Meaning of "We accept the love we think we deserve"?

[vik1990]

This quote has been getting more and more famous, and while I've read countless explanations over the internet, I never actually understood it fully.

 

We accept the love we think we deserve....

 

 

English is not my first language so please be patient.

 

The way I see it, I can be interpreted as:

 

If someone comes in our life and treats us better than we think we deserve to be treated, then we won't accept them.

Eg. Girls friendzone (a kind of rejection) guys who treat them well. When it happens, girls don't feel they deserve that much love, hence the rejection.

 

 

People mostly relate it with how their ex treated them bad and they didn't know they deserved better but I can't see a straight relation to that.

 

 

Somebody please break it down for me.

 

Thanks

[tlegend]

Being one of the people who love to spurt this quote....allow me..

 

Love is a choice. Granted, you get euphoric feelings and often wonder how you got along in life without your new <insert current SO name here>, but in reality, love is not just an emotion or "feeling", its a choice.

 

In order to be able to love someone, you first need to be able to love yourself. If you are unable to love yourself, down to your morals, values, and beliefs, then you will find it extremely hard to love anyone else, if it's even possible.

 

To those who have not found love, or to those who have genuinely come across some bad apples (sociopaths with the inability to love and the maliciousness to hurt someone because of it), those people have been beaten down and have their world warped. They have forgot what love is about because for the past <insert # of years here>, they were trained to believe that the ****ty relationship they were in WAS love.

 

These damaged people often think it's their own problems why their previous relationships didn't work, or because it was their own doing... It's along these same lines of thought that show you WHAT YOU THINK YOU DESERVE when it comes to someone loving you. If you don't don't love yourself and respect yourself enough to know what kind of love you do deserve, you will continue to allow these people into your life that are not there to compliment it, but to destroy it.

 

 

 

You only accept the love you think you deserve.

 

Work on yourself before you can work on loving someone else. Or find someone willing to work on this part of life before they try to work on loving you.

[Ruby Slippers]

I think a good analogy for this is job salary.

 

If you're confident you're worth $50K a year (or whatever), you won't accept any offers for less.

 

If you have no sense of your worth, you might work for anything - $10K, $20K.

 

So a woman or man who is confident in their worth won't accept less than consistent respect, honesty, affection.

 

A woman or man who has no sense of their worth might accept disrespect, dishonesty, lack of affection.

[gabgab]

This quote speaks about self respect. People with little self esteem or self respect, who do not feel they deserve a good partner because they are good themselves, will settle for a bad partner.

 

My old group of girlfriends brings this quote to my mind. All lovely women, but they never saw themselves that way. That is why they married mean, disrespectful, selfish men.

[xxoo]

When you believe you deserve to be treated well, you simply don't tolerate any less.

 

If you don't believe it, you'll be more likely to accept poor treatment.

[vik1990]

I think a good analogy for this is job salary.

 

If you're confident you're worth $50K a year (or whatever), you won't accept any offers for less.

 

If you have no sense of your worth, you might work for anything - $10K, $20K.

 

So a woman or man who is confident in their worth won't accept less than consistent respect, honesty, affection.

 

A woman or man who has no sense of their worth might accept disrespect, dishonesty, lack of affection.

 

This quote speaks about self respect. People with little self esteem or self respect, who do not feel they deserve a good partner because they are good themselves, will settle for a bad partner.

 

My old group of girlfriends brings this quote to my mind. All lovely women, but they never saw themselves that way. That is why they married mean, disrespectful, selfish men.

 

When you believe you deserve to be treated well, you simply don't tolerate any less.

 

If you don't believe it, you'll be more likely to accept poor treatment.

 

Thanks guys. Much more clear now.

 

But a question...

 

In the movie, it goes like, the teacher replies with this quote when the lead actor asks him, "Why good people date people who treat them bad", or something along those lines. Now in the real world that does seem to ring true as well.

 

Connecting your explanations with this...

 

Does this mean that those supposedly "good people" (who date people who treat them bad) are actually having low self-esteem and low self-worth?

 

Also connect it with a common that thing is usually heard, that everyone wants challenge. Eg, a nice girl wants bad boys because they are a challenge and he thinks she will "fix" them by the magic of her kiss and stuff.

 

If thats so, then it means that those "good people" who think they are doing a challenge by dating somebody who doesn't treat them well, are actually not doing any challenge or stuff, they've just rationalized their low self-esteem???

 

Thanks

[Eternal Sunshine]

I think a good analogy for this is job salary.

 

If you're confident you're worth $50K a year (or whatever), you won't accept any offers for less.

 

If you have no sense of your worth, you might work for anything - $10K, $20K.

 

So a woman or man who is confident in their worth won't accept less than consistent respect, honesty, affection.

 

A woman or man who has no sense of their worth might accept disrespect, dishonesty, lack of affection.

 

I wish I realized this 10 years ago.

 

Today, I won't tolerate any less even if it means staying single forever.

[Ruby Slippers]

Does this mean that those supposedly "good people" (who date people who treat them bad) are actually having low self-esteem and low self-worth?

