365 Days - My Journey to overcome porn addiction

[sophia_Khalil]

Day 1: Yet another method to recover from what seems like my 100th relapse over the past 10 years

 

 

I have decided to do this. i have no clue what i am doing right now or how this is going to help exactly, but i guess it's something to keep my mind off the one thing that devours its cells day and night - porn.

 

i have decided to do this inspired by a movie called Julie and Julia, about a young woman who decides out of love for her favourite cook Julia, to make a blog of 365 food recipes that she shall cook everyday. In the process of blogging for the daily different and sometimes rather devastating and challenging recipes, Julie, the blogger, has found the meaning of what it is like to be committed to something and overcoming all obstacles to attain it. It is a truly inspirational movie.

 

so... i decided, what the hell, everything else has repeatedly failed no matter how different or stronger my attitude was in the fight, everything; will power, motivation, abandonment. so why not give it a shot to blogging! i have no problem in being committed to something i guess, lately i have committed myself to running and reading trying to busy myself as much as i can with other stuff so that my mind can never find time to think about those demons of love that haunt its castle like an invading magical forest in the heart of a bustling city. it hasn't worked much obviously since yesterday i relapsed after 11 months - the longest time i have ever been "sober"- into a steamy intense erotic online sex chat and a sensual porn movie about a kinky kitchen love affair. funny thing is that committing to anything else other than addiction recovery is super easy! all else is super doable except for that tiny thought that implants itself in your head and suddenly it's all there is and you are such a tiny atom compared to its gravitational pull. all what you had worked for in days and months becomes completely irrelevant, for your will power, your might and strength and motivation all weigh 0.0001 grams compared to tons and tons of seduction that have suddenly burst in your head because something as small as a couple holding hands in the train station has opened the cage door for the animal lingering inside.

 

i hope this works, after trying a million and other ways of staying motivated from posting calendars all over my bedroom walls to mark out the days i am so called "porn free" in , after taking up running, after praying till my eyes hurt from crying for that inner strength to rule, after 11 months of recovery..i relapse into erotic oblivion. i hope this works for i have no clue what else will. i hope this works because i understand that all other ways have failed, and like Thomas Edison i refuse to say that i have failed but that i have found more than a hundred other ways by which overcoming addiction will not succeed, and here is another trial.

 

i will not stop finding ways, and as long as i am fighting it's OK, as long as i am breathing and my heart is beating it means am not dead yet. it means there is still a chance, until my body totally gives in to death then only then would I know that i can't change, but that hasn't happened yet, i still have a chance, i still have a chance for i am still alive, i am still alive, i am still alive.

 

End of day 1.

[skydiveaddict]

but that hasn't happened yet, i still have a chance, i still have a chance for i am still alive, i am still alive, i am still alive.

 

End of day 1.

 

Nice work. Don't fret so much. You do the best you can and The Lord knows this. And if you fall back into sin pick yourself up and start over.

 

If you are catholic or orthodox you can go to confession. it's very healing.

 

Also try to say The Holy Rosary each day, along with the prayer to St. Michael

Edited December 12, 2013 by skydiveaddict

[sophia_Khalil]

thank you for your kind support, i appreciate it alot. i only fret so much because it has been a long journey you know i just hope this works.

thanks again

[sophia_Khalil]

Day 2: The Virginity Element

 

To be a 26 year old female virgin in a society like the one i live in is a normal thing, virginity is a virtue, both socially and religiously, and we as a culture are religious by nature, or at least that's what we think we are when we pretend to care about all the minute details of the appearances that denote religious instead of being truly spiritual or devout to the essence of the religion itself. but anyway, being a virgin in such an oriental society means you will not have any sexual experiences before marriage, or at least that's the way it should be, and i think this contributes to my problem, or let's say, maximizes it, though it is not its main cause of course, for there must be millions of Egyptian girls and women out there who are unmarried virgins and yet they are not porn addicts.

 

My take on the problem with virginity is this: you do not have a means by which you can release the sexual tension or need or longing that you possess, and thus if you are a person who is prone to being affected by such a need or a longing, then your problem is definitely bigger than someone who is at least married and has a way by which he can release that excess sexuality if i may call it. it is true that there are married couples who are porn addicts, and that's i think adds up again to the fact that being a virgin,or being married or unmarried, is not a main cause of porn addiction but rather a stimulator or an element that effects the magnitude of the matter.

 

I do hate the fact that i am a virgin, i also do love the fact that i am powerful enough to stay one! if that makes any sense. It means to me at least am not doing the full act but rather taking a less dramatic route to solve my solitude problems. we have a saying here in Egypt and it goes like this: "half the blindness is better than total blindnes", having one eye that is blind is somehow relieving than being totally blind in both eyes. yes there is a problem but at least it is not a full one. i still have hope. when i think of my problem as a small one it helps me think it's easy to overcome i guess.

 

End of Day 2

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Are you sure that 'porn' itself is playing a significant front-line role in what you describe?

 

Sounds more to me like you are a victim of your society, and that you are expressing yourself in just about the only direction that society will tolerate (for not knowing).

 

I recall talking with a mid-30's virgin who would come onto the internet, into chatrooms, and find (usually fairly willing) men to have cybersex with. She would do this fairly often. I don't think she was "addicted" to cybersex - she was just staying within her comfort boundaries.

 

Were you a 26yo virgin in the western world, wouldn't you be going out with single girlfriends, perhaps to clubs, and constantly filling your interests with the potential represented by the many approaching suitors during each such evening out??? (and wouldn't that be more 'stimulating' than porn????)

 

 

 

The society all around you (here) would barely lift an eyebrow in such a case, and chances are you would be much more likely to have caused yourself to have met a few decent men among the many throwbacks.

 

 

Were it not for the porn you mention, what alternatives would you have for expressing your own sexuality given your present location????

[sophia_Khalil]

Are you sure that 'porn' itself is playing a significant front-line role in what you describe?

 

Sounds more to me like you are a victim of your society, and that you are expressing yourself in just about the only direction that society will tolerate (for not knowing).

 

I recall talking with a mid-30's virgin who would come onto the internet, into chatrooms, and find (usually fairly willing) men to have cybersex with. She would do this fairly often. I don't think she was "addicted" to cybersex - she was just staying within her comfort boundaries.

 

Were you a 26yo virgin in the western world, wouldn't you be going out with single girlfriends, perhaps to clubs, and constantly filling your interests with the potential represented by the many approaching suitors during each such evening out??? (and wouldn't that be more 'stimulating' than porn????)

 

 

 

The society all around you (here) would barely lift an eyebrow in such a case, and chances are you would be much more likely to have caused yourself to have met a few decent men among the many throwbacks.

 

 

Were it not for the porn you mention, what alternatives would you have for expressing your own sexuality given your present location????

 

well, it's true that the location and the society play a major role in how i choose to fullfill those needs, and that's precisely why i was talking about that virginity element, but then again it's not a matter of location or people who enjoy active sexual lives in the western world because again people who are married or live in open kind of societies also face the same problem of porn addiction. it is not something entirely closed to oriental or eastern societies, and if its not porn then its sex addiction or something else : ). to limit porn addiction to the people who are just not open to relationships i think would be a mistake because they are not the only ones who are porn addicts.

