Fixing Myself: Work on the Details or the Big Picture?

[Pearl27]

I always find it hard to take better care of myself because I never know where to start. These days, I'm struggling with anxiety and snowball effect thinking where the more I analyze, the worse something seems.

 

I've realized this is because of my low self-esteem and lack of confidence in handling anything in life. Basically, I lack self-respect.

 

So how to do I stop worrying myself sick? Do I simply replace the worry by calming myself or do I work on my self-respect in general?

 

This is where I wonder if I should work on the details of my problems (excessive worrying for example) or the Big Picture (poor self-respect).

 

Where do you guys begin?

[Els]

I wouldn't quite categorize your problems that way. They both sound like two related, but also separate problems of equal magnitude to me. Can you not work on both simultaneously?

 

As someone who has been diagnosed with medical anxiety, I recognize some of the symptoms in your post. Is there any way you can talk to a professional about it?

[Pearl27]

I wouldn't quite categorize your problems that way. They both sound like two related, but also separate problems of equal magnitude to me. Can you not work on both simultaneously?

 

As someone who has been diagnosed with medical anxiety, I recognize some of the symptoms in your post. Is there any way you can talk to a professional about it?

 

I'm seeing a therapist and I've told her about my anxiety, and she pointed out my snowball effect thinking. She's told me a lot that I've got to calm down and give myself more credit.

 

I've tried to be more optimistic in the past, but what kept me going back to excessive worrying is that once I realize how easy life actually is (compared to the nightmare I always see), I'm like, "wow, that's it? Now what?" The calmness feels both good and scary. But its like I have nothing to do if I am not worrying. That's why I fill my mind up with anxiety and things that never really happen anyway.

 

I guess this means I need to gear my negative and anxious energy toward something more productive, or else I'll give myself a heart attack.

[Pearl27]

hi pearl,

 

i really relate to what you are describing.

 

wow, this is so much like my anxiety. i never heard it quite described this way. i was telling my therapist it's like when i pull myself out of it (the optimistic period you describe) i go into a coasting pattern that feels like waiting for the other shoe to drop, the 'that's it? now what?' feeling (panic & hypervigilance in my case).

 

I don't panic because of the calmness and because I think something will happen anyway. I just find it hard to believe that there is a world beyond anxiety and it is such a simple one. When I say "now what?" I am wondering what to do in this calm, simple world.

 

 

i think you're on the verge of realizing, putting it together: anxiety has a feedback effect: feeling you have nothing to do if you aren't worrying creates anxiety, which requires optimism to pull out of it, which results in calmness which creates anxiety, which requires optimism to pull out of it...

 

the self-respect 'big picture' you describe is the knowing these are not the healthy ways of conducting your mind, but doing it nonetheless! but anxiety is so gripping, so ingrained a pattern of thought, it takes a long, long time to challenge it, reroute some of the thoughts, do reality checks, grounding techniques, etc.

 

so it's good your therapist told you to give yourself some credit, because 1) anxiety is a bitch, & 2) you're starting to get 'the big picture', which sees the hamster in the wheel, rather than solely living as the hamster in the wheel.

 

i sometimes feel like i'll have a heart attack. that's when my anxiety disorder became panic disorder. it feels like my chest is a leaky radiator, like smoke is just pouring out of my chest.

 

j

 

I hope I am on the brink of change because my health is being hurt. I've been clenching my teeth too much and I'm damaging them. I wonder if I am developing fibromyalgia.

 

Perhaps I should look for ways to gear my fears and negative energy toward something more productive. I guess that is the best way to combat this.

[d0nnivain]

You focus on the little things. When something good happens -- especially something little like a sunset you enjoyed, some new fallen snow, a surprise e-mail or letter from an old friend, stop & experience it. Take 10-20 seconds & reflect on the fact that it's happening & how it makes you feel. Pay attention to your other senses: what do you smell? What do you feel? What do you hear? be in the moment.

 

 

This comes from a neurological medical perspective. A guy named Hanson (I think) wrote a book about it called Hardwired for Happiness. You can google him & watch a video of him explaining the technique at the Chicago Idea Exchange.

