I cheated and I want to fix things

[taylei]

I am in serious need of advice.. And the last thing I need is anyone else beating me up other than myself so if you have anything really mean to say don't bother.. I'm just lost after my mistakes and I need some help.

 

I am 22 and my recent ex just turned 23 in September. We have been together on and off since we met when I was about 16. We have been more together than not together though. There were two years between us that he was just a jerk and went back and forth between wanting to be with me or dating around… and he sure would tell me he loved me but didn’t want a relationship then he would end up in a relationship with someone else or dating someone else. And he did this also after I had just gotten out of the hospital for something that was life threatening. I can’t recall how many times I’ve been devastated over things he has done to me.

But about 3 years ago we got back together and I felt continually unappreciated and taken for granted. He left for Mexico for 2 weeks with his family and while he was gone there was a guy at work that gave me the kind of attention I had always been lacking. He made me feel really attractive and we all just hung out as friends but it really made me realize that my relationship at the time wasn’t working out. When he got back from Mexico he said while he was gone he suddenly realized all these things but I said then I think it was too late, I had been feeling this way for way too long and I’m not sure if there’s a way out of it. We broke up. We were still talking and seeing each other and I was being honest by saying I did want to be with him and work things out but I didn't know if we could. I wasn't completely honest about the other guy at work and I did end up sleeping with this other guy about a week later. He went through my phone one evening when I was at his house, after this whatever it was between the guy at work and I had ended. We would still flirt and what not but I wasn’t interested in anything else coming out of it. And all hell broke loose. He said I cheated on him and that I broke up with him just to sleep with this other guy which was not the case but either way eventually we worked through that issue and we got back together. He told me not to talk the guy anymore and he found a text I thought about sending to the other guy in my phone just apologizing for all the drama because I wasn’t totally honest with him either, which I never sent. As well as I found out he got arrested for something and I just called him to be like what the hell did you do not out of concern but I did have his number under a different persons name and he caught me with that as well. We worked through that issue and we were good for a while..

 

Now the issue is a different guy at work, I don’t recall when he started because I was not at all interested in him or anything about him, my ex and I were doing great. We were communicating better than we ever had and we would still argue every here and there but things were perfect for awhile.. But again the same cycle began to present itself.

Sidenote: My ex used to always get upset with me for not initiating sex and said that I didn't want him just because I didn't initiate it as much as he did. At this time I had class early in the mornings and worked 6 days a week so once I got into bed with him I was exhausted. We would just be watching tv relaxing and I would fall asleep in his arms like every time unless he initiated things. The one thing about him that made me not too interested in initiating things is because he never made me feel sexy or pretty or attractive. I couldn't recall the last time he told me I looked pretty, nice, beautiful, sexy or anything... And that was something I kept telling him I needed from him to be happy and his response would always just be well you don't do it for me.. So in other words since I didn't do it that often it meant he didn't need to even when that was something I just needed from him.... Which is how anything would go that I would talk about, he would find a way to get defensive or point the fingers back on me, I don't know if anyone understands what I'm saying.. Anyways...