 

then again it's true that what you are saying does contribute but i can't be a victum of something that i am a part of, and to be more open is not the problem, for i will then also tend to overdo it i guess, that's why i think my problem is real addiction because for one i have tried to stop so many times and i cudnt, if that's not addiction i dont know what is. : ) and trust me there are many alternatives, dating and going out and clubs and all that is perfectly fine here, that's not the issue. it's a more internal one i guess or psychological if i can go as far as saying that. : )

[SincereOnlineGuy]

well, it's true that the location and the society play a major role in how i choose to fullfill those needs, and that's precisely why i was talking about that virginity element, but then again it's not a matter of location or people who enjoy active sexual lives in the western world because again people who are married or live in open kind of societies also face the same problem of porn addiction. it is not something entirely closed to oriental or eastern societies, and if its not porn then its sex addiction or something else : ). to limit porn addiction to the people who are just not open to relationships i think would be a mistake because they are not the only ones who are porn addicts.

 

then again it's true that what you are saying does contribute but i can't be a victum of something that i am a part of, and to be more open is not the problem, for i will then also tend to overdo it i guess, that's why i think my problem is real addiction because for one i have tried to stop so many times and i cudnt, if that's not addiction i dont know what is. : ) and trust me there are many alternatives, dating and going out and clubs and all that is perfectly fine here, that's not the issue. it's a more internal one i guess or psychological if i can go as far as saying that. : )

 

 

 

Thanks for your sincere response.

 

I would suggest to you, however, that "addiction" is not defined based on how often you do something, or how much you enjoy it. (try to stop breathing, and see how long that lasts)

 

"Addiction", (at least here in the west) is defined based on what consequences it has on the rest of your life.

 

I mean, for example, if you spend all of your paycheck gambling, and your new baby has to go barefoot because you can then not afford to buy shoes for the baby, that's a good indication of addiction.

 

If you simply love baseball, or soccer/football, and you get your homework done, and then go out and play soccer all evening until it gets dark, you aren't likely addicted to soccer.

 

I have to admit, though, that we here in the west might not fully understand the parameters which restrict a woman's life and sexuality in Egypt, because we can't get around our own dumb stereotypes and unfamiliarity.

 

So I guess, if I could know more about your specifics, I'd wish to understand what impact the porn that you mention is having on the rest of your life? Who else knows of your liking for porn?

[sophia_Khalil]

Thanks for your sincere response.

 

I would suggest to you, however, that "addiction" is not defined based on how often you do something, or how much you enjoy it. (try to stop breathing, and see how long that lasts)

 

"Addiction", (at least here in the west) is defined based on what consequences it has on the rest of your life.

 

I mean, for example, if you spend all of your paycheck gambling, and your new baby has to go barefoot because you can then not afford to buy shoes for the baby, that's a good indication of addiction.

 

If you simply love baseball, or soccer/football, and you get your homework done, and then go out and play soccer all evening until it gets dark, you aren't likely addicted to soccer.

 

I have to admit, though, that we here in the west might not fully understand the parameters which restrict a woman's life and sexuality in Egypt, because we can't get around our own dumb stereotypes and unfamiliarity.

 

So I guess, if I could know more about your specifics, I'd wish to understand what impact the porn that you mention is having on the rest of your life? Who else knows of your liking for porn?

 

you are absolutely right when it comes to measuring consequences as a part of what addiction is, but i disagree with you a bit in making that the only measurement : ) actually the definition of addiction or the extent to whether certain things are addictive or not is very debatable even scientifically, so i will just tell you my opinion about it; you are addicted to something that you cant stop. fullstop. hehehe it's as simple as that, and it doesnt have to just have a chemical effect like drugs, the psychological effect also counts for me, the state of being happy because of so and so that you love could be addictive on its own not because of a chemical dependancy. addiction also doesnt have to be a negative thing, like a runner's high for example or sports, some sports are very addictive to those who practice them, so addiction itself i guess is not positive or negative per se, what you are addicted to however is the thing that bears all the judgement, that's my take on it : )

 

as for egypt and eastersn culture, yeah i do think they are extremely stereotyped and it's sad and funny when you actually talk to someone and they still think we use camels as a means of transportation heheh : )

 

as for the impact, porn addiction can be very very very depressing, its effects are, for me, purely psychological, its not like gambling or drug abuse because there is no money involved - thank god for that or else i wud be broke hehehe - and actually no one knows about my problem at all, no one.

[sophia_Khalil]

Day 3: The Power Of A Shower

 

oh what hot water and liquid soap could do to a tormented soul! the cleansing power of a hot bath is beyond description, for it lifts my spirits up everytime after any relapse that i have found myself falling into time and again. showers should be made sacred rituals for those who wish to come clean, truely come clean no pun intended. it's the hot water, the steam, the blood circulation, the cleanliness, the dampness, that liberate me even if for a few minutes or a few hours or a few days to come ahead.

 

it's the small details that count in a terrible journey, and for me to come clean i'ts a process of an ongoing salvation of all the dirt that i believe have accumilated and stuck itself to my corpse and my brain. it's a good thing to clean up, it reminds me of the purity of the original being i once was, reminds me i can make this happen if i put my mind to it, and it's only with a stream of hot water pouring down my head, a beautiful aromatic smell of a new shower gel i bought and haven't yet opened, or a fluffy new towel that wraps me up that can simply put my mind at ease for a while.

 

from an all time porn addict facing her demons i say; "never understimate the power of a good shower".

 

End of Day 3

[SincereOnlineGuy]

(OK, glad to know that even I laughed about the camel-for-transportation stereotype - as that indicates an outdated stereotype)

 

OK, so, lets pretend (since you didn't exactly come right out and SAY so) that the centerpiece to your so-called porn addiction is the stimulation of your sexuality.

 

Now what we here in the west need to understand, with some clarity, is what your alternatives are for the stimulation of your sexuality.

 

An adult woman of 26 is not wrong for wanting to stimulate (or wanting someone ELSE to stimulate) her sexuality. Now I'm guessing that you could be looked down upon much more if instead you went out and had casual sex with the man down the street than would the 26yo American female counterpart. I don't know this... it is just me wanting to perceive myself so far away from your world, that I'm imagining it to be the case.

 

You don't have a partner, and thus you are not taking yourself away from anybody else. Nobody else even knows about it, and my reflex is to guess that it would be even more taboo for you to admit to such a thing, than would be the case for a similar 26/F in the U.S.

 

Now I could be convinced that perhaps you'd be putting forth a greater effort toward socializing and perhaps meeting someone in the face-to-face world were you not so often looking at porn online, but nobody tells you that you have to want that.

 

For all I know, and want to believe, ... if the right guy came to your door and threw himself at you, for a date or a lifetime, you would accept and become inspired to put your so-called 'addiction' to porn behind you.

 

And maybe, were there no porn online... you'd be the sort who would isolate herself from the whole entire world and have even less seeming 'contact' with humanity. At least it is human form here... and one would expect that you might be dreaming/idealizing/fantasizing while viewing porn.

 

And what if your porn viewing of 10 years duration has been more a factor of the opportunity for doing so having opened for you not so long before that point? MAYBE it is more pronounced for women from your area, who were perhaps made to act almost asexual until long after their changing bodies began to draw the unmistakable interest of men.

 

Maybe you've had to go from no sexual expression (as a 14/15yo girl) to a setting where you could at least get to know yourself, sexually, perhaps for the first time ever - and maybe it has been that sexuality, and self familiarity, which has struck you in such a way that it only feels like "addiction"?

