I outed my brother

[Cakess]

What made your brother gay? Here's the answer: when did you decide you liked men and not women? You didn't choose, you just liked boys -- right? Exactly!

 

Sorry but I just can't agree with that statement. I know I'm going to get bashed on for that and I mean no harm by it I just can't agree with it.

 

what's wrong with that statement?

[Fugu]

He has fever or flu. My mom has spoiled my brother too much cause he is the youngest and the only boy. She cut his food til he was 12 years old, among other things. I think my mom spoiling my brother made him gay? Is that possible?

 

I dont have have any problems with him being gay, i was just teasing him cause my mom is babying him again. It's the usual sister brother banter.

 

But when he said those mean things about me i snapped. I totally regret it. Im older and should have let it slide. I dont know how to talk to him. He might not be ready yet.

 

I think the first thing you have to do is to understand what's happening with you first -- if you don't do that then things like this will come up again. This time, you humiliated your brother, which is terrible, as others have said. But both of you being young and socially immature, you can recover from it with time and an honest attempt to change. However, you really need to get to the bottom of YOU and YOUR situation, because next time, it could be a co-worker, and you could get fired. It could be a lover, and you could end up breaking up or getting a divorce. Or, it could be your brother, or another family member, or a close friend, and you could lose that relationship forever. These things tend to have more severe consequences as we age. People tend to be forgiving of a teenage child or young adult, but very unforgiving of people who 'should know better'. Word to the wise.

 

Personally, I think you're probably jeaolous and being a bit too self-absorbed, which doesn't make you bad; it makes you human - a lot of us go through that phase in life. All I'm telling you is, grow out of it -- fast. I think that rather than spending time thinking about what your brother has and what you don't have, just focus on self-improvement. Just focus on your own problems first.

 

As far as repairing this relationship, I think you should just open up and be very honest. I'd tell him that he's not the problem, you are. And I'd tell him that you understand it if he's not in the mood to forgive and forget right away - you'll need to give him time for that. But reach out to him and tell him how sorry you are, and that his sexuality doesn't matter to you. You were using it as a weapon. Just tell him that you're jealous and you were hurt by what he was saying, but don't make that the focus - make it clear that you realize you were WAY out of bounds for saying that. Just give him time and space after that, but reach out to him.

 

And for God's sake, don't text. Say it face to face. If there's one thing I absolutely cannot stand about what social media has done to the average person, it's the fact that it's become far too easy to bullsh*t people with fake, meaningless apologies after the fact. I think technology makes it easy for people to detach from their own behavior, which is just wrong. You said it in person, so own up to it in person.

[ASG]

What made your brother gay? Here's the answer: when did you decide you liked men and not women? You didn't choose, you just liked boys -- right? Exactly!

 

Sorry but I just can't agree with that statement. I know I'm going to get bashed on for that and I mean no harm by it I just can't agree with it.

 

With all the prejudice that still exists against gays at this very moment, why would anyone CHOOSE to be gay? WHY?! They wouldn't.

 

And in a LOT of cases, not so long ago, they pretended to be straight, got married, had kids.

I know a guy who is gay, went to a gay bar and bumped into his dad. Who had always been gay, but had had to hide that from society and had married and had a child!

[ThatMan]

With all the prejudice that still exists against gays at this very moment, why would anyone CHOOSE to be gay? WHY?! They wouldn't.

 

And in a LOT of cases, not so long ago, they pretended to be straight, got married, had kids.

I know a guy who is gay, went to a gay bar and bumped into his dad. Who had always been gay, but had had to hide that from society and had married and had a child!

You're forgetting what's important here. Many people like Purepony believe that sexual orientation is a choice. Therefore, this husband and father was choosing to be straight, but eventually decided to sin after many years of choosing to be straight. Purepony is entitled her beliefs.

 

I think the best suggestion was by SincereOnlineGuy to connect over Dan Savage's It Gets Better. Because overcoming bigotry is the real choice that we are all free to make.

[preraph]

Well, thank god your mom was the voice of reason and didn't further humiliate your brother. You were totally out of line. You took him down a peg to make yourself feel momentarily better because your self-esteem is in the crapper right now. You should never ever use that language to a gay person. You owe him and your mother a huge apology. And don't you think he's dealing with enough without you trying to emasculate him? I know lots of gay guys who could kick your ass, so don't make those type of assumptions.

[VeronicaRoss]

Hi Purepony, here's what I meant: I never had to sit down and decide who I wanted to have sex with. I had major crushes on boys as long as I can remember, before kindergarten even. Not once a girl.