Later on down the line something happened and I suddenly became attracted to the guy at work. Around Christmas time he gave me so much attention it was really nice. He kinda looked at me like I was the most attractive person on the planet everyone could see it when he looked at me and chemistry between us kinda came out of no where. You could see it from across the room. It was kind of more of an emotional thing because of the attention I was getting until about January. We began sleeping together and he had a girlfriend that he had been with since he was 16 as well. So personally that connection with us being kinda in the same spot I believe helped us connect on a deeper level for myself at least. I had gained all these feelings for him mainly because the attention he gave me was exactly what i wanted. I stopped seeing my boyfriend at the time as much because I knew what was going on wasn’t right and I knew I wasn't really happy in the relationship as is but after being with him for so long I didn't know if I really wanted to walk away. Even though the other guy and I both knew this was wrong we continued it, although on at least 5 or 6 different occasions I tried ending things and eventually my boyfriend and I broke up in March because I just couldn’t express all the things about our relationship that were bothering me and I knew what was going on couldn’t continue the way it was. We didn’t talk for about 4 months and I continued to see this other guy on and off since he was still with his girlfriend I would try to put an end to things because I knew it wasn’t right and I didn’t want to be in that situation and he couldn’t figure out what he was doing or what he wanted... So his girlfriend eventually did find out about his affair and they broke up and him and I continued to hang out and such. My ex came back into the picture on a night I got really drunk and called him just because I couldn’t take it anymore. We started talking again but I was still seeing the other guy too. Eventually my ex went through my phone again and saw that I was still seeing someone else, yet he was seeing someone at the time too.. And he told me that he just didn’t see us working out because something felt off about us. He never told me that he knew I was seeing someone else or anything of the sort. The other guy and I still saw each other on and off then one night with him everything kind of exploded and went down the hill. He thought I was looking for a commitment to him of which he said he wasn’t in any place to make to me and I said no that’s not what I’m asking for I just want to know what we’re doing here and he could never give me an answer so it was just that time to walk away from that. He felt that how we started ruined what good we could of ever been and to be honest it doesn't really matter to me. During this whole time my ex found himself a new girlfriend for that month. Which made me walking away much easier because I was furious about the guilt he gave me for seeing someone else when he just ended up in a relationship anyways. But he ended up reaching out to me in an email and this is when I found out that he knew I had been seeing someone else and that he just knew then that he had to walk away from me. He said he jumped into things with her to deal with not having me. Eventually we did get back together and had been back together for about a month now but he still thought that the other guy was in the picture without saying a word. I texted the other guy just to say happy thanksgiving and my ex saw it. He said he’s seen his number pop up on my phone a couple times when I’ve been at his house of which times I don't recall happening actually, since we've barely talked at all since him and I got back together officially. He also said that he knew about the affair all a long but he didn’t want to say anything and just held it in. He never wanted to talk about it or get into any detail about it. He said he’s read things recently about me wanting to work things out with this guy and that if he hadn’t told me he didn’t want to be my boyfriend we would have never gotten back together. He was borrowing my old computer and I had snapshots of texts in my pictures from the beginning of this year when we were together to when we weren’t together during the summer too. And there’s one he can’t get out of his head and that was me saying to this other guy that it’s hard having him and it’s hard not having him… This was sent when my ex and I had been broken up and he (the guy i was seeing) was still with his girlfriend and I had to see him all the time at work but I knew it wasn’t right continuing what we were doing under the circumstances still too. And my ex took this as a very very emotional statement. He was angry and told me I’m untrustworthy and unfaithful and that he will never let me in his life again when I saw him the other night. I was at his house trying to talk to him and he didn’t want to hear any of it.. Eventually he began to cry and I tried to hug him, he tried to stop me but eventually let me and we were both crying about the situation. It’s about 3 or 4 am at this point and he says I should probably go but I was in no place to leave yet. He said it again about 30 minutes later, he said you should probably go because you have school in the morning.. But i just said I can’t leave right now, I had been crying so much it was difficult to see. He didn’t face me when sleeping at all but didn’t completely stop me from putting my arm around him. When he left for work I stood at the door and just asked him to look at me and he said he couldn’t I asked why and he just began to cry again and said don’t you realize what you’ve done and I gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek and he left. I continued to text him this past Tuesday of which he responded to. He thinks I have other guys just lined up and I can say I don’t want to be with anyone else. I know where I want to be and he thinks i’m just so unsure after everything has happened. I feel like i emotionally destroyed him and he was responding till about 7:30 Tuesday night and he hasn’t responded to me since. I want to save this and heal what I broke. I was absolutely devastated seeing what I did to him. But it is hard for me too because that relationship with the other guy is over but he questions that because of that thanksgiving text and what he believes he has seen in my phone supposedly. He says if it was really over I wouldn’t continue talking to the guy and I even told him if I had known everything he knew I would have never continued to talk to him at all and I know that makes me sounds terrible…

 

