I can't do this anymore!

[Caroline5]

I'll try to tell my story, I'm not a native english speaker, so excuse me if I make mistakes.

I've had a 9 years relationship with my husband, we lived together for 7 of them and have been married for 4 years. We also have one kid which is 5 years old.

Everything was great at the beginning, but when I got pregnant we started having some problems. They got worse a little after the child was born. We were arguing a lot and that was making my feel bad. We couldn't find a way to deal with it, I couldn't talk with him. He was the best father and husband when he wanted it, but when he didn't feel good he was awful. It was not a physical abuse, but I was feeling mentally abused and emotionally controlled all the time.

I told him that I wanted to separate with him, but he begged me not to do it and that everything will be different. I stayed and it became even worse for me. I got to the point where I wanted to commit a suicide and I started seeing a therapist. I went to the therapist for one year and at the end I realized that I just don't love him anymore and there is nothing more to do. All the time when we were together I was trying to fix the things, to talk with him, to find a solution for both of us, but he wasn't cooperating.

So a little more than a year after I told him that I wanted to separate for the first time I actually did it. He was devastated and never expected it, he was thinking that I wouldn't do that.

That was a year ago. And now a year later I feel the same way that I felt a year before. For that one year very little has changed. Yes, we're not living together anymore, which is much better for me. But I feel like he still wants to control me. He has been begging me to try working it out again the whole time. He has send me like thousands of messages. Sometimes my phone can't stop vibrating. And it feel almost like I'm with him

The best for me would be to not talk with him at all, but I can't do that because we have a kid. He wants the kid. He wants to raise it and he feels like he and the kid are the family and I'm the one who doesn't want to be part of that family. Of course I also want to raise my kid. She's attached to both of us, but more to me.

I don't want to argue with him because if the kid. Because we both take care of her and we have to make a schedule who's going to take care of her. We don't have a divorce, because he doesn't want and because if he does divorce with me he wants to take the child. And I'm scared that he might be able to do that, because we have a lot of corruption in our law and justice and everything is possible.

I live in a european country, joint parenthood is not possible here.

I don't know what else can I do. I've told him that I don't want to be with him and that I don't love him. But he insist that he wants a family for our child and that he has changed. Personally I don't feel like he has changed a lot. He looks like he has changed in some way, but at the end he makes me feel the same awful way that he did before.

How to make him stop finally?

[d0nnivain]

Have you talked to your therapist about this?

 

 

Even if the law doesn't recognize co-parenting, can you still have an agreement that you will raise your child but your ex can see the child? Tow parents involved with the child is usually best even if the parents aren't married.

[Caroline5]

I have not talked to my therapist, because she had health issues and she's not working right now. And I don't want to see another therapist, because it would take too much time to explain everything again and it'll cost me too much money now when I do everything on my own. My therapist has seen both me and my husband and she knows a lot about him also. I think she should work again very soon and I'll be bale to see her.

 

I've seen a lawyer and he made the documents in which it is stated when the father can see the child. And when you sum it all he can see her about almost half of the time. He doesn't agree to that, it's not enough for him. He wants the custody for no particular reason, he just wants it. But he's been very inconstant in his actions and I don't want to give him the custody.