 

Don't give up on yourself, because I certainly haven't done so.

[skydiveaddict]

but that hasn't happened yet, i still have a chance, i still have a chance for i am still alive, i am still alive, i am still alive.

 

End of day 1.

 

 

Say these prayers at least three times a day each.

you don't even have to be catholic:

 

 

Hail Mary,

Full of Grace,

The Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou among women,

and blessed is the fruit

of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary,

Mother of God,

pray for us sinners now,

and at the hour of death.

Amen.

 

 

 

St. Michael the Archangel,

defend us in battle.

Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.

May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,

and do thou,

O Prince of the heavenly hosts,

by the power of God,

thrust into hell Satan,

and all the evil spirits,

who prowl about the world

seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

[sophia_Khalil]

(OK, glad to know that even I laughed about the camel-for-transportation stereotype - as that indicates an outdated stereotype)

 

OK, so, lets pretend (since you didn't exactly come right out and SAY so) that the centerpiece to your so-called porn addiction is the stimulation of your sexuality.

 

Now what we here in the west need to understand, with some clarity, is what your alternatives are for the stimulation of your sexuality.

 

An adult woman of 26 is not wrong for wanting to stimulate (or wanting someone ELSE to stimulate) her sexuality. Now I'm guessing that you could be looked down upon much more if instead you went out and had casual sex with the man down the street than would the 26yo American female counterpart. I don't know this... it is just me wanting to perceive myself so far away from your world, that I'm imagining it to be the case.

 

You don't have a partner, and thus you are not taking yourself away from anybody else. Nobody else even knows about it, and my reflex is to guess that it would be even more taboo for you to admit to such a thing, than would be the case for a similar 26/F in the U.S.

 

Now I could be convinced that perhaps you'd be putting forth a greater effort toward socializing and perhaps meeting someone in the face-to-face world were you not so often looking at porn online, but nobody tells you that you have to want that.

 

For all I know, and want to believe, ... if the right guy came to your door and threw himself at you, for a date or a lifetime, you would accept and become inspired to put your so-called 'addiction' to porn behind you.

 

And maybe, were there no porn online... you'd be the sort who would isolate herself from the whole entire world and have even less seeming 'contact' with humanity. At least it is human form here... and one would expect that you might be dreaming/idealizing/fantasizing while viewing porn.

 

And what if your porn viewing of 10 years duration has been more a factor of the opportunity for doing so having opened for you not so long before that point? MAYBE it is more pronounced for women from your area, who were perhaps made to act almost asexual until long after their changing bodies began to draw the unmistakable interest of men.

 

Maybe you've had to go from no sexual expression (as a 14/15yo girl) to a setting where you could at least get to know yourself, sexually, perhaps for the first time ever - and maybe it has been that sexuality, and self familiarity, which has struck you in such a way that it only feels like "addiction"?

 

Don't give up on yourself, because I certainly haven't done so.

 

hahahah, yeah the amount of stereotypes is hysterical really : ) u just gotta laugh.

 

as for your message, well, it is extremely insightful as to pinpointing the differences between the behaviours of an adult US woman vs. Egyptian in response to sexual stimulation and i completely agree with you in them all the way you are absolutely right. and the answer with respect to how we are "supposed" to respond to sexual stimulation, "supposed" here being something that is preferred socially and religiously, would be NO RESPONSE AT ALL : ) you just get married, this is the only time you are allowed to actually have a sexual life. now it's ok to date, it's ok to go out, and lately stuff that are not you know fully sex are tolerated as life becomes more and more open in Egypt and in the eastern world in general.

 

and yeah i do believe it has to do with the loneliness factor, it's a major thing really, because throughtout i was never into porn when i was actually in a relationship with any of my exboyfriends, and dont get scamed here they were only 2, hehehe. so yeah, although i do know for a scientific fact that in general that is not always necessarily the case because again alot of people who enjoy regular sexual lives and have alternative "normal" ways within their own societies by which they can release their sexuality and still they are pporn addicts because their so called "normal" relatiosnhips are unsatisfying or whatever the reason is i donno.

 

i also agree with you about the availability issue, it is something that moderates the addiction, but i can not say it is something i can mistake for addiction itself , because i seek them out not the other way round you know, they are not like tv or music, i as an addict fetch for it and seek it, yes it did introduce itself to me in the begining, but you become dependant. the moment you become dependant and you cant stop being dependant it means it has an addictive hold on you. i guess : )

 

i hope i am powerful enough to let go of it, i really hope so. thanks for the kind words it's really moving and comforting to an extent you have no idea about.

 

may you never know : ) hehehe

[sophia_Khalil]

day 4 and i haven't completely lost my head yet. i am actually a bit surprised i haven't had any urges , which is pretty good am not gonna jinx it now. the weather has been extremely cold today and i have decided to stay at home, i guess it's one of those days when i don't have pretty much anything to say except that am hanging on and surviving. not having an urge while staying at home and having nothing to do i consider to be something of a very good sign, i am happy i am powerful today.

 

thank you my mind for not being so obsessive today.

 

 

End of Day 4

[SincereOnlineGuy]

hahahah, yeah the amount of stereotypes is hysterical really : ) u just gotta laugh.

 

as for your message, well, it is extremely insightful as to pinpointing the differences between the behaviours of an adult US woman vs. Egyptian in response to sexual stimulation and i completely agree with you in them all the way you are absolutely right. and the answer with respect to how we are "supposed" to respond to sexual stimulation, "supposed" here being something that is preferred socially and religiously, would be NO RESPONSE AT ALL : ) you just get married, this is the only time you are allowed to actually have a sexual life. now it's ok to date, it's ok to go out, and lately stuff that are not you know fully sex are tolerated as life becomes more and more open in Egypt and in the eastern world in general.

 

and yeah i do believe it has to do with the loneliness factor, it's a major thing really, because throughtout i was never into porn when i was actually in a relationship with any of my exboyfriends, and dont get scamed here they were only 2, hehehe. so yeah, although i do know for a scientific fact that in general that is not always necessarily the case because again alot of people who enjoy regular sexual lives and have alternative "normal" ways within their own societies by which they can release their sexuality and still they are pporn addicts because their so called "normal" relatiosnhips are unsatisfying or whatever the reason is i donno.

 

i also agree with you about the availability issue, it is something that moderates the addiction, but i can not say it is something i can mistake for addiction itself , because i seek them out not the other way round you know, they are not like tv or music, i as an addict fetch for it and seek it, yes it did introduce itself to me in the begining, but you become dependant. the moment you become dependant and you cant stop being dependant it means it has an addictive hold on you. i guess : )

 

i hope i am powerful enough to let go of it, i really hope so. thanks for the kind words it's really moving and comforting to an extent you have no idea about.

 

may you never know : ) hehehe

 

 

 

I think we're really getting somewhere here... We in the west are trying to know a world where a girl of 14 to 16 is allowed to have independent desires and sexual awakenings (in situations where no evil-doer is preying upon those desires).

 

That is to say that we strive to have (if not always show) some respect for an independent mind evolving from childhood toward whoever she's going to be, as an individual and a young adult.

 

Yet I think that we aren't by any means mastering that effort... at least not yet.

