8 months and still not over it.. :(

[Qactus]

All i would say is just hang in there dont loose your hope.

 

I have been suffering this from last 3 months. The good thing i did was NC right after next week of my break up. I'm in a bad position right now but seriously we have no other option. All we can do is to stop worrying about them and start looking at ourselves.

 

8 Months are are enough. Not enough to get over but enough to plan yourself and plan a future ahead. Just take this time out and feel free and easy. Try to do what you always wanted. be the person who you wanted to be.

[freebird31]

There is no other option. I have to suck it up. I know for a fact I will get through this. I guess the hardest thing at this point is grieving. Im still grieving.

[MoveAlong]

Did you reply to her text? I know i can easily block his number, and wah-lah! No more texts/calls. But I am curious to know if he does follow through with respecting my space or if he contacts me. Is that so bad to be curious about? I just want to be strong enough to IGNORE the message this time around.

 

No, I didn't reply either time I received a text from her. I love her and can't contact her. If I do, I'll lapse. I didn't block her because if she decides to reach out, I am willing to listen. But I am not going to respond to a some bs holiday greeting.

[mikejensen3355]

I'm on year four. Somethings just never seem to go away.

 

That's really scary. I feel like it could take me that long. Is the pain still intense after 4 years? I'm on 6 months and feel like I've gone nowhere, the pain is almost exactly the same as when it started.

[freebird31]

Gosh, i need to stop this obessisve behavior. I totally looked him up on FB. I had a moment of weakness, and i searched up his name. CRAP. i cant believe i did this. Althought, i didnt break NC, i kind of feel like i did. I totally gave in to the weakness ! I dont feel good about it. I dont even know what i feel anymore. Whatever. whats done is done. I did it. I need to work on my self-control.

[JDPT]

Gosh, i need to stop this obessisve behavior. I totally looked him up on FB. I had a moment of weakness, and i searched up his name. CRAP. i cant believe i did this. Althought, i didnt break NC, i kind of feel like i did. I totally gave in to the weakness ! I dont feel good about it. I dont even know what i feel anymore. Whatever. whats done is done. I did it. I need to work on my self-control.

 

You broke NC.

[freebird31]

You broke NC.

 

****. i know. I did.

[freebird31]

I did this to myself. I did this. damn it. I just wanted to see what was going on in his life. I deserve to feel stupid for doing this. I wish i would have saw he was with another woman, maybe then I would be slapped witha dose of 'youre-an-idiot' I really need to work on my self-control. ****. Although i didnt see anything at all, except for a video he posted of drinking/partying. "No contact." So, no contact means no indirect contact as well. Well, I am an idiot. And I ask myself why I am having a hard time getting over it.

[LostConfused123]

****. i know. I did.

We have all done it. Just don't do it again. Next time you may see something that really shatters you. Please don't do that to yourself.

 

 

I feel your pain.

 

 

It's okay, just go back to NC.

 

 

((hugs))

[JDPT]

****. i know. I did.

 

Now you know, stay off it and save yourself future grief.

[freebird31]

We have all done it. Just don't do it again. Next time you may see something that really shatters you. Please don't do that to yourself.

 

 

I feel your pain.

 

 

It's okay, just go back to NC.

 

 

((hugs))

 

Ugh So this would make it DAY 1 NC again? WOW. i feel like I was in rehab and doing so well, and gave up 3 months being sober for a damn near sip of alcohol or something. ugh. I think its more about me mental than my emotions at this point. /: need to stop.

[LostConfused123]

I did this to myself. I did this. damn it. I just wanted to see what was going on in his life. I deserve to feel stupid for doing this. I wish i would have saw he was with another woman, maybe then I would be slapped witha dose of 'youre-an-idiot' I really need to work on my self-control. ****. Although i didnt see anything at all, except for a video he posted of drinking/partying. "No contact." So, no contact means no indirect contact as well. Well, I am an idiot. And I ask myself why I am having a hard time getting over it.

NOOOOOO!!! You don't want to see him with another woman. TRUST ME!!! It will haunt you. I learned the hard way and some things can never be "unseen"

 

 

You got off lucky!!!

 

 

Just go back to NC and don't beat yourself up. You don't deserve to feel stupid so don't even think that. You are hurting beyond belief right now and we all do crazy things when we are in pain.

 

 

Big HUGS to you!