Yes, plenty of "good people" struggle with self-esteem.

 

If thats so, then it means that those "good people" who think they are doing a challenge by dating somebody who doesn't treat them well, are actually not doing any challenge or stuff, they've just rationalized their low self-esteem???

I think it's usually a combination. A person with low self-esteem will feel that they "deserve" to have to work hard. Going back to my salary analogy, since I grew up poor for most of my childhood, it's taken me a long time to feel OK about accepting gifts or money from people. I used to feel strongly that I had to work hard to earn anything, or I might be obligated to anybody who gave me something. Now I can accept the good things that come into my life, knowing that it's all part of a give and take flow.

 

I wish I realized this 10 years ago.

 

Today, I won't tolerate any less even if it means staying single forever.

I'm totally with you. I recently met and started talking to a desirable dating prospect. I caught him in one little inconsistency, and he asked me to overlook it and give him another shot. I rejected him politely but firmly, and told him exactly why.

 

In the past, I might have pondered the guy for days, and eventually caved if he came back around. I'm willing to bet that my rejection will only intrigue him and he'll try harder - but he gave a hint of poor character, missed his chance, and now it's game over. This feels FANTASTIC! Feels like cleaning house down to the smallest dust bunny and getting it sparkling, to get it ready for a fabulous party.

[WhoreyBull]

This is my first time hearing this quote, but here is what I take away.

You hear of men and women who are cheated on, mistreated, etc. by their significant other.

 

These people could be characterised as having a low view of themselves, perhaps even the fact that the SO keeps coming back, or professing their love, makes them feel loved.

Like you said, some people may also feel like if someone is loyal and really loves them they may feel they don't deserve it.

 

So, I think it describes a personality flaw in some people. Not recognizing real love because they feel they don't deserve it. On the other hand some may stay with serial cheaters because their partner's consistant return seems to them as s re-affirmation that they are wanted.

 

I don't think anyone feels like they "deserve" to be cheated on, but rather they long tk feel wanted over another person. I think another way to say it is "we only accept the love that aleviates our fears".

Although the fear of being cheated on is present, perhaps the fear of not being wanted is more.

 

Therefore a confident and secure person should not have fears when entering into a relationship, while others may let their fear of being alone or giving someon up consume them.

 

Any thoughts? That's just off the top of my head, I look forward to reading posts and seeing how it effects my opinion.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I'm totally with you. I recently met and started talking to a desirable dating prospect. I caught him in one little inconsistency, and he asked me to overlook it and give him another shot. I rejected him politely but firmly, and told him exactly why.

 

In the past, I might have pondered the guy for days, and eventually caved if he came back around. I'm willing to bet that my rejection will only intrigue him and he'll try harder - but he gave a hint of poor character, missed his chance, and now it's game over. This feels FANTASTIC! Feels like cleaning house down to the smallest dust bunny and getting it sparkling, to get it ready for a fabulous party.

 

This!!!!

 

In the past I used to overlook that, especially if a guy is trying hard. Let me tell you, it never ended well. That hint of the poor character was only a tip of the iceberg. It also made me lose respect for myself.

 

It feels really good to walk away with my head held high

[NoMoreJerks]

I interpret that quote in the following way: If you think you're not worthy of being loved because you are (in your mind) not pretty enough, not educated enough, not successful enough, etc., then you will accept poor treatment from others too. So if someone gives you some scraps/breadcrumbs, you might even go so far as calling it love, because your standards are so low, and you think you don't deserve more than that.

[Under The Radar]

Yes, plenty of "good people" struggle with self-esteem.

 

 

I think it's usually a combination. A person with low self-esteem will feel that they "deserve" to have to work hard. Going back to my salary analogy, since I grew up poor for most of my childhood, it's taken me a long time to feel OK about accepting gifts or money from people. I used to feel strongly that I had to work hard to earn anything, or I might be obligated to anybody who gave me something. Now I can accept the good things that come into my life, knowing that it's all part of a give and take flow.

 

 

I'm totally with you. I recently met and started talking to a desirable dating prospect. I caught him in one little inconsistency, and he asked me to overlook it and give him another shot. I rejected him politely but firmly, and told him exactly why.

 

In the past, I might have pondered the guy for days, and eventually caved if he came back around. I'm willing to bet that my rejection will only intrigue him and he'll try harder - but he gave a hint of poor character, missed his chance, and now it's game over. This feels FANTASTIC! Feels like cleaning house down to the smallest dust bunny and getting it sparkling, to get it ready for a fabulous party.

 

 

Hi Ruby Slippers,

 

I'm just curious ...... what did the guy do to show poor character? Is that something you can share with us?

[Ruby Slippers]

Hi Ruby Slippers,

 

I'm just curious ...... what did the guy do to show poor character? Is that something you can share with us?

He told a white lie, for no reason, and I caught him in it. When I asked him why he lied about something there was no reason to lie about, he said, "I don't know", then asked for "another chance". Shady! I have zero tolerance for lying, so that was enough to turn me off completely.