 

So if that's where the west is... then we (in the west, I mean) would likely have a strong sense that the eastern world is considerably in arrears of that.

 

 

Now then, IF in the west, we were comparing three 16yo female classmates, each raised in the same neighborhood by different and unique families as follows:

 

A - single mother, father not around past the age of 4, mom struggling to make it, and keep a roof overhead and food on the table, but somehow managing to scrape by. Daughter was made to be fairly independent from a young-ish age, and she had to grow-up fast as a result.

 

B - Two parents still together, healthy marriage between them, sincere and effective love and care for the children, parents with solid careers, and them 'making it' in terms of finances, with the daughter having most of the things she wants, and nearly all of the things she needs, with a healthy relationship fostered between daughter and parents.

 

C - Deeply religious family, strict parenting, with lots of significant rules and structure to the home scenario. Dad is the bread-winner, and mom stays at home to parent, and the family attends church each Sunday with the daughter's grandparents in tow.

 

 

Well of course Presidents and doctors arise from each mentioned stereotype of home environment, even if you have to have a much larger sample size to find them from group A.

 

The general consensus of Americans would expect daughters from backgrounds much like group B to evolve to be the best adjusted young adults. Many an American movie features main characters from group A, who evolve to do all kinds of wild experimentation with their social lives, and so often it is those characters who live fast and know very early struggles. (why are these so prominent in the movies, you ask? Because that scenario is most believable in real life)

 

Also fairly prevalent in American society are stereotypes which find young women from the third group to be those who reach an age of some independence and then rebel considerably against the tight reins which kept her from thriving completely while her peers in school were developing themselves socially at a more liberal pace.

 

Now I admit in advance that all of these are stereotypes, but they are prominent in American culture because they are so oft-repeated and believable.

 

 

Of course it would take further stereotyping to equate (the American perception of) the random young woman in Egypt with the background known to example C above. However, I would much prefer that you shed some light on that possibility (as well as its causes and effects) before you label yourself any sort of an "addict" where it relates to porn.

 

16yo girls already have it bad enough, where they've experienced physical changes, and have adjusted to males their age taking greater interest in them, while those girls are knowing increased self-doubt and self-consciousness. Then what do we do? - we put them all together during most days, heightening the many causes to effects of this having much greater magnitude.

 

So if you, at age 26, are now looking back at 16yo you, and critiquing her rather harshly for having seemed to gravitate considerably toward a new area of self-expression, perhaps considerably the result of the strict overseeing in familial surroundings... then perhaps you're not being completely fair to young Sophia Khalil.

 

And don't forget that nobody is going to show you studies done on 16yo girls for fifty years showing that an early introduction to pornography has this ill-effect, or that ill-effect. You are in an area where society is constantly evolving all around you/us, and there is no proven norm.

 

So what IF... much like when a levee or dam breaks... the effects of porn, on your younger years, were so powerful, and had such momentum that the momentum had to be caused by factors relating to your environment and not by addiction??

 

Maybe you couldn't have been catapulted head-long into porn without first having been wound so tight ("sheltered so much") that the 'torque' that resulted was built-up in you over many years prior.

 

Furthermore, you're in an environment where you just aren't (stereotypically) allowed to see or know the effects of the SAME upbringing/environment on your female peers. So how do you know what "normal" is in this day and age??

 

Women are expressing themselves more and more these days, and it seems to benefit most of society most of the time. Now I'm not willing to classify you as being outside of the norm, especially when I afford a fair and liberal range for normalcy.

 

Hopefully you won't be so hard on yourself... and for heaven's sake, it is crazy to 'judge' yourself based on whether or not you looked at porn on a given day, or a given set of days.

[sophia_Khalil]

I think we're really getting somewhere here... We in the west are trying to know a world where a girl of 14 to 16 is allowed to have independent desires and sexual awakenings (in situations where no evil-doer is preying upon those desires).

 

That is to say that we strive to have (if not always show) some respect for an independent mind evolving from childhood toward whoever she's going to be, as an individual and a young adult.

 

Yet I think that we aren't by any means mastering that effort... at least not yet.

 

So if that's where the west is... then we (in the west, I mean) would likely have a strong sense that the eastern world is considerably in arrears of that.

 

 

Now then, IF in the west, we were comparing three 16yo female classmates, each raised in the same neighborhood by different and unique families as follows:

 

A - single mother, father not around past the age of 4, mom struggling to make it, and keep a roof overhead and food on the table, but somehow managing to scrape by. Daughter was made to be fairly independent from a young-ish age, and she had to grow-up fast as a result.

 

B - Two parents still together, healthy marriage between them, sincere and effective love and care for the children, parents with solid careers, and them 'making it' in terms of finances, with the daughter having most of the things she wants, and nearly all of the things she needs, with a healthy relationship fostered between daughter and parents.

 

C - Deeply religious family, strict parenting, with lots of significant rules and structure to the home scenario. Dad is the bread-winner, and mom stays at home to parent, and the family attends church each Sunday with the daughter's grandparents in tow.

 

 

Well of course Presidents and doctors arise from each mentioned stereotype of home environment, even if you have to have a much larger sample size to find them from group A.

 

The general consensus of Americans would expect daughters from backgrounds much like group B to evolve to be the best adjusted young adults. Many an American movie features main characters from group A, who evolve to do all kinds of wild experimentation with their social lives, and so often it is those characters who live fast and know very early struggles. (why are these so prominent in the movies, you ask? Because that scenario is most believable in real life)

 

Also fairly prevalent in American society are stereotypes which find young women from the third group to be those who reach an age of some independence and then rebel considerably against the tight reins which kept her from thriving completely while her peers in school were developing themselves socially at a more liberal pace.

 

Now I admit in advance that all of these are stereotypes, but they are prominent in American culture because they are so oft-repeated and believable.

 

 

Of course it would take further stereotyping to equate (the American perception of) the random young woman in Egypt with the background known to example C above. However, I would much prefer that you shed some light on that possibility (as well as its causes and effects) before you label yourself any sort of an "addict" where it relates to porn.

 

16yo girls already have it bad enough, where they've experienced physical changes, and have adjusted to males their age taking greater interest in them, while those girls are knowing increased self-doubt and self-consciousness. Then what do we do? - we put them all together during most days, heightening the many causes to effects of this having much greater magnitude.

 

So if you, at age 26, are now looking back at 16yo you, and critiquing her rather harshly for having seemed to gravitate considerably toward a new area of self-expression, perhaps considerably the result of the strict overseeing in familial surroundings... then perhaps you're not being completely fair to young Sophia Khalil.

 

And don't forget that nobody is going to show you studies done on 16yo girls for fifty years showing that an early introduction to pornography has this ill-effect, or that ill-effect. You are in an area where society is constantly evolving all around you/us, and there is no proven norm.

 

So what IF... much like when a levee or dam breaks... the effects of porn, on your younger years, were so powerful, and had such momentum that the momentum had to be caused by factors relating to your environment and not by addiction??

 

Maybe you couldn't have been catapulted head-long into porn without first having been wound so tight ("sheltered so much") that the 'torque' that resulted was built-up in you over many years prior.

 

Furthermore, you're in an environment where you just aren't (stereotypically) allowed to see or know the effects of the SAME upbringing/environment on your female peers. So how do you know what "normal" is in this day and age??