[freebird31]

I have seen him with another girl before, a couple weeks after we broke up he was dating this girl. There were pictures. he took her to a baseball game. I do know what horror it feels like. They didnt end up getting serious. But maybe if i saw him moved on, i can stop with all of this. idk. But youre probably right. I dont think me seeing him happy with another woman would make me feel better at all. I just want to move on. I hate this. its been 8 months! I was doing so fine and all of a sudden something triggered all these emotions. idk /: I just need to take better care of myself and resolve this issue to what triggered these emotions again. I just broke down today for the first time in so long! I just became so weak this past few weeks. ugh. I need to find a way to get through this. and also maintain self-control. and not relapse. ugh. I have looked him up before a couple weeks ago too when i had one too may drinks, and it hurt. I think thats the problem right there. im indirectly in contact with him.

[LostConfused123]

I have seen him with another girl before, a couple weeks after we broke up he was dating this girl. There were pictures. he took her to a baseball game. I do know what horror it feels like. They didnt end up getting serious. But maybe if i saw him moved on, i can stop with all of this. idk. But youre probably right. I dont think me seeing him happy with another woman would make me feel better at all. I just want to move on. I hate this. its been 8 months! I was doing so fine and all of a sudden something triggered all these emotions. idk /: I just need to take better care of myself and resolve this issue to what triggered these emotions again. I just broke down today for the first time in so long! I just became so weak this past few weeks. ugh. I need to find a way to get through this. and also maintain self-control. and not relapse. ugh. I have looked him up before a couple weeks ago too when i had one too may drinks, and it hurt. I think thats the problem right there. im indirectly in contact with him.

I think you should be a little more patient with yourself. You have suffered a huge loss. I completely understand that you want to be done with this grief already but you have to heal at your own pace. I understand. I want nothing more than to be over my ex.

 

 

If God came down and said "You can have him back or be over him" I would chose to be over him.

 

 

Please forgive yourself. The heart is a mysterious thing and it takes as long as it takes. I'm thinking of you and here for you

[freebird31]

I think you should be a little more patient with yourself. You have suffered a huge loss. I completely understand that you want to be done with this grief already but you have to heal at your own pace. I understand. I want nothing more than to be over my ex.

 

 

If God came down and said "You can have him back or be over him" I would chose to be over him.

 

 

Please forgive yourself. The heart is a mysterious thing and it takes as long as it takes. I'm thinking of you and here for you

 

Yes, youre so right. I think thats the problem a lot of us are facing on here. Such and such amount of time goes by, and we still feel the pain. We then start to question if that is normal. And i believe it is. It has been 8 months since the BU and it hurts to this day. Last time i spoke with him was 3 months ago, so a lot of that time after the BU I didnt really heal at all. But gosh, patience. yes. That is definitely something to be worked on. I can say there has def been PROGRESS. But I thibk I am losing patience and want to be completely healed. and its just something to accept, that its NOT going to happen any time soon. It is a huge loss for me. He was my first love, first sexual experience, everything. And its just devastating. We were together fr not even a year. I dont know if i can say that i "love" him. idk what love is. But i have these feelings for him, that wont fade. I mean i do not regret anything, but i do wish i was more careful with the decisions that i made, as i didnt know that they could be as destructive to me as they were.

[LostConfused123]

Yes, youre so right. I think thats the problem a lot of us are facing on here. Such and such amount of time goes by, and we still feel the pain. We then start to question if that is normal. And i believe it is. It has been 8 months since the BU and it hurts to this day. Last time i spoke with him was 3 months ago, so a lot of that time after the BU I didnt really heal at all. But gosh, patience. yes. That is definitely something to be worked on. I can say there has def been PROGRESS. But I thibk I am losing patience and want to be completely healed. and its just something to accept, that its NOT going to happen any time soon. It is a huge loss for me. He was my first love, first sexual experience, everything. And its just devastating. We were together fr not even a year. I dont know if i can say that i "love" him. idk what love is. But i have these feelings for him, that wont fade. I mean i do not regret anything, but i do wish i was more careful with the decisions that i made, as i didnt know that they could be as destructive to me as they were.

Yeah, you really are three months not eight. I mean technically it's eight but your heart says three. Did that make sense? So I can see why you would still be so heartbroken.

I think you do know what love is, otherwise you wouldn't feel so bad.

 

 

We all wish we were more careful with the decisions we make so don't be too hard on yourself for that. I'm 41 and still make poor decisions when it comes to my heart. (stupid organ anyway) LOL!!!

 

 

We are constantly learning from our experiences (good and bad) Just another lesson and unfortunately, some of them REALLY SUCK!!!!

