Confused and in love

[Dale]

Dear Loveshack:

 

I am a 30 year old man who is still head over heels in love with his ex

 

wife.

 

We had two lovely girls during our 5 and a half year marriage. We have been

 

officially divorced for 2 months and seperated for over 1 year and 3 months.

 

I never wanted the divorce and always requested that she go to counseling

 

with me. Her response was that she has given our relationship enough

 

chances and that it was time to move on. I accepted this and gave her what

 

she wanted. During the process of our divorce she decided to see a

 

co-worker (about 12 years older) who lives in Switzerland. All along I knew

 

they were seeing each other but she lied to me about their relationship she

 

says in order to protect me. In any event she likes him she says.

 

During the divorce we did not get along as we didn't during the last days of

 

our divorce. She has always said that she still loves me but cannot live

 

with me. I myself have gone through counseling, made major changes in my

 

life as far as methods of communicating feelings, stress management etc. and

 

am a different man. Recently in the last few weeks she has taken an

 

interest in me. The other day she slept with me and says she is very

 

confused as to what to do about us because she does not trust the fact that

 

things may go well now but in 3 mos she may be hurt again by us arguing. My

 

response is that after going through this divorce I have learned a great

 

deal of how I respect her, methods of communication etc. and this is

 

something I could never forget after loosing her. She has also slept with

 

this other guy once and now he wants her to go to Sweden with him. She says

 

he treats her very nice etc. This makes me horribly jealous and I am very

 

confused and scared of being hurt. I don't show my jealousy only my love

 

telling her that naturally I hope we can see each other but I want her to be

 

happy. I also have told her that I need to get on with my life and that if

 

she is 115% committed to seeing each other again that things would never be

 

like they were in the past and I would treat her like the princess she is.

 

What should I do from here? How much should I put up with? Don't you think

 

she should let this other guy know what is going on so it is fair to his

 

feelings? Should I run? No matter how hard I try I still love her

 

terribly. She is very jealous of me ever having dated any girls or any that

 

show interest in me. I communicate with her that she is my number one

 

priority and nothing will come in the way of that. Help!!!

[Christie]

First of all, what did you do to her that made her decide that she can't live with you? were you constantly jealous? or depressed? the thing is that it depends on the degree of your problems. I see why you would both be jealous at each other's other relationships...but is that all that indicates the emotions? If you want further opinions, please give more details.

[kel]

Dear Confused and I Love: I just read your letter aabout your ex. You men always complaining that you still love them. Whats the point of getting the divorce. You said that you didin't want it but you did it anyway. So stop crying like a baby and get over it. The reason why I sound so harsh is because I'm currently with a married man. And his wife won't give him a divorce because of the simple fact of me. We have been together for 3yrs. We have a 3month old baby together. She always complaining about how much she loved him. Thats why I I'm replying to your letter. Because it's not fair to other women that you have been dating. So you keep saying that your trying to get over her. I don't think that your trying hard enough. my boyfriend also has 2girls with his wife to. So get over it.

Sincerly,

 

Pissed

 

P.S. Respond quickly

[kel]

Sincerly, Pissed P.S. Respond quickly

 

My e-mail adress <e-mail address removed>.