 

Women are expressing themselves more and more these days, and it seems to benefit most of society most of the time. Now I'm not willing to classify you as being outside of the norm, especially when I afford a fair and liberal range for normalcy.

 

Hopefully you won't be so hard on yourself... and for heaven's sake, it is crazy to 'judge' yourself based on whether or not you looked at porn on a given day, or a given set of days.

 

ok here is the problem,if we were to apply that model of the three basic stereotypes on the Egyptian society it would be a lot different, category A would not exist at all or would be a minority unlike it being a majority or a normality within the western world, as for category B, it would exist as is, and the normality in that case would be that the loving parents are moderately religious, meaning that they do practice religion and yet they are not extreme or complusing the freedom of their daughter, the third category C would remain as is with the extreme example of strict parents who are either strict out of social norms or out of religion, which are by the way are not by any means mutually exclusive, some very religious families are not coercive in anyway to their children, and i guess you linking religion to extreme upbringing one that does not enjoy freedom is a stereotype that we as eastern and arab countries are responsible for as much as the western media is. anyway leaving the politics of it aside, i belive that i am the category B girl.

 

now that's the problem, because according to egyptian standards i should grow to be a healthy loving girl with a good education and a good life, all stereotypical ofcorse, however porn addiction would not be one of the things that would be tolerated or that i would allow myself as well, so my problem is not that i am rebelling out of opression in any sense seeking to express my sexuality, the problem is that i enjoy the freedom of expression within the normality of my category and yet i abuse it. the abuse here would be getting addicted to something that i believe is wrong and that there are other alternatives for that i as a moderate egyptian girl is free to have.

 

i am not too sure if you understand my point or not, but i am trying as much as i can to explain : )

 

the only reason i am hard on myself is because i need to be i guess, i have simply failed in something that i want to stop doing regardless if its right or wrong within one culture or not in the other, taking it as a personal problem without labelling it as addiction or whatever, i as sophia has failed in something that i want to stop. i am not saying that to show that i am completely wrecked or pessimistic about my abiity or decision to stop but i am explaining how it could be very devastating when you want to stop something and you cant. think of it as anything really. not addiction, cud be chocolate, hehehe anything, it is pretty devastating finding urself weak infront of something time and again.

 

i am powerful these days though so, am optimistic : )

[sophia_Khalil]

i have always asked myself why do i keep coming back? why do i find myself relapsing over and over again? throughout the years sometimes i thought i had a definite answer, other times a clear cut one was not that vivid to me, but what is i am sure of is that, with every time, with every decision to go back, whether it be a conscious decision or not, and with every relapse, the reason why has always been the same, at least for me. loneliness!

 

loneliness is the reason why i became a porn addict, it has been the main drive behind my addiction, it's like feeling hungry, and because u can't afford the burgers you will settle for leftovers, thats what porn addiction is like, and by time you start to feel the leftovers taste so damn good because its everything u have known to satisfy ur hunger, so you go for it everytime, it becomes ur companion, your watcher and your friend. and then you start realising what the hell am i doing to myself, i have been eating leftovers my whole life, this is ****, so you start developping guilt feelings, wanting to stop, wanting to change, but you have been gripped for too long now it's a hard decision to quit. but you make it, at first with your will power, with your dream that you now have enough money to buy that saucy burger, and you actually succeed for a while but then you discover that you are poor, you will never be able to afford burgers your whole life, so you start longing for the one loyal friend you have had along your journey, yeah they feel good, they rule again, and the vicious cycle continues.

 

now the only way to escape that ****ty loop is to actually get rich, and that is not be lonely, now that is hard, and it takes effort and time, it takes thinking to try and surroound yourself with stuff and people that will not make you feel lonely all the time, even if it isn't a sexual relationship, being lonely can be filled with other things i believe, i guess thats why i have always tried to busy myself with as many things as i can handle per day so as to automatically kick out that ugly tenant out of my head by filling it with others . writing has been a true friend to me, it has kept me company for many many years, and starting this endeavor i have pledged my loyalty to it as my one and only friend. no more leftovers, no more loneliness, no more porn addiction.

 

End of Day 5

[SincereOnlineGuy]

ok here is the problem,if we were to apply that model of the three basic stereotypes on the Egyptian society it would be a lot different, category A would not exist at all or would be a minority unlike it being a majority or a normality within the western world, as for category B, it would exist as is, and the normality in that case would be that the loving parents are moderately religious, meaning that they do practice religion and yet they are not extreme or complusing the freedom of their daughter, the third category C would remain as is with the extreme example of strict parents who are either strict out of social norms or out of religion, which are by the way are not by any means mutually exclusive, some very religious families are not coercive in anyway to their children, and i guess you linking religion to extreme upbringing one that does not enjoy freedom is a stereotype that we as eastern and arab countries are responsible for as much as the western media is. anyway leaving the politics of it aside, i belive that i am the category B girl.

 

now that's the problem, because according to egyptian standards i should grow to be a healthy loving girl with a good education and a good life, all stereotypical ofcorse, however porn addiction would not be one of the things that would be tolerated or that i would allow myself as well, so my problem is not that i am rebelling out of opression in any sense seeking to express my sexuality, the problem is that i enjoy the freedom of expression within the normality of my category and yet i abuse it. the abuse here would be getting addicted to something that i believe is wrong and that there are other alternatives for that i as a moderate egyptian girl is free to have.

 

i am not too sure if you understand my point or not, but i am trying as much as i can to explain : )

 

the only reason i am hard on myself is because i need to be i guess, i have simply failed in something that i want to stop doing regardless if its right or wrong within one culture or not in the other, taking it as a personal problem without labelling it as addiction or whatever, i as sophia has failed in something that i want to stop. i am not saying that to show that i am completely wrecked or pessimistic about my abiity or decision to stop but i am explaining how it could be very devastating when you want to stop something and you cant. think of it as anything really. not addiction, cud be chocolate, hehehe anything, it is pretty devastating finding urself weak infront of something time and again.

 

i am powerful these days though so, am optimistic : )

 

 

I am further comforted by your seeing yourself as being from category "B" in my not-too-outlandish depiction of real life, stereotypes and all. Yet you and I would surely have some 'uneven-ness' if made to somehow 'translate' American/western categories A, B, and C... to Egyptian categories A, B, and C... as might one who moved from one location to the other, in school, and had to 'calibrate' (what is) "8th grade" in the U.S., to whatever level of schooling would be similar in Egypt.

 

So it is very possible that while the relief I feel in your assessment of yourself as being from category "B" is genuine, there STILL could be 'considerable' elements of category "C" in my sense of your background.

 

Category A "not existing at all" in Egypt gives further cause for needing to adjust the scale for direct translation.

 

I should also give due consideration to how Egyptian society might treat all women, in general, before condemning you as an individual for any reason.

 

And who knows, maybe the internet age as a whole has had an adverse effect on life within some countries in that, until one sees how others around the world have it, they may not be so inclined to dread their own lives.

 

(further using some of your tangent thoughts: ) Is chocolate having a direct and negative impact on the rest of your life???

 

(you, of course, are supposed to immediately substitute internet porn where I wrote chocolate there)

 

Admittedly, to some, chocolate is having a negative effect on their teeth, and their weight, but at the same time there are others, next door, who eat similar amounts of chocolate and suffer few if any negative effects.

