no freinds b/c i am useless-says forum member

[joel]

how many friends do u guys have-i am talking about freinds- ppl u hang out with-movies, dinner, shopping , talk about personal stuff about-not aquitances.

 

how many freinds does the average male in his mid 20's have-and where did u guys meet em from and how did u get em to hang out with u to go to-movies, chopping, dinner, activites........etc are there any female in ur group of freinds and how did they end up being in the group.

 

the post below is from somebody from another forum which i posts the same thing- are freinds really like this

 

" - they are only interested in what you can do for them. Don't you ever forget that.

 

If you don't have any friends, it simply means that you are useless. You add no value - you're deadweight. The solution is to find your niche. Not everyone can be good-looking and successful, but perhaps you could be the designated driver, the emotional tampon, the loser of the group that everyone clowns on etc. Seeing that you're in your mid-20s, guys your age only hang out with each other when they don't have a girl or they're taking a night-off from their SO's. Once people get married and start having kids, the husband's friends are dead last on the priority list (be sure that your buddies will spend a lot of time at their in-laws or get-togethers with their wife's friends).

 

Don't even think about friends now. Once you finish school, you will only make acquaintances that come and go throughout your life. Your true friends are the ones you made in your childhood when there were no agendas. This is totally different than an acquaintance, as an acquaintance is someone you know well enough to borrow from but not well enough to lend to.

 

I know this is New Year's Eve and you're all depressed since you're all alone, but don't kill yourself! Just focus on making money, traveling and picking up. The time for making new friends has passed you by - you have now entered a new phase in life. You're like a kid who grew up without a nice bicycle – getting one in adulthood won’t make up for it. Focus on getting a nice car instead. Good luck!""

[VirginiaBob]

It's true, if you are a single male, you don't fit in with your friends anymore. They do family things and get together with friends that have families so thier kids could play together. It's rare that my married friends will go out with me.

 

Getting back to the post, even when I was younger, I never talked to guy friends about personal stuff like a bunch of sissies, we just hung out together, drank beer, watched football, etc. And hell no, we didn't go shopping. Heck, I don't even go shopping by myself. I know what I want before I get to the store, I go in real quick, grab it off the shelf, and buy it - not this browsing around shopping crap.

[moimeme]

Boy, some males' perspectives are fascinating

 

You can make friends at any point in your life but you have to look for the rare individuals who aren't the sorts of knobs who wrote those replies to you. And they are, unfortunately, rare. However men do make friends at work and at university and if they play sports together or are part of a club together or even if they volunteer together.

 

In short, friendships often develop over shared activities so you need to do more than just hope people will become your friends. Find things which interest you and do them and you'll make friends of people who enjoy the same activities.

 

And try to avoid anybody who calls people 'sissies'.

[quankanne]

man, Joel, whoever posted that crap was interested only in giving you an emotional slam-dunk.

 

Moi's got the magic formula: get involved in things that interest you, and you'll find that you can develop friendships from a shared interest. My best guy friend, I met at age 21 while working on the college newspaper -- he was another writer, and that's what we initially found in common. As time went on, we discovered more and more things in common, even roomed together for two years before I graduated.

 

the jerk who told you to forget about making friends has passed along some useless information, IMHO – you're never too old to make friends. You might be too shy or too busy or too .... something ... but you're never too old to connect with a potential new friend.

 

as for marriage/kids changing things, yeah, they do. But a solid friendship can survive those changes; new friendships spring up because now you've got something else to bond over.

 

best way to find friends is to just get involved. Volunteer in any area you find interesting; pick up a hobby or further develop one you've already got; the potential is endless.

[joel]

thanks guys sounds better. get this i got it off http://discovervancouver.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=10039

 

and the guy that slammed on me his member name is get this "QueerEye" yea he could be the sissy. maybe batting for the other team-what was i listening to his advice-i am a straight male

 

 

To VirginaBob -man i totally agree with u on the shopping point-get something and get out-i was shopping with my guy freind and he critized me for taking time to look at clothes and shop around and not just looking at something and leaving so fast. that friend of mine i knew for 4 yrs and is really beginning at times to piss me off-calling me gay, guy lover, insults-which i am definetly not,critizcing me for everything, i might even not be his friend anymore-no more phoning,. emailing, messenger-but i just gotta make more freinds to make up for the one i will be dropping out of.

