How Do I Confront My Friend Who Flirted with My Girlfriend?

[TheBathWater]

Hey all,

 

I recently introduced a woman I've been seeing for a couple of months to one of my best friends over a brunch, and the guy interacted with her as if I wasn't even there. I noticed that he was running game on her the same way I see him do with other women, and I do not like the way he made eye contact with her at a couple of points in the interaction (and especially after he hugged her goodbye). I am not so concerned with her reaction to him, as I am confident in what I have been developing with the woman. But now my (recently rekindled) friendship with this friend is a bit rocky. I feel insulted by and mistrustful of him now. How do I bring this up with him?

Edited December 10, 2013 by TunaInTheBrine

[d0nnivain]

"Dude, what are you doing hitting on my GF?"

 

 

It's straightforward & to the point. If he says anything other than he's sorry, he's not your friend.

[tlegend]

Find a new friend.

 

Or stop rekindling this friendship.

 

My 2 cents.

[Elias33]

With a left hook, j/k

 

Stay confident, lose the "friend". That is, if you care for this lady.

[Spectre]

Hey all,

 

I recently introduced a woman I've been seeing for a couple of months to one of my best friends over a brunch, and the guy interacted with her as if I wasn't even there. I noticed that he was running game on her the same way I see him do with other women, and I do not like the way he made eye contact with her at a couple of points in the interaction (and especially after he hugged her goodbye). I am not so concerned with her reaction to him, as I am confident in what I have been developing with the woman. But now my (recently rekindled) friendship with this friend is a bit rocky. I feel insulted by and mistrustful of him now. How do I bring this up with him?

 

Well..what WAS her reaction to him though? Why was she hugging some guy who was openly flirting with her in front of her boyfriend? That seems like a weird thing to do. I am not saying she did anything wrong, but you said your friend was "running game" so why was this? Was there some signal given to him that it would be ok? Is this guy just like that? You haven't mentioned that this is typical behavior for this person or not.

 

Did she make it clear to him that this was one game he wouldn't be winning? The situation seems fishy to me, no pun intended.

[violet1]

Punch him in the face and say that's my [girlfriend] bro don't you ever!!! Gotta go hard on this dude otherwise you're soft and hes gonna keep moving on it.

 

Okay so the OP punches his friend in the face, the friend presses charges and the OP goes to jail. How in the hell is that going to help the situation? I'm sorry but if the man I was with punched another guy in the face for flirting with me, I'd dump his butt in a heart beat. I do NOT condone violence.

 

OP, I suggest you cut the friendship if you can't trust him.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Don't worry right now if she was giving him signals. If she is the type to cheat, it will happen. Just try not to let it happen with someone you put your trust into as a friend.

 

I'd either avoid the guy, or tell him straight up that you are a little pissed that he disrespected your relationship. The guy needs a lesson in boundaries anyway.

 

EDIT: Also, it's not likely that she would admit to giving him the green light to "run game" on her. So, grilling her on this could only hurt you. If she has done nothing wrong, she'll resent you for going negative. If she did something wrong, she would lie.

Edited December 11, 2013 by AShogunNamedMarcus

[PegNosePete]

"Dude, what are you doing hitting on my GF?"

 

It's straightforward & to the point. If he says anything other than he's sorry, he's not your friend.

Yep keep it simple, no need to over-think this one.

[Spectre]

Don't worry right now if she was giving him signals. If she is the type to cheat, it will happen. Just try not to let it happen with someone you put your trust into as a friend.

 

What?! You are telling a guy that he should not worry if his girlfriend is giving signals to another man? No that is something to worry about, why wait for her to cheat? Then he will just end up getting hurt a lot worse then if he ended it now.

 

Also, it's not likely that she would admit to giving him the green light to "run game" on her. So, grilling her on this could only hurt you. If she has done nothing wrong, she'll resent you for going negative. If she did something wrong, she would lie.

 

It couldn't hurt to ask IMO. It's worth the risk, since if she was doing something he needs to get out of the relationship.

Edited December 12, 2013 by Spectre

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

What?! You are telling a guy that he should not worry if his girlfriend is giving signals to another man? No that is something to worry about, why wait for her to cheat? Then he will just end up getting hurt a lot worse then if he ended it now.