 

 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand, additionally, one should probably pay some consideration to how the society around us differs in its would-be reaction TO the idea of a 26yo woman liking porn a lot.

 

In America, she would be thought to have, and be willing to exhibit (somehow) "more sexuality" (than 26yo peers who don't like porn a lot)... which is just about as absurd as some who perceive women with larger breasts to somehow be 'more sexual' than their smaller peers.

 

In Egypt, my American mind can't fathom the likely societal response to the idea of a 26yo woman liking porn a lot. I guess it borders blasphemy, or something... (again, that is, an American's perception/(guess!!!) as to what greater Egypt would think about one of its own 26yo women liking porn a lot).

 

So you'll forgive me if I don't leap to condemn you as might so many reflexive individuals in the world which exists immediately around you.

 

How much of your evolving negative sense of yourself (relating only to your use of porn) is related mostly to the society which exists immediately outside your front door????

 

And how much of it would you dwell-on if instead you lived in the middle of downtown Los Angeles, USA???

[SincereOnlineGuy]

the reason why has always been the same, at least for me. loneliness!

 

loneliness is the reason why i became a porn addict, it has been the main drive behind my addiction, it's like feeling hungry, and because u can't afford the burgers you will settle for leftovers, thats what porn addiction is like, and by time you start to feel the leftovers taste so damn good because its everything u have known to satisfy ur hunger, so you go for it everytime, it becomes ur companion, your watcher and your friend. and then you start realising what the hell am i doing to myself, i have been eating leftovers my whole life, this is ****, so you start developping guilt feelings, wanting to stop, wanting to change, but you have been gripped for too long now it's a hard decision to quit. but you make it, at first with your will power, with your dream that you now have enough money to buy that saucy burger, and you actually succeed for a while but then you discover that you are poor, you will never be able to afford burgers your whole life, so you start longing for the one loyal friend you have had along your journey, yeah they feel good, they rule again, and the vicious cycle continues.

 

now the only way to escape that ****ty loop is to actually get rich, and that is not be lonely, now that is hard, and it takes effort and time, it takes thinking to try and surroound yourself with stuff and people that will not make you feel lonely all the time, even if it isn't a sexual relationship, being lonely can be filled with other things i believe, i guess thats why i have always tried to busy myself with as many things as i can handle per day so as to automatically kick out that ugly tenant out of my head by filling it with others . writing has been a true friend to me, it has kept me company for many many years, and starting this endeavor i have pledged my loyalty to it as my one and only friend. no more leftovers, no more loneliness, no more porn addiction.

 

End of Day 5

 

 

Awwwwwwwww, this is so honest... and so FAIR!.

 

Your American counterpart, would be an "easy" girl... she would avail herself and her body of large numbers of men, many of whom would jump at the chance to have sex with her. Some would take a fancy to her for a little while, and then perhaps leave once they finally tired of her sexual company.

 

So many of those American counterparts are from early-life scenarios much like my "category A", from earlier. There have been countless "Afterschool Specials" (TV short stories directed at teens, that often deal with real-life dramas known to many) featuring just the sorts of teenagers and young adults I mention.

 

I should also somehow try to fathom the difference between the sexual expression observed in porn, and the sexual expression that is perceived as 'normal' in Egyptian life. For at least some, the differences are likely immeasurable.

 

At any rate, it has to be deemed "OK" to react to loneliness in ways that don't hurt others, and which, while not 'ideal', are very realistic and helpful-in-the-moment.

 

I mostly wish that you won't be too hard on yourself over this, at least until such time as when it very clearly represents a negative effect on the other parts of your life.

[sophia_Khalil]

I am further comforted by your seeing yourself as being from category "B" in my not-too-outlandish depiction of real life, stereotypes and all. Yet you and I would surely have some 'uneven-ness' if made to somehow 'translate' American/western categories A, B, and C... to Egyptian categories A, B, and C... as might one who moved from one location to the other, in school, and had to 'calibrate' (what is) "8th grade" in the U.S., to whatever level of schooling would be similar in Egypt.

 

So it is very possible that while the relief I feel in your assessment of yourself as being from category "B" is genuine, there STILL could be 'considerable' elements of category "C" in my sense of your background.

 

Category A "not existing at all" in Egypt gives further cause for needing to adjust the scale for direct translation.

 

I should also give due consideration to how Egyptian society might treat all women, in general, before condemning you as an individual for any reason.

 

And who knows, maybe the internet age as a whole has had an adverse effect on life within some countries in that, until one sees how others around the world have it, they may not be so inclined to dread their own lives.

 

(further using some of your tangent thoughts: ) Is chocolate having a direct and negative impact on the rest of your life???

 

(you, of course, are supposed to immediately substitute internet porn where I wrote chocolate there)

 

Admittedly, to some, chocolate is having a negative effect on their teeth, and their weight, but at the same time there are others, next door, who eat similar amounts of chocolate and suffer few if any negative effects.

 

 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand, additionally, one should probably pay some consideration to how the society around us differs in its would-be reaction TO the idea of a 26yo woman liking porn a lot.

 

In America, she would be thought to have, and be willing to exhibit (somehow) "more sexuality" (than 26yo peers who don't like porn a lot)... which is just about as absurd as some who perceive women with larger breasts to somehow be 'more sexual' than their smaller peers.

 

In Egypt, my American mind can't fathom the likely societal response to the idea of a 26yo woman liking porn a lot. I guess it borders blasphemy, or something... (again, that is, an American's perception/(guess!!!) as to what greater Egypt would think about one of its own 26yo women liking porn a lot).

 

So you'll forgive me if I don't leap to condemn you as might so many reflexive individuals in the world which exists immediately around you.

 

How much of your evolving negative sense of yourself (relating only to your use of porn) is related mostly to the society which exists immediately outside your front door????

 

And how much of it would you dwell-on if instead you lived in the middle of downtown Los Angeles, USA???

 

thank you for choosing not to condemn me, that's first of all

 

second, i do feel where you are coming from when you say it needs a bit of clarification that category A is completely nonexistant. i only said that because single parent families here in egypt are pretty rare to find, and not as a majority as you spoke in an earlier message about how they constitute a large portion of the american society. anyway; i do think that caliberation is definetly needed and yeah there would be difference within categories ofcorse from one society and country to the other.

 

and no it is not blashphemy hehehehhe, i guess that's another stereotype right there at least it is not considered to be so by the category i live or am surrounded with which i believe is B. it could be viewed as so by perhaps more extreme religious groups in the C category. it is ofcorse something that is not "nice" for a 26 year old category B girl, it's something that you dont want anyone to know and you are not open about talking about it you know but still didnt reach that blashphemy stage no )

 

as for your question about the dwelling part, i really dont know the answer to that. you would probably say that i wudnt be in the same state i am feeling today, and you could be very right, but then again if i was american perhaps i wudnt have the religious background or the morality of an eastern girl, that is not to judge or be unfair at all to the american way of life, am just explaining that i wudnt be me : ) i would have lost everything that makes me percieve porn addiction to be bad in the first place. my moral compass would simply be just different.

[sophia_Khalil]

a slow day today, nothing much has happened, i do confess i did indulge my mind for a few seconds with the thought of watching porn but i came out of that in an instant. it hasnt gathered up a big army to fight my head with yet. and untill that happens i guess i will just build up mine too, so that when the time of the battle comes, there is no choice but to fight with everything ive got.