I honestly feel like a terrible person and I don’t know what to do. I’m at a complete loss. He believes whole heartedly that I wouldn’t be with him if the other guy would be with me which is bull**** because I could have continued to just see that guy and have fun like we were doing but I didn’t want to do that. We still would talk every now and then not very often though but I would run into him at school occasionally. He says that I’m the one that begins and reaches out to these people. It’s not them it’s me so it says that I don’t know what I want. He says the happy thanksgiving was me reaching out to say I’m still here yet that’s where the conversation ended and I had already told other people the same thing as is… I've decided to just give him some space for a bit because I know he has some healing to do but I told him I'm not giving up on us and I'm not going anywhere and I whole heartedly mean that... I just don't know what to do anymore.. I'm so depressed that I'm numb to emotions completely right now and I know I deserve it for what I did to him but I'm just.. I don't know.. Help.

[Chi townD]

Okay, first things first. Next time, PARAGRAPHS!!! That was hard as hell to read.

 

Look, I'm not saying this guy is a saint, his not. But, you really put this guy through the ringer. Everytime you broke up, you immediately hooked up with someone else. Everytime he thought things were going great between the two of you he discovers that you're still communicating with the guys you were sleeping with. You rarely started any intimacy with him. He always had to start everything. Guys want to feel desired by their girls just as much as girls want it from guys. He feels you were never serious about him. Why? Because you kept other men around.

 

You need to leave him alone right now. Give him space. He may or may not come back. But, that's something you're going to have to deal with. Personally, this relationship is too toxic. I know, not what you wanted to hear. But, you guys have done a great job at hurting one another. Why don't you take some time to HEAL from one another.

[taylei]

Sorry, once I get started I do begin to ramble..

 

I wouldn't say I necessarily barely started intimacy. But it definitely wasn't as much as he would like.. And I know that.

 

I guess I never really looked at things that way because there weren't any romantic or emotional intentions behind the communication.

 

I agree space is best right now it's just difficult especially when I want to heal what I damaged. It really wasn't my intention for this to happen..

 

It always makes it difficult that I don't think I truly can tell how much he loves me till something like this or what happened 2 years ago... Anything in between and it kinda just seems like he doesn't feel the need to make me feel the same way.

 

Maybe it's just time to move on, I'm not sure if I want to though.

[Clay]

I would have to agree any chance of having a serious meaningful relationship is now gone. He will never trust you. Even if you did get back together it would not work in the long run. We forgive but we don't forget and It will be in the back of his mind all the time. Every time your gone too long he will be looking and wondering. When you fight he will bring it up. I think you are doing the decent thing now. I would just let him go. He did wrong too so I am sure the fear would go both ways.

 

I would move on and find someone new and learn from these mistakes.

 

Clay

[fixing]

Hi. After reading that marathon i feel like this relationship has run its course. Far too much damage has been done, and the trust is completely non existent at this stage.

Give him space. You have hurt his pride and self esteem way to much with your cheating ways.

You should take this time to start bettering yourself and start to realise cheating is THE MOST WORST THING POSSIBLE you can do to your loving partner.

 

I hope you can learn from this. Good luck

[drifter777]

Face the fact that you are 22 years old and you want to live the single life. It's nice having a steady guy hanging around but you crave being desired by other guys and are willing to exchange sex to have them worship you. Have mercy on your boyfriend and break up with him. He doesn't understand that you just aren't ready for a committed relationship - and that's ok - and both of you need to move on and live your lives.

[stillafool]

I don't think you need to get back together with anyone but stay single for some time. You obviously need alot of male attention and you should be free to pursue it. Having a boyfriend is just holding you back from what you really want to do and hurting other people in the process. I really do think you should just stay alone and date around until you get it out of your system.

[tlegend]

but I did have his number under a different persons name

 

I stopped after reading this line.

 

You are playing games. You have no business being in a relationship.

 

It's that simple really.

[taylei]

are willing to exchange sex to have them worship you.

 

 

I don't need to be worshipped, I've never asked for that and I don't want to be worshiped. And that sounds like I'll just sleep around to get attention, which I will not.

