Compulsive Liar

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

My 34 year old sister is a compulsive liar and after the latest fiasco, Im just at a complete loss as what to do with her. My mother refuses to confront this, but I seriously think my sister has something wrong with her and is cracked. She lies about anything and everything. But no one ever calls her on it, because some of the things she lying about is so heinous, we are too afraid to be wrong. Here are some of the doozies:

 

Claims she had 2 miscarriages in her early 20s (she is pregnant right now and the first thing she did after peeing on the stick was message me. Immediately. Never happened the other two times. Never knew about any of it until years later drnk in a bar she drops it rather casually to me)

 

Lied about her age in school. Said she was a year older. The problem was, I am a year older than her, so to keep up the ruse, she asked me to lie about my age. WTF? When it came out she had lied about that, her friends realised a lot of other lies and ditched her.

 

Claims she had ovarian cysts (this was after a friend of hers had to have surgery to remove HER ovarian cysts - never said it to me, but someone else asked me about it). Never happened.

 

She lied about her 'gay' best friend. Turns out she was having an affair with him for her ENTIRE marriage (18 months). She is a serial cheat who lines up the next relationship before she moves on.

 

Claims she had 'Stage 0 breast cancer' and had to have tumors removed. Said she was on a type of chemo medication. The first person she told this to was her AP. He 'accidentally' let it slip to her husband one night when the husband was driving him home from a night club (yes, awful, BIL didnt know about the affair at that stage). Then AFTER the husband accidentally found out about the 'cancer', she eventually came to our house and made a big song and dance and told the family. I asked my ex BIL about this period after they had separated. He never saw any medication, he never went to her appointments (she didnt want him there), she never claimed A SINGLE CENT on their health insurance. There is not a scrap of evidence to support this illness. Her AP was her 'gay best friend' who was 'helping her deal with her health'. She had a very close friend who had been battling Stage 2 breast cancer with chemo and radiation 2 years prior and was a survivor. This 'close friend' could not verify any of the details my sister was talking about. I personally think that the cancer and doctors appointments were probably a ruse to find time to spend with her AP. The cracker is that AP actually believes her BS

 

Most recently, she has fallen pregnant (this is real. I have evidence of this). I know she had been trying a while, but when she fell she told me immediately. About 8 weeks later my baby sister announced her pregnancy also. My baby sister needed fertility treatment to conceive after 3 years trying and lost her baby at 8 weeks. 2 weeks later, lying sister says she too had to go through fertility treatment to conceive, which is a bold faced lie because she never even had an OBGYN until she was 15 weeks along.

 

Those are probably the most significant ones. But there are so many I cant tell you all.

 

SO, what do we do? What's her issue? Why is she like this??? Does anyone have any experience with people who compulsively lie for attention about things SO BAD that you are too afraid to question this.

 

WTF is wrong with her????

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

My father's girlfriend is like this. She lies about EVERYTHING and so blatantly. I've caught her in so many lies and she gets so confused because she can't remember what she said. Because when you tell the truth, you don't have to have a good memory.

 

She also lies about really big thinks like your sister does. She always says she is in the hospital and now is saying she has 2 years to live...

 

It really just stems from their own insecurities, need of attention and fear. It's a personality disorder.

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

I did a bit of googling with my other sister and husband, and I think you may be right about a personality disorder. I think specifically she exhibits signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

 

I also forgot to mention;: my mother also lies for attention. But hers are more harmless white lies, with a large dose if hypochondria as well. Tends to exaggerate tIon the point where it's downright rubbish. Some of the things I was reading yesterday indicated test NPD may be hereditary...

 

Anyone have any experience?

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I did a bit of googling with my other sister and husband, and I think you may be right about a personality disorder. I think specifically she exhibits signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

 

I also forgot to mention;: my mother also lies for attention. But hers are more harmless white lies, with a large dose if hypochondria as well. Tends to exaggerate tIon the point where it's downright rubbish. Some of the things I was reading yesterday indicated test NPD may be hereditary...

 

Anyone have any experience?

 

You could be right about the NPD. That would make sense!

 

It sucks because I'm going over to my dad's tonight and she will be there. So I'm sure she will tell me how she had a seizure yesterday and then she will make up some story about how some guy hit on her. It ranges from big lies to little lies.

 

Once she told me that she had a really bad seizure and almost died from it and the EMT's had to perform CPR on her and supposedly they used the machine also to shock her. Well she seemed fine the day after like nothing was wrong and in my own personal experience in the health field, I knew she was lying. We happened to be roaming a small town and we stopped by a Firehouse and she was telling the firefighters how she almost died the night before. Right away they knew she was lying because she wouldn't be able to be walking around the next day like she was and she would have had some broken/bruised rips and her chest should have been black and blue. They kept telling her "wow that is a miracle that you are up and walking around with no bruises or broken ribs!" I just laughed.

 

She is also an alcoholic, but doesn't admit that one! She always has a glass of wine in her hand and goes to the bars at 10am to have a beer. She has had a DUI too.

 

I lie too. I lie about small things and am known to exaggerate sometimes. But we all do that. But sometimes, it just crosses a point where you need professional help!!

[CC12]

I would have very little trouble cutting contact with someone who told such heinous lies in order to manipulate people's emotions. Those are some big, nasty lies she's told. They're the kind that can really cause others a lot of anguish over her. I wouldn't tolerate someone like that in my life.

 

But I suspect you're not yet at that point with your sister. What you can do is ask her some seemingly innocent questions about her stories. Keep asking questions until you catch her in a lie.

 

Like the most recent one where she said she had to have fertility treatments to get pregnant. You could have said something like, "Oh, I never knew you were getting treatments. When did you start them? What doctor did you go to?" Then, "Hm. That's strange, I thought your first visit with Dr. X was only a few weeks ago. Why did you tell me you first started seeing that doctor a few weeks ago if you've been seeing them since before your pregnancy?"

 

Pretty much force her into explaining herself and then call out every inconsistency in a "but I don't understand??" kind of way.

[Meadowgreen]

I can definitely appreciate how infuriating her behaviour is, especially when it feels like you're the only one who can see through her ********. If it's getting too much to bare, seriously consider gonig NC and tell your other family members why. Tell them that you believe she has a personality disorder and she's only going to get worse, that you're tired of the lies and would sooner not have to deal with it until she gets help. I don't think your family would take her side against yours, but if they did, she would mess up sooner or later and they will see that you were right. Don't be tethered by this ridiculous, archaic notions that we must love and accept blood relatives no matter what. If they're toxic, they're toxic, and they need to be removed before they cause real damage in your life.