 

i hope that day never comes, i hope the battle dies out, i hope the addiction forgets about the need to have vengeance for being kicked out...

 

i hope for world peace!!!

 

End of Day 6.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

thank you for choosing not to condemn me, that's first of all

 

second, i do feel where you are coming from when you say it needs a bit of clarification that category A is completely nonexistant. i only said that because single parent families here in egypt are pretty rare to find, and not as a majority as you spoke in an earlier message about how they constitute a large portion of the american society. anyway; i do think that caliberation is definetly needed and yeah there would be difference within categories ofcorse from one society and country to the other.

 

and no it is not blashphemy hehehehhe, i guess that's another stereotype right there at least it is not considered to be so by the category i live or am surrounded with which i believe is B. it could be viewed as so by perhaps more extreme religious groups in the C category. it is ofcorse something that is not "nice" for a 26 year old category B girl, it's something that you dont want anyone to know and you are not open about talking about it you know but still didnt reach that blashphemy stage no )

 

as for your question about the dwelling part, i really dont know the answer to that. you would probably say that i wudnt be in the same state i am feeling today, and you could be very right, but then again if i was american perhaps i wudnt have the religious background or the morality of an eastern girl, that is not to judge or be unfair at all to the american way of life, am just explaining that i wudnt be me : ) i would have lost everything that makes me percieve porn addiction to be bad in the first place. my moral compass would simply be just different.

 

 

 

(talk about calibration - I think Blasphemy needs to be calibrated a bit, between east and west) Even though the definition of blasphemy is fairly black-and-white, we sometimes use that term to entail anything shocking or, that might meet with disapproval of SOMEbody out there. So, I understand that, technically, you are not impacted by actual blasphemy... but your whole stance seems to be considerably hardened by the backdrop that is your environment)

 

 

SO, I still can't see holding you to YOUR OWN standards upon your presenting your personal challenges to the internet world for review and critique... when I would NOT hold myself to your standards either.

 

The best impact I can hope for, with regard to my interaction with you, is that you will see your interest in porn as being far less of an "all or nothing" case than you seem to see it as being, with regard to addiction.

 

If we really wanted to get technical, and crazy, we could perhaps drudge up various definitions for "addiction" which differ between East and West. However I feel perfectly fair in applying the definition I know, which gauges addiction based on what consequences the substances/activities have on the other areas of your life.

 

So far, you don't report any such consequences. If, for example, you'd stated a clear wish to meet a suitable beau, and commence a path toward marriage, and you told us that you've passed up many such {clear} opportunities in favor of going home to view porn... then I might sing a different song here.

 

And, I wonder, also, if the effects of both viewing all of this porn AND having to be so covert in your use of porn tend to snowball into a feeling so big that it is the SIZE of that feeling which makes you feel considerably uncomfortable.

 

That is to say, IF we lived in a more social/fair world, and a woman could talk about using porn at all, would this concern you have be considerably less significant???

 

My sense remains that your being yourself is still all that you'll ever need to be.

[Els]

OP,

 

I'm happy to read about your determination and progress to overcome an addiction, and genuinely wish you all the best.

 

Have you thought about tackling the root of the addiction, though? Addiction is often a form of escapism - when someone is truly happy with life and themselves, they are much less likely to find themselves addicted.

 

In your case, it seems that the society you live in represses you from exercising sexual freedom and expressing yourself sexually in the way you desire. Is that correct?

 

Have you given any thought to whether or not you wish to do something about that? And laid out your options for such?

 

Because you can fight the porn addiction all you like, but if you are living a life where you constantly need to repress yourself, it may be worth thinking about other options.

[sophia_Khalil]

(talk about calibration - I think Blasphemy needs to be calibrated a bit, between east and west) Even though the definition of blasphemy is fairly black-and-white, we sometimes use that term to entail anything shocking or, that might meet with disapproval of SOMEbody out there. So, I understand that, technically, you are not impacted by actual blasphemy... but your whole stance seems to be considerably hardened by the backdrop that is your environment)

 

 

SO, I still can't see holding you to YOUR OWN standards upon your presenting your personal challenges to the internet world for review and critique... when I would NOT hold myself to your standards either.

 

The best impact I can hope for, with regard to my interaction with you, is that you will see your interest in porn as being far less of an "all or nothing" case than you seem to see it as being, with regard to addiction.

 

If we really wanted to get technical, and crazy, we could perhaps drudge up various definitions for "addiction" which differ between East and West. However I feel perfectly fair in applying the definition I know, which gauges addiction based on what consequences the substances/activities have on the other areas of your life.

 

So far, you don't report any such consequences. If, for example, you'd stated a clear wish to meet a suitable beau, and commence a path toward marriage, and you told us that you've passed up many such {clear} opportunities in favor of going home to view porn... then I might sing a different song here.

 

And, I wonder, also, if the effects of both viewing all of this porn AND having to be so covert in your use of porn tend to snowball into a feeling so big that it is the SIZE of that feeling which makes you feel considerably uncomfortable.

 

That is to say, IF we lived in a more social/fair world, and a woman could talk about using porn at all, would this concern you have be considerably less significant???

 

My sense remains that your being yourself is still all that you'll ever need to be.

 

ok i think the problem here is in how the 2 of us seem to be different in our definition of the "problem" in the first place. I seem to be calling it a "problem" or "addiction" and you on the other hand not viewing it as so intesly such based on your insights about the "backdrop" of the problem which is the environment.

 

first of all, and to be honest with you, i dont see how trying to focus on the backdrop of the problem or one element of it to try and ease the discomfort caused by the problem itself, as being helpful at all, because for me it is just that: " a backdrop". for you environment is the main problem, or cause or whatever, which is not the way i percieve it.

 

second, when someone says am "addicted" to something, you cant just summarize that in something as small as just "viewing" porn. and by no means can you possibly understand the psychological effects of such a thing if you only measure addiction by the amount of damage it causes to social life, to be honest with you that sounds extremely unfair of you.

 

thirdly, you seem to be completely ignoring the fact that there are porn addicts in the united states : ) only attributing the problem to culture or environment, people get married get addicted to porn and it ruins their lives or their spirits or both in the western world as well. these are not victims of society or inability to release their sexuality.

 

for me you seem to not be focusing on the problem of addiction and rather trying to find ways by which you can ease on me the sound of that by making it appear less of a problem than it is. addiction to something that person x views as bad is wrong. fullstop. some y person living in iceland doesnt view it as bad is ok, good for him, but still according to person X he still has a personal problem. it's like telling the US government drugs are ok they are legal in the netherlands : ) no according to US standards they are not. as simple as that.

 

i am sorry if i sound too attacking, that is not my intention at all, it just seems to me that i am trying to convince you that i have a problem, and that is too exhausting after finally making peace with the fact that i do. it seems i am getting myself into the cycle of trying to define what i am going through instead of focusing on the solution which is the phase i am in right now. you have no idea how admitting addiction is a huge step and now you want me to think back oh no am not addicted its ok its not completely messing my life yet. i cant.

 

sorry again if i sound so offensive

[sophia_Khalil]

OP,

 

I'm happy to read about your determination and progress to overcome an addiction, and genuinely wish you all the best.

 

Have you thought about tackling the root of the addiction, though? Addiction is often a form of escapism - when someone is truly happy with life and themselves, they are much less likely to find themselves addicted.

