Monodare1 Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 (edited) Guys Not far from the 6th month stage of my separation, another 7months and I could start divorce proceedings. Not sure how to feel. Miss my little boy terribly and it still feels like a punch to the gut and throat when I hand him over to her. Not got anything saved for a deposit for a flat due to Christmas presents for my son needing bought and I'm still not off the joint mortgage so my credit is shot to hell. Really missing female company but I'm staying clear as I don't want to do the whole rebound thing. I feel pretty lost, where should I be at this stage? Should I be flirting to boost confidence? Regard the mortgage, I have chased the stbxw and she has told me her lawyer has drafted a separation agreement for me to sign (mortgage providers requirement to start getting my name off joint mortgage) yet still nothing has appeared for me to sign. Need some pointers from some guys in the same boat, feel like I'm losing the plot lol! Edited December 8, 2013 by Monodare1 Link to post Share on other sites
JesRabbit Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 (edited) Not to get in your business, but what caused the divorce in the first place. That way, I could help to give you the most accurate advice. By the way, I'm not a guy, I'm a female but I can still offer my 2 sense. Ok... Got it I've come to the conclusion that, horrible as it may seem, my relationship with the wife was a rebound that lasted 5 years too long Although you may miss some female company and you do not want to jump into another rebound relationship, the best thing to do is to find some women friends. Make sure the women friends you get want just that and nothing more. Try not ot get too attached to anyone in this stage so you do not end up back in another rebound relationship. Edited December 8, 2013 by JesRabbit Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monodare1 Posted December 9, 2013 Author Share Posted December 9, 2013 Trouble is, how long do u wait? This time of the year is the worst period for those of us on the sharp end of the boot and the loneliness definitely bites. I do my utmost regards my elderly father and little son, but I'm just keen to inject some fun back into my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Porridge Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 Mono, there's no set list of behvaiours or actions that you should be doing at this time. You have to do what feels right for you, and that will vary from person to person. I was chatting to my hairdresser (a guy) last week and he spoke of suffering a rocky separation whilst having a young son, several years ago. He explained that he spent two years being single and had full intentions of enjoying a third year , only to meet somebody by chance and hit it off. He's now very happy with that person but he took his time and never 'went looking for it'. I've personally been on two dates and just enjoyed both for the experience. One became a bit of a letch and needed peeling off, but I realised with both that I wasn't ready so didn't pursue them. They were a few months ago now and i'm now talking to another person (online) where we've been chatting for about four weeks and getting on so well. I did say that I wasn't going to do any more dates this year but i'm quite comfortable with this girl and may just have a coffee with her and see what happens. That's the deal though - it's about not putting any expectation on things. Just be in control of yourself and do what feels comfortable whilst treating others with respect. You can't put a timer on the period that your soul will need to heal, but you can look to enrich your own life in the meantime. Friends are important at this stage, as are passions (hobbies). Relationships will happen when they happen so don't go pressuring yourself to do something that feels unnatural at this stage. Listen to your heart and mind. Good luck fella. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 Mono, there's no set list of behvaiours or actions that you should be doing at this time. You have to do what feels right for you, and that will vary from person to person. I was chatting to my hairdresser (a guy) last week and he spoke of suffering a rocky separation whilst having a young son, several years ago. He explained that he spent two years being single and had full intentions of enjoying a third year , only to meet somebody by chance and hit it off. He's now very happy with that person but he took his time and never 'went looking for it'. I've personally been on two dates and just enjoyed both for the experience. One became a bit of a letch and needed peeling off, but I realised with both that I wasn't ready so didn't pursue them. They were a few months ago now and i'm now talking to another person (online) where we've been chatting for about four weeks and getting on so well. I did say that I wasn't going to do any more dates this year but i'm quite comfortable with this girl and may just have a coffee with her and see what happens. That's the deal though - it's about not putting any expectation on things. Just be in control of yourself and do what feels comfortable whilst treating others with respect. You can't put a timer on the period that your soul will need to heal, but you can look to enrich your own life in the meantime. Friends are important at this stage, as are passions (hobbies). Relationships will happen when they happen so don't go pressuring yourself to do something that feels unnatural at this stage. Listen to your heart and mind. Good luck fella. Agreed! To be honest 6 months is no time at all, ' I at this time had a huge feel of loss and loneliness....glad I rode out the storm on my own ' (I would have been a train wreck in a relationship back then) for me I'm on the year mark and am just starting to feel content, settled and happy inside. Im just going to roll with each day enjoy those who come into my life and if a relationship happens it happens if it doesn't then it's no big deal. Give yourself time, find you ... Still early days SS x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monodare1 Posted December 9, 2013 Author Share Posted December 9, 2013 I do agree, the period of time between breaking up with my last relationship and meeting the stbxw is just 5 months. I know I need a bit of time, just feeling lonely and frustrated and need a bit of tlc, I'll cope. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 When the overwhelming feelings begin to subside...the haze begins to lift and things become more settled and much clearer Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 I do agree, the period of time between breaking up with my last relationship and meeting the stbxw is just 5 months. I know I need a bit of time, just feeling lonely and frustrated and need a bit of tlc, I'll cope. tlc would be nice I know... I could have grabbed any back then, now I won't settle for just anything cause I know what's right and what I want ....just feel more grounded now thankfully Link to post Share on other sites
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