I agree that I'm 22 and I know that sometimes I forget how young I am because I have been with someone for so many years. And I wouldn't exactly say that I don't want to be in a committed relationship because I can do that, I did for years. Maybe he's just not the one I should be with is all, we may just not be right for each other, obviously. It's just really hard to accept that when we've basically grown up together.. and maybe just grew apart and I couldn't accept that.

He had his time to play games and date around and I didn't really do that. I waited around for him..

Maybe it is time to just be single and work on myself. I don't really care to date around, I've never really been a fan of it.

But any woman will tell you that they want to be desired, why else do we put makeup on and dress nice? Sure some women will say they do it for themselves but they don't.

It is hard when the person you love doesn't make you feel like they're very attracted to you or desire you, sure he wouldn't have been with me if he didn't but I wanted to feel it. And if that makes me want someone to worship me in someone else's eyes then okay so be it. The woman who loves you wants to feel like you think she's the most beautiful and sexiest woman there is to you period.

Like I explained, it doesn't justify my actions nor do I condone what I did because I never realized how lost I became with who I am until I saw what my actions did to him.

But being worshiped, no thanks I'll pass.

[gabgab]

I think this relationship has run its course. Just enjoy being single you are only young once

[Spectre]

I'm sorry, but I really wish people would stop touting this "you are young" excuse around. Since when did being young excuse behavior like this? Since when did being young equate to the need to automatically sleep around? It seems like that is all I hear upon cases like this. People can't control when you meet that special someone, you could be old..you could be young. Should you pass this person up and say "hey I'm young and haven't banged enough people yet. come back in a few years"?

 

I am not saying if you are young and you want to play the field you shouldn't, but I am often puzzled when people act like this is some necessary rite of passage and a life without it is a life woefully unfulfilled because you didn't sleep around enough during college or something.

 

Anyways, to the OP: you need to let this guy go, he deserves to be with someone who actually cares about him and respects him. If you can't fill the position let some other girl have a chance. Sometimes the hardest thing can be realizing the person you want deserves someone a lot better then you.

Edited December 11, 2013 by Spectre

[taylei]

you need to let this guy go, he deserves to be with someone who actually cares about him and respects him. If you can't fill the position let some other girl have a chance. Sometimes the hardest thing can be realizing the person you want deserves someone a lot better then you.

 

I actually respected your opinion about how I dislike everyone saying be young because I've hated that statement... And I've never condoned my behavior..

 

But I don't respect people who put the crap you just put out there when you don't know a lot of the bull I've put up with in the past 6 years. I made a huge error in judgment and a big mistake and have chosen to get back into therapy to figure myself out... Not once did I not care about him, I screwed up and lost myself in the process but not caring about him was never the issue, maybe our relationship at the time but never him otherwise I wouldn't be absolutely killing myself right now for hurting him the way I did. But you don't know anything so like I said in the beginning, I needed help not a complete jerk who feels the need to put people down when they're already hurting as is. Go find someone else to get your kicks from kicking when they're down. Screw you.

 

 

 

I'm not here to defend myself because a lot of you actually are making sense to me in that maybe it's time to move on and get on with both of our lives because we've both done so much hurting to each other. And thank you to those who have been respectful but honest.

Edited December 11, 2013 by taylei

[panoramicview]

I agree that your actions cannot be attributed to your age. Now it's time to find out what is lacking within you that caused you to do this. It is good that you are seeking therapy to get to the root of the issue.

 

It could boil down to a need for external validation. Maybe you try to determine your self worth by how others feel about you and the way they treat you. It is normal to want to break away from a relationship when you feel neglected; however, you must ask yourself why you chose to cheat rather than breaking up. Are you afraid to be alone?

 

Back to the larger question. It seems that you have already figured out that there has been too much drama for the relationship to recover. I'm sure there's a Chance that all could be forgiven, but it wouldn't be forgotten and would lead to trust issues.