 

In your case, it seems that the society you live in represses you from exercising sexual freedom and expressing yourself sexually in the way you desire. Is that correct?

 

Have you given any thought to whether or not you wish to do something about that? And laid out your options for such?

 

Because you can fight the porn addiction all you like, but if you are living a life where you constantly need to repress yourself, it may be worth thinking about other options.

 

thanks alot for you support : )

 

i think the root of my problem is loneliness and not society, society contributes to the general problem of addiction and how it looks like in a country such as the one am living it, but i dont feel it is the main cause. it is more of a personal problem than a social one, or at least that's how i feel about it.

 

i have been trying to focus on more productive things to do to take my mind off addiction lately, i try my best, hopefully it works

[SincereOnlineGuy]

ok i think the problem here is in how the 2 of us seem to be different in our definition of the "problem" in the first place. I seem to be calling it a "problem" or "addiction" and you on the other hand not viewing it as so intesly such based on your insights about the "backdrop" of the problem which is the environment.

 

first of all, and to be honest with you, i dont see how trying to focus on the backdrop of the problem or one element of it to try and ease the discomfort caused by the problem itself, as being helpful at all, because for me it is just that: " a backdrop". for you environment is the main problem, or cause or whatever, which is not the way i percieve it.

 

second, when someone says am "addicted" to something, you cant just summarize that in something as small as just "viewing" porn. and by no means can you possibly understand the psychological effects of such a thing if you only measure addiction by the amount of damage it causes to social life, to be honest with you that sounds extremely unfair of you.

 

thirdly, you seem to be completely ignoring the fact that there are porn addicts in the united states : ) only attributing the problem to culture or environment, people get married get addicted to porn and it ruins their lives or their spirits or both in the western world as well. these are not victims of society or inability to release their sexuality.

 

for me you seem to not be focusing on the problem of addiction and rather trying to find ways by which you can ease on me the sound of that by making it appear less of a problem than it is. addiction to something that person x views as bad is wrong. fullstop. some y person living in iceland doesnt view it as bad is ok, good for him, but still according to person X he still has a personal problem. it's like telling the US government drugs are ok they are legal in the netherlands : ) no according to US standards they are not. as simple as that.

 

i am sorry if i sound too attacking, that is not my intention at all, it just seems to me that i am trying to convince you that i have a problem, and that is too exhausting after finally making peace with the fact that i do. it seems i am getting myself into the cycle of trying to define what i am going through instead of focusing on the solution which is the phase i am in right now. you have no idea how admitting addiction is a huge step and now you want me to think back oh no am not addicted its ok its not completely messing my life yet. i cant.

 

sorry again if i sound so offensive

 

 

 

You're not making sense, on layer upon layer of levels.

 

First of all, the very last person who should diagnose or quantify somebody's "problem" or "addiction" is themselves!!

 

We've already basically gone over the fact that you won't inform anybody there in your real life about your porn use.

 

I never said anything which defined "addiction" by "the amount of damage it causes to social life".

 

It is incredibly amusing that you included "to be honest with you" in this latest response. (When is that part going to start? )

 

Indeed there are surely porn addicts in the U.S. ... just like there must have been 40 years ago!!! However, UNTIL such time as when you can accurately adjust data for the impact of all of the free porn on the internet it simply isn't statistically significant just to suggest that there are more porn consumers in 2013 than there were in 1973.

 

There are also, surely, people all over the U.S. who are claiming at this very moment that they are "addicted to chocolate", "addicted to 'How I Met Your Mother' ", or "addicted to egg nog". Nearly all of these people do not have an addiction. Yet some of them can list more ways in which those items are adversely impacting the rest of their lives than you can list, about porn.

 

There are no doubt a lot of people you might consider "addicted to electronics" as well... and of course you can define "addiction" any way you want to, but for the same reason you posted on this thread in English, you need to at least land your definition of 'addiction' somewhere near to a common understanding, for it to make any sense.

 

We have given you plenty of opportunity here, in your thread, to explain to us just HOW porn is "ruining your life or your spirit" and so far your list of examples has approximately zero items on it.

 

 

And perhaps we shouldn't even begin to touch upon the backdrop of environment when comparing a woman there in the eastern world to women in the west, where it concerns sexuality. But when the whole backbone to your society is based on things somebody made-up then it stands to reason that those indoctrinated in such a society would be more inclined to make things up.

 

 

And about your vast viewership of porn... we can only guess (as you don't clarify any of it) that this isn't a case of your racing out to the corner store and buying stacks and stacks of porn magazines... and we're still guessing when we imagine that most of your favorite porn websites aren't followed with the .eg domain reference... so it is interesting that you're there in one spot in the world, looking out at websites based in, and consumed more freely in many other parts of the world, and then self-diagnosing your addiction while not having a great understanding for what normal is.

 

There could be dozens of women your age in Kansas, USA who consume just as much internet porn as you do, and who keep their porn use a complete secret like you do, but who 'fit' snug into their lives and surroundings without interrupting anything or missing a beat because of that porn use.

 

 

This reminds me of a boy who has known nothing but his own anatomy all his life, and who somehow convinces himself that is anatomy is inadequate or abnormal, and who has nothing to compare himself to as he maintains that belief. It isn't until HE turns 26, that a girlfriend finally understands how he felt, and only later is able to fully convince him that he was normal all along.

 

 

But OK, lets entertain the "addiction" belief for a moment:

 

 

IF, say, you were here in the USA, and you were an alcoholic... the very best effort you could make, would be to start attending Alcoholics Anonymous.

 

These meetings would take place any day and every day you wanted to go... eventually you would boldly stand up and talk in front of the group, and explain to them exactly how alcohol was adversely impacting your life. Your effort would be very raw and personal, and the audience would receive you with compassion and sincerity. You would then get a sponsor (somebody you could contact, particularly when the urge to drink was getting stronger) and you would begin a twelve-step program.

 

 

So, lets pretend, you are here at Loveshack out of complete fear of the society that exists in your immediate surroundings... you walked in, diagnosed your own addiction, told of 100 porn relapses over ten years (that's 10 per year), told of having given-in to the lure of erotic online sex chat the previous night, and for the first time in 11 months.

 

 

(reminds self: {we are still running with the 'addiction' theme} )

 

 

It would stand to reason that you, the anonymous woman from the east, would create an actual list here, of things that your use of porn has cost you in your real life... (especially since the publication of "365" porn websites probably wouldn't be permitted - that in reference to your first post in this thread)

 

 

I'm challenged so much by seeing what you describe so far, as anything too far outside of a 'normal' range.

 

IF someone from the Netherlands was here writing about drug use, and he/she explained her drug use as being legal where he/she lived, we certainly would make allowances for its legality there, in not deeming that person a 'scoundrel' or a 'scofflaw' by U.S. standards.

 

 

Now the far more plausible conclusion, about you, is that you are a very normal woman... who would like, (perhaps) more than anything, to meet a man who was totally smitten with you, from moment one, and evolve head long into a lifetime relationship. Absent that, you find yourself instead longing for such a reality to happen, for you, and while enjoying the mere thoughts of same, you are inspired to look at porn, and at least have some further stimulus for your enjoying the thoughts of such an eventual reality.

 

And y'know what... that last paragraph... is O-kaaaaaaaaaaay!!!