[moimeme]

Well, actually, gay guys make and keep friends pretty quickly. Nope, I think he's just a jerk.

[7on]

hohum, 19 here so I'm not all old like you guys.

 

However, I do see the truth in VirginiaBob's statement. My Dad is 45 years old. I have never ever seen him "go out with the guys." All he does is hang out with my mom. He's a high school teacher and he doesn't even hang out in the teacher's lounge. He's not an unpopular guy, at church functions when my mom hangs out with her group of friends my dad socializes with the other husbands standing around. And he's best friends with all his brothers. It's not sad or anything because he loves his life. He's always happy and content.

 

Just trying to point out that friends don't always last.

[moimeme]

Ok here's a big piece of news: one instance does not a rule of life make. Some men are loners, yes. Others make friends. My dad had a lot of friends in his first few jobs but after we moved a couple times for him to take other jobs, he quit making guy pals - I suppose because he didn't like to leave them. I have good male friends who have lots of friends and I know some other guys who have very few. So there isn't a rule - if you're the kind of fellow who wants to have guy friends, it's doable is the point.

[alphamale]

well i disagree that JOEL personally is a loser, and that is sorta rude.

 

but i do agree with much of what this person said. as you get older it is harder to find and maintain friends and many times new people you meet want something out of you, be it emotional support, help with getting hired, money, or a host of other things.

 

younger folk are very naive and idealistic but the smart ones figure out what is going on and "the way things are" pretty quickly after being in the real world for a while.

 

I remember when I was 23 and hired into my first real job out of college. My boss used to always kid that I was naive and "wet behind the ears". It used to really piss me off cause I thought I knew a lot.

 

But looking back now, 16 yrs later, my boss was correct. If I could go back 15 yrs with the knowledge I have now, i'd be dangerous.

[joel]

the above is from another member from another forums saying freinds only use u and all

 

""quote:i am guessing the same thing applies for making or having a gf too right and dating right. she gonna use u and see if u can do anything for her.

 

Yes, but it works both ways. Aren't you using her for sex, companionship etc? Go back to your original post. Tell your next girlfriend (seeing that you're in your mid-20s) that you have no intention of marrying her at all. All you want to do is go out for dinner, movies, shopping etc. She'll drop you faster than a hot potato.

 

When you're a kid, your parents are paying for everything so there are no worries. The only problem you have is thinking how to entertain yourself, so that's where you meet most of your true friends. These are people you got drunk with for the first time etc – you shared lots of milestones with them, they never ratted you out etc. Even at work, most friendships are only so deep as your co-workers would turn against you at the drop of a hat if it meant keeping their job. Once you switch jobs (or they switch), you lose contact with them pretty quickly (within 2 years, max). As Queer Eye said before, this is how it’s going to be for the rest of your life so just focus on making money, traveling, hobbies etc. If you meet some friends or a girl, great! If not, don't worry too much about it.""

[moimeme]

Fine. People actually never can make friends. It's all a lie.

 

[joel]

it seems myself i am alwayys the intiator and the guy that has to put out the most effort in making a conversation and makling freinds, - i am the one e mailing em, i am the one phoning em, i am the one starting converstions, ....

and most of the ppl seem to be not really putting much effort into it like they don't twant to be my freind,but myself i am puttin in a good amount of effort

 

any suggestions

[savethedrama4allama]

Joel, just remember this.

 

One good friend is worth an endless amount of crappy ones.

 

Don't concentrate on quantity, but on quality. (People who are concerned with having lots of friends/being "popular" are usually superficial anyway.)

 

Do you have at least one good friend? One who will connect with you, listen to you, believe in you, and that you can do the same?

[HokeyReligions]

People can make friends at any age, but I see the other guy's point (although I too think he was rude and out-of-line in saying you were useless).

 

Maintaining a friendship takes work and commitment just as a marriage or relationship takes work. There is only so much time in a day and the commitment to ones SO comes first. It is very easy to let friendships fall away as we get older and busier in our own lives.

 

But its not impossible.