[crederer]

I actually respected your opinion about how I dislike everyone saying be young because I've hated that statement... And I've never condoned my behavior..

 

But I don't respect people who put the crap you just put out there when you don't know a lot of the bull I've put up with in the past 6 years. I made a huge error in judgment and a big mistake and have chosen to get back into therapy to figure myself out... Not once did I not care about him, I screwed up and lost myself in the process but not caring about him was never the issue, maybe our relationship at the time but never him otherwise I wouldn't be absolutely killing myself right now for hurting him the way I did. But you don't know anything so like I said in the beginning, I needed help not a complete jerk who feels the need to put people down when they're already hurting as is. Go find someone else to get your kicks from kicking when they're down. Screw you.

 

 

 

I'm not here to defend myself because a lot of you actually are making sense to me in that maybe it's time to move on and get on with both of our lives because we've both done so much hurting to each other. And thank you to those who have been respectful but honest.

 

Well whether you don't respect him, or he doesn't respect you, or you put him through a lot, or he put you through a lot, it sounds that in general you two otta move on.

[FrankieFrank]

It's not up to you now, it's up to him to take you back if he wants to. And not like I can blame him if he won't.

[Spectre]

But I don't respect people who put the crap you just put out there when you don't know a lot of the bull I've put up with in the past 6 years

 

You are right I do not know the bull you've put up with, but none of it justifies you cheating. Do you disagree with that statement?

 

I made a huge error in judgment and a big mistake

 

Here is where we run into problems, stop saying this. You made a choice, not a mistake. You chose to cheat..it didn't just suddenly happen.

 

Not once did I not care about him

 

I'm sorry, but bull. Not once did you not care about him? Yeah, when this other man was removing your clothes..you cared about your husband during this? I'm just curious. When this man you slept with was having an orgasm during sex with you, you cared about your husband at that moment too?

 

otherwise I wouldn't be absolutely killing myself right now for hurting him the way I did.

 

I understand your pain, but do you really feel you should play the "I wouldn't do this if I didn't care" game? Since couldn't I just counter with "well if you cared you wouldn't of had sex with another dude" ? Not trying to be mean here, but you get what I'm saying right? You should of felt bad BEFORE the act of sex took place. Also realize that all the pain you are feeling? I guarantee you your husband feels a thousand times worse.

 

But you don't know anything so like I said in the beginning, I needed help not a complete jerk who feels the need to put people down when they're already hurting as is. Go find someone else to get your kicks from kicking when they're down. Screw you.

 

I get where you are coming, but let me tell you I truly do not get my kicks from any of this. It's the opposite actually, I'm sorry if you feel I was harsh, but I was trying to help you and my advice was essentially move on.

 

Also, I just carefully re-read your entire post(since it was hard to read due to lack of paragraphs) and I have to say..what the heck were you thinking texting this other man a happy thanksgiving?! Why would you do this? What good could come from it? I don't get it, if you are so sorry for doing this how could you do that? God..I did not know that when I typed my other replies. Why would you do that? I don't get it, you claim to care about your husband, so how could you contact this other man, especially to give him some well wishes?

 

I am frankly baffled, you should have absolutely NO CONTACT with this other person, how did you not get that? I'm just baffled how you can sit there and chastise me for "not knowing what you put up with" when you do things like that. I just frankly don't know what to say, I can't even comprehend how a person who felt even one shred of guilt for what they did would contact the person they cheated with to wish them a happy damn thanksgiving. I just don't get it and I do not get how you fail to see that texting him pretty much shows you aren't over the other guy.

 

You pretty much sealed the deal with that text when it comes to your husband not taking you back or ever trusting anything you say in the future. Hope giving the other dude some well wishes on a day you should of been focusing 100% on your family and marriage was worth it.

Edited December 12, 2013 by Spectre

[ThatMan]

I actually respected your opinion about how I dislike everyone saying be young because I've hated that statement... And I've never condoned my behavior..