 

 

Remember, although this comes from a medical place, the book & the video are more pop psychology.

[Mario79]

Hey Pearl.

 

I have both anxiety attacks and low esteem, as well suffer bouts of depression and lack of attention.

 

If you do have a therapist they should come up with a plan of attack.

 

I get anxiety from certain situations and being in places, thinking about them triggers it. I work on self esteem since I do believe that I healthy self esteem would be able to give me better out look and be more positive about life and should ease my anxiety if I am comfortable with who I am.

 

I am working both with a psychiatrist and psychologist and treatment with meds and behavioral therapy. Meds are luvox and clonnopin, both address anxiety and one is anti depressive.

 

Do you know what the big picture is? Cause that should be your overall goal. For me my big picture is being happy of who I am and not let it depend on anyone. For me this is very ambitious.

 

I hope things go better for you.

[sarbunoemi]

I suggest take baby steps in fixing this anxious behavior. For example: think about how to relax. There are several methods like preparing a hot bubble bath with perfumed candles and a calm, peaceful song. Listen carefully to the song and while you're listening, take a deep breath and start focusing on one single thing: relaxing.

If something unpleasant pops up in your mind, take a deep breath and focus on something related to the current moment: the calm song, warm water, nice perfume etc.

Another good method is to massage your scalp with circular motions or your face.

[mea_M]

Hi. I know the snowball affect all to well. It's his like this. My head hurts. It's been hurting all day. Is this normal? It does not feel normal? Time to check Dr google. Ok.. I just know it. It's a brain tumor. Ya see what I did there? It gets bigger and bigger. The simple headache is now a full blown brain tumor and thats the end. Its in the thought process. Believe me, I've lived it. The more you feed the snowball.. Before you know it, you wind up with a full grown snowman. Stop at the base. Don't allow yourself to build it up. You can do it.

 

Mea

[Pearl27]

One reason why I think I snowball and obsess like this is that it gives me a feeling of control. Hence why I think if I had more self-respect and confidence, I would realize I could handle crises. I mean, I am doing fine so far. But I keep thinking, "oh something else is always around the corner! I can't be blindsided!"

 

I really need to find balance between being aware that anything can happen and our lives do change in one second, to letting go and being free. I'm going nuts.

[mea_M]

One reason why I think I snowball and obsess like this is that it gives me a feeling of control. Hence why I think if I had more self-respect and confidence, I would realize I could handle crises. I mean, I am doing fine so far. But I keep thinking, "oh something else is always around the corner! I can't be blindsided!"

 

I really need to find balance between being aware that anything can happen and our lives do change in one second, to letting go and being free. I'm going nuts.

 

You're not going nuts. This is a very easy pattern to get stuck in. It's the what if thinking and fear that off sets you're balance. I'll tell ya something. I am a recovered alcoholic. When I stopped drinking every fear I could have possibly had and buried for years in bottle form came full force at me. Imagine it like a blind or deaf person suddenly getting their hearing or sight back. It was outrageous. But, in time and with strength that a higher power provided me, I was able to change my thinking, make amends and face all my fears head on. The world was suddenly a very new place and I found it to be a much better place then I had imagined. Now a few things that have helped me. I learned how to meditate. I utilized apps on my smart phone for relaxation and inspiration. I learned it was ok to lean on others and ask for assistance. Cbt a form of behavioral therapy was at my side as well. There is much you can do to conquer this. Do you know the saying, a journey to a thousand miles begins with the first step? I love it because it's true. Discover you and unleash your fear. You can do it.

 

Mea

[jba10582]

This reminds of a good metaphor of the caterpillar story that eats a lot of things stored as energy, and as it does, it burdens itself down with extra weight. As it lets go of that energy, it is able to fly and be free of what it was.

[Elias33]

Whether it's the details or the big picture, they both start with one step. So yeah, like has been said, baby steps. You will start to look different at life as you bit by bit change how you look at things. Anything drastic may lead to a relapse. As you gain more control, the problems may reduce at the same pace. Slowly take over the wheel...

 

Good luck.