organizedchaos Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 (edited) I'm thinking. Even when people say they were dumped completely out of the blue, did they really REALLY saw NO signs or red flags before? Really, NOTHING? I just cannot believe people can be SO cold. It's really scary. Nothing... As I mentioned in another thread, even one of her closest friends told me she doesn't know why the ex ended it with me. There was no other guy, no fighting, she took me out of town for my birthday a month prior. Edited December 10, 2013 by organizedchaos Link to post Share on other sites
Author polynomial Posted December 10, 2013 Author Share Posted December 10, 2013 Nothing... As I mentioned in another thread, even one of her closest friends told me she doesn't know why the ex ended it with me. There was no other guy, no fighting, she took me out of town for my birthday a month prior. Eek, that's chilling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sdraw108 Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 I've just had this happen to me. Spent last weekend visiting her family. Had a great time, she told me over and over how much she loved me and how great it was that I got to meet everyone. Then the next day (yesterday), dumped, with no real explanation that makes sense. I've read the grass is greener thread in the past. First time I've had it happen to me though. I almost wish she had cheated on me, or that we'd been having a horrible time towards the end - at least then I'd have a breakup I could understand. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 There were some red flags along the way, but he was really convincing otherwise. I really thought we would get married, but I thought it would be a few years. When I say out of the blue, I mean we were actually making plans for the future up until the day he dumped me. There are things that I now see as red flags, but, at the time, they didn't register. Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 (edited) My ex was emotionally unavailable, so she really thought it wasn't a big deal breaking up out of the blue. I always felt something was missing or wrong about the relationship but couldn't put my finger on it. Looking back, all of the red flags and the timeline in which they happend all make sense. I just chose to ignore them and stuck with it. Never again will I stay in a bad relationship. Like you, we had just discussed marriage the week prior and talked about celebrating my birthday just three days prior. I did nothing wrong and wouldn't change a thing. God was protecting me because had we got married a divorce would have been 10x worse. Edited December 10, 2013 by ponchsox 3 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 Same thing happened to me. I was in the falling in love stage (thought he was too) We never fought, not even close. Got along great, amazing connection..... Then dumped on my arse! NEVER expected that one and especially not right before the holidays. It's very confusing and devastating. I'm so sorry for your pain. Keep posting here. We are all here for you! ((hugs!!)) Same exact thing happened to me. No fights, got along great, amazing connection, no problems. Come back from a week long vacation and I'm suddenly single. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 He was also the one to pursue me. 3 months after we started dating, he was talking marriage. Again, WTF? I actually think you need to be wary of people who come on this strong in the beginning. I'm not saying it can't work in the long run, but I'm going to be more aware next time once the red flags start flying. Yes. I think there is something to this. My ex came after me like nothing I've ever known. Looking back though, it was all to meet her wants and needs. Really not too much to do with me. WTF?? There were some red flags along the way, but he was really convincing otherwise. There are things that I now see as red flags, but, at the time, they didn't register. Looking back, I see so many red-flags. But at the time, I either didn't see them, or didn't care. I guess I was pretty blind. Think that had a lot to do with the initial seduction phase as described above. She (we) created a fairy tale that I got stuck in, while she eventually made plans to move on from. What a mistake that was. Well, lesson learned for all of us. Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 Same exact thing happened to me. No fights, got along great, amazing connection, no problems. Come back from a week long vacation and I'm suddenly single. Ugh. Ouch! So confusing! I have to stop myself from having the wtf just happened moments! Hope you're feeling stronger every day! ((hugs)) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hotsauce3mk Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 I'm pretty sure it was you who replied to the thread I started Poly, and I'll give you the same advice you gave me, focus on yourself and move on. I've been dealing with a lot of emotions these past couple of weeks and I'm still unsure as to how my ex just gave up our relationship so easily but I've just been telling myself everyday when I wake up "She's broken, not me". Instead of feeling down about it I transfer all of my sad into hate and anger and in turn, focus that into bettering myself. Admittedly at the moment it's 80% out of spite but soon the hurt will fade and she'll just be a lesson in what to avoid. I can see now that she was always a selfish liar with a need for constant validation and I focus on that, instead of the