halfalive Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 Why have I done this to myself?! We both broke NC after several months and I ended up meeting with him again. I love him but I know that he doesn't love me back. I think he's just lonely or he likes my attention. I just don't know how to come to terms with that. So I'm trying to start NC again. Back to day 1. Will I ever feel better?? I feel so sad and depressed on a constant basis. I can't give my husband what he needs but I also don't want to be on my own. Some days I just want to pack a bag and run away from everything but when I follow that thought through to conclusion, I don't see myself being happy even then. I want to move on. I don't know how. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 Why don't you want to be on your own? If you don't love your husband, set him free. Living a lie isn't good. Clinging to your marriage so you won't have to be alone isn't a reason to stay married. You won't BE alone, you have friends and family near by. As for (x)MM? If you know he doesn't love you and is only sniffing around for attention, then you need to get the strength to end it and cut him out of your life for good. Seek some counseling to help you get stronger so you can make decisions that are healthier and will make you more independent and able to cope living alone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
emotionlessbutalive Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 He is not worth it. I was in similar situation. Broke NC and felt lonely. I tried to work on my marriage and decided I am going to be happy and would succeed. I have started to like my husband and missing xmm less and less. Try to be positive and do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author halfalive Posted December 11, 2013 Author Share Posted December 11, 2013 Thank for the encouragement. I'm really struggling with whether or not to end the marriage. He is such a good man, I know it. I just don't think I'm "in love". Is that fickle? Can I make myself fall in love with him? I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
joanofark Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 you cant force love. it either is or isn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 Thank for the encouragement. I'm really struggling with whether or not to end the marriage. He is such a good man, I know it. I just don't think I'm "in love". Is that fickle? Can I make myself fall in love with him? I don't know. you must have loved your H once enough to marry him. he is in an unfair position here as he's a real person, with good and bad, against a fantasy. he'll never win until you give him a chance, and that is to stop daydreaming about your AP and start living your real life. feelings do come back, they did for me. they might not for you. but your husband deserves to be given a chance. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Britain Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 You have to find your happiness and not have it depend on a man. My happiness does not begin or end with MM. This is the only way to make this type of relationship work or any other for that matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoaster Rider Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 Thank for the encouragement. I'm really struggling with whether or not to end the marriage. He is such a good man, I know it. I just don't think I'm "in love". Is that fickle? Can I make myself fall in love with him? I don't know. I am currently in the same situation. I ended things a week ago today, hardest thing ever!! But, I am going to give my marriage another try. My husband isn't perfect, but he is mine, he cares about me and isn't committed to someone else. Things I neglected to see for 3 1/2 years. Before you call it quits, clear your head and give it your best effort. And if you did all you could... and your not happy, then you end things. My M/OM was definitely not the person I believed he was. Good luck to you :-) I know for me I have a long road ahead of me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoaster Rider Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 you cant force love. it either is or isn't. I don't agree with that... we become complacent, and take what we have for granted. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 (edited) I can't give my husband what he needs but I also don't want to be on my own. sounds like you're settling. you really need to make a decision concerning your marriage. it's not fair to keep stringing along your husband because you're afraid to be alone. does he know about your affair? Edited December 12, 2013 by Artie Lang Link to post Share on other sites
Author halfalive Posted December 12, 2013 Author Share Posted December 12, 2013 sounds like you're settling. you really need to make a decision concerning your marriage. it's not fair to keep stringing along your husband because you're afraid to be alone. does he know about your affair? Yes, he does. I know it's not fair. I'm just scared to do something permanent - what if I regret it? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 Curious...why do you think he doesn't love you back? Why do you think you love him more? Link to post Share on other sites
Author halfalive Posted December 12, 2013 Author Share Posted December 12, 2013 Curious...why do you think he doesn't love you back? Why do you think you love him more? The OM? Because I told him I still love him and he couldn't say it back. He's single now and has every opportunity in the world to be with me, but he doesn't want to. I don't understand it - maybe I don't want to. I think I was just a way out for him. Ouch, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 (edited) The OM? Because I told him I still love him and he couldn't say it back. He's single now and has every opportunity in the world to be with me, but he doesn't want to. I don't understand it - maybe I don't want to. I think I was just a way out for him. Ouch, right? Yeah ouch, for sure. I often question whether MM would be with OW if he was single or if he settles for her just because she's the only dope that puts up with him being married. Edited December 13, 2013 by Popsicle 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 Thank for the encouragement. I'm really struggling with whether or not to end the marriage. He is such a good man, I know it. I just don't think I'm "in love". Is that fickle? Can I make myself fall in love with him? I don't know. You can't renew your love for your husband if you are pining for your xMM. And by saying "can't" you are limiting yourself. Focus on your husband. Do things with him and stop Analyzing your feelings. Read the five love languages and figure out what his high love languages are and do that. If you like your husband you can fall in love again IF YOU WANT TO. And yes, wanting to want to is a good first step. Link to post Share on other sites
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