and we broke up again. I am trying to find a way to fix that situation whole heartedly because my love for him never strayed. I wasn't happy and my needs weren't being met which is no excuse but I can say I tried communicating my issues and it wasn't being heard or dealt with until I gave up on trying to talk about things and that's when the other "relationship" began. I still love my ex and I hope with some space we can work things out. So I believe you can love someone. People just loose sight of things sometimes when nothing's working right and someone is giving you what your partner is missing.. It's not right but it happens but I can say everyone wishes it didn't happen after the truth comes out.

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JustJoe

JustJoe

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I 100% believe you can still love your partner and respect them (to an extent). I currently am in a situation where I was caught cheating, which happened earlier this year for a few months then my ex and I broke up for other reasons that I was unhappy for... And we got back together and he recently found everything out from before and we broke up again. I am trying to find a way to fix that situation whole heartedly because my love for him never strayed. I wasn't happy and my needs weren't being met which is no excuse but I can say I tried communicating my issues and it wasn't being heard or dealt with until I gave up on trying to talk about things and that's when the other "relationship" began. I still love my ex and I hope with some space we can work things out. So I believe you can love someone. People just loose sight of things sometimes when nothing's working right and someone is giving you what your partner is missing.. It's not right but it happens but I can say everyone wishes it didn't happen after the truth comes out.
If you had been "in love" with your SO, none of this would have happened, would it?
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LBlanc

LBlanc

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It appears a part of them still love their partner, but another part of me thinks if they loved their partner, they shouldn't have cheated.

 

...yeah...sort of like that ad "I'm not a racist buuut...."

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violet1

violet1

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Let's make this simple. Yes.

 

Yep, I agree. I've stated this before but cheating isn't always about not being "in love" with your partner. When you've been with someone many decades sometimes you get bored or your spouse loses their sex drive. It's selfish absolutely, but not always about love. I don't particularly understand cheating when the couple have only been together a couple of years. I do understand craving something a little different when you've been with the same person at least a decade. It doesn't make it right, no, but I do understand it. I know many disagree, but it's not realistic to expect someone to stay faithful to one person for many decades. Please don't tell me that your dad or grandpa and has been married for x amount of years and never cheated because there's no way of knowing that for fact. I'm willing to bet everyone of us have family members down the line who have cheated and it was never discovered. Cheating is nothing new, it's just easier to catch a cheater because of the rise in technology. This is just from my experiences and opinion. YMMV

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JustJoe

JustJoe

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Yep, I agree. I've stated this before but cheating isn't always about not being "in love" with your partner. When you've been with someone many decades sometimes you get bored or your spouse loses their sex drive. It's selfish absolutely, but not always about love. I don't particularly understand cheating when the couple have only been together a couple of years. I do understand craving something a little different when you've been with the same person at least a decade. It doesn't make it right, no, but I do understand it. I know many disagree, but it's not realistic to expect someone to stay faithful to one person for many decades. Please don't tell me that your dad or grandpa and has been married for x amount of years and never cheated because there's no way of knowing that for fact. I'm willing to bet everyone of us have family members down the line who have cheated and it was never discovered. Cheating is nothing new, it's just easier to catch a cheater because of the rise in technology. This is just from my experiences and opinion. YMMV
Do you not understand the difference between loving and being in love? So you think that just because you THINK (you have no proof) everybody else cheats, that makes it OK for you to do it? Good idea.
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Keke1

Keke1

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Can someone explain how you can cheat on another and look that person in the face and tell them you love them? Assuming they're faithful. How do you do it? Where are people's values and morals?

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violet1

violet1

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Do you not understand the difference between loving and being in love? So you think that just because you THINK (you have no proof) everybody else cheats, that makes it OK for you to do it? Good idea.

 

Nope, I never once said that everyone does it or it's okay. Please don't twist my words around. I said it's selfish, but not always about being "in love". The fact is, cheating has been going on since the beginning of time. In some cases, I do not believe it has anything to do with being "in love", but it's certainly A Okay if you don't agree with me. I also don't believe it's realistic to expect one person to stay faithful for many decades. That does not mean I think that everyone will cheat. I just hear so many people say, "I never thought it would happen to me." I just don't think it's possible to affair proof a relationship no matter how in love you are. Best of luck to you!

