Lonestar Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 So here I am again on the outs with my ex. We haven't spoken since the Xmas card incident on New Years Eve morning. I ended up spending that night out with friends, and had a great time, but it still bothered me that he refused to go out with me. He didn't spend his birthday with me, Xmas, or New Years. In fact, on Xmas night, he never called to see how my day was and how our kid's day was. When I finally called him he was at the bar with his friends. That tells me where I stand on the importance line. He never called to apologize for the way he treated me or for hanging up on me. I'm tired of him never taking me out anywhere, and now he's beginning to call me names again like he did when we were married. In the past week, I've been called an @sshole and a scumbag. Then he turns around and tells me he loves me and wants to be with me, but he still needs time to get over past hurts from way back when. That's his excuse why he can't take me out around his friends. I'm really sick of everything and I know I deserve so much better. I'm too old to have this kind of stress in my life, and I'm not even sure I'm still in love with him. I also have no desire to contact him, although I do wish he would contact me and show me he cares, because it does hurt. We're back to the power struggle again which is draining all my emotional energy. I want out of this relationship. I can't take it anymore, but my addiction to him keeps drawing me back as soon as he acts like he cares and doesn't want to lose me. I keep giving chances, but then something else bad happens. I'm certain most of it has to do with not wanting to feel rejection. I was never one to handle rejection well, and he keeps me coming back for more by refusing to take me out. It's more rejection I keep trying to conquer. But at this point it's getting very old and I don't think it will be much longer (if right now isn't my breaking point) before I slip away for good. I'm being neglected emotionally and I've been telling him that for weeks. I met a guy where I work and he's been taking me out to lunches and drinks after work. A week ago he kissed me, and I let him. Afert one huge fight with the ex, I ended up telling him what happened, because I was hoping it would make him go far far away. Instead, he called me up the next day freaking out and a total mess because he didn't want to lose me, and didn't want me with someone else. He subsequently tried to change, but it only last a few days. I believe that his biggest fear of letting me go is that he doesn't want me with another man, and yet, he refuses to give me what I need and treat me with respect. I'm not really looking for advice with this post. I just felt the need to update and vent a little, but advice is always welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 I wish I could help, but I'm so confused! Whatever attraction you have to him, is it really so strong it outweighs the pain of being shunned, ignored, insulted, maniplulated, and humiliated? I'm not even sure I'm still in love with him. Good... I also have no desire to contact him... Also good... ...although I do wish he would contact me and show me he cares, because it does hurt. Not good. You're waiting for a logical impossibility. He can't show you he cares, because he CLEARLY DOESN'T CARE enough about you to treat you with even minimal consideration. You might as well be waiting for Orson Welles to drop by on his unicycle! IT WILL NOT HAPPEN. Better to start fantasizing about winning that Lotto jackpot, because there's at least 1 chance in 2,300,000. I have two words for you: ANGER and DISTRACTION ANGER: Wake up the part of you that says, "You can't do this to ME, you M****F****er!!!" Punch air while saying, or kick walls or furniture as appropriate and safe. Or head out back and slash open a bag of compost with a hoe. Keep slashing until the bag is in ribbons, screaming your rage and hatred and rejection of his mistreatment of you. DISTRACTION: The guy at work. Hopefully he has at least some personal attractions - if so, enjoy. Just let him know that you're in a difficult transition. He'll be OK with it, I betcha anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonestar Posted January 2, 2005 Author Share Posted January 2, 2005 I am angry. I'm so f***ing angry right this moment that I want to punch something. I'm trying to keep busy by cleaning my house, etc., but it only leaves me time to think. I've been slowing reaching a boiling point since I posted that. I can't believe he would treat me this way. I can't believe that I've been sticking around and taking it, but my anger wants to lash out at him instead of using it constructively. I'm steering clear of any telephones in this place, because I want to rip into that motherf***er so bad right now. I want to say things to hurt him. I want to make him cry. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 I want to say things to hurt him. I want to make him cry. It's fine with me if you do that. My only concern would be the effect on you. It might be better to act out your anger alone. And I should have mentioned...anger is helpful and productive for your situation ONLY to the point where it helps you make a firm decision to dump the toad. Then, you must let go of anger, because it can be harmful to YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 WTF, you are sorta back with this guy again? You told me you were ditching him for good. Sweetheart you need some help because you are obsessed with this clown. Link to post Share on other sites
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