polynomial Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 So I've read quite a lot this forum since I was dumped (out of the blue myself as well) and one thing that has struck me, is these stories about people getting dumped when just a day before their partner told them how much they love them, want to marry them etc etc. I mean, it's one thing if you know the relationship is shaky and you fight a lot and so on. But to be dumped like this? Completely out of the blue? With no warning signs? With them telling you they love you moments before they dump your a*s? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO TRUST *ANYONE* AT ALL IF PEOPLE BEHAVE LIKE THIS? I'm just so.. depressed over this right now. Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 You can't let one person ruin your trust for others. You keep dating until you find someone who DOESN'T want to break up with you. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 So I've read quite a lot this forum since I was dumped (out of the blue myself as well) and one thing that has struck me, is these stories about people getting dumped when just a day before their partner told them how much they love them, want to marry them etc etc. I mean, it's one thing if you know the relationship is shaky and you fight a lot and so on. But to be dumped like this? Completely out of the blue? With no warning signs? With them telling you they love you moments before they dump your a*s? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO TRUST *ANYONE* AT ALL IF PEOPLE BEHAVE LIKE THIS? I'm just so.. depressed over this right now. I know what you mean. These kinds of break ups seem to be the hardest. If it was cheating or always fighting, it would make more sense. But completely out of the blue? A month before we broke up she took me out of town for my birthday and all was fine. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 So I've read quite a lot this forum since I was dumped (out of the blue myself as well) and one thing that has struck me, is these stories about people getting dumped when just a day before their partner told them how much they love them, want to marry them etc etc. I mean, it's one thing if you know the relationship is shaky and you fight a lot and so on. But to be dumped like this? Completely out of the blue? With no warning signs? With them telling you they love you moments before they dump your a*s? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO TRUST *ANYONE* AT ALL IF PEOPLE BEHAVE LIKE THIS? I'm just so.. depressed over this right now. Same thing happened to me. I was in the falling in love stage (thought he was too) We never fought, not even close. Got along great, amazing connection..... Then dumped on my arse! NEVER expected that one and especially not right before the holidays. It's very confusing and devastating. I'm so sorry for your pain. Keep posting here. We are all here for you! ((hugs!!)) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 I know what you mean. These kinds of break ups seem to be the hardest. If it was cheating or always fighting, it would make more sense. But completely out of the blue? A month before we broke up she took me out of town for my birthday and all was fine. Three days before my ex gf of 1.5 years broke up with me she asked me what I wanted for my birthday and what I wanted to do for it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 I know what you mean. These kinds of break ups seem to be the hardest. If it was cheating or always fighting, it would make more sense. But completely out of the blue? A month before we broke up she took me out of town for my birthday and all was fine. Exactly. I have nothing really to be angry about. All the memories (until the last ones) are all good...... No, WONDERFUL! ugh! Link to post Share on other sites
Author polynomial Posted December 9, 2013 Author Share Posted December 9, 2013 Exactly. I have nothing really to be angry about. All the memories (until the last ones) are all good...... No, WONDERFUL! ugh! 3 But doesnt THAT make you angry? That basically they just kind of fooled you or made a good face whilst contemplating leaving you probably for a long time? (maybe) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hrtblds2ez Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 I feel your pain. Same story here. No fights, everythings great. Ex telling everyone how awesome I was then a week later lowered the boom at almost the 4 month mark. I know I love her dearly and would give anything to be with her. This is her choice not mine. Sounds like some of the same stories as everyone else. I'm still lost and far from recovered. I am making some headway though slowly as it may be. I wish everyone else here a quick recovery, because somewhere sometime there will be someone who respects you!! Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 3 But doesnt THAT make you angry? That basically they just kind of fooled you or made a good face whilst contemplating leaving you probably for a long time? (maybe) Right now I'm just sad. I feel like he threw away something so great and what a shame that is. I have yet . . . . YET to get to the anger stage. I know it's right around the corner and I'm actually looking forward to it (a little scared too because I know it's going to come on strong) but anything is better than being sad. I can't wait to knock him off this BS pedestal that I have him on in my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 Right now I'm just sad. I feel like he threw away something so great and what a shame that is. I have yet . . . . YET to get to the anger stage. I know it's right around the corner and I'm actually looking forward to it (a little scared too because I know it's going to come on strong) but anything is better than being sad. I can't wait to knock him off this BS pedestal that I have him on in my mind. Don't break NC especially during your anger phase. It will not only make you look weak, but crazy. I made that mistake 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fangorn Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 I'm pretty sure it was you who replied to the thread I started Poly, and I'll give you the same advice you gave me, focus on yourself and move on. I've been dealing with a lot of emotions these past couple of weeks and I'm still unsure as to how my ex just gave up our relationship so easily but I've just been telling myself everyday when I wake up "She's broken, not me". Instead of feeling down about it I transfer all of my sad into hate and anger and in turn, focus that into bettering myself. Admittedly at the moment it's 80% out of spite but soon the hurt will fade and she'll just be a lesson in what to avoid. I can see now that she was always a selfish liar with a need for constant validation and I focus on that, instead of the memories I shared with the person I thought she was. One day when I'm ready I'll find someone else I can start afresh with, who will love me as deeply as I love them, instead of someone who lied because I made them feel good and they liked having company. I reinforce this by telling myself "I know I deserve better!" It's tough buddy, but ride it out, you'll come out much stronger in the end and in a far better postion than the person that left you. You'll grow as a person, they won't. Just remember to take control of the situation, you chose what you do now. You are free to persue what you want in life. Will you let this person, after they took so much from you, take any more? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author polynomial Posted December 9, 2013 Author Share Posted December 9, 2013 Right now I'm just sad. I feel like he threw away something so great and what a shame that is. I have yet . . . . YET to get to the anger stage. I know it's right around the corner and I'm actually looking forward to it (a little scared too because I know it's going to come on strong) but anything is better than being sad. I can't wait to knock him off this BS pedestal that I have him on in my mind. This time when i got dumped, i was very understanding at first, but like two days after.i already got really mad, because seriously, who and why tells someone they are their world and on the same breath ditch them?! so.yeah my anger phase came pretty quickly. now im just deeply disappointed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 This time when i got dumped, i was very understanding at first, but like two days after.i already got really mad, because seriously, who and why tells someone they are their world and on the same breath ditch them?! so.yeah my anger phase came pretty quickly. now im just deeply disappointed. I felt the same way, shocked, confused, angered, and the worse part was the feeling that I was duped and had just waisted a year and a half of my life. But experience is priceless, right? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 Don't break NC especially during your anger phase. It will not only make you look weak, but crazy. I made that mistake Good to know! Is breaking NC really tempting during that phase? Thank you for the warning. I will be extra careful! Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 The part I have a lot of trouble with right now is when we first started dating, how aggressively she pursued me. I mean like a freight train. I didn’t know what hit me. We were living together within weeks. But I was OK with it. It was nice to have someone desire me so much. It was a new experience for me and I liked it. Well, long story short, three years later and I was dropped just as fast as it started. From zero to everything and back to zero again. Now, like strangers… Very confusing and very hard to process / accept. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 Good to know! Is breaking NC really tempting during that phase? Thank you for the warning. I will be extra careful! I thought so. I needed to unload and did it to my ex when I should have done it on here. I do have to admit, getting her fired up did feel a little good. But I still don't recommend it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 The part I have a lot of trouble with right now is when we first started dating, how aggressively she pursued me. I mean like a freight train. I didn’t know what hit me. We were living together within weeks. But I was OK with it. It was nice to have someone desire me so much. It was a new experience for me and I liked it. Well, long story short, three years later and I was dropped just as fast as it started. From zero to everything and back to zero again. Now, like strangers… Very confusing and very hard to process / accept. Was she a narcissist? Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 Was she a narcissist? Well. I don't like to throw around that term and I am not qualified to properly diagnose, but... yes, there were tendencies. Very, very strong tendencies in brother and Dad. Very strong tendencies... Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 Well. I don't like to throw around that term and I am not qualified to properly diagnose, but... yes, there were tendencies. Very, very strong tendencies in brother and Dad. Very strong tendencies... The reason I ask is because you said she came on to you very strong in the beginning as my ex did too. After the honeymoon phase, my ex started to become distant and changed from being a giver and a 50/50 partnership to a taker and more of an 80/20 relationship. Now that I reflect on our relationship, there is no doubt in my mind that I dated a narcissist and I wasn't that shiny brand new car to her any longer. She is going to wash, rinse, and repeat with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 The reason I ask is because you said she came on to you very strong in the beginning as my ex did too. After the honeymoon phase, my ex started to become distant and changed from being a giver and a 50/50 partnership to a taker and more of an 80/20 relationship. Now that I reflect on our relationship, there is no doubt in my mind that I dated a narcissist and I wasn't that shiny brand new car to her any longer. She is going to wash, rinse, and repeat with someone else. I agree and yes, this was the case with me and my ex too. The shine wore off and she just didn't know how or care about growing the RS into the next stages. The only thing that seems weird about that to me as that we dated for 2+ years before it started really falling apart. Seems long for a NPD to stick around. Maybe she was thinking and planing it lonegr than I suspect. There were plenty of red-flags all along the way, so yeah, probably was done with me long before actually getting rid of me. Selfish b1tch Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 The part I have a lot of trouble with right now is when we first started dating, how aggressively she pursued me. I mean like a freight train. I didn’t know what hit me. We were living together within weeks. But I was OK with it. It was nice to have someone desire me so much. It was a new experience for me and I liked it. Well, long story short, three years later and I was dropped just as fast as it started. From zero to everything and back to zero again. Now, like strangers… Very confusing and very hard to process / accept. Me too. He was very aggressive (not in a creepy or scary way) couldn't wait to talk to me, see me etc.... He made me feel really special. I think I'm beginning to think my ego may be just as broken as my heart because he left so abruptly and easily (so it seems) and never looked back (that I know of) Now, I'm thinking....damn, maybe I wasn't so special after all. Maybe he treats everyone "special" OUCH!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 I agree and yes, this was the case with me and my ex too. The shine wore off and she just didn't know how or care about growing the RS into the next stages. The only thing that seems weird about that to me as that we dated for 2+ years before it started really falling apart. Seems long for a NPD to stick around. Maybe she was thinking and planing it lonegr than I suspect. There were plenty of red-flags all along the way, so yeah, probably was done with me long before actually getting rid of me. Selfish b1tch Were you frustrated at any point with her and wanted to end it but decided to stick it out? What really angered me was after she broke up with me she told me "you should have broken up with me months ago instead of letting me string you along." Link to post Share on other sites
Thedafox Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 Ex gf and I of almost 3 years went to the Texas State Fair 2 days before we broke up. I thought it was the best date we had in awhile, we did everything we wanted to do and a bit more, stood in line for the Ferris Wheel for 30 mins and just enjoyed each others presence and just overall had an amazing time. Then Tuesday came around and she wanted her "space" and to enjoy the single life for a bit. Abrupt breakups are the worst. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 I thought so. I needed to unload and did it to my ex when I should have done it on here. I do have to admit, getting her fired up did feel a little good. But I still don't recommend it. LOL! Gotcha! Thanks again! I guess I better stay away from the tequila in the anger phase as well. I don't even want to think of what may happen. ((shudders)) Link to post Share on other sites
Author polynomial Posted December 9, 2013 Author Share Posted December 9, 2013 LOL! Gotcha! Thanks again! I guess I better stay away from the tequila in the anger phase as well. I don't even want to think of what may happen. ((shudders)) The last time i got dumped i angrily unloaded myself to my ex and honestly didnt feel better afterwards. now whenever i feel angry at him for leaving me i just tell.myself he wasnt worthy of me anyway and just move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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