 

 

 

It couldn't hurt to ask IMO. It's worth the risk, since if she was doing something he needs to get out of the relationship.

 

Re-read the post there, guy. I said "right now"... meaning he should be focused on the guy.... you know.... right now?

 

edit: I mean you can go on some tirade if you want, risk coming off like you are accusing your GF when she was probably not even trying to give signals (I don't see how this does you any good)... or you can deal with the real problem at hand.

 

I'm sure you'd get at the truth if you just came out and said, "Honey, I'm an insecure little b****. Were you giving my friend subliminal signals that it was ok for him to run game on you right in front of my face?"

Edited December 12, 2013 by AShogunNamedMarcus

[TheBathWater]

Thanks for the feedback.

 

I can say with certainty that I have no concerns regarding my girlfriend's behavior and feel secure with her. She did nothing in that interaction to alarm me. If I didn't feel comfortable with her in this area, I would absolutely discuss it with her. She makes me feel quite loved and appreciated.

 

It is my 'friend' whose behavior is in question. And it's not just in this case, but other things he has said or done to me since I started talking to him again. He just isn't a very empathetic guy, but he used to be years ago. I am just fumed that someone who supposedly wanted to be back in my life would pull this kind of crap on me and think he can get away with it.

 

I talked to him last night, and I spoke about everything I was feeling. I basically put the friendship on hold because he was just dodging all of my comments. Would have liked to see him be a man and own some of the obvious disrespect he has shown toward me. Too much pride, I guess.

Edited December 12, 2013 by TunaInTheBrine

[sayyes19]

Thanks for the feedback.

 

I can say with certainty that I have no concerns regarding my girlfriend's behavior and feel secure with her. She did nothing in that interaction to alarm me. If I didn't feel comfortable with her in this area, I would absolutely discuss it with her. She makes me feel quite loved and appreciated.

 

It is my 'friend' whose behavior is in question. And it's not just in this case, but other things he has said or done to me since I started talking to him again. He just isn't a very empathetic guy, but he used to be years ago. I am just fumed that someone who supposedly wanted to be back in my life would pull this kind of crap on me and think he can get away with it.

 

I talked to him last night, and I spoke about everything I was feeling. I basically put the friendship on hold because he was just dodging all of my comments. Would have liked to see him be a man and own some of the obvious disrespect he has shown toward me. Too much pride, I guess.

I've been fortunate enough to have a pretty good core of friends in my lifetime, but friends like this get lost in the shuffle. I wouldn't advocate violence, but when I was 18 or 19 I had to ruffle a few feathers over the very same subject.

[road]

Thanks for the feedback.

 

I can say with certainty that I have no concerns regarding my girlfriend's behavior and feel secure with her. She did nothing in that interaction to alarm me. If I didn't feel comfortable with her in this area, I would absolutely discuss it with her. She makes me feel quite loved and appreciated.

 

It is my 'friend' whose behavior is in question. And it's not just in this case, but other things he has said or done to me since I started talking to him again. He just isn't a very empathetic guy, but he used to be years ago. I am just fumed that someone who supposedly wanted to be back in my life would pull this kind of crap on me and think he can get away with it.

 

I talked to him last night, and I spoke about everything I was feeling. I basically put the friendship on hold because he was just dodging all of my comments. Would have liked to see him be a man and own some of the obvious disrespect he has shown toward me. Too much pride, I guess.

 

 

 

 

 

The problem is you forgot why your friendship ended before. And why you should of never restarted it.

 

 

Next problem was you trying to salvage this friendship after him going after your girl. This is evident that he would not admit any wrong doing or apologize.

 

 

As soon as you and your GF parted company with him you should of just cut him out of your lives. Just go no contact/NC with him. Block his calls, texts, emails.

 

 

And he will know why you went NC without you having to tell him.

[TheBathWater]

The problem is you forgot why your friendship ended before. And why you should of never restarted it.

 

This is an interesting comment. When I think about the dynamics of the friendship going on when we stopped talking several years ago, I see they are still playing out.