 

But I don't respect people who put the crap you just put out there when you don't know a lot of the bull I've put up with in the past 6 years. I made a huge error in judgment and a big mistake and have chosen to get back into therapy to figure myself out... Not once did I not care about him, I screwed up and lost myself in the process but not caring about him was never the issue, maybe our relationship at the time but never him otherwise I wouldn't be absolutely killing myself right now for hurting him the way I did. But you don't know anything so like I said in the beginning, I needed help not a complete jerk who feels the need to put people down when they're already hurting as is. Go find someone else to get your kicks from kicking when they're down. Screw you.

 

 

 

I'm not here to defend myself because a lot of you actually are making sense to me in that maybe it's time to move on and get on with both of our lives because we've both done so much hurting to each other. And thank you to those who have been respectful but honest.

 

Okay.

I hope you continue therapy because you'll learn more there than being on a forum. I know things are hard for you right now but with a little work you can be in a much better place in life. I can tell very clearly while reading your first message that you are hurting. Although controversial, and perhaps devastating to read, what Spectre said is still relevant. It's okay if he doesn't know what you've been through. You are your spouse clearly push each other's buttons. You've done things to him that are uncaring and disrespectful. What do you want us to say? It is what it is. Sharing that observation isn't a kick below the belt. Unless you want to exist in a denial la-la-land, you need to decide whether or not you want to be in a relationship in which this stuff goes on. I don't know what's best for you to what you should do for yourself. I believe that if we continually hurt another person then we shouldn't be in a toxic relationship with them. Maybe it's worthwhile to think on that.

Edited December 12, 2013 by ThatMan

[ThatMan]

I think this relationship has run its course. Just enjoy being single you are only young once

 

brb i need to go to a funeral and take self-shots of myself while their 4 social media/okcupid

 

#YOLO #whohasastiff #clubhoppinglater

 

Sorry! I couldn't resist.

But in all seriousness and putting You Only Live Once nonsense aside, please think about your own happiness.

You both deserve to be happy and I really hope each of you figure things out.

Never feel forced into a relationship that brings out only pain.

Edited December 12, 2013 by ThatMan

[road]

I am in serious need of advice.. And the last thing I need is anyone else beating me up other than myself so if you have anything really mean to say don't bother.. I'm just lost after my mistakes and I need some help.

 

I am 22 and my recent ex just turned 23 in September. We have been together on and off since we met when I was about 16. We have been more together than not together though. There were two years between us that he was just a jerk and went back and forth between wanting to be with me or dating around… and he sure would tell me he loved me but didn’t want a relationship then he would end up in a relationship with someone else or dating someone else. And he did this also after I had just gotten out of the hospital for something that was life threatening. I can’t recall how many times I’ve been devastated over things he has done to me.

But about 3 years ago we got back together and I felt continually unappreciated and taken for granted. He left for Mexico for 2 weeks with his family and while he was gone there was a guy at work that gave me the kind of attention I had always been lacking. He made me feel really attractive and we all just hung out as friends but it really made me realize that my relationship at the time wasn’t working out. When he got back from Mexico he said while he was gone he suddenly realized all these things but I said then I think it was too late, I had been feeling this way for way too long and I’m not sure if there’s a way out of it. We broke up. We were still talking and seeing each other and I was being honest by saying I did want to be with him and work things out but I didn't know if we could. I wasn't completely honest about the other guy at work and I did end up sleeping with this other guy about a week later. He went through my phone one evening when I was at his house, after this whatever it was between the guy at work and I had ended. We would still flirt and what not but I wasn’t interested in anything else coming out of it. And all hell broke loose. He said I cheated on him and that I broke up with him just to sleep with this other guy which was not the case but either way eventually we worked through that issue and we got back together. He told me not to talk the guy anymore and he found a text I thought about sending to the other guy in my phone just apologizing for all the drama because I wasn’t totally honest with him either, which I never sent. As well as I found out he got arrested for something and I just called him to be like what the hell did you do not out of concern but I did have his number under a different persons name and he caught me with that as well. We worked through that issue and we were good for a while..