memories I shared with the person I thought she was. One day when I'm ready I'll find someone else I can start afresh with, who will love me as deeply as I love them, instead of someone who lied because I made them feel good and they liked having company. I reinforce this by telling myself "I know I deserve better!" It's tough buddy, but ride it out, you'll come out much stronger in the end and in a far better postion than the person that left you. You'll grow as a person, they won't. Just remember to take control of the situation, you chose what you do now. You are free to persue what you want in life. Will you let this person, after they took so much from you, take any more? This sounds like my situation and how I'm dealing with it. For over 2 years my ex gf was always telling me how I was the one who would have to break it off with her and was always wanting validation that I loved her. She was all over me and wanted to reassure that I loved her 2 days prior to her ending it with me. Everything was pretty great up until the end. But then she started getting validation from other guys at parties that she was attractive, awesome, etc... Guess she realized she didn't need me to feed her attention anymore... I'm trying to focus on this neediness and constant validation instead of the good memories as well as turning the sadness and pain into motivation to really improve myself in every possible way. Because I deserve better than that bull ****. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 Eek, that's chilling. So I've read quite a lot this forum since I was dumped (out of the blue myself as well) and one thing that has struck me, is these stories about people getting dumped when just a day before their partner told them how much they love them, want to marry them etc etc. I mean, it's one thing if you know the relationship is shaky and you fight a lot and so on. But to be dumped like this? Completely out of the blue? With no warning signs? With them telling you they love you moments before they dump your a*s? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO TRUST *ANYONE* AT ALL IF PEOPLE BEHAVE LIKE THIS? I'm just so.. depressed over this right now. It seems this is happening a lot with younger people? My ex GF was 31 but acted younger and immature at times. Is this a growing trend in our society that people and relationships have a shelf life and when the newness wares off like a cell phone they toss it aside for something new? Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 It seems this is happening a lot with younger people? My ex GF was 31 but acted younger and immature at times. Is this a growing trend in our society that people and relationships have a shelf life and when the newness wares off like a cell phone they toss it aside for something new? Exactly! Mine is 33 but needs to "grow in to herself some more". That's what she said. At 33. She acts like she's 23. Has a great career already. we had 2.5 years together. I think it's all about the newness. Maybe something better is around the corner. GIGS. Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 Exactly! Mine is 33 but needs to "grow in to herself some more". That's what she said. At 33. She acts like she's 23. Has a great career already. we had 2.5 years together. I think it's all about the newness. Maybe something better is around the corner. GIGS. I've always dated girls younger than me but I may start looking for someone a few years older. I'm tired of this BS quite frankly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 I've always dated girls younger than me but I may start looking for someone a few years older. I'm tired of this BS quite frankly. Same here man. I'm 42 and I'm done with this. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 Wow. The similarities are pretty telling. My ex was 32 when we broke up and I was 41. Think I just outlived my shelf-life with her. Well, than why the fu*k did she try so hard in the beginning? She really came at me hard and fast. Whatever... Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 Same here man. I'm 42 and I'm done with this. Only problem is I find I am not so physically attracted to women my own age and older. It's a serious catch 22. Not saying there aren't many great women in that age bracket out there, but it has to start with a chemical reaction, and most of the time that doesn't exist... Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 Only problem is I find I am not so physically attracted to women my own age and older. It's a serious catch 22. Not saying there aren't many great women in that age bracket out there, but it has to start with a chemical reaction, and most of the time that doesn't exist... Well, I guess it depends on what your looking for. Ideally, a wife is someone you are extremely attracted to and is mature and loves you in return. I still haven't found that person yet. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 Me neither. And if I did, she would probably be the one to leave me... again!! Thought my ex was actually going to be that person. I was super attracted to her and she was coming at me strong as well. Thought that was it. Boy was I wrong Link to post Share on other sites
