Body Image Issues

[mina1687]

I think everyone is self conscious to a certain point with their body, no one is perfect, but I'm more along the extreme with mine. I've always had body image issues. I'm not proud of my body, I am very self conscious and even more so when dating someone and it gets to the intimate / sex part. I have so much I'd love to fix about my body and with some hard work and effort I'm sure it would be attainable, but there are some parts on it that regardless of effort they're just not going any where.

 

I recently started dating a man and while he's made absolutely no reference to my body not being up to his standards, it's me that feels like it won't be or rather it isn't. We've been intimate, we've had sex, he's seen my body, although he's seen it lying down and not really really seen it. I am mortified at the thought of him seeing it, like the whole real deal. I am not proud of it. I have already told him I have body image issues and always have, he's said he's not judgemental, but seriously tell me one guy who doesn't long for a women with the perfect stripper / show girl body, they all do.

 

I know in past relationships I've become more comfortable with the person I've been with and them seeing my body. I'm not sure why this is, is it because eventually you become more comfortable with your significant other or because you're significant other makes you feel more comfortable.

 

Anyone else deal with these issues and if so, how do you over come them? How do you get yourself to the point where the stomach flab hanging down due to the baby you birthed is just not going to go away on it's own regardless of the amount of exercise you may do, that it's only going away under a knife. How do you get past these issues and get to a point where the person you're with will either need to accept you the way you are or they'll just move on. Is this something you eventually end up discussing with your partner to let them know your feelings?

 

Any insight on how you've dealt with this and or how you feel is the best way to overcome this (short of seeing a professional to discuss this, because that's no in the cards)?

[pteromom]

I have so much I'd love to fix about my body and with some hard work and effort I'm sure it would be attainable, but there are some parts on it that regardless of effort they're just not going any where.

 

Ok. And? Is the guy you are dating perfect? Does he have no flaws, no zits, no fat on his body, no unwanted body hair?

 

If not, why have you set a standard of perfection for yourself?

 

he's said he's not judgemental, but seriously tell me one guy who doesn't long for a women with the perfect stripper / show girl body, they all do.

 

This simply isn't true. Plus - you have more to offer than your body. If you are with someone who only longs for a body, and places no importance on the other parts of a relationship, you have bigger issues than your body.

 

How do you get past these issues and get to a point where the person you're with will either need to accept you the way you are or they'll just move on. Is this something you eventually end up discussing with your partner to let them know your feelings?

 

Any insight on how you've dealt with this and or how you feel is the best way to overcome this

 

It's not really about your partner. It's about you. You have to accept yourself, and when you do, you will only want a partner who accepts you as well.

 

We are only here for 70-100ish years. During that time, our bodies will be in a constant state of change. Much of it will be out of our control. At the end of your life, you don't want to be lying in bed thinking about everything you missed out on due to your body... the intimacy, swimming, wearing what you want to wear, or whatever else you don't do because you are scared people will see your body.

 

It doesn't matter. If your romantic partner doesn't think you are beautiful as you are, he is free to move on. If other people don't like your body, it doesn't have to affect you at all. Who cares what they think? You can't live your life for other people.

 

Apply your thinking to any other aspect of who you are.

 

What if you were afraid to share your opinions with a guy because he may reject you?

 

What if you were afraid to laugh around a guy because he may not find the same things funny?

 

What if you were afraid to let him know you had certain friends or liked certain music or had gone to a certain college?

 

You can't live your life like that, editing yourself in hopes you will be accepted. You have to just put yourself out there, be who you are, and focus on finding the people who like you as you are. This goes for your body as well. If you have belly flab, then a guy who has a hangup about belly flab isn't the guy for you. But there are plenty of guys who don't care at all about something like that. And if your guy has seen you naked (even lying down!) and has continued to want to sleep with you, then he is one of those guys.

 

Insecurity and fear are a much bigger turnoff than a belly.

 

Next time you are together, light a candle so you will have soft light, and get naked. Just jump in and do it. If he says "Ewww, gross!" then it is better to know that so you can move on and quit wasting time on a jerk.

 

You are OK just as you are. You just have to believe it.

[d0nnivain]

Most people when they are in love (or at least lust, deep like) view their partners through rose colored glasses. The view is much nicer. Accept his kinder perspective & try not to worry so much

[regine_phalange]

He probably didn't say anything because you warned him about your body image issues! Don't EVER say such thing again, to anyone!

[JDPT]

self-consciousness is a ubiquitous issue that even the most physically "beautiful" suffer from. Roughly 4 years ago I was 170 lbs and roughly 10% body fat lean muscle and guess what? I still feel very uncomfortable. I was very confident of course and picking up women was not an issue for me at all. fast-forwarding to now, I gained a few pounds but have lost a few as well and little by little starting to regain my confidence in picking up women again. I've actually been asked my number as opposed to me asking for numbers, go figure. My goals are once I heal from my MCL injury to hit the gym hard and bring my physic back to what it once was 4 years ago. Feel confident in yourself and know that you are beautiful. It all stems from within you have to feel it and want it.