 

Now the issue is a different guy at work, I don’t recall when he started because I was not at all interested in him or anything about him, my ex and I were doing great. We were communicating better than we ever had and we would still argue every here and there but things were perfect for awhile.. But again the same cycle began to present itself.

Sidenote: My ex used to always get upset with me for not initiating sex and said that I didn't want him just because I didn't initiate it as much as he did. At this time I had class early in the mornings and worked 6 days a week so once I got into bed with him I was exhausted. We would just be watching tv relaxing and I would fall asleep in his arms like every time unless he initiated things. The one thing about him that made me not too interested in initiating things is because he never made me feel sexy or pretty or attractive. I couldn't recall the last time he told me I looked pretty, nice, beautiful, sexy or anything... And that was something I kept telling him I needed from him to be happy and his response would always just be well you don't do it for me.. So in other words since I didn't do it that often it meant he didn't need to even when that was something I just needed from him.... Which is how anything would go that I would talk about, he would find a way to get defensive or point the fingers back on me, I don't know if anyone understands what I'm saying.. Anyways...

Later on down the line something happened and I suddenly became attracted to the guy at work. Around Christmas time he gave me so much attention it was really nice. He kinda looked at me like I was the most attractive person on the planet everyone could see it when he looked at me and chemistry between us kinda came out of no where. You could see it from across the room. It was kind of more of an emotional thing because of the attention I was getting until about January. We began sleeping together and he had a girlfriend that he had been with since he was 16 as well. So personally that connection with us being kinda in the same spot I believe helped us connect on a deeper level for myself at least. I had gained all these feelings for him mainly because the attention he gave me was exactly what i wanted. I stopped seeing my boyfriend at the time as much because I knew what was going on wasn’t right and I knew I wasn't really happy in the relationship as is but after being with him for so long I didn't know if I really wanted to walk away. Even though the other guy and I both knew this was wrong we continued it, although on at least 5 or 6 different occasions I tried ending things and eventually my boyfriend and I broke up in March because I just couldn’t express all the things about our relationship that were bothering me and I knew what was going on couldn’t continue the way it was. We didn’t talk for about 4 months and I continued to see this other guy on and off since he was still with his girlfriend I would try to put an end to things because I knew it wasn’t right and I didn’t want to be in that situation and he couldn’t figure out what he was doing or what he wanted... So his girlfriend eventually did find out about his affair and they broke up and him and I continued to hang out and such. My ex came back into the picture on a night I got really drunk and called him just because I couldn’t take it anymore. We started talking again but I was still seeing the other guy too. Eventually my ex went through my phone again and saw that I was still seeing someone else, yet he was seeing someone at the time too.. And he told me that he just didn’t see us working out because something felt off about us. He never told me that he knew I was seeing someone else or anything of the sort. The other guy and I still saw each other on and off then one night with him everything kind of exploded and went down the hill. He thought I was looking for a commitment to him of which he said he wasn’t in any place to make to me and I said no that’s not what I’m asking for I just want to know what we’re doing here and he could never give me an answer so it was just that time to walk away from that. He felt that how we started ruined what good we could of ever been and to be honest it doesn't really matter to me. During this whole time my ex found himself a new girlfriend for that month. Which made me walking away much easier because I was furious about the guilt he gave me for seeing someone else when he just ended up in a relationship anyways. But he ended up reaching out to me in an email and this is when I found out that he knew I had been seeing someone else and that he just knew then that he had to walk away from me. He said he jumped into things with her to deal with not having me. Eventually we did get back together and had been back together for about a month now but he still thought that the other guy was in the picture without saying a word. I texted the other guy just to say happy thanksgiving and my ex saw it. He said he’s seen his number pop up on my phone a couple times when I’ve been at his house of which times I don't recall happening actually, since we've barely talked at all since him and I got back together officially. He also said that he knew about the affair all a long but he didn’t want to say anything and just held it in. He never wanted to talk about it or get into any detail about it. He said he’s read things recently about me wanting to work things out with this guy and that if he hadn’t told me he didn’t want to be my boyfriend we would have never gotten back together. He was borrowing my old computer and I had snapshots of texts in my pictures from the beginning of this year when we were together to when we weren’t together during the summer too. And there’s one he can’t get out of his head and that was me saying to this other guy that it’s hard having him and it’s hard not having him… This was sent when my ex and I had been broken up and he (the guy i was seeing) was still with his girlfriend and I had to see him all the time at work but I knew it wasn’t right continuing what we were doing under the circumstances still too. And my ex took this as a very very emotional statement. He was angry and told me I’m untrustworthy and unfaithful and that he will never let me in his life again when I saw him the other night. I was at his house trying to talk to him and he didn’t want to hear any of it.. Eventually he began to cry and I tried to hug him, he tried to stop me but eventually let me and we were both crying about the situation. It’s about 3 or 4 am at this point and he says I should probably go but I was in no place to leave yet. He said it again about 30 minutes later, he said you should probably go because you have school in the morning.. But i just said I can’t leave right now, I had been crying so much it was difficult to see. He didn’t face me when sleeping at all but didn’t completely stop me from putting my arm around him. When he left for work I stood at the door and just asked him to look at me and he said he couldn’t I asked why and he just began to cry again and said don’t you realize what you’ve done and I gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek and he left. I continued to text him this past Tuesday of which he responded to. He thinks I have other guys just lined up and I can say I don’t want to be with anyone else. I know where I want to be and he thinks i’m just so unsure after everything has happened. I feel like i emotionally destroyed him and he was responding till about 7:30 Tuesday night and he hasn’t responded to me since. I want to save this and heal what I broke. I was absolutely devastated seeing what I did to him. But it is hard for me too because that relationship with the other guy is over but he questions that because of that thanksgiving text and what he believes he has seen in my phone supposedly. He says if it was really over I wouldn’t continue talking to the guy and I even told him if I had known everything he knew I would have never continued to talk to him at all and I know that makes me sounds terrible…