[joel]

i have one freind for like 4 yrs now in the beginning it was all good as we became more freindly and freinds he is becoming more like a jerk-criticizing and put downs. i am really thinking of not being his freind, but the thing is he freinds with one of my freind that i also like and want to keep. not sure how to break it to him -the friend i don;t like- do i tell him to stop calling me-direct way or just gratudally stop talking to him.......

 

Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama

Joel, just remember this.

 

One good friend is worth an endless amount of crappy ones.

 

Don't concentrate on quantity, but on quality. (People who are concerned with having lots of friends/being "popular" are usually superficial anyway.)

 

Do you have at least one good friend? One who will connect with you, listen to you, believe in you, and that you can do the same?

[swedeace]

Originally posted by moimeme

Well, actually, gay guys make and keep friends pretty quickly. Nope, I think he's just a jerk.

I've heard about that, but one gay guy I know is quite busy and difficult to maintain friendships with. It's like pulling teeth.

[brittanyjean259]

i think every one is putting their opinions based on their own friend ships ,their jobs and such as...yeah sometimes all that can happen with friends, or whatever..

 

but making friends is what you make of it...if you think that person uses you...get another friend that you think is looking for a friendship just like you are!

 

 

wish i could never grow up now after hearing everyones experiences...but i know what you meen after i got my bf (of 3 years) friends disspared...and even though hes my ex now..and i hang with people i know when im older

 

i rather have 1 companion...and seldom friends:)

[swedeace]

Wow! I haven't posted on this forum in MONTHS. I think the last time was in May 2005. I see the forum's interface and smileys have been upgraded since then. Cool!

 

Anyway....

 

I wanted to update something cool I learned myself. Sometimes friends "just happen" right under your nose when you least expect them. Sometimes there are trial and errors or experiences to go through before it happens, I guess. Or, at least, this was in my experience. Here's a synopsis of my story:

 

I crushed over this guy who I later learned was gay (I've written my fair share of threads about him on this forum from late 2004 to early 2005), and he was touched and was being "nice" by telling me he'd email me as friends. Immediately, I took it into account he could be "my best or close friend!" So I began endlessly forming this "fantasy" friendship when in reality he just did a nice deed to email me. He ended up only emailing me three times within that month when I approached him. Thereafter, I would make extra trips to catch up with him in between his college classes AND at his work. He developed photos, so I would take in my undeveloped film. I'd always ask if he'd like to "hang out" sometime. He would politely say "yeah" but nothing ever ensued. It took me months to catch on it was just his polite personality that he didn't have the heart to tell "no" in person. I've sent my fair share of obsessive emails over the months with NO reply, ever.

 

I develop another crush....crush number two...earlier this year. I finally approached this crush in April and talked with him. We clicked through conversation and some commonalities. It felt nice and relaxed. I left him with my email and phone number. He finally emailed me some days later. Bottom line: he isn't into dating at the moment and was very honest and polite about it to me. He enjoyed talking with me and hoped we could do it again. I was truly touched and elated.

 

That was the same day I sent one "final" email to the aforementioned "nice friend" as sort of a epiphany to myself. I just congratulated his graduating the college, but to me it meant a "goodbye" to pursuing this non-existent friendship and moving forward in a new beginning of a chapter for this new guy. I thought maybe we could just casual friends.

 

I didn't want to "feel stupid" by jumping the gun and claiming this communication as a "real friendship" after being sorta traumatized by the first guy. I didn't want to end up going through the same thing. It wasn't until around July when this second guy was frustrated that I didn't believe he thinks of me as a friend. It finally clicked in me after a while THAT is friendship. SOMEONE *actually* thinks of me as a friend without pulling teeth or extra effort!! It felt like a hallelujah moment, seriously. It was just RIGHT under my nose and I overlooked it.

 

We haven't really met in person since that day in April, but we have been emailing and/or instant messaging (mainly the latter). Throughout these months since May, he and I have unknowingly formed this special friendship. When I mean by special I mean that we have both had deep conversations and have confided stuff we haven't ever told anyone else. Other than that, we just have fun by chatting, playing games, and joking around. Some people have told me they think this isn't a fruitful friendship and is odd how we haven't yet hung out in person. In my book, it's *a* form of friendship and we never know what the future will bring. It's MY friendship, anyway... and I adore it and my guy friend.

 

I guess what I am trying to say is it's correct when they say sometimes things DO happen a certain way. Things happen for a reason. So true....