[freebird31]

In order to get him back in your arms you have to first get your emotions under control. Losing the man you love is likely the hardest thing you've ever faced and your emotions are showing it. Crying endlessly, feeling depressed and wanting to hide out from the world are all common emotions women experience at a time like this. You need to learn how to harness all of that emotion. One of the biggest mistakes you can make right now is showing him that you're so emotional. Most men just aren't comfortable being around someone who is that emotional. If he sees or hears you acting that way he's going to label you as unstable and desperate. Once that happens it's even more challenging to get him back. Bite back the tears, put a smile on your face and appear to be okay. This will help you to show him that you're strong and stable.

 

Well, its not so much that i want to get him back. In all honesty, YES i would love be in his arms again. i would love that very much. BUT under one condition. ONE: I am stable and i grow from this harsh experience. I learn to be completely, and i mean COMPLETELY fine WITHOUT him first. I want to emotionally & mentally healed before i EVER considered going into a relationship with him or anyone else in the future. Thats BIG for me, thats really important. And I have been stable. Actually, it was him that would not stop contacting me after the BU. HE was the one that intiated contact every single time. For selfish reasons of course. After countless times of me telling him to respect my space to heal, it finally ALL stopped about three months. Hense, the 3 months NC. But idk, at this point, idk what i really want. Yes, the idea of having him with me sounds so wonderful. But not like this, not with me like....this. I am still figuring myself out and who I really am. When the relationship ended, i was LOST. i didnt even realize HOW much i depended on him for happiness until he broke it off with me. I realized how attached I had become and i lost complete sight of who I was. I realized that i do not want this to be me. I want to be in control of my life and my own happiness. I will NOT consider a relationship with him or anyone until I can find peace and happiness on my own, i jsut cant. And I dont even know if he would ever come back around anyway....I do have great feelings for him. Although he was very selfish on how he handled the BU. The feelings wont go away.... And i have relapses, like looking up his FB what i did today, but i know the potential I have to get through this. And i know its so damn hard. But i know I will become a better person becuase of this damn break up. and i know through all this misery and pain, its shaping the woman i want to really really become! sounds so corny, but its the truth.

[freebird31]

And i def dont want to come across as "unstable or desperate" hell no. Thats the last thing that I want. But so far, I am good at maintaining an outside appearance that I am okay. I mean, theres no way for him to know what is going on in my life either....my two best friends have him on FB and instagram, and they occasionally post pics of us three going out. i wish they would delete him, but that would be too much to ask for. I dont want him to know what is going on in my life. period. i hate that.

[freebird31]

Well, today I decided I'm taking control of this situation. I realized I MUST accept that I am still in the grieving process and no matter of it's been 3 months or a years post break up, it's going to take a while. And I'm just healing at my own pace. I wonder sometime, if he ever thinks about these things or if these things ever cross his mind. It's weird how different the du maxis between being the dumper and dumpee really are. I guess when you are the dumper, I don't think it's that you're more prepared to break the bond, but you're just more entitled to accept the decision you made because ultimately it was the dumpers decision. Being the dumpee, we have 0 say in this, have no control of this. Which makes us go CRAZY. Knowing something is in our hands. Maybe that's why the dumper appears to be on better terms with this. Idk. Either way, I do believe I cross his mind from time to time. Even when I try NOT to think about him, there will be something that reminds me like..a certain fruit drink we both loved. It's inevitable to be reminded sometimes. I don't wish him misery, but it would make me feel better knowing he missed me too sometimes. Even if we shouldn't be together.

[freebird31]

Call it a hunch, nut depsite what anyone says that "they dont always come back," I really think in my case my ex will be back. We are both still young, and it was both our first serious relationship. He ended it after he got a job. he had a lot going on: school, a job, family problems, and me. We werent spending much time once he got this job. It took away all his time. I expressed to him that I wanted to see him more. Nothing really changed. And it just added to the bucket of stress he already had, so he ended it. He was also moving away for college in a few months so that was another thing. I think what he did was the right thing to do, regarding our age. We are so young. You know. To get in a committed relationship at age 21? To me, that sounds foolish now that i look back at it. I think he made the right choice. But i believe all the feelings are still there, even after months after the BU. We are both from the same city. So when he comes for summer and winter vacation, we are bound to see eachother eventually. We also have a ton of mututal friends. I just cant help but feel like that this isnt the end for us..... I mean if it is, it is. But if it isnt, i think that we needed this time apart to figure out who we were if we ever get back together in the future. Idk, i just really dont think its the end. The way he handled the BU and the reason for the BU just makes get this hunch. As well as all the things he said, that he wass still attracted to me and what not. And he did not want me out of his life. .......I just cant help but have this strong feeling I will be seeing him again, maybe later in a year or couple years.