 

I honestly feel like a terrible person and I don’t know what to do. I’m at a complete loss. He believes whole heartedly that I wouldn’t be with him if the other guy would be with me which is bull**** because I could have continued to just see that guy and have fun like we were doing but I didn’t want to do that. We still would talk every now and then not very often though but I would run into him at school occasionally. He says that I’m the one that begins and reaches out to these people. It’s not them it’s me so it says that I don’t know what I want. He says the happy thanksgiving was me reaching out to say I’m still here yet that’s where the conversation ended and I had already told other people the same thing as is… I've decided to just give him some space for a bit because I know he has some healing to do but I told him I'm not giving up on us and I'm not going anywhere and I whole heartedly mean that... I just don't know what to do anymore.. I'm so depressed that I'm numb to emotions completely right now and I know I deserve it for what I did to him but I'm just.. I don't know.. Help.

 

 

 

He has spent years dumping and cheating on you and you on him. There is too much baggage. You both are young. Time to move on.

[Spectre]

At the end of the day there is utterly no way in hell you care about this man and yet are texting this other guy on Thanksgiving. Holy hell, I hate to see what you have planned for X-Mas, are you just going to happen to send this guy some gifts too?

 

Since you apparently need people to tell you which behavior is utterly not appropriate: DO NOT SEND THIS OM GIFTS ON X-MAS, I WAS JOKING ABOUT THAT. I do not care if your definitely soon to be ex husband tells you he hates you, stay away from this other dude, he sure as hell has zero respect for you, since only a piece of sh*t would get with a married woman..not sure why you felt the need to wish him a happy anything in the first place, he is nothing but scum. I'm confused why you wanna get with dudes who don't respect you..and why you wanna continue message these dudes who don't respect you one bit.

Edited December 12, 2013 by Spectre

[Neith]

I stopped after reading this line.

 

You are playing games. You have no business being in a relationship.

 

It's that simple really.

 

THIS. Just as I scrolled down to say exactly this, I saw someone already beat me to it!

[jonny walker]

First you fix the length of ur post lol

[jonny walker]

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm