Boyfriend kisses a girl drunk!! Need .

[amy4]

Alright sooo a few months ago, my boyfriend went out to a club with his best friend who is single. they used to go out to clubs often just the two of them, because his best friend would want to hit on girls. long time ago my bf would tell me he wouldn't dance with girls, just try to talk to them cause what else would he do, and they wouldn't even want to talk to him cause he wasn't hitting on them. my bf told me it made him feel not that great about himself that nobody would find him attractive and what not.

 

So one night, my bf and his best friend went to a club, they were with a girl his best friend works with. My boyfriend met her for the first time that night. She was flirty with my boyfriend, he was flirty back, and at some point in the night he kissed her drunk. He does not remember doing it 100% and i do believe that.

She asked for his number, they texted a day or so after that night they met. Then my boyfriend asked her to grab a bite to eat which resulted in them going out for dinner. (they just talked) He told me he asked her for the wrong reasons to hangout, but he said he thought he was making a new friend. His best friend knew about all of this, except for the kiss which he did not see or know about.

After dinner, they never saw each other again and my boyfriend stopped talking to her. He said she was the one acting 'interested' so he stopped talking to her. I myself think he felt guilty, and knew he would get into trouble if he kept in contact.

He said he did what he did because i wasn't giving him enough attention.

He said he liked the attention from her, and that she was not his type at all and only saw 2 good qualities about her. he got drunk really fast, and doesn't remember the end of the night. To me, me not giving him enough attention along with girls NEVER flirting/complimenting/paying attention to my boyfriend, makes me think why he liked it.

This girl told me about everything, a month later its how i found out, and how they had gone to dinner and my boyfriend and his friend were informed about this kiss from me, when I was told by this girl a month later. so neither of them even knew about a kiss.

 

My problem is months later its hard to deal with still, that he could do this. we have been dating over 2 years, he wants to marry me, he is 26, and wants to settle down soon. He always told me he would never cheat. So you understand our relationship, we both think we are soul mates, meant to be together, and after only a couple months of dating he tells me he is going to marry me one day, we are super close, best friends. we do so much together.

 

Can i be with someone who did this to me? I understand it could happen again. anythings possible. i could even do something like this. but i would never do that. and he did. But how do i trust him again and try to move on from it? Am i making a bigger deal out of this than i should? my guy friends don't think its a big deal at all. they think oh its just a kiss, no biggie.

 

My boyfriend has been honest about everything, and has apologized many times, has not gone out drinking to clubs without me since i found out, has not gone out drinking with his best friend either (i pretty much hate his best friend now) and promises me he will never do anything like that again. he has put me before his best friend.

 

Then i question all the other times he has gone to clubs without me with his single best friend, because his best friend wants to go and hit on girls, so i wonder if my boyfriend has done something like this before? He tells me he never has, while his best friend is hitting on a girl and her friends are standing there, my boyfriend tries to have a conversation with them. he told me that girls don't even talk to him because he doesn't hit on them and girls think he his wasting their time. I do know 100% he never gets flirted with or hit on. But i cant help wondering if he has initiated things with other girls and is lying.

 

I've never been in this position, it hurts a lot to think about. I don't trust him drunk. he gets so drunk he can't remember things, or know what he is doing, i have seen it many times. It worries me. Can i get over this? did he really make a stupid mistake that just happened, and it wont again?

In his eyes, he tells me he never cheated, that he doesn't even know if a kiss happened. I think its pretty bad if he cant even remember..what has happened other times that he cant remember and nobody knows about? it scares me.

Its a risk to stay with him. but its a risk to stay with anyone. In a way i guess i also wonder if he is worth staying with.

I know some people are weaker than others...what if a girl comes along and is hitting on him, will he do this all over again, or worse?

Honestly, i could go crazy with all these questions i don't have answers to.

[d0nnivain]

It was a while ago. It happened once. He was honest.

 

Bear in mind, he kissed her. He didn't leave the club & go screw her brains out.

 

I'd find a way to forgive this one mistake but keep your eyes open.

[TylerDurdenn]

Kissing whilst drunk is one thing, taking her out for dinner is another.

 

Get rid.

[panoramicview]

If he did not remember kissing her and his best friend did not see it, how exactly did he find out? I don't buy that he doesn't remember because he exchanged numbers and engaged in conversation with her after the kiss took place. I assume that during this conversation is when she told him they kissed, if his story is true. But, a man who suddenly comes to the realization that he has cheated on you and then sets up a date with the cheatee does not show an ounce of remorse. Also he did not take responsibility for what he did. He blamed you by saying you don't show him enough attention. Meaning when he feels neglected again, instead of communicating with you, he feels it is within his rights to go out and get attention else where. Red flags everywhere.

[CrystalCastles]

Sorry but there are red flags everywhere.

 

"my bf told me it made him feel not that great about himself that nobody would find him attractive and what not"

 

Why does your bf care who finds him attractive as long as you do? He's not looking for anyone else, he's already in a relationship! Sounds like he's seeking validation outside his relationship.

 

"He said he did what he did because i wasn't giving him enough attention."

 

Blameshifting. He's guilty so he's trying to blame you for his actions. Actions which had nothing to do with you, and were 100% on him. If he had some problem with you, he should have communicated it instead of exchanging saliva with some chick at a club.

 

His asking her to lunch/dinner or whatever is totally inappropriate.

 

"This girl told me about everything, a month later its how i found out,"

 

So he didn't even come clean about what he did. How you still trust him is anyone's guess. This douche isn't marriage material. And I'm surprised he's 26. I was picturing some 16/17 year old. 26 is old enough to act mature, and your boyfriend acts like anything BUT mature. I think it's time to move on. Marrying this guy would be a mistake.

[gabgab]

I highly doubt he just "kissed her" too. Really? He did much more, he is giving you the watered down version.

 

 

And he also took her to din....uhhhh no. He was hoping to do some more kissing and screwing.

 

He is 26 too??? My god. I could understand if a 17yearold did this.

 

 

Dump him.

[yankees51988]

Ah, everyone is being so harsh on this guy, lol. Honestly you sound like you really love him a lot and he did come out and was honest with you... I'd let this one go, as he seems he is really trying from your story but just make sure you pay attention for a while and make sure he doesn't do anything sketchy again. Don't ruin a two year relationship over a drunken kiss he seems to really regret.

 

It takes A LOT for a dude to put a chick before his best friend. I'd dump any chick if she made me choose between her and my best friend, so the fact that he stopped hanging out with his best friend over a girl means you mean a lot to him. I'd say try to forgive him this one time.

[gabgab]

Ah, everyone is being so harsh on this guy, lol. Honestly you sound like you really love him a lot and he did come out and was honest with you... I'd let this one go, as he seems he is really trying from your story but just make sure you pay attention for a while and make sure he doesn't do anything sketchy again. Don't ruin a two year relationship over a drunken kiss he seems to really regret.

 

It takes A LOT for a dude to put a chick before his best friend. I'd dump any chick if she made me choose between her and my best friend, so the fact that he stopped hanging out with his best friend over a girl means you mean a lot to him. I'd say try to forgive him this one time.

 

He deserves it. If a woman did this to her boyfriend everyone would be saying she is Lucifer. I don't believe in double standards.

[yankees51988]

I wouldn't say she is Lucifer, I would have had the exact same response. Double standards are bull****. I would say give her one more chance as well, just invest yourself a little less in the relationship.