Tony

[Jan]

I read your response to me and it made a lot of sense. I agree with you if I left him he would fall apart. This is going to seem very shallow and very mean, but sometimes I want to walk away just to see how he does without me. And to know that I did mean a lot to him and that he really did care about me.

 

This is his first serious relationship. He is 30 year's old, and has had a rough go of it dating. It is almost like he does not know how to be in a realtionship. But I guess because he is so use to being on his own all the time, and now here I come along having dated a lot of men and I can't figure out what's wrong. We have come along way together, and he has began to open up to me and share a little of his feeling's. I would say just in the last 6 months we have really started to bond.

 

I question sometime's why I have stuck around as long as I have, when our relationship wasn't the greatest. I mean we always had fun together, but on an emotional, physical level it was never there. Now it is starting to be there. It has been a lot of work on my part of this relationship, helping him along and he has told me a couple time's that he has never been able to open up like he has with me..and that no one has ever stuck around long enough to get to know him.

 

As of right now I am lost in the relationship. I am not getting what I need out of it. I never have either, but now just as we are starting to grow together all I can think about is getting out. It is ironic I mean why would I want to leave now after three year's of trying so hard to achieve this?. He even mentioned to me a few days ago, that just as thing's begin to get good, I go off and question him and our relationship. He says we go two steps forward and then four back.

 

A part of me is saying walk away, things will never be what you want them to be. My gut is telling me that. But another part of me is saying what if this was a great thing and I am giving up. what if I never find someone else..what if he really wasn't that bad..

 

I am terribly confussed, hurt, you name it and I am feeling it right now.

 

I just wanted to thank you for listening to me like this, I have rambled on here and I am sorry. I am in tear's typing this. The funny thing is

 

my entire life is a mess not just this part of it and somehow I think it is all combining together and impairing my ability to think clearly. Do you have any advice? I appreciate you taking the time to read my last post and this one as well..thank you..and I mean that.

[Tony T]

Where your relationship is concerned, you may be just as afraid as he is. That's the only explanation I can come up with for your desire to move along after putting so much effort into making it work. Perhaps you stayed in it because you really didn't think it would work...and now that there is some hope, you are getting a bit afraid...could that be it?

 

Or maybe it's just too little, too late. Sometimes we just keep moving forward by inertia and then we stop and take a look around and decide this isn't where we want to be.

 

Or, it may be that you are just in that confused state of mind that you so described...a lot of things in your life just aren't coming together like they should right now.

 

We all have times in our life when everything just sort of crumbles at once...everything seems to go to hell everytime we turn around. It happens to all of us. That's a time for us to back away from everything and give our spirit a rest and renewal. We just sort of have to take stock of our entire life and put our finger on the delete button to remove the people and circumstances that aren't positive in our lives.

 

It's also a time to deal with the pain that may be confronting us. But it is also a time that makes us much stronger...an important time. Nietsche, the Russian philosopher, said "That which does not kill you makes you stronger." I suppose he had a point there. We always emerge from difficult periods better off, with stronger character, and more confidence in ourselves.

 

So, no matter how bad things may be going for you now, there will be a brighter day. And no matter how bad your days are, make the best of them. If you live each day, moment by moment...the moments aren't bad at all. Basically it's all the crap we build up in our minds that make situations actually seem bad. You never see the trees get upset with the storms. They just sort of bend to suit the wind. And they have no problem falling, either, because they know they will grow back in good time.

 

Take some time to be kind and gentle to yourself. Deal with things as they come but always remember, you are in total control of just how much you allow yourself to be upset or affected by anything. YOU...yep, YOU!!!

[David]

Three years is a pretty long relationship. All the spark may not still be there......if ever.....but that's mostly a temporary phase anyway.

 

I would guess that, barring any major issue between you two, yuour probablly feeling discontent yourself. You assume that the missing piece is "out there". However, it is within yourself just now. You can't neccesarily blame the way you feel on the relationship.

 

PS

 

Nietzsche was German!

[Tony T]

Nietzsche was German!

 

Dammm...I knew he was from somewhere!!! Thanks