emotionlessbutalive Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 Me and my husband communicate and he does listen. We have also met counseller. The problem is that, physical chemistry is missing. He doesn't excited me or make me want him. Its an effort for me have sex with him and its quite boring. I fantasize about xMM to release and it has become part of my kife. Even though Dday has happened a long time ago. I have never had carefree sex in my entire life and with the one I have romantic feelings with and there is a void. My husband is a dedicated, caring and good person and he always listen and work on it when I say something. He is a good husband anyone can have and thats a shame that I cannot have this chemistry with him. He is like my best friend I live with. I dont feel like seducing him either...and he doesnt have a sex drive or a libidoto match mone so he doesnt complain either. He had a problem with career and social life and he is doing great with them after we discussed it. Its just this chemistry that doesnt come back. I would never leave him because of this but there is a HUGE void that I live with and if some one else cfills that void I wont be able to stop myself. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 He is like my best friend I live with. . This is your issue right here. You have him friendzoned. did you get him the Athol Kay books I recommended? Are you on that site and posting these questions to that forum??? In the end he is going to have to be the one that steps up to the plate and either gets your motor running or not. Attraction is not a choice, it is an instinctive response to the right combinations of buttons being pushed. If he isn't willing or able to push the right buttons in the right sequence, it just ain't a gonna happen. If he were to write in to this forum complaining that his wife has no attraction for him and no interest in having sex with HIM (but is fantasizing about others) I would recommend him getting those books and consulting that forum for support and assistance. And I would recommend he take those steps and put in the time and effort and see what kind of response he gets. If at the end of that, his wife was still not interested in him after a sincere change in him, my advice would be to get a new wife that is interested in him. So my advice to you is to lead that horse to water and see if he drinks it. If he does, then give it at least one month for every year that you have not been attracted to him. If you have NEVER been attracted to him, then it is highly doubtfull you ever will. If you did used to have the hots for him and used to have uninhibited monkey sex, then there is the chance he can get back some of the mojo but it is going to take a lot of time and effort on his part. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionlessbutalive Posted December 9, 2013 Author Share Posted December 9, 2013 Me and my husband communicate and he does listen. We have also met counseller. The problem is that, physical chemistry is missing. He doesn't excited me or make me want him. Its an effort for me have sex with him and its quite boring. I fantasize about xMM to release and it has become part of my kife. Even though Dday has happened a long time ago. I have never had carefree sex in my entire life and with the one I have romantic feelings with and there is a void. My husband is a dedicated, caring and good person and he always listen and work on it when I say something. He is a good husband anyone can have and thats a shame that I cannot have this chemistry with him. He is like my best friend I live with. I dont feel like seducing him either...and he doesnt have a sex drive or a libidoto match mone so he doesnt complain either. He had a problem with career and social life and he is doing great with them after we discussed it. Its just this chemistry that doesnt come back. I would never leave him because of this but there is a HUGE void that I live with and if some one else cfills that void I wont be able to stop myself. Hi oldshirt, I bought the book but still have to get him to read. Not sure he will. We are having some time off and will try than. I used to be attracted to him in the beginning but the sex was bad and it made me repelled but i couldnt walk away since I liked everythng else about him. I had security and he was overall a boyfriend material. I had huge doubts about no attraction and dated a lot of man but always returned to him as he was the best. and even after falling in love with Xmm I came back to him. i discovered that not everyone is perfect in any relationship and chemistry does cause haze and other issues and I am simply an emotional person who cant handle all that...he balances me out and except for great sex I have everythng. We have soo sooo unsatisfying sex one or 2 times a monh but I am hoping to make it work. Problem is also physical, since he is not enthusiastic and want me like other men. I have always met men who just couldnt get enough of me and I am used to that. He seems like he doesnt need sex that much and is OK going without sex for few months. I havent seen porn problem with him as well. Its just he doesnt need it that much. If there is any other woman she will be very insecure at this but since I get a lot of attention, I know its not me. After my affair, i havent got attracted to any other man since I am still in healing process. Part of things I liked about him was, he was crazy about me and that make me so attractedt to him. But I dont trust myself at all, if I get attracted to someone I know I wont stop myself. Scary...but I am missiing out way too much. sometimes I do it 2 times a day to saatisfy myself and its getting on my nerve. I just need it and need to be fullfilled by a horny man. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 You read the book (also get The Mindful Attraction Plan by Athol Kay) and you get signed up on that site and tell your story there and get some suggestions and advice there. One of the things they take very seriously there is helping wives to get their husbands to "hear" them and take them seriously and take actions BEFORE they resort to having affairs or walking away. I hate to disparage this site but for your specific issues, that site will serve your purposes better. (And No, I do not have any personal or financial investment in that site. I am not even registered there) Link to post Share on other sites
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