Never Again Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 Thought my ex was actually going to be that person. I was super attracted to her and she was coming at me strong as well. Thought that was it. Boy was I wrong I thought the same thing. My ex chased me, and we got very close very fast. But I acted in an unattractive manner (on and off) for a few weeks and she just lost interest. In today's world, attraction = relationship. If it fades, it doesn't seem that people want to fix the problem (even though it's totally fixable). They just "fall out of love" and walk away. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 Yes. I think there is something to this. My ex came after me like nothing I've ever known. Looking back though, it was all to meet her wants and needs. Really not too much to do with me. WTF?? Yes, it was all about him and what he wanted. When he talked about his first wife, it was in terms of how he was proud of her because of her career, ect. He never said things like: she's a great mom, or she was such a good person. I always thought that was odd at the time. When I went back to school, I remember him saying he knew it was for him. I found that extremely odd because it had nothing to do with him in the least. There was some real emotion in my ex, but it was buried deep. I saw it on rare occasions, and that's what I wanted to believe. Ultimately, he is who he is. Link to post Share on other sites
SameOldFear Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 I completely understand everything in this thread. It makes things so much harder, because everything was so great until he left. He seemed like the perfect man until he left. One day he was telling me he loved me and only me and not to worry about this other girl and then within one week he was dating her. Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 (edited) Yup. I got the I love you but not in love with you bull. A bunch of made up excuses. SHe made things bad in her mind that did not exist to make it easier for her to dump me. Told me she was holding me back. Among other bull lies. To this day I have never contacted her and she has called to tell me we are never getting back together but she misses me. texts and assorted up and down behavior. I have decided I am done and not bothering with her anymore. Full NC. told her have a great life wish you nothing but the best good bye. Don't think she believes me. The cherry on top was can we be friends, you are one of the most important people in my life and I want you in it forever. wtf is that? how do you say that and dump me at the same time? Edited December 11, 2013 by Juha change 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author polynomial Posted December 11, 2013 Author Share Posted December 11, 2013 It seems this is happening a lot with younger people? My ex GF was 31 but acted younger and immature at times. Is this a growing trend in our society that people and relationships have a shelf life and when the newness wares off like a cell phone they toss it aside for something new? Maybe in the older times people were more willing to stay in a loveless relationship/marriage/whatever. although if you listen to old love songs, people still.got dumped out of the blue/ left for someone else lol. but i do hate the "not in love with you" crap. do people honestly thin theyll be in love with their partners forever? plus, should you be? i mean, love, sharing your life with somebody should be about so much more than the novelty feelig of being in love... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 Maybe in the older times people were more willing to stay in a loveless relationship/marriage/whatever. although if you listen to old love songs, people still.got dumped out of the blue/ left for someone else lol. but i do hate the "not in love with you" crap. do people honestly thin theyll be in love with their partners forever? plus, should you be? i mean, love, sharing your life with somebody should be about so much more than the novelty feelig of being in love... I blame social media to a large degree. It's like a game. How many people can I get to be my friends? How much attention can I get? How many guys/girls can hit on me. Any better than my current BF/GF? Too easy to be tempted by just a click click click. Especially for those with weak minds and poor convictions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 I blame social media to a large degree. It's like a game. How many people can I get to be my friends? How much attention can I get? How many guys/girls can hit on me. Any better than my current BF/GF? Too easy to be tempted by just a click click click. Especially for those with weak minds and poor convictions. Yep, lLe me post another selfie and watch all the comments come in... Link to post Share on other sites
Trick1004 Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 Reading through this thread has been really helpful. Basically the same situation as everyone else. Up to the day before the bu the ex was saying how much she loved me. She was 29, been together for 3+ years and she was finally about to finish her bachelor degree. I was getting close to proposing to her once she got done with school. (Guess I dodged a bullet there). Came home from work one day and that was it. "Loved me but wasn't IN love with me" and wanted to move back home to her parents. But "Hey, I'd still like to live with you for the next month." Ya right, like that was some kind of a consolation prize. F that. Told her to move her stuff out while I was at work and haven't seen or talked to her in person since the bu, despite her efforts. Ya, kinda scary how people can so readily discard each other these days. Nice to see I'm not alone is this crap of a bu. Trick 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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