Am I deluding myself?

[DidHeDoItAgain]

Hi! I'm not new to infidelity, but new to this site. My fWH is aware of my profile at another site and I can't let him know I'm researching this. My fWH cheated on me back in 2009. They took it underground and when I discovered it, I filed for divorce. He did the work, and we eventually reconciled. He's always been a bit of a narcissist, but I have been watching closely and I had no reason to think he was straying.

 

 

In the past year, I have been having complications from impending menopause. As my schedule is ALL messed up, I had approached him on a few occasions, but he turned me down each time. I necessarily didn't see red flags as I thought he may be suffering from ED and I didn't want to embarrass him. He had already started to have issues, so I just figured that they had gotten worse.

 

 

Well, recently he got severely jaundiced and his urine began to get dark, no matter how much water he drank. Last night, he got word that he tested positive for Hep B. We hadn't been together in months, so I'm not concerned that I'm personally at risk. My kids have been vaccinated also.

 

 

Well. He is insisting that he has NOT cheated on me again. He told me this morning, that he knows it looks bad, but he has not cheated and that he learned his lesson years ago. From what I know, he is being referred to a liver specialist to see if there is any permanent damage. He is not a drug user, if that matters.

 

 

In doing research late last night, I did find a Hep B site where people had contacted the disease years earlier and hadn't had any signs until much later. That would be chronic and acute is where it is a recent exposure (4-6 weeks up until 6 months.) In looking back, I do remember a week or so where he was extremely irritable and picking fights. In fact, I remember thinking.. He's acting like he did back during the A.

 

 

He was defensive when he told me. but he is ALWAYS defensive, so I can't necessarily take that as a red flag. This morning, when apologizing and asking if I still loved him? He made some offhand comment about how he wouldn't be under a microscope again. My gut is leaning towards that he's guilty. But as long as there is a chance that what he says is true? I can't call it off until I know for sure, if that makes sense?

 

 

Anyone have any knowledge about Hep B? I was convinced he was guilty, but upon reading some forums for people diagnosed with Hep B? There were a bunch of people who had no idea where they got it- no sexual exploits, etc. And it was those three forums that are now making believe he may be telling the truth after all.

 

 

Yes, I will be watching and monitoring. I may use a VAR and I'll wait to see what exactly he's facing regarding his liver. I just needed to get his OUT. I can't tell anyone at this point until I know for sure and it's killing me that this happened right before the holidays. Ugh.

[BetrayedH]

VAR, GPS on the car - go into investigative mode. Be silent about it. Pretend to buy into the "contracted it years ago" story line and do what you can to find out the truth. If it were me, I'd probably want to be confident in my decision.

 

That said, I don't think anyone would blame you for throwing in the towel either (even without "proof"). He created a mess of a marriage for you. You can decide at any point that you're done with it. Is this what you signed up for?

 

I also think his refusal to be under a microscope is absurd. He had an affair 4-5 years ago and took it underground after Dday. Now he suddenly has Hep B. If he can't have empathy for you and see that he needs to rebuild trust now more than ever, then he doesn't deserve to be married to you. But again, I wouldn't confront; either play dumb and investigate or call it quits.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

It doesn't sound promising for certain. Just the behavior you are describing is enough to cause concern.

 

Hep B is only contracted by bodily fluids - very often during sexual contact, but also needles (tattoos), small cases in nail salons, etc.

 

It is possible that he contracted it during his affair in 2009. But, like BH said, I would be highly aware. Even though some time has passed, it sounds like you don't feel safe and you do have a right to feel a little suspicious. Just be a little stealth and go back into sleuth mode for awhile.

 

But you also need to be concerned about your own health. It is likely you have contracted it as well.

[DidHeDoItAgain]

He's been avoiding me. I'm not sure if he's giving me space or can't look at me. I do think that if he did cheat again, it was with someone who he is not attached to... as in random hookup.

 

I'm also concerned because I went and looked at his blood test results from back in 09. He was only tested for Hep C!!! Not A, B or any of the other STDs! I remember when I insisted he be tested, but obviously wasn't educated on what to be tested on at that time. When I got tested later, I had the full panel, but never went back and looked at his results again. I'm trying to rack my brain if he had additional testing done after Dday 2. I thought he did, but I can't find it. And I can't remember for sure!

 

Now, I'm concerned that if she did give him this, then I may have it also. #%&$*&$.

 

In any case, I'm monitoring and will be making an appt for myself to be tested for piece of mind. I $&*$*$*$ hate this %*$*$*!!!!!!

[Raena]

It's good that you are getting yourself tested again.

 

His avoidance behavior would be a red flag for me... especially given that he has done this before. If he can't look at you, he may be feeling guilt over what he did in the past and not necessarily that he has done something recently.

 

Definitely go into silent sleuth mode. Don't let him know what you are up to.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

So when he was tested in 2009 it was only for Hep C? Nothing else? And now he has Hep B? Yes it's highly likely he got it from her but it's also possible he GAVE it to her (and you).

 

Yeah you need to be tested for certain.

 

I'm afraid the red flags are there. Be on the watch.