Invite him out to dinner?

[Rachel]

O.K. After posting lots of advice, I need some too!

 

This is my situation. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up two months ago. This was after we had a very good relationship. Everything was going well. I loved him, and thought that I could spend the rest of my life with him.

 

Around October we started talking and after lengthy discussions, trying to figure out where the relationship was going.

 

'

 

He said he just didn't know that he could take the relationship forward just yet. That we needed a complete break and that maybe he would date other people and figure out that that's what he wanted. All of this came out of the blue after our discussions started. Up till then, it was perfect.

 

FYI, he had been married for 6 years, divorced for six months(when I met him). His ex-wife left him cold turkey., He's 41 i'm 31.

 

So, we have a lot of mutual friends. They say he looks terrible. I used to see him and his work-out buddy together all the time. Now I don't see him, only the workout buddy. One of my friends say him in the gym last week and asked him how the holidays were, he said not good.

 

I have gone out on a couple of dates. However, I truly love this man and miss him terribly. I truly believe that he felt like part of him was amputated when his ex-wife left and that he's scared of getting into that situation again.

 

My best friend who knows him also, said I shouldn't let the trail get too cold, and since that's how I still feel invite him out to dinner.

 

But , I just don't know. I wonder if he will think that I am trying to get him back( which I am, if he would decide that he wants to move the relationship forward, which is what our discussions were about).

 

Even though we had broken up, he left me a nice Christmas present at my door.

 

Anyway, dinner or not? Or write him a letter, letting him know my feelings haven't changed and the doors' open?

 

Help, Laurynn, Paulie(yes, Paulie, I care about your advice too!)Tony, etc.

[strawberry]

call him, tell him how you feel. Ask him to go for dinner.

 

I wouldnt hold back. You may regret it later. Plus, your miserable without him!

[Laurynn]

Hey there~

 

As I read your post, in my mind I was thinking to myself, "go for it, Rachel, GO FOR IT!" lol

 

Maybe he feels badly for having needed space, but he's not sure how to go about getting back with you....if only to rekindle your friendship.

 

I say GO FOR IT...invite him for dinner....make sure you let him know it's very casual, you don't want to overwhelm him. I'm sure his reaction/response will be quite telling as to how he feels/where his heart stands are present.

 

Please let us know what you decide to do and how it goes.

 

Laurynn

 

<e-mail address removed>

[Tony T]

You were a rebound. If someone feels like part of them was amputated in a divorce, six months is NOT nearly enough time for proper healing to take place. Seeing you only retarded his healing process...distracted him from processing his hurt, anger, etc. Having someone you love leave you cold turkey is an extremely traumatic event emotionally.

 

There is no good way to do this. My suggestion is to just write him a nice note letting him know you are thinking about him, that you hope he's doing well...and inviting him to give you a call if he should ever want to get together for dinner or just to chat. I am assuming you have already thanked him for the Christmas present he left at your door. Nothing more than a short note on a nice card.

 

Other than that, just back off and go on with your life. This man just needs some time. In love, timing is everything. You need to learn to make better evaluations of men's situations before dating them. If they are within a year or so of having gotten out of a relationship where their heart was severely broken, don't even think about starting a dating relationship.

 

I think a very excellent rule to have in love is that when someone breaks up with you, forget them. It is extremely hazardous to wait around for them to change their mind. In most situations, reconciliated relationships are never the same. In this case, it may be OK if sufficient time passes. Even then, this guy may still be terrified of another close relationship, at least in the near future.