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JustJoe

JustJoe

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Nope, I never once said that everyone does it or it's okay. Please don't twist my words around. I said it's selfish, but not always about being "in love". The fact is, cheating has been going on since the beginning of time. In some cases, I do not believe it has anything to do with being "in love", but it's certainly A Okay if you don't agree with me. I also don't believe it's realistic to expect one person to stay faithful for many decades. That does not mean I think that everyone will cheat. I just hear so many people say, "I never thought it would happen to me." I just don't think it's possible to affair proof a relationship no matter how in love you are. Best of luck to you!
The question was specifically ABOUT love, wasn't it? IDK who is in your social circle, bu I know a great many people who don't cheat and don't expect to. I think it is perfectly realistic to expect life partners not to cheat, if that is what they choose. Other people's expectations about my marriage are none of their business. I am interested in whether you believe that there is a difference between being "in love and "loving" If there is a difference, then it would be impossible for a person "in love" to cheat. If there isn't a difference then it is possible. that is all I'm saying. Best of Luck to you, too!
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violet1

violet1

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The question was specifically ABOUT love, wasn't it? IDK who is in your social circle, bu I know a great many people who don't cheat and don't expect to. I think it is perfectly realistic to expect life partners not to cheat, if that is what they choose. Other people's expectations about my marriage are none of their business. I am interested in whether you believe that there is a difference between being "in love and "loving" If there is a difference, then it would be impossible for a person "in love" to cheat. If there isn't a difference then it is possible. that is all I'm saying. Best of Luck to you, too!

 

I think there are so many different levels of love. I have different views of love than most. I also think it's possible to be "in love" with more than one person at a time. Like I said, in SOME cases, I THINK it's possible to be "in love" and still cheat. Cheating is not always a personal attack on the betrayed, although it feels that way. My H cheated on me years ago and yes I do strongly believe he was still in love with me when he did it. I'm not saying it didn't hurt me and it did take me a long time to get over it. It also took me a long time to see it, but his cheating had nothing to do with me. Let's just agree to disagree and move on. :)

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ThatMan

ThatMan

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Can someone explain how you can cheat on another and look that person in the face and tell them you love them? Assuming they're faithful. How do you do it? Where are people's values and morals?

How many people do you love? Maybe you love parents, siblings, close friends and colleagues. Is this love the same as the love you feel towards a spouse? Maybe there are different kinds of love. The love shared between a couple on their anniversary night might be very different than the love you feel towards an uncle. I've known an alcoholic that punched teeth straight out of his girlfriend's mouth but continued to profess his love for her. I do know a married couple who expressed love for each other, even through an ongoing affair. Love is an emotion and anyone can experience it.

 

Cheating on someone is not an emotion. Cheating is a hurtful act. You can hurt those you love in truly horrible ways. But these sort of relationships cannot be described as being a loving relationship. Toxic, painful, and dysfunctional are all better adjectives to describe these relationships and we are all capable of dysfunction. So I hope that people distance themselves from questioning whether or not a person who loves you can do these things. What's important is that cheating is a willful act which is not loving at all. We all do things that are hurtful. But we need to decide for ourselves what behaviors are inexcusable. I consider affairs to be on par with flat out violence, aggressiveness, and belligerence. Love can coexist with all of these acts in it's own twisted way but I do not accept this 'love' for myself.

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Keke1

Keke1

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How many people do you love? Maybe you love parents, siblings, close friends and colleagues. Is this love the same as the love you feel towards a spouse? Maybe there are different kinds of love. The love shared between a couple on their anniversary night might be very different than the love you feel towards an uncle. I've known an alcoholic that punched teeth straight out of his girlfriend's mouth but continued to profess his love for her. I do know a married couple who expressed love for each other, even through an ongoing affair. Love is an emotion and anyone can experience it.

 

Cheating on someone is not an emotion. Cheating is a hurtful act. You can hurt those you love in truly horrible ways. But these sort of relationships cannot be described as being a loving relationship. Toxic, painful, and dysfunctional are all better adjectives to describe these relationships and we are all capable of dysfunction. So I hope that people distance themselves from questioning whether or not a person who loves you can do these things. What's important is that cheating is a willful act which is not loving at all. We all do things that are hurtful. But we need to decide for ourselves what behaviors are inexcusable. I consider affairs to be on par with flat out violence, aggressiveness, and belligerence. Love can coexist with all of these acts in it's own twisted way but I do not accept this 'love' for myself.

 

What kind of love has another person getting involved with another behind the other persons back? I'm talking about being in love with that person. I love my family I'm not in love with them like i would a spouse. I don't see how. I just don't. I've seen some crazy justifications about cheating. It's selfish beyond belief.

What if that person after awhile stops wearing condoms in both relationships(man & woman)? With you not knowing isn't that just great. Put your life at risk smh. & for what?

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