 

I never have wanted to go on a date with a woman, never have had that 'omg' thrill when I see a woman.

 

Not to say I haven't thought a woman is sexy or even been aroused when women are presented sexually. I've been hit on by a few women in my life and even though I think they're sexy and nice, I don't feel interested in actually having sex. That's not something you have to sit around and wonder about, it's a reaction.

 

I wonder if that doesn't make sense to people, that it isn't a choice, if they're naturally more bi-sexual and actually DO have to choose?

[Radu]

I think it's fantastic that you managed to fix this and find a way to feel better OP.

 

Oh, and probably your mom made your brother gay.

If he mans up later on, he is sure to become as straight as an arrow.

 

PS: And don't listen to these haters, if you ever come back [when you need a new ego pick-up], it's perfectly fine to apologize like this over SMS.

[Confuddled1983]

 

 

 

I think you're on the right track. You need to do a lot of backpedaling. But nobody is going to believe that you were just kidding when you said those words in a fit of rage. Come up with a better cover story. "I was so mad, I just hurled the biggest insult I could think of. It was a totally unfounded accusation and wrong and I'm sorry for saying it."

 

.

 

I disagree - please don't say calling someone gay was the biggest insult you could think of, that is just awful and your brother will think you feel that being gay is the worst thing ever - he'll spend the rest of his life in the closet!

[gaius]

Well, thank god your mom was the voice of reason and didn't further humiliate your brother. You were totally out of line. You took him down a peg to make yourself feel momentarily better because your self-esteem is in the crapper right now. You should never ever use that language to a gay person. You owe him and your mother a huge apology. And don't you think he's dealing with enough without you trying to emasculate him? I know lots of gay guys who could kick your ass, so don't make those type of assumptions.

Just because he's gay doesn't give him the right to be a dick to whoever he wants and get away with it. It's not like being gay makes him retarded and he can't be held responsible for his actions. She was correct in hitting him where it hurts when he was being a douche.

 

At the end of the day you did him a favor by bringing the truth to the surface so don't feel bad. He's just got to get over whatever hangup he has and start sucking cock proudly already. Life is too short to not be who you really are.

[CC12]

I disagree - please don't say calling someone gay was the biggest insult you could think of, that is just awful and your brother will think you feel that being gay is the worst thing ever - he'll spend the rest of his life in the closet!

 

You are completely mistaken in your interpretation of my post. She called him a faggot. That is the insult I was referring to.

 

 

 

Anyway, OP posted that the issue has been resolved and she hasn't even been on the forums in weeks.

[Got it]

He has fever or flu. My mom has spoiled my brother too much cause he is the youngest and the only boy. She cut his food til he was 12 years old, among other things. I think my mom spoiling my brother made him gay? Is that possible?

 

I dont have have any problems with him being gay, i was just teasing him cause my mom is babying him again. It's the usual sister brother banter.

 

But when he said those mean things about me i snapped. I totally regret it. Im older and should have let it slide. I dont know how to talk to him. He might not be ready yet.

 

No, what you did is not normal, reasonable or acceptable. That wasn't simple teasing. That was mean, cruel and you hit to hurt him. Own your behavior.

 

And for the first paragraph, if that is actually what you think you REALLY need to start researching homosexuality. There is a lot you don't know. Grow up and stop being so self centered and immature.

[ltjg45]

Sounds like OP's brother needs to stop asking like a sissy, first of all. To think he isn't even man enough to stand by his decision to be gay against those who would oppose it and keep it as a secret after all of this time is definitely not a good sign.

 

Secrets always come out of the closet and, frankly in this case, it needs to come out.

 

Secondly, your mother needs to stop babying him. I have that exactly same issue right now and that created a spoiled, entitled brat that I can't stand anymore.

 

Third, OP shouldn't be taking this as hard as she is. After all, her brother didn't really fight fair either, calling her a loner and a loser especially since he has been hiding secrets to begin with and not her. I do agree that OP needs to apologize but OP also shouldn't be bowing and kissing his feet like he's some angel that just got scowled unfairly. After all, it's not like what she said is false.

 

It's a bit sad that everyone, except for one, has sided with the boy in this matter.

[Tayla]

EDITED

 

It's a bit sad that everyone, except for one, has sided with the boy in this matter.

 

 

That is awesome that most folks here have regard ! Thanks for pointing out that most here are of sound mind and reasonable. Glad that the sister is accoutable, we do not know for a FACT what the young mans side is other then the sister made a